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Revive us again.

Wednesday, November 07, 2012

Yes, just so you know IT'S SWEEPS WEEK!

I have barely a clue about Sweeps Week being that I am the Queen of Netflix and watch my shows in marathon mode. I watch on those rare stolen moments when I'm lucky enough to find something that interests me (currently Miss. Marple and some criminal show). I do remember that term being used to describe my flare for emotional expression (aka-drama). It was midway through my journey last year and I had vlogged quite transparently about my struggles and a pompous Sparker scoffed at my tears of joy when love was poured on me from friends and spewed the derogatory comment, "Must be Sweeps Week". Apparently, I wasn't the only one being transparent with my personal demons and somehow the floodgates of vulnerability showing up in vlogs and blogs were a little too much for them to tolerate.

Too bad they're still back at the beginning and hugging their demons. Such a shame.

[Sometimes, I love karma. Only of course when it's pointing at someone else.]

So we commence, "Sweeps Week". It's where I yank the personal demons from their shadows to watch them curl up and die in the light of facts. No longer will they deceive me with my skewed inferiority complex.

I'm over achieving - daily. 1300-1600 is my range...2400 is where I'm dancing. Of late that happens to be my only form of dancing.

I'd blame it on the weather, or the mountains of Halloween loot, or exhaustion from beginning my day at 6 and not ending until past midnight.
The truth.
Heartbreak. Funerals suck.
Commence the filling-of-the-void, with munchies until the pain of overeating distracts me.

I love walks. I reward myself with them.
Unfortunately when I feel like I am not deserving, I stop them and hide.
I stop dancing, hooping and walking.

I have to help out and I'm scared I won't be able to shoulder the responsibility.
I have been doing unpaid volunteer works for years. I do not want to deal with workplace drama on top of my home responsibilities. It's exhausting already keeping up with five children. Even the idea of throwing a job into the mix has me begging for mercy.

Think desert.
We're leaving our church.
From the first day being mistaken for the preacher's old schoolmate's wife and having the preacher's wife out to kill me because she misinterpretted the mistaken identity for her man having a horrid case of the wandering eye. It has been miserable. No matter how quiet, and unobtrusive I tried to be (and y'all know that about KILLED me!). Hate, fear and coldness I felt just permeated the last year and a half there. Satan is busy interfering in our church family, but, God is so much bigger. It's killing me though. I miss tangible friendships since we moved here.
I used to read my Bible daily.
Now, never.
Has the Bible's story of redemptive love changed? No.
I can't help to see it as only a sword to cut me to pieces and leave me broken.

It's when we're at the absolute bottom we look up and clue into the big picture.

I started this journey because He challenged me to trust Him.

I reached my goal because daily I struggled to hold onto Him when I left a church family that insisted on playing Holy Spirit instead of brothers and sisters. When I found this church and instantaneous it was not right, I lost hope and I began weaning Him out of my life.

It's been a constant struggle with Heartache, Inferiority complex and Fear.
"Man can not live by bread alone, but, by every word that proceeds from the mouth of the Lord." Jesus Matt 4:4

If I didn't have that verse sewn on my heart from my husband's favourite song that I once sang in a Church Ladies Trio Special I wouldn't have it today wrapping it's comforting truth around my exhausted spirit.

I won't be disappearing from SparkWorld, but, I need to focus on He and I.

Be blessed.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ACAWTHORN 11/11/2012 10:45AM

    I think we all go threw these times.. I know i have.. wanting to go out and work but leaving my kids is painful... Trusting someone else to watch my kids is my hardship.. But on the other hand i feel like it would be nice to take some of the weight off of my husbands shoulders... Sometimes i wonder off from my bible.. but he always is leading me back... and my social problems keep me from going to a church full time. I have a hard time with people. But recently i have found a church with some good people and i like it.. but keeping me from putting my head in the sad is the struggle... so I am praying things come together for you the way they should... emoticon

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_SINGFORLIFE_ 11/9/2012 10:39AM

  Yes....sit at the feet of Jesus and be a "Mary" rather than a "Martha".
He guides our steps and directs our heart when we listen.
I know when I look at my worth in His eyes - I am worth His Son's life.
When I look at my worth compared to other people - their agendas and idea of who I am - I am a miserable failure. They line up to see what I will do for them next, rather than consider celebrating me for who I am.

