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Glory Days and living in my own fabulous shadow

Thursday, April 28, 2011


It's all nonsense, people, just me vlogging my way to sanity and thoroughly and enjoying it.

Oh, my grandson, Mr. Mittens is getting his mug shot and posters are going up around town....I'm getting attached.


Quadruple Decker Peanut Butter and Jam Sandwich. He's 13 (yes, 6.1" and 13, I accidently mentioned 14 in an earlier vlog, um, duh?)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SNOWANGELDIVA 5/3/2011 10:24AM

    You guys are so fun, you even encourage my garbage rants. YOU'RE the bestest buddies EVA!!!!
I'm going to take a picture of this garbage day...it won't be a typical garbage day, but, I like drama and it'll be a conversation thing non-the-less and that's why i LOVE vlogging/blogging keeping the conversations flowing so that we can keep by each other's sides through this road we travel.
Spark on Sparklers!!

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I*AM*BLESSED 4/30/2011 11:52AM

    YOU are the grammy, girlfriend.... emoticon

Luv ya!

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SUNNYBUNNY112 4/29/2011 12:52PM

    You are getting your spark back, chica. :) I am glad your feeling better too. We used to eat triple pb& j sandwiches...had to jiffy, smuckers grape and white wonder bread...yum

Oh, Mr. Mittens...
Oh, Mr. Mittens...

We have trash collection twice a week...and recycling once a week...

OH...ok, and this so random...did you the study that I am in...was already done in Canada...shoot, if I don't do it here...be prepared for a house guest...my booty is coming to stay with you. :)

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MIBELLALUNA 4/29/2011 12:13AM

    Oh lord, count yourself lucky you even have recycling. There is no option here, unless you want to drive 40 minutes each way to the recycling center, no one picks it up. And MOST people BURN their trash in their yards!! haha Even in town!! (But in town they can't burn after dusk, like the rest of us rednecks can! ) Can you just secretly distribute your extra bags amongst your neighbors trash? haha

Gold Glitter hair?? Wahhh...I want some!! I nearly bought clip in BANGS today but stopped myself (Can't stand hair that falls on my face). Your son is 6' 1" at 13??? HOLY GOD.....what is in that peanut butter??? Human Growth Hormones?? haha

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MNOT2THICK 4/28/2011 4:08PM

    We love you no matter how you bring it. emoticon Your hair is fine, had no idea it was dirty.

Glad you are feeling better.

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 4/28/2011 1:40PM

    So glad you are feeling better. emoticon

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MKPRINCESS007 4/28/2011 12:20PM

    I am so happy you are feeling better........ :)Oh,and yeah, peanut butter every day is a fine way to live. Love peanut butter! Glad you got to hang with your sister..yeah, there is definitely something with the birth order deal. Check it out!

The whole trash thing is fascinating.....no, I am not kidding. They seriously charge you for more than one bag? And you have an organic waste bucket? Canada is WAY more advanced than the US. We are lucky to get our cans and bottles recycled. Go, Canada! Did I mention my son is going there in July? Western part! I am teaching him to say "out" like you do! Luv ya!

Hope the days keep getting better and better!

Karen

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CHRISTINCOTA86 4/28/2011 11:50AM

    With all my health issues last night, I totally forgot that my garbage day was today. My dumpster was out, but dad and I were going to clean out his freezer last night- there's a lot of old food that just needs to be trashed. Dang it. Thanks for reminding me.

One garbage bag a week for a family of 7????? The two of us create 2 or 3. Have you ever noticed that we somehow have more garbage than we do groceries?

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Halfway there and living on a prayer...

Monday, April 25, 2011

My mom and sister saw and noticed my weight loss. Should be a joyous thing. It was...for like 2 minutes! I've been keeping it to myself because I know my sister. If she feels insecure in an area she'll attack in another. So, my goal in life is really to escape her radar. My sister wasn't supposed to be there this weekend, and Mom has been bragging about me. So Sister showed up. She noticed the weight loss right away and she tried her best to smile through her sneer when she congratulated me and I was deceived for a brief second to thinking that she was sincere in my personal triumph. Shame on me.

