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Vision Collage 2 Years in the making

Wednesday, December 05, 2012

It's true that "Slow & Steady Win the Race".

I know it's a never-ending journey overall and everyday needs to be treated as "Day One" but, I need a "To Do List" that I attack everyday to keep me pointing in the right direction.

To Do:
1. Stay in my caloric range: 1200 -1550
2. 10 Minutes of Activity that I normally wouldn't do.
3. Drink 8 -10 cups of water (personal challenge is to meet that quota with coffee. no. lie)
4. Sleep. 6-8
5. Hug Life.

I set up a team to help get me back on track.

With my husband on afternoons and not getting home until midnight and then my kids up with God, my bedtime is 12:30 -6:30. I try to grab naps, but, I realized very quickly that 6 is my availability and I had to adapt on my #4 .

I hate adapting.

The first week I had my act together. I let my pride fuel my work.

"Pride cometh before destruction and a haughty spirit before the fall."

The pride wasn't, "Hey, hey look at me!". It still surprises me when I see results on the scale. It's like magic to my brain. I just don't grasp this thing. It's all built on faith.

So, the pride that I had was, "I can't fail my friends". What leader starts a team and fails the goal?
I just couldn't fail anyone, so, I went militant on my health.

That is not healthy.

The first chance to bail on this unhappy approach I leapt on it and devoured it. It happened to be stress. I'm PTSD and I do not handle invasion of my space. I freeze in terror and then start abusing myself with food in a blind fury. So, realizing that I had to get work outside of my home has sent life into a tailspin.

So, with five kids to feed and a hubby I do not want burning himself out working two jobs at minimum 80 hour weeks. I realized that I had to tackled this PTSD a decade before I was intending to. I had planned on schooling my children at home for a decade more at least, but, God had other plans for us.

He's doin' that mama eagle thing and booting me out of the nest.

It's time to spread my wings and soar on my dreams.

Um, HOW?!

I've seen the SparkEagles flying around here, but, they just make it look like magic. I can't figure it out.

It's annoying.

So, I sat down and figured that it is time to take this leap of faith and I was going to study the eagles before me.

SparkGuy has a clue.

He has broken it down so that the information is accessable to even baby eagles. One of the things he mentioned was a Vision Collage. So, I dared to take up his challenge. What better way to set those personal demons straight than to dare to hope, dream and believe?

I have successfully put off this task for 2 years.

I began this journey with the only vision being just to 'survive'. Then that graduated to 'surviving life healthfully'. I dared not try to dream further.

Who am I to push my luck?

Well, it has been scarey with all the changes going on and it has gotten dark. The lies are breakdancing on my heart. Lies that tell me I'm insignificant, disposable, and oh-so-very-replaceable.

I can't come this far and have them win.

It's time to dream again, but, this time I'm daring to go past 'survival' with occassional dances with dreams to soaring on my dreams.

I was short on both time and courage so, I first asked myself:

1. What do you want?

ANSWER: To feel fabulous.
This outside and inside need to hug. I'm close to where I think my body is happiest and I can see the changes, but, I want to feel that change.

2. So, what makes you feel fabulous?
{and this my friend is how I began to chuck together my collage.}

~When I know my husband feels cherished and he smiles so huge it lights up the world. No, I can't be the source of his joy and make him choose it, but, I can do my best to love him in every way that makes him melt.
So, I found a picture that represented that.

~What makes me feel fabulous is when my kids are so happy I'm their playmate and their friends are calling to come play at our house.

~What makes me feel fabulous is when I can love on my neighbour. I miss being a part of a loving Church Family.

~ What makes me feel fabulous is hooping. I feel like my soul is being hugged and every ounce of defeat is spun right out of me.

AND I want to spread that HoopLove by teaching it:

~ I felt fabulous when my hair draped down my back and I could wrap it around my body. I always dreamed that I would have hair to my waist. Now that the migraines are under control, I'm going to try it.