Be encouraged!
Isaiah 41:10


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TROPICALFISHI 11/8/2012 1:34PM

    emoticon I'm here if you need to talk about anything! Love ya!

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX12 11/8/2012 10:59AM

    You can never go wrong spending your time with the Lord. He really does have all the answers even when we shut down his still small voice. His comfort and peace will see you through to the next level. He is still healing and setting his people free. I'm telling you Liz my transformation this year is nothing short of miraculous. He has taken the chains of anxiety, self doubt and fear that were like cement shoes and broken them. He is showing me how to live and not just be alive. You lady are a treasure. May he wash you in his word and wrap you in his truth. May he bring you to places you never dreamed of. May you soar like the eagle. emoticon

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I*AM*BLESSED 11/8/2012 8:29AM

    I REPEAT...

Some days you will try your best and it will not feel like enough.

Some days the words you want to heal will hurt instead.

Some days you will question everything you do and why you do it.

This doesn’t mean you’re a failure.

Or you should quit.

Or God is mad at you.

It just means this…

All of your days you will be human.

All of your days you will grow but not reach perfection.

All of your days there will be grace enough for you.

Keep going, friend.

Keep trying.

Keep moving forward.

I know it’s hard on some days. But you are more than those days.

And at the end of all your days you will hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”

That will make it all worthwhile.

So close your eyes and remember you are loved.

Today. Tomorrow. Forever. ~Holley Gerth~


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RUNNERRACHEL 11/7/2012 10:56PM

    Sounds like you need some reviving of the aspects of your life you've been successful in before...

You deserve those "rewards" of walking, dancing, hooping even when you're feeling unworthy. The fact is, you're worthy ALL THE TIME! Because HE says so! So, liberally reward yourself with those things and you will start to FEEL more "worthy" your worth never changes. You will always be worth more than gold! You are a precious jewel!

Leaving an unhealthy environment is healthy and seeking Him is healthy. Are you planning to find another church family?

I love your honesty and your soul searching.

Keep up the great, hard work. It is worth it. You have truth in your life and He will illuminate your path. emoticon

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MOSTMOM1 11/7/2012 9:42PM

    Well, on the positive side, they save the best shows for Sweeps Week. So maybe you're going to do something spectacular, or something really awesome will surprise you. It's possible, right? Take time to take care of yourself, seek, find, and all that. But don't go too far. I'll come hunting for you if you do. You know that, right?

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SNOWANGELDIVA 11/7/2012 8:41PM

    ZRIE014 ~ you may have to elaborate. I'd ask you on your page, but, you have everything inaccessable at this moment.

I'm not sure if your comment was a 'tongue-in-check' insinuating that the presidential election outcome reflected a spiritually fallen nation due to scores of Christians needing revival.
You found my blog post offensive because of my spiritual discussion and you're tolerating only because of freedoms you believe your president afforded me.
All I caught was that you're mixing religion and politics and that's like mixing oil and water.
Not pretty.
Until you add food colouring. Then it gets looking like a lava lamp.

Either way, I'm Canadian and your comment is completely useless to me.

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ZRIE014 11/7/2012 8:21PM

  last night was a nice night for our country and civil rights emoticon

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Burning Pedestals.

Tuesday, November 06, 2012

Pedestals are for competitive sports and floral arrangements. Period.
Tigers, elephants...or cute animals in general are also permitted...


Stop shoving me onto one.
Even better.
Stop shoving me onto one to only push me off.

I am NOT your pet (or floral arrangement).

Why do people feel compelled to point out my flaws?!

Is it because I like to be so oblivious to others that they think that I'm in utter darkness of my own?

Don't get me wrong, if mine are being raked over with a fine-tooth comb I'm the first to pick up a weapon and engage in the battle of flaw finding. I fail in the battle of egos, but, battle I will.