I've had 18 (that I remembered to record) migraines attacks in 11 weeks (it's gotta be damaging nerves). My spirit is raw to say the least. I've been bedridden a total of 3 weeks in the last 2 and half months. I can't care for myself or my family. It's like having the flu with being so weak and tired. In between attacks it's Hyper Heaven (for a day or half). My husband and older children rally around and support through the high and lows. You know, like real family does. Constantly reassuring me that they know I have no control over the disease, that the dust bunnies will not take over the house and cause them to move into the insane asylum. Generally, they step in my work areas until I can take them over. It's what is known as survival.

Every conversation this weekend my sister and I had, my sister had to point out my flaws. I know it's just because I lost some weight and it made her self-examine. I did not advertise, or flaunt, or announce my mission. I really tried to be invisible. She was relentless in her criticisms. I've grown a bit of a thick skin over the years, but, when I'm worn like I am, it broke my heart. It really did. My own sister that works with handicapped people daily has no mercy for me or care to support the mother of her nieces and nephews. What topped it off was this phone call on my answering machine when I got home. My mother and sister had sat and discussed my children's hygiene and they collectively agreed that my one son's toe nails had been neglected too long and they were calling because I clearly had not taken care of him. I should've laughed at the audacity of the call. Really, in the grand scheme of things THAT is the best you can come up with?! I didn't laugh. I cried and allowed their words to burrow holes through my failing spirit.

Unfortunately, it seemed to spread. My gifted niece was vicious to my handicapped son and I pulled her aside and warned her that no level of intelligence without loving kindness is worth my family's time and if she expected to have cousins to enjoy she will treat them lovingly as of now. She shaped up instantly. I should've done the same with my sister. Instead I let those bitter words eat like acid through my shattered spirit.

I woke this morning on my favourite holiday of the year. I didn't have the Resurrection Eggs done, I didn't have the eggs bought, there were no gifts for my children, not a bunny, a peep or an egg. I still hadn't decorated, and there were no baskets. It was a Divine slap in the face this morning and a migraine was the cherry on top. This disease disables me as a parent and today it tore me apart. I've done poor Christmases. We have a big family and it doesn't feel poor. I've never done a disabled holiday. Yet, He allowed it.


Today was a ferocious battle from dark to light. I woke with a migraine and then realized that my disease had steadily sabotaged all attempts for a wonderful family holiday. I wasn't even going to make it to church because I was in the worst pain I've been in in over a year. Hubby went ahead with the kiddies and I was home alone. I don't think people in pain should ever be alone, they get morbid ideas. I concocted Suicide Shakes in my imagination and entertained drinking them to shortcut my way into Gloryland.
The only thing that kept me in line was biblical promises. Romans 8:28 where God promises his children that it all works out to good for those that Love Him was the first one. Then I was reminded in the Book of John He says that we love him when we obey him. Well, I can't go taking my life now can I? That would be disobeying. We are bought with a price, the price of His life, so, we are not our own. So, I prayed that He would give me His peace like He promised His children and apologized for hating Him and this wretched plan he has goin' on with the pain.

I love my hubby and my children. I'm feeling pretty useless to them right now. He has made it so that hubby can take care of all of us and has not left me alone with this disease. He is very understanding and logical about it all. I am blessed. So, I didn't get to give my kids a dream Easter and star in the magazines as, "Mom of the Year!". It's not in my control. My Saviour was there for me on Easter just like he was the First; and again he rescued me from the grave (well, morbid thoughts). He had to go through pain and suffering that He didn't want. Yet He did for me. He is my Hope and anchor.