~ I feel GORGEOUS in summer dresses. Next summer I will get myself a white summer dress and wear it to death.

~ I need to learn to do the front walkover to celebrate getting to my healthy weight. I've ALWAYS wanted to learn.

~ I know I can't make the scars of bearing five babies disappear. I'm not a lucky one, so, I hope to embrace that as something beautiful and what I can do is tone my tummy...

I realized no where in my dreaming did I feel I "needed" to drop any more weight.
155 seems right and I obviously feel that way too.

I added this too:
It reminded me of a story I heard from my preacher's wife.

"A man and his wife frequented that same coffee shop before heading their seperate ways for work. The wife mentioned how lovely their regular server was and the man carefully disagreed and mentioned another one.
One day they happened to be sharing a vehicle on the way some place and went to their coffee shop where both servers were working that day. Upon returning to the vehicle the husband told his wife she was right. The server she had mentioned was immaculately kept, stylish and svelt the other was more casual, 'fluffy', and unkept.
The difference?
It was that the husband usually saw the second server laughing and smiling, but, today he had witnessed her rare short, and critical temper.
Moral of the story: A smile is the best beauty aid."


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MI-ELLKAYBEE 12/12/2012 3:16PM

    Extraordinary, super blog! WooHoo! emoticon

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MNOT2THICK 12/8/2012 12:31PM

    I love it. Beautiful collage. I feel inspired and am going to attempt my own. Be patient, I am still am overworked work in process

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MNOT2THICK 12/8/2012 12:26PM

    I love it. Beautiful collage. I feel inspired and am going to attempt my own. Be patient, I am still am overworked work in process. Well they say those who can do and those who can't teach. Of course Diva is the exception to the rule. emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/8/2012 12:30:36 PM

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COXBETH 12/6/2012 3:39PM

    I made a vision collage years ago after reading "The Secret" it sat on the fridge for a while, then I threw it away because I was "never going to get there."

Just yesterday, I realized that I'd met about half the goals on that collage. I remember making it, I remember every picture, and I think I must have got it right because I'm still moving towards it, without even meaning to! I think "The Secret" stuff is a bit silly and a bit over the top, but taking the time figure out what you REALLY want out of life is still an immensely powerful exercise.

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MOSTMOM1 12/6/2012 9:47AM

    Great collage! I need to update mine too. It is good to dream, to laugh, to play, to be perfectly content with where you are, yet still reach out for that next step. Life is GOOD, my friend.
PS: You know you don't have to be certified to teach a hoop class, right? You just have to have a plan and a place, and probably insurance... Do you have a local gym or arts center that has fitness classes?
But the certification is an awesome long-range goal.

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX12 12/6/2012 8:20AM

    I have loved watching the layers peel off and your wings unfold woman. Now as you fly I rejoice in your new found freedom. May each of your dreams and goals continue to be meet and may you run forward to grab a hold. You are amazing. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. He said it, its true. emoticon

I was gonna join your team as I can not get enough of your wit and humor but I do not have the five to lose and I'm learning to let go. My whole heart wanted to hit 135 but my body has a mind of its own and I can not go to that place that is unhealthy. I am getting off those two Thanksgiving week or so pounds. Those around me do not understand why I stress over such a low number but two here and two there add up before you know it. And I've found they like to stick around a lot longer the second or third time they come to visit.

As you go out into the workplace I pray that you are a light in a dark world even though the attention scares you and makes you want to run. One day that will not be so. God is healing things even things we do not realize until they are whole again.

Be blessed, encouraged and ROCK your day!! emoticon

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WISHICOULDFLY 12/5/2012 11:20PM

    You are a wise woman. Very insightful. I'm really hoping you will find a job that you LOVE that fits you. God has some kind of plan for you and I think it will be wonderful. emoticon -Connie

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MTRACHEL 12/5/2012 10:40PM

    Just what I needed to see and read tonight! Your pictures and your words create a lovely story of your journey. emoticon

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It Might Just Be...

