Thursday, December 20, 2012
Holy AWKWARD, Batman!
Today was Orientation, yes, AFTER I've already been working there. That's cool, that's cool. It's a compliment to me that I was The First on-the-spot hire my boss has ever done and they are so very confident that I won't get lost or lose their customers.
No pressure. Nah, We all know I can handle pressure.
I have discovered it is "I" that instigates AWKWARD. I just naturally flag the fruitin' thing down to tango anywhere I go. In a crowd of 5 or 500, the speaker pegs me as their focal balance. You know when you're told in public speaking, "...to look for a spot on the back wall behind your audience and occasionally glide your eyes from individual to individual"?
Why don't people listen? It's not just there to keep you from barfing, Peeps! Nooooo. It's there for PTSD women with social issues.
Moi. It's all about moi, hello?!
Unfortunately, the speakers today zoned in on me. 5 hours of "blah, blah, blah" and I was their visual anchor.
I'm seriously uncomfortable.
I thought it was the blond hair I'm sporting...like, the light glows of my helmet hair?
Am I freak and nobody has clued me in?
Do I have boogers?
Did I pop a button?
I even contemplate an ego moment; "Am I like the cutest girl in a room of 'say-no-to-crack' plumbers?" ( I wasn't. There were ski instructors, and the ladies they clearly chose for ornamentation...I was not winning the genetic pool amongst the 20 somethings today).
I am not sending any Bat Signals for undivided attention.
No, I feel like this!:
with more of a grimace for a smile.
In fact I'm inside fighting with myself to smile. People who keep an indifferent facial expression and make minimal eye contact deter others from engaging with them, but are sooooo depressing.
Somehow they see this when they look at me:
I just can't help it! I make eye contact. I'm just too snoopy. I'm trying to read their secrets out of their eyeballs.
I wonder if they had a chaotic morning too. What would they think of me and what I happened to do in the midst of my morning chaos? (I fed the cat my Always pads. Mmmm...tasty. It was by accident.)
Before I knew it I was the focal point when they talked. They figured out that I was engagable (new word ~ Go me).
OH WHY ME?!
In the end I just want to be this:
instead of this...
So, they're helping me crack out of my little chick shell quicker than I want. It is pretty cool that I'm a speaker magnet.
Smile, it keeps you from being bored!