EDIT:
There is concern for my mental health (clearly), ahem, I am experiencing a pain induced depression. I have an appointment May 10th with a pain specialist that will not be able to cure my disease, but, help me maintain the pain so as I don't get here again at the next migraine-triggering season change (Late August-Late November). As soon as I am an affirmed patient with the cooky nurse practitioners I will be making an appointment for help with the depression and a referral to a new neurologist.

It Is Well With My Soul.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=wPFVijGcLtI&
feature=fvwrel


Hubby is aware of all this and is very supportive. We're going to do an Easter Mulligan. We have birthdays late or early and sometimes Christmas celebrations, so, we're going to do that with Easter. Yay, for DO-OVERS!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MLUDKE22 4/28/2011 9:16AM

    This just affirms my previous statement "YOU'RE AMAZING!" To take on what you do daily just blows me away. You're seriously such an inspiration! Your trust in the Lord, your strength to move beyond the pain, your reflections on the reality of the situation all blow my mind! Though you may not realize it, God is using you in tremendous ways. I will continue to pray for your healing & restoration with your sister.
Holy Spirit fall down upon your daughter and fill her to overflowing!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MIBELLALUNA 4/27/2011 12:16PM

    Well, beans....I feel terrible that I didn't read this earlier. I guess I should share some personal things that may help. It is somewhat ironic because I was just outside raking the leaves and debris off of my sisters memorial tree. We buried her ashes under a weeping willow that has grown beautifully. I rotate between grief and anger when I do these things because she succumbed to the pressure and did take her own life. I prefer to wallow in the anger at those times opposed to the grief (OMG...I just wrote "guilt" instead of grief there..hmmmm)

She WAS the bright and shining light to everyone she met. She thought about others needs and wants most of the time. She was also a pediatric nurse and spent much of her own money on things for her patients to do while hospitalized (One little boy who wasn't going to make it long wanted to 'marry' her, so she draped herself in a toilet paper 'gown' and they got married). She was the favorite daughter (for good reason) and the favorite sister amongst all 5 of us.

I don't think being constantly selfless is a GOOD thing. I think it drains you past the point of recovery at some point in your life.

That said, she was my best friend and biggest supporter, so that is what I think of when I mentioned loving your sister. HOWEVER.....I am not close to the ones I have remaining. THe peices of our lifes just don't 'click' like it did with my late sister and one of them, just by being herself, triggers migranes for me. So family or not, self preservation is your first concern. Believe me, the world would be much darker without you! HUGS

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KANSASCHICA 4/27/2011 10:27AM

    Oh my goodness Liz!! I know I'm late reading this, and hopefully your feeling better now. I'm sorry for what you have to go through on a daily basis with the migraines. Though I don't think I've ever had one, I do get headaches often, and can't imagine having pain worse than a headache, so I have no clue what you go through with them. But I do know that you are one of the strongest women I've ever come across! You are an amazing mother, wife, FRIEND, daughter, and sister (even if it doesn't work both ways! SHAME on your sis for treating you this way! Wish you were my sis! Wait...you are my sis! And I love you like I love my blood sis!!) You have an amazing family who instead of falling apart when your under the weather, they come together stronger than ever!! You are lucky to have that!! And they are so very lucky to have you!!! I am so ticked that you have to wait til the middle of MAY to be seen, they shouldn't make you wait that long!!!! But I sure hope the waiting is worth it and they can help you!! I along with everyone that knows you HATES to see you in pain!!! I'm praying hard for you and your family Liz!!! Love you girl!!

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SARAHTHEKNITTER 4/26/2011 2:45PM

    I am so sorry to hear that you are having a rough time... I have similar competitive/jealousy issues with my two sisters and my sister-in-law, too. You are such a strong and vibrant woman, and you are always so kind to offer me support and comments on my blog! I had no idea that you live with daily pain and rise above it all. You are an inspiration. :)

emoticon emoticon

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ROGUE_RUNNER 4/26/2011 12:42PM

    Oh gosh...I wish I had been around and read this immediately - so sorry I wasn't there for you. Please know though that I love you so much - and I do pray for you and your migraines. Your family is so great (minus one wicked sister) - you are AMAZING for dealing with her the way you did. I admire and respect you so much for what you deal with on a daily basis ... and how much your family loves - should be the testimony to the mom that you are :o) (not their toe-nails .... **rolling my eyes to the ridiculousness of that phone call!!!!!!