Tuesday, December 04, 2012

I love vlogging; it's so distractingly therapeutic.

Anywho, off to get ink for my printer and print off a billion and a half resumes.

MOM2TWO07 ~ pkg is being mailed TODAY! Take care of Coach Nicole; she deserves a fantastic home.

I was going to type my "To Do" list, but, I think I'll narrow it down to...
"Make it *A*W*E*SO*M*E*!!!"

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TWYLIGHTWUNDER 12/10/2012 9:19PM

    LOL, freaking awesome!!!! You'll like working away from the house, its less stressful then homeschooling five kids...... LOVEYOU!!!

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MNOT2THICK 12/8/2012 12:17PM

    What can't you do? What a whistler! That was a lot to share and I am tired from watching. Good luck on the job search. You haveLOTS to offer any employer. I agree, sound like stress. Breathe, relax, focus emoticon

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IMOJANE 12/7/2012 10:02AM

    What an amazing vlog. You are literally wonderwoman, juggling/hooping this many things around you. It's incredible. Keep up the smiles, you have very beautiful and loving children. If you want to get out and share the workload with your husband and that's a change you'd like then go for it. Good luck hearing back about your resume!

Have a nice day :)

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MOSTMOM1 12/5/2012 9:57PM

    My teenagers never sleep and won't go away either.
My hubs thinks it'd be great to come back and work at the church. Um, yeah, that's where he works now. Um, I dunno...
Oh, SO been there, done that with the bully, bullied thing...
Shoot, I forgot to do that step-through tutorial. Dangit. But looks like you figured it out. Oh wait, you gotta flow backwards with the hoop.
You totally got the vortex down.
Hey, you might make some really great friends at work.
but it might just be stress...

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SNOWANGELDIVA 12/5/2012 5:22PM

    It might just be the strees, Connie...I'm kinda at a loss myself.
It was cool to slap together a whack of incoherent vlogs and squish the random all together, just for a giggle. It somehow did make the serious sweet, like Crystle said.
I'm sorry Romeosmom27 that your time got sucked in by my silly, I'm a huge fan of nonsense.
I love this place. IT's so nice to have people to share all parts of the journey with.

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WISHICOULDFLY 12/4/2012 10:28PM

    I just don't know WHAT to say. emoticon

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX12 12/4/2012 10:03PM

    You have a unique way of making something serious taste just a little sweeter. Hope you find what you need and that you can enjoy. emoticon

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HAPINANA 12/4/2012 12:57PM

    Wow! A lot going on with you..... I think you should go to work. Something different for you and I think you need a little change in your life. Your children will be fine, you will be fine and your husband will be totally fine. Working two jobs has got to be killing him for sure. Hey, if it doesn't work, then try something else. Remember.... NEVER NEVER NEVER give up. 5 children...OMG! God Bless You "Angel"
SPARK emoticon

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ROMEOSMOM27 12/4/2012 11:05AM

    Thanks for sharing that. emoticon

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A Day in the Life of a Loser

Sunday, December 02, 2012

I just enjoy my life now and like sharing it.
I've shared my storms, now, it's a calm season.

Today, I'm ignoring the common cold that is trying to kill me.

My Hunny, SNOWANGELSSPOCK moved the stove for me so that I could put up the tree. We have two woodstoves, but, this one was going to cost us a small fortune to get up to standards.

No sense having a cute corner go to waste.

My youngest was the most militant about the process.

I got bored fighting with decorations for our home. So, I decorated my hoop with some dying garland. I think I have plans for it in the Hula Hoop All-Stars December challenge.

I want to go for my Hula Hoop Fitness Certification with a Canadian company called, HoopAppeal. Only because it was the cheapest.
I have these little voices duking it out in my noodle.
*It is soooo much money, what if you get your certification and it's useless? You just robbed your family!
* Fitness Instructors have to be young, trim and cute; it's the societal standard isn't it? Does it make sense to get into an occupation that relies on somethings that fade even though HoopHealth would remain the same? I'm young'ish', teim'ish' and cute'ish'...I think I'm "ishy" at best. My confidence in a career of my choosing is weak.
* Get a real job. Seriously you have 5 kids and need for moola stat. Stop daydreaming. *pout*

I love hooping. It's like a hug for my soul.