"I love you...BUT...You know you're flawed right? I love you even though you're not perfect. I mean you are SO NOT perfect."

Hmm, gosh, thanks?
"Thank you Cpt. Obvious, fortunately (unfortunately) I am not oblivious to the obvious and in fact I know that I do things to irritate, offend, disappoint and annoy the general populace. Thanks for the pep talk?"

So, the combination of grieving AND an inferiority complex had plummeted me into the Comfort Food Abyss.

FYI, I didn't stand a chance when the surprise conversation of choice of my in-laws were: wills, executors, if-i-die-in-a-freak-accident-who-do-the-ch
ildren-go-to?, and the last things we said to loved ones that have passed on. Amongst a myriad of other 'fun' topics, my fav being,


It's like people are digging through my trash and are appalled that I use a ridiculous amount of paper towel in my household cleaning.

"GASP! She's single-handedly throwing us into climate change AT WARP SPEED! Kill her!"

Everyone has trash. Some more than others. I never advertised that I was a 'green girl'.

I know I am ridiculous and I was working on it.

I never have been Lil' Miss. Perfect, and I guarantee I never will.

Now, I don't even want to try. I feel like throwing out all of my cotton rags and subbing in a ridiculous amount MORE of paper towel.

Choke. On. That.

...Deep Breath...

The conversations went pretty good. I was fine talking about all that stuff and in all actuality having a fantastic time with my mother-in-love. We rock together.

It just happened that today was a day where I've had my ego kicked so hard lately that what she really meant for affirmation I took to heart as the final straw of critical rejection.

I'm done spreading my sunshine (sarcasm - I'm venting).
I'm off to go lick my wounded ego and pick myself up off of the floor.

Where is that d@mn pedestal that people put me on just to keep pushing me off of?

I'd like to burn it.

Steps in Recovering from a Pedestal Fall:

Step One: affirm positive facts about yourself.
* I am cherished by HIM.
'nuff said.

Step Two: To rejoice is a choice.
*No one can steal your joy. They usually just pester the hell out of you with their superiority (or inferiority) complex and you hand it over to them to get them outta your face. Don't give in. They're like strays, feed 'em and they'll torment you for life.

Step Three: Hang on to EVERYTHING positive.
* You may look like you need psychiatric intervention or some kinda mind-altering pharmaceutical when you dance to the music inside your head or experiment with lipstick on your eyelids, but, EMBRACE the love right out of life. You'll be so busy baffling haters that the joy they were bullying you for they'll kinda sorta run away from.
Goal met. Then the other life exuberant people are magnetized to your cray cray.

Step Four: Log your Love of Life.
Ew! I'll take pics of the projects I got going on that generally keep my hands busy from indulging in gluttony.

and many more knit/crochet projects...

Fifth and Final Step: Gratefulness.
* Thank you God for,
~My mother in law who does love me and99% of the time will pick my side when my hubby and I are at a decision impasse.
~My vent place that lets me dump out the crap so I can clean it up and put myself back together.
~My great health.
~My generally healthy eating habits and decreased self-abuse with food.
~My kids aren't embarrassed to be around me. I'm like a badge of honour.
~Happy People that make yip yips and hula hoop and streak.
~Friends that I make family. I love you 'mom', 'sisters', 'brothers' and 'uncles'.
~gratefulness breeds gratefulness...kinda like a bunny.

This Art Piece was made by Audrey. Yes, THE Audrey. Pour moi!
A Diva Bunny.
Her skirt is made from the tutu that Audrey wore during the 5K Color Me Rad Run.