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SUNRISE14 4/26/2011 3:51AM

    emoticonI do know what you are talking about with the migraines. My step-daughter has them 4-5 days a week . Shes 55 Saturday and has had them for 15 years . We are constially dealing with them she can't drive anymore and most of the burden is on her dad and i to make sure she gets her pills grocerys get to the doctor ect ect ect . It's very hard but she has been going thru counciling and it's helping. Let me tell you what i have learned in the last 15 years dealing with her daily even carring a cell phone and on call 24/7 STRESS CONFUSION IN FAMILY AND ABUSE has and will contiue to trigger her migraines and untill she tells people if you don't talk right to me just leave me alone she to is going to be an old lady with migraines the rest of her life . I have a team called GOD ANSWERS PRAY i would love for you to join . We pray for each other daily and focus on the positive in life and do our best to please the Lord first everyday but you need to also please yourself take control of the negetive in your life plain and simple no one has a right to plot against you like that or speak harshly to you no wander you have migraines. You got a good husband and kids if you have to filter everyone else out unless they can treat you with love and respect that everyone deserves ! I will be praying for you and i am here daily if you need to vent sometimes its helps when you know someone else cares.I AM HERE FOR YOU ! YOU CAN GET CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE AND BE HEALTIER AND HAPPIER ! emoticon

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SMCBR0031 4/26/2011 1:09AM

    Snow - I just want you to know that I love you and and praying for the best. You know I mean it when I say pray, because I am not one to pray often, but sweetie, you are in my thoughts tonight!! Just know that you are loved, by your family and sparkfriends. You are going through a tough time, but I have every FAITH that you will come out on top. Stay strong, hang in there, and try to remember just how amazing and truly inspiring you are to ALL of US!

Spark on,

Sarah

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SUNNYBUNNY112 4/25/2011 7:28PM

    Oh sweetie...I am sending you as many hug vibes as I can...I know you are such a strong woman and just sometimes, simply, we are as you say, worn out. I am a loving person and I have a Christian heart, but there are times..you simply have to say...Screw everyone...and get better for yourself...I listen to my advice, try to follow it, and I sometimes I fall short, but I try...and that is what matters...you are hurting and you take care of so many, its time to take care of yourself...those that truly love you, will understand :)
Now as for your sister...well, wait, mama said if you can't say anything nice...then don't open your mouth
so
I will close my mouth

Feel Better...please emoticon I need my buddy back :)

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 4/25/2011 6:33PM

    My heart is so sad for you right now. ((Big Giant I Wish I Could Make It All Better Hugs)) emoticon

I know you know all the verses of hope that I could share with you right now. And I know that you know the devil is a big fat liar. Hang in there and keep leaning on the everlasting arms. They truly never fail. I'm so sorry that your sister isn't kind to you. The very people that are suppose to be our support system are often times the ones that like pull us down.

Praying that your new doctors will have new ideas and techniques that will bring you peace and peace of mind. emoticon

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HANKENSTEIN 4/25/2011 5:01PM

    Snow, the concern I read in your blog is accompanied by a magnificent sense that you are not alone in your battle, and that makes it an incredible blessing. I can't imagine, as I know you can't, going through such a painful trial alone.

As for your sister, she's jealous, plain and simple. Don't know a thing about her, but you have a loving, wonderful family of your own, an amazing spirit and faith and are downright hilarious and adorable. She could be Jaclyn Smith and without those other blessings, she chooses to be ugly about it. That's sad, but there's nothing you can do but forgive her, continue to love her ... and do your durndest to stay away from her!



