Monday, November 17, 2014
I have decided to try try try and then try some more to be optimistic and not allow nasty bad thoughts to consume me this winter.
As the days are going to be long and boring and cold and wet and I know my days of walking will be fewer and farther between.
Saturday I babysat and it was just way too cold to have a little one outdoors, so no walk,
Yesterday I did make it to the track, but only for about 25 minutes before the rain set in, light sprinkles at first, I pushed on another 3 or 4 laps before the track and myself began to get too wet for comfort.
Today I have done weight workout and am getting ready to do an afternoon rep on the ellipitcal.
Have stayed out of the kitchen, with the exception of a good omelet with spinach and tomatoes for breakfast.
I cannot even believe it is ONLY 1135 am and the rest of the day to go.
There is only so much house work one can do and watching Netflix or tv.
I cannot sit still.
I do not have to run unless I know I cannot run and then I want to leave this house more than anything.
I am hoping to catch up on some reading and maybe sleep if nothing else.
I do not want to become a lazy slug this winter and I know that sitting around will draw the sleepies and then I will do nothing.
I may even do another workout later in the afternoon.
Wed and Thursday they say the rain will let up so maybe a walk each day will be possible.
What I really need to focus on is my stomach.
Doing leg raises this morning, i noticed how much I really need to start toning the tummy.
I have trouble getting down in the floor due to my knee, it doesnt seem to want to let me back up.....so I need to focus on some type of tummy toning that involves standing.
Any suggestions are welcomed.
So it begins, the long winter of my discontent and while trying to remain positive, I can see the darkness blocking out the sun.
Still I try.
Tuesday, November 11, 2014
Today has been a much nicer better day. I knew it was going to be warm and sunny out today for possibly the last time this year.
So, I woke up early, showered, fixed myself some coffee and a nice omelet with fresh mushrooms and spinach and sliced up turkey breast.
I went to the park around 930 and it was still a little chilly and windy and overcast out.
So, I sat in my car awhile catching up with friends on social media and then I decided to walk.
I just couldnt seem to get into it.
I was feeling good, but just wasnt feeling the walk.
I have a new phone, a windows phone and I cannot get my music to play on shuffle or random.
All it does it play the same song over and over, or, I have to stop and start it over and then it plays in alphabetical order and I hate that.
I was having so much trouble getting my music going that I was losing my walking mojo.
But I finally got into and walked an hour.
Then I drove around awhile, the sun was out and it was getting warmer and warmer out.
I drove to the store and bought an orange and a bottle of water and sat in the park and enjoyed my little snack.
I then walked some more.
Altogether I guess I logged about 90 minutes.
Never did figure out how to shuffle my music!!!
The sun was beaming and I can tell I got some much needed sun today, my hair is even lighter.
I must have been at the park a total of 5 hours altogether.
And I loved it.
It was so relaxing there. No dreaded thoughts of the upcoming rain and colder temps that will arrive by late tonight.
Or, the fact that tomorrow is doctor day.
Weigh in and vitamin d check, along with cholesterol and A1C.
So, I am not looking forward to the colder days but I really enjoyed today and since I cannot have coffee in the morning before my blood tests, I hope I can sleep early tonight.
I really enjoyed my day and hope I can figure that dang music out.
Thursday, November 06, 2014
dealing with depression today. i walked an extra half hour, the sun was out, but it was very windy and the track was very wet and slick, so i compromised and walked around town.
the seaon changing, the rain, the earlier darkness, my son moving away, friends who turn out not to be, my eating bad food choices, and just an overall feeling of being a failure in life.
watching my son get this new job and move to another state and take a chance, makes me look back on my life and wonder when i even had dreams or even had goals or even wanted anything more for myself.
my relationship is stale and i am here pretty much for the comforts of a roof and food and just existing and not living.
depending on others not only for the basics of life but for friendship and for approval and for self esteem and that is low right now too.
my clothes look horrible on me, i dont have any money to buy any, my bras dont fit properly, almost everything i own is 2 years old.
and im not losing any real weight.
why cant i rise above all of this and reach inside and find who i am and where i belong and what i want and how to make it happen??
sick of being depressed!
sick of darkness and dreading the long cold icy windy days of winter, when i will be even more stranded and unable to walk.
sick of wondering what is out there for me and sick of being afraid to go in search of it.
Tuesday, November 04, 2014
Today I got on the scale, and I was happy. Not OVERJOYED, but happy. The numbers are down, some and even though it is a small amount, 3 pounds since last weigh in on the 25th. It was good.
A loss is a loss and that is something to be grateful for.
I enjoyed a beautiful day in the park yesterday, the sun was out and I took some pics, After I walked an hour, I sat on the bench and soaked up some sun and just reflected on the good things,
I feel better these last few weeks and even though I know these warm pretty days are numbered, I know they will come back again,
I know I have to take advantage of them while I can and find ways to be peaceful during the cold snowy days when I might be unable to go walking.
I get my vitamin d checked in a week and i hope it is up high enough to sustain me thru the cold months.
And I hope I can continue to lose weight. I am only 9 pounds away from where I broke my foot and was sidelined for months and gained some of my weight back.
So after i get these nine off its like I am continuing on from there.
I am just going to try.
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