The other day I was sooooo very bummed and when I caught a glimpse of her standing guard over my jewelry, it was like drinking liquid sunshine and cured the blues.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CRYSTLE4HIMTX12 11/7/2012 9:50AM

    You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Your flaws add to your perfection. They are like the deep grooves in wood that make it a cherished keep sake. Embrace the beautiful you and let the naysayers fall on deaf ears. You my friend are a treasure. I hope today finds you wrapped in His love and swimming in his peace. emoticon

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MOSTMOM1 11/7/2012 12:29AM

    But what if it's a spinning pedestal that shoots off rainbow sparks, flashes multi-colored lights, and blasts "The Black-Eyed Peas?"
Cause I'm thinking that could work for you.
emoticon emoticon
I'm showing this to THE Audrey, when I get back home. She's been my liquid sunshine for 13 years now. Glad she's spreading it around.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Take care, dear friend. You are loved and that is, after all, the point of it all.

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HAPINANA 11/6/2012 7:44PM

    WOW..... breathe my little Snowangeldiva..... dwell on Step #1 !!! Everything you need will be there. I'm praying for you .... HE Loves YOU and so do I ... SPARK emoticon emoticon

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TARAFROMTX1 11/6/2012 7:42PM

    emoticon emoticon Vent on my friend! And find that Darn thing and BURN it down!!! emoticon emoticon

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I*AM*BLESSED 11/6/2012 7:17PM

    emoticon Love you!

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Pass the Sugar, Sugar. Pass the Tea, Bag.

Tuesday, November 06, 2012

Life is full of hard situations, which are like getting thrown into a pot of boiling hot water. With this, we can choose to react in one of three different ways. We can either be like a carrot, an egg, or a teabag.

The carrot seems strong and unchangeable at first, but when thrown in hot water, it becomes soft and weak. With adversity, it loses its strength and can be easily bent in any direction.

The egg starts out soft on the inside, but that soft heart hardens and cannot be changed afterward. The shell will look the same either way, but when broken the hardness will still be there.

The teabag is different than the carrot and the egg. Once it gets placed in hot water, it reveals flavor and fragrance to everything else in the pot. As situations get worse, the teabag continuously gets better and it changes the situation.

How do you handle adversity? Do you get soft like a carrot, hard like an egg, or strong like a teabag?

Adversity is smothering our home with the loss of our Dear One.
That tea cup is a perfect match to the one that my Uncle gave me during the years we went to church together. It was from a set he had given his mother that returned to him upon her passing. He was a bachelor due to years of health uncertainty. He could have given this set to any number of people in his life. He chose me. He saw past my iniquities to that diamond in the rough. He saw something in me that reminded him fondly of his mother.

All I see is the rough lately. I see poor mothering. I see insufficiency laden in every aspect of my existence.

All I see is my ugly.

I'm taking tea today, out of that precious cup.

Just as in this time of adversity I will drink from the well that never runs dry.

I chose to be a Tea Bag.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_JODI404 11/6/2012 4:35PM

    Tea bag. Sending you hugs & positive thoughts. Enjoy that tea in your special cup!

emoticon emoticon

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HAPINANA 11/6/2012 1:35PM

    I'm taking your advice regarding the tea bag? I'm not a tea drinker but need to be just because... green tea will be good for there LOL SPARK emoticon emoticon

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DEBBYFROMMT 11/6/2012 12:28PM

    Great blog! Now it's time to be the diamond that he saw in you!

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QUEENMOXIE 11/6/2012 8:13AM

    Funny that you should mention tea today.....HaHa I'll take the tea, for sure. That and my new butt kicking boots! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ELRIDDICK 11/6/2012 8:05AM

  Tea bag! Thanks for sharing

Comment edited on: 11/6/2012 8:06:20 AM

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MOSTMOM1 11/6/2012 8:02AM

    Tea bag. Yes. See the good. Savor the good.

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BIGDOG18 11/6/2012 7:59AM


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    Tea Bag.

Make Today a Great Day!

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Leaving Grief Gluttony

Friday, November 02, 2012

I was sorting through mountains of memories and hunting down any glimpse of my favourite uncle in our family photos and came across a long lost before photo.

You know how I LOVE those photos, but, what I truly love is introducing them to each other.

I've come a long way, Baby.

My Uncle (he is 'technically' my Uncle-in-law, but, he graduated from that by being the only man that knew how to treat a niece), he was available, supportive, fun, friendly and so very kind.