As I was blinging up my hoop that stuff was clogging my cranium.
I'm still waiting for a new church home. Backwoods Barbie was not welcomed at the last one. Silly.

Anyway, my Coffee Corner got blinged up today. It made me smile.

The kiddies made a Gingerbread House. There was fun had by all, and lots of sugar.

I'm not a fan of gingerbread so the house is pretty much safe...

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

UPPITYANN 12/4/2012 1:22PM

  There are sooooo many health benefits from exercise than being trim and cute. Not a penny nor second is EVER lost in going for exercise!

YOU GO GIRL! You will never regret it.

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SNOWANGELDIVA 12/4/2012 9:46AM

    I'll be getting a regular job to start saving to get my Hoop Certification.
I plan on doing internet classes.
Until then, I think get to be a secretary. I gotta get a job that lets me wear these fantastic black heels!
That tree is still holding's bottom heavy, it ain't goin' nowhere thanks to Princess.

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ABETTERSOUL 12/3/2012 12:01PM

    I say.....Go for the hoop certification, if that is what you really want. emoticon Thanks for sharing the photos.

Comment edited on: 12/3/2012 12:02:36 PM

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX12 12/3/2012 11:16AM

    If you want your certification GO FOR IT! This life is a gift and if you find something you love and can share why not? I truly believe especially for those of us older than you that age is a bonus when it comes to our fitness trainers. It shows us we can do it too. At the gym here the personal trainers come in all ages and sizes. Believe it or not they are not all Barbie and Ken.

If you need to work until it takes off, you have options. Praying for provision and dreams coming true.

Your tree is BEAUTIFUL. Love what you did with the hoop. emoticon

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RUNNERRACHEL 12/2/2012 11:05PM

    Great decorations! I am not decorating this year...unless I can convince my husband...or just demand that we do so.

You are young, trim and cute! If your heart is in it, it won't feel like work... If you love hooping (and clearly you do!) why not spread the joy to others? And it could bring in income, right? Is there a hoop studio in your area? If so, use it! And if not, could you start one?

You are creative and passionate about hooping and fitness and are inspiring to so many.
Well, pray about it.
And I hope you find a church home. I thought I'd found one and now I'm having second thoughts. (Location, size--too big) Praying for a church home for both of us
Happy Christmas season! emoticon

Comment edited on: 12/2/2012 11:07:50 PM

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WILDASTER 12/2/2012 9:36PM

    Love the decor! Your daughter is a cute hoop star. I love the ribbon on the tree, very artistic. We won't get our tree yet, 3 year old would not be able to leave it alone.

If you get your certification where would you have classes? Is there a program in place already or would you be starting one on your own? If you know already that you would be needed or if you already have a following who are willing to learn from you GO for it! Do what you love and enjoy it without worry. How does the family feel about it?

What kind of loser were you mentioning in your title, the grand lady who has lost so much weight? I hope that's what you meant.

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WISHICOULDFLY 12/2/2012 9:24PM

    Your Coffee Corner is SERIOUSLY emoticon ! I'm just sayin'. -Connie

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WINNIE1978 12/2/2012 7:11PM

    Nice decorating!

I'm a little bummed that we won't be decorating this year... but next year we will be in the house and there will be decorations EVERYWHERE!!! emoticon

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I*AM*BLESSED 12/2/2012 6:37PM

    Love the pics and the tree looks cozy there! emoticon

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Winners, Gifts and Answers ~ Oh my!

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Just for fun.
Fun for just-because-I-love-it.

Two Seasons here (that last longer than a fortnight), and they're Summer and Winter.

The stew I made and overindulged in.

