Wednesday, September 17, 2014
They say, when it rains, it pours. Well, that has literally been the case here for the last week. While I really do enjoy the cooler temps, for walking and sleeping. I dread the coming winter and I am sick of darkness and dreary days.
And it has also been that way figuratively as well.
After working a regular shift on Sunday, Honey, who was pretty sick from a bad cold and sore throat, went out to work anyway on Monday and about an hour later, arrived back home, with a lay off slip.
This is said to be temporary and will hopefully end, with them returning to work in late October.
But men like him, coalminers, are becoming a thing of the past.
There really is no other industry here and little other type of work. When a coal mine shuts down, not only does it put around 60 to 100 employees out of a job, it also affects the surrounding economy.
Parts stores, mechanics and garages, tire places, diesel sales.
thats just naming a few.
and then there is the whole ripple effect, men who are not working cannot make mortgage payments, vehicle payments, buy clothes and shoes and other necessities for their children.
Priorities become food and heat and not much else.
We here in this area are a forgotten people.
In order to survive, we have to leave this area and go search for work elsewhere and leave behind family and give up homes.
As I had blogged about in my last blog, I had hoped to be able to move soon, but that isnt likely to happen now.
There are dozens of homes on the market in my area right now and most of them are people in the same boat he is in, laid off or job gone.
Time will tell if things get better but I just dont see it.
In other news, I have been walking as much as possible, except yesterday, I went with him to sign up for his unemployment benefits and it was raining anyway.
It was a good thing to give my foot a break, ummm, not the best choice of words.
To give it a rest.
I have been having issues with these orthotic inserts and many times it feels as if I am walking bone to ground.
I know I have flat feet and need the arch support, but I really believe they push my feet too far out and cause me to walk more on the outsides of my feet.
The location of the broken bone and I can feel it more.
So, against doctors suggestions and perhaps ill decision making, I have decided to take them out and buy myself a good pair of gel insoles.
I feel better when walking on gel and will keep a close watch on the pain issue.
But with the cooler days I plan to walk as much as I possibly can and get outside as much as I can before the snow starts.
The only good thing I can see out of all of this is that I do have alot of projects and odd jobs needed done around here and maybe while he is off work for the next month.
(knock on wood).
I can get some of them done, like a new roof over the back porch and some brush cut off the hillside and some loose shingles replaced.
Since we will most likely not be able to spend much money, I guess we will just have to use alot of elbow grease.
Sunday, September 14, 2014
I guess I have taken a short break from SP, without even really intending to.
I didnt realize it had been 4 days since I last blogged. Actually have taken a short break from most social media. I went thru my FB list and unfriended about 20 more people the other day.
I hardly speak to these people, I never see them post anything. If I were to run into them in the flesh, they wouldnt speak to me, some of them probably wouldnt even nod hello.
I had done the same thing here on SP about a year ago. But SP is different to me. Most everyone here is here for some kind of support, diet, exercise, depression, whatever the issue, we are all mostly here to find other like minded people who we can get support from, or give support to.
To social network ideas about living better.
Facebook is more about spying, lying, embellishing ones self importance and wonderful life.
So, I am to go back to the ortho tomorrow over my foot and I am going to keep the appointment, although I dont really think there is anything he can do in his capacity as a doctor.
The issue is more nerve---neuropathy, but I still have no idea where it is coming from and if there is even anyway to find out.
I am learning to conform to the issue, and I am walking alot more the last two weeks.
Walking is the one thing that keeps me sane.
I have to admit friends that the last week or two I have fallen deeper into depression, the thoughts of winter coming has really been weighing heavily on my mind.
I am just dreading it more this year than I ever have before. Probably because of my current location and how it is so much farther to drive to get to the main highway and I know the roadways are going to be harder.
The fact that it has rained here I cannot even count the number of days, it would probably be easier to remember the one day in the last 7 to 10 days when we actually had sunshine.
I have been inside most of the time, walking in between bouts of rain showers and sitting inside mostly watching rain pouring.
This dampness, darkness and dreariness really describes my mood and my heart.
I was prescribed a stronger dose of my Wellbutrin, but I hate drugs and I hate the way it makes me feel.
I keep telling myself this is just something I have to accept and I wont be able to move before next spring or summer. But that is what I WILL do, move back out of this back country which I hate with a passion and back to what I call society.
I dont think I will be able to stay in the other location due to the mold issue.
But I am looking, looking every day that I go out to town, looking for a place for sale.
I have to move as much for my physical health as my mental health.
I have never been as depressed or down hearted about anything in my life as I am about where I currently live.
I havent even put any pictures on the walls, I have nothing here in this place that make it feel like a home.
The walls are bare, beige and boring and depressing. But the thoughs of hanging family photos, or putting my own personal touches into it, makes it seem to real for me.
Too permanent, all my personal belongings are in the other place, which is where I want to be.
Honey wont agree to renovate that place because he says its too old and will cost too much.
But what is it costing me???
But for the time being I am trying to make the most of it.
Working out and really trying to stay at the walking track as much as I can before the really bad weather does arrive.
Reading more. Trying to keep busy and occupied.
My one friend suggests I do crafts, one friend suggests I get a job and one friend suggest I have an affair, lol.
Maybe I can find a way to do all three, lol, just kidding.
But it would be nice to have a job, it would be nice to find something that helps me stay socialized, I am so far removed from everyone.
A lady I know recently obtained her motorcycle license at the age of 60 and plans to buy herself a trike style motorcylce.
She said this is one thing off her bucket list.
That got me to thinking, what would I put on a bucket list.
I sat here about 20 minutes last night thinking and I could not come up with even one thing.
Not ONE thing I would put on a bucket list. MOVING!!!
I had to ask myself, isnt there anything that you really want out of life? a goal?