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MNOT2THICK 4/25/2011 3:35PM

    emoticon emoticonPraying for some control over your pains, both mental(sister) and physical.

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SHIBI_HUNTRESS 4/25/2011 3:22PM

    I know what it feels like to have a horrible family member. Just remember, that although it seems like she's putting you down, she's just self-projecting. Like you said, looking inwards and not liking what she sees.

When you look inside, do you like what you see? I'm sure that many, many people in your life love you for who you are and understand the pain that troubles you.

I think I need to come over and bake you something to make you feel better. :)

I'm sure that all throughout Easter, your husband and family were worried for you and wished to no end that they could relieve you from your pain.

I hope you are not offended by this, but I will send a chant and some positive energy your way. You are one of my favourite Spark friends, and it hurts to see that life isn't fair.

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ANGELSANDYBABY 4/25/2011 11:28AM

    I'm so sorry you are going through this. I agree with the others..remove the negatives in your life. It's sad that your own mother and sister would treat you that way, and you should not have to put up with it. I pray you find some relief from your migraines soon.
emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/25/2011 11:30:10 AM

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MYSTERYROSE74 4/25/2011 9:27AM

    I figured you were having migraine problems since it's been a while since you did a vlog. I'm praying for you, and your family. I know what that type of depression feels like, but know you have a wonderful support system both online and off. Ignore the ignorant comments of your sister, she has no clue what you're dealing with. If she knew, she shut her trap. My thoughts are with you Lizzie, hang in there. emoticon emoticon

Terrie emoticon

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MAGGIE620 4/25/2011 9:23AM

    Globe, my heart goes out to you...I know the pain you are feeling but I also know how strong you are (loved your retort to the small one). Please stay with us, WE need you too! Your family is special because they came through you so I'm sure they can be strong for you when needed also. Let us know how you do in the coming days and don't feel too bad about the holiday...it will come again next year!

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I*AM*BLESSED 4/25/2011 8:49AM

    I am praying for you that you find the relief that is needed to live a healthier and more peaceful life.

So very sorry that you have to endure such pain and sadness in your young life. Thank God that you have such a loving and understanding family to help you through this madness.

Oh, and I totally agree with Red; sometimes you just have to "remove" all the negatives from your life that are doing you harm.

Love you Lizzy! emoticon

*)
. .*).*)
(. ♥ Cheri ♥


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CHRISTINCOTA86 4/25/2011 8:41AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Thinking of you.

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LISAKAY73 4/25/2011 1:42AM

  I have been where you are now I will be praying for you and your wonderful husband and children. Also your sister I have a grandmother who is the same way when it comes to anyone being positive or happy. May God continue to bless you and yours.

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REDSHOES2011 4/25/2011 1:27AM

    Dear SNOWGLOBEMAMA,
You are a truely wonderful lady.. But girl you have to put some space between you and your sister.. Don't invite her and ask your mother directly not to bring her.. It isn't fair you have to feel this world is not your home.. I dropped my mother and sister for these very reasons too..
Believe in your nearest and dearest and do your own thing next year- don't invite them or their acid tongues to rain destruction down on your home and happiness..
xx
Red
emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 4/25/2011 1:28:31 AM

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MKPRINCESS007 4/25/2011 1:24AM

    I am messaging you now.

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Team Challenge Week 1: Getting to Know You

Monday, April 18, 2011


emoticon Scale Banter...

50 Questions Survey Destressing.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LADY_JUDAH 4/20/2011 10:42PM

    Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww you're so PRETTY!!!!! *you can tell that this is my first time watching your VLOGs...lol*

Brain pain is NOT good for us...lol!

And your answers were definitely unique and rocked!

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JEANUT 4/19/2011 6:17AM

    You are so right you don't need to stress yourself like that esp. when you have a headache
now don't beat yourself up over it just learn from it
Do you have one of those heat packs that you can stick in the microwave to warm?
If so next time you get a head ache try putting it on your neck. Sometimes it helps
Just be careful not to burn yourself

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ROGUE_RUNNER 4/18/2011 2:29PM

    I DO CALLIGRAPHY!!!!!!!

i LOVE CORN POPS!!!!