THe first Snowman this season!
"Technically" it's a Snowwoman...of which I was very nervous when my Tank (9) proposed to make her...I was expecting this:

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOMMY2TWO07 12/1/2012 9:27AM

    Yay I am a winner ! Thanks soooo much !

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX12 11/30/2012 12:42PM

    What a light you are. Just brightened my whole morning. You added to an already amazing day. It is warm and beautiful outside. The clothes are on the line and I am preparing for choir practice. Wednesday practice was a bomb so I am a bit shaken but praying this one goes much better.

You are looking amazing. Your babies are a delight. Wish we lived closer I'm sure we would have a lot of fun with out different crazy sauces. Might have to patent that puppy. emoticon emoticon

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CAROLJ35 11/30/2012 10:02AM

    Love it! And love and enjoy those kids a lot because they are grown and gone before you know it!!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WISHICOULDFLY 11/29/2012 9:24PM

    I think you ARE coordinated. I've thought so ever since you danced to Dancing Queen! Uh oh. I'm starting to sound like a Spark Stalker! emoticon - Connie

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MNOT2THICK 11/28/2012 8:21PM

    Thanks Liz for inviting us into your dining room. I love watching you and your beautiful, entertaining, energetic children while I sit here and take up my space. emoticon

I wonder who they get it from. emoticon Why wouldn't she have a great butt, is she not your child.

An hour of alone time. emoticon I love NCIS as well. emoticon Why did I not win the DVD? emoticon

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DRKEYEZ820 11/28/2012 11:00AM

    :).....:).....:) .... Ive so missed your Vlogs! :)
So glad i crept in to view this :) this vlog totally made me smile for the day! Your daughter is JUST LIKE YOU! :)
The fun corky personality lol. But anyways! YAY for loosing 5 lbs! And the gift to yourself is ubber cute! :)

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MOSTMOM1 11/28/2012 8:43AM

    I love how the kids are SO paying attention to you. LOL
Seriously? Rolling across the floor? For real?
Fact: American Alligators can live up to 50 years, in the wild.
Wait--we really need cups that say, "Go away, I'm vlogging. We do."
I really wanna be with y'all. Really.
WHAT???? YOu've already lost your five pounds????????!!!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
holy moly
you're awesome
Paint on your--now we have to look. See what you did there? Open your present.
Run away, Liz. Run away.
No. You should always be unedited. Always.
Hold on, you WILL be able to do a choreographed flashmob dance at the wedding, right? Because I've made that a non-negotiable item. You will just have to suck it up and follow along. Got it?
Hey, you're not leaving the rest of us on the team, just hanging, since you already made goal, right? Cause that would put you on the naughty list, for sure.
How do you eat? Bwahahaha, I KNEW that was coming.
ouch on the cartilage story, just ouch
In a safe environment.
s the woman who sleds off rooftops...)
you're killin me
You got it!!!! I'll have to tell Audrey. She'll be so happy for you. You needed that. Good for you.

Comment edited on: 11/28/2012 8:44:55 AM

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ASRMOM 11/27/2012 11:48PM

    Love the gift! You ROCK!!
emoticon emoticon -5!!! emoticon

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WILDASTER 11/27/2012 11:00PM

    That's great! It lifted my day up from the druggery of Laundry and illness- to Laughter.

We have a little snow too but it isn't warm enough for a snow woman to be made.

By the way we Love Calvin too!!

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JEANUT 11/27/2012 9:46PM

OK, who fed the kids sugar?
I love your family reminds me of home when I was growing up.
Hang in there one day they will be grown and the quiet will drive you nuts.

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VEROISME 11/27/2012 8:32PM

    beautiful chaos! :)

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Christmas Present ~ For You! wk 2 journal.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Body Image is an enigma to me.
When I was obese I saw myself as:

This last year, Iíve maintained and danced with the idea of getting somewhere Iíve always wanted to be.
I pick it up toy with it and put it down.
Should I be where it says I should in the middle of my B.M.I.?

Sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I see:

Iím in my healthy range, according to B.M.I. and other times when I look in the mirror I see her (whoever she is):

So, this Christmas Present ~ For Yourself Challenge is to get me nestled in the middle of my range where I can gauge first hand if itís a Ďfití for me.

So far, Iíve been practicing healthy feedback when I look in the mirror.
When I see scars from pregnancies, I remind myself that my Bobby and I made them together and Iím not uglier for them in his eyes even though they make me feel the ultimate of fugly.
When I see Iím not the same shape as the women in the fashion magazines and feel inferior, I remind myself of two things:
*the first that the feeling of inferiority is a choice
*and the second thing is that my hubby loves my body and whatís most important to him is that Iím healthy and loving it too.

During this transition of body change, itís like adolescence all over again; everything is awkward and a warped perception.

Iím hanging on and gifting myself that ĎUltimateí goal of 150 for Christmas (Iím 5.9). I just went ahead with the portions that Spark told me to get me from obese to healthy, even though I had fatorexia and felt this was all a ploy to get me to submit to this misogynistic body image ideal. Now, Iím in my healthy range and feeling fabulous with energy and I'm much more positive in comparison.

I ask myself often, ďWhat took me so long to take care of my body?Ē

SO, I soldier on and know I'm very close to the end of the 'change' and this is just something that takes time.

This whole, "Love yourself, accept-the-skin-you're-in" thing.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAROLJ35 11/30/2012 10:05AM

    WOW!!! You can tuck your blouses in and look great - something I have never been able to do!!!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WINNIE1978 11/29/2012 12:26PM

    You look great... and I'm glad you are taking care of yourself! emoticon

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MOSTMOM1 11/28/2012 8:23AM

    Woman, if I looked like you, I'd be dancing naked in the streets! Okay, not naked, but I'd be dancing. Wait, I already do that. Never mind. You look amazing; everybody knows it. But what's more important, is how you feel. Tell yourself you're awesome at least once every hour. That's medicine, ya know.

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WISHICOULDFLY 11/28/2012 6:49AM

    You look fabulous. Now you just need to decide where it is that you feel your best and go with it. You inspire me. emoticon

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WILDASTER 11/27/2012 11:24PM

    You are lovely, your husband a Prince among men. Each day you are blessed to be loved by both him and your children, and all of us too. You get better and better each day.

I saw your team start, and I wondered if I should join. I haven't for fear of total failure. It's the hardest time of the year for me. You are doing GREAT!

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KIMCOLLINGS 11/27/2012 4:38PM

    You look so terrific! You've done a great job!

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ACAWTHORN 11/27/2012 3:00PM

    I think you look great.. but i know what your talking about you have to be okay with looking at yourself.. I am tired of looking at myself and feeling sick at what i see. i want to change. But for some reason I keep holding on to these ideas i need to eat when i am hurting.. thinking somewhere that the food will ease the pain. It makes it worse why is that such a hard concept for me.. I think your doing wonderful and feel inspired when i read your blogs or watch your vlogs.. your doing a great job.. emoticon emoticon

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DEBBYFROMMT 11/27/2012 9:56AM

    Wow Liz, I see the same things in the mirror. My goal is the same as your. Middle of my maintenance range. (I'm on the high end of my maintenance range right now)

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ASRMOM 11/27/2012 7:53AM

    Oh Snow! I get where you are at. The scars don't bother me near as bad, as the fact I can't see my c-section scar. At ALL, not even the edges. Yikes.
But I digress. I would suggest to you, to focus on all the non scale victories. Not suggest really. You have made some very awesome progress (HELLO, 70 lbs?!!!) How do you feel? Maybe you should ditch the scale?
I'd hug you and hand you a hoop, if I could reach you!

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LIFETIMER54 11/27/2012 7:39AM

  Thank yoiu from the bottom of my heart, your truly a beautiful lady.... emoticon

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