Maybe lose another 80 lbs.
Maybe get a breast reduction surgery.
Maybe stop having foot issues.
But those arent really bucket list things.
I guess there is only one that occurred to me, to see the Rolling Stones in concert.
Well thats one. MOVING!!!!
Well come to think of it, I guess moving is my bucket list.
and right now that is the only thing on there but it is the only thing I really want and need.
Maybe once I get that scratched off my list, It will clear my mind up to new possibilities.
Wednesday, September 10, 2014
It is this time of year. This month. September. Almost every day holds some memory, someones birth, or death, anniversary.
The 10th thru the 14th especially hold special memories for me.
I am not sure what date it was, probably around the 2nd of 2012 that my car window got busted out by a stray rock thrown off the weedeater of one of the city work crew.
He was out there today cutting weeds while I walked.
Took me back to all the days I have walked, things I have seen, people I have met.
I spoke to one of the regulars this morning, who has been there almost every day I have been.
It was two years ago, when I really got serious about this.
I changed my mind about having WLS and decided to try once again for myself.
I do not regret that decision.
However, sometimes I think about going back and doing it.
As I am now struggling. But I have been for sometime.
Today is a good day.
I walked and so far I am sticking to my food plan and feeling good. I know there will be good days and bad days, but I have to get over this damn hurdle I have been trying to get over for too long.
No more accepting that I am a certain weight and am merely maintaining.
I want to lose!!
I need to lose, my weight I carry is solid weight. I do not even have much loose skin or sagging from the weight I have lost so far.
My doctor told me that my weight is solid weight, and mostly it is centered in my stomach.
Which is the hardest weight to lose.
I think about having the surgery, merely to lose as much as I can off my stomach and continue working hard at exercise to maintain what muscle I can.
I will just have to decide soon, but for now, I am going to start back focusing on my weight lifting.
I need to get toned again.
I am feeling a little tired already today but my house is a pig sty and therefore I have to clean.
But as I look out my front door on this lovely fall day, I just want to go out there and be in the sun with the wind blowing and I want so badly to visit the park where I used to go hang out with a lost friend.
But now, not only is the friend gone, but the park is as well, at least that section where we used to hang out and talk and walk and so many happy memories of mine are there.
New road and bridge work have pushed dirt and rock over top of it.
Which is perhaps a fitting send off to those memories, of September days gone past.
Time to make new memories of new Sept days.
and hopefully look back on these in a few years as when I USED to be overweight.
I just want to lose weight, is that too much to ask???
Tuesday, September 09, 2014
I am feeling kinda bad this morning. I have been up since 4, and here at nearly 630, I am really wishing I had laid back down.
Have an early morning appointment, so I just decided to stay up and get the day started.
Have had my coffee and getting ready to run the sweeper thru the house, then jump in the shower.
I have had the beginnings of a sore throat the last two days, but luckily I woke up this morning not feeling it.
Really I think I should have slept.
But too late now to worry about that.
Dont have alot to report today. I walked yesterday and was hoping to get in a quick 30 minute walk this morning Maybe I will feel more energized later.
I have bags under my eyes, dark circles, but that is an everday thing.
Any ideas how to lessen their appearance???
So, today I hope to stay on my food plan, I have not been over indulging, but not making the best choices concerning eating bread.
But I opted for fruit this morning instead of toast.
Have to do some grocery shopping today too.
Have a nice day to everyone.
Saturday, September 06, 2014
I know I am probably going to sound like a hypochondriac and maybe I am becoming one, but I have been doing some reading and I believe I have developed this neurological problem, what is causing the numbness in my foot, from exposure to black mold. Very high exposure.
Here is my reason why I feel this way.
I own an older mobile home and no one has lived there for some time. In June, I was staying there and stayed there for about 2 weeks, well, after I came home, the very first night home, was the first time I noticed my foot feeling like it was asleep.
The only problem was, it never woke up and it has been this way ever since.
Tests, including NCV tests have shown a mild to moderate neuropathy in my foot and leg.
But no real cause.
So, recently I went back there for a visit, and ended up spending three nights there.
By the second morning, my eyes were dry and itchy, skin itchy and there was a nasty smell on all my clothes and even my laptop bag had a funky odor.
By the second night, I was coughing and had to turn on the air filter, I had to get up at 4 am and go outside and sit on the porch to get some fresh breath.
Now, I have been home several days and my hands and my other foot are feeling tingly and numb.
Not as bad or the same feeling as the left foot, but similar.
My throat is itchy and sore and that funky smell is still on my clothes, I threw some of my dogs toys away because I could not get that smell out.
I laundered everything I had with me, twice and wiped my other belongings, such as my laptop and purse off with disinfectant cleaners.
I read that there are several different blood and urine and tissue tests that can determine exposure to mold, but that they arent covered by insurance???
Why is that, because so many people would be diagnosed with mold exposure that the doctors would have to stop prescribing medicine for all these other trumped up disorders???
I have read that mold exposure can not only cause neurological disorders, but tooth decay, eye disorders, lung disorders, cancers, infertility, muscle pain and even depression.
I really think this is an under-diagnosed problem and people should demand that their insurance companies cover testing for this.
Imagine the people who would be spared years of taking medicines for the wrong thing.
Taking medications and not getting well, because of the wrong diagnosis.
I do not return to my doctor again until November, but I am going to ask her if it would be possible for me to get this blood or urine test.
and when I go back to my orthopeadist this week over my foot, I am going to ask him.
If this numbness continues for the next few days I am going to make an appointment with a neurologist.
Something I would love to be able to do once a year for a routine checkup and not because I am having so many health issues.
Mold exposure, yes, I do believe that has to be a contributing factor.
And as for now, hopefully I can get this funky smell off my belongings and get that old trailer removed and not go back there anymore.
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