I LIKE THE BEACH TOO!!!

HOCKEY...HOCKEY...HOC
KEY!!!!!!!!

(Did you say "Sex in a pan"? LOLOLOLOL)

I DONT HAVE A MOUSE PAD!!!!

IM YOUR FRIEND...AND I CARE!!!!

I DO INAPPROPRIATE ART!!! (Just kidding - I do art...but it's appropriate ;o)

I LIKED IT TOO :O) We should come up with more!!

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MNOT2THICK 4/18/2011 2:10PM

    I liked them too. Good Job!!! emoticon

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 4/18/2011 11:10AM

    Ten minutes of activity is a great place to start. I started there and then used to trick myself into doing more by saying just one more minute, okay just one more minute. emoticon It is amazing how much it has helped me mentally.

Glad the scales are being cooperative again. emoticon

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STEVIERYAN65 4/18/2011 9:51AM

  I find the stress ball to be very helpful. I get a lot of stress headaches that start in my neck. Another thing that's helps is stretching the muscles in my neck, from side to side and hold for 20 sec. Also if you fill a knee sock with rice, tie off end, put in microwave for about a min (times will very depending on the power of your microwave), then put it around your neck. That loosens the stress tighten muscles for me.

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I*AM*BLESSED 4/18/2011 9:21AM

    Scales are def NOT our friend!!! Dang brain pain...I'm sooooo sorry for you.

You are doing fine. Just take your time and let your weight loss happen as it will. This is NOT a contest and as long as you are tracking your food and making the effort to lose, what does it matter how long it takes???

LOL....Corn Pops have always been my favorite cereal!

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

I am your friend and I DO care about you! emoticon



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REDSHOES2011 4/18/2011 9:15AM

    emoticon loved your answers!

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Challenge 22: Let's get physical...I don't wanna!

Monday, April 18, 2011

Spark Vlogger's Team
The challenge is brought to us this week from JMARISK

We all have stress in our lives. For some, exercise is a great stress reliever but for others stress can cause the workout routine to go out the window.

1) Which category do you fall under? Does working out lighten your load or bury you deeper?
2) If you do find yourself falling off the wagon, either from stress or lack of motivation, how do you get back on? Do you slow yourself down or try to push yourself harder?
3) What mental blocks do you fight through and how do you push past them?
4) When was the last time you felt really proud of yourself and why?

This challenge deadline is Wednesday April 20th at midnight!

Make sure you return to this thread and post that you completed the challenge in order to be entered into the drawing for next week's challenge!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

JMARISK 4/19/2011 12:39PM

    I'm proud of you too! Thank you for sharing. You have such a wonderful outlook on everything.

PEACE!
emoticon

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BAILEE_GRAVES 4/18/2011 1:35PM

    First of all....it's Olivia Newton-John emoticon

And you may think you will never be a super model, but know that you ARE a super HERO!! I also look at myself as a food addict and equate it with an alcoholic or drug addict. I have to be aware of every single thing I put in my mouth or I'll eat too much. It's just how it is.

And you should be proud of yourself! You're emoticon

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Snowglobe!

Sunday, April 17, 2011

Poo poo to all you that demise barometric migraines are a farce! I spent yesterday in agony and today, voila! Snow! In all it's evil glory. Also, explains Fridays (extra) air-gappy vlog.
Hee hee. emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DRAWNTHISWAY 4/17/2011 10:57AM

    Sorry about the snow. I was going to suggest you move someplace warm like Florida, then I remembered the sunburning thing (though I admit as a Fl native you do learn to manage it). I hope your day goes well and you feel incredibly blessed, even though it has snowed again. I look forward to hearing from you again later today

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HANKENSTEIN 4/17/2011 10:20AM

    Good morning sunshine

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