He wasn't mine by blood, but, choice and frankly that wins.
I miss him madly.

I'm trying be considerate of my husband SNOWANGELSSPOCK and be his support in this time of grieving. He was my husband's lifelong friend, cohort, and uncle.

He is still in denial.

We named our middle son after our Uncle. In our home that's a huge honour.

From the day I heard of his passing I've had three mac and cheese meals in his memory and 20 chocolate bars. We LOVED our chocolate bars.

When I realized I was scorfing memory foods I reminded myself of how the last time I saw my Uncle he told me I was looking so much healthier and happy.

He even said 'stunning'.

I'm pretty sure he wouldn't want me to back track on his memory's behalf.

I'm stopping this train of grief gluttony and hopping on healing.

Inside and out.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LADYVOLSFAN1954 11/6/2012 10:36PM

    My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family during this time. By the way you are looking fantastic! I know your Uncle was proud of your efforts. Take care of yourself and your family. Hugs. emoticon

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TEENY_BIKINI 11/6/2012 8:25PM

    My condolences.


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CHANGINGEMMY 11/6/2012 9:17AM

    Family by choice is the best family to have. I have alot of "grandparents" that adopted me and we are still the best of friends.

I'm so sorry for your loss. May his memories comfort you and your husband in this most difficult time.

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MNOT2THICK 11/4/2012 12:38PM

    I am so very sorry to hear about your uncle. Blood does not only make family, love trumps all. Thankfully, you have beautiful memories and I am happy you are slowly healing. Glad also to hear you are weaning the mac and cheese (salt) and chocolate bar (sweet) monkeys off your back. I can relate, those are my choices too. Much love to you and yours at this time. emoticon


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TWYLIGHTWUNDER 11/4/2012 11:03AM

    He was always so proud of us. He will be missed. I love you xoxoxo

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LENKA763 11/4/2012 11:01AM


Peace and comfort for you. Sorry for your loss.Great way of honoring your Uncle.

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TEXASFILLY 11/4/2012 5:46AM

    emoticon O! I'm so sorry for your family's loss, dear heart. Your beloved uncle sounds like he was a treasure who left you many gifts and beautiful memories. Cherish those~ *hugs* BB~

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    What a wonderful Uncle!
I am truly sorry for your loss - Reading your words, how much he meant to both of you, has left me with tears. Yet, to know that he was loved so dearly by someone I admire so very much, has left no doubt in my mind that Heaven is still rejoicing today for one of their own who has come home.
Love you!

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ASRMOM 11/2/2012 10:22PM

    Peace and comfort for you. Sorry for your loss. So pleased with your new strengths.


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HDHAWK 11/2/2012 9:14PM

    I'm sorry for your loss. I agree that he wouldn't want you to be unhealthy after all you've accomplished.

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REEBADABEEBOOS 11/2/2012 12:16PM

    I'm sorry that your family has lost such an important person. It's good that you stopped the Gluttony Train because you're right - he wouldn't want you to back track. I hope you have a restful and healing weekend.

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DEBBYFROMMT 11/2/2012 11:07AM

    So sorry for your loss, but you look incredible! 60+ pounds, wow!

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_JODI404 11/2/2012 10:58AM

    I'm so very sorry for your family's loss.

He sounds like a wonderful man.

Saw this quote today:
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.”(From a headstone in Ireland) -

I hope your fondest memories will help you heal during this difficult time of grieving.

You are *smart*. Comfort food is not the way to go. Exercise, hooping, rest, and hugs will work better, with no regrets.

You are in my thoughts & prayers.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX12 11/2/2012 8:17AM

    emoticon So sorry for your loss Liz. Glad that you are able to stop the grief eating and focus on the positive memories. He sounds like he was a precious soul to you and your hubby. emoticon

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MOSTMOM1 11/2/2012 7:20AM

    I'm glad you still have his voice in your head. Take care, dear friend. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
emoticon emoticon

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Monday, October 29, 2012

[Camped out on the love seat is my youngest. She's been keeping me up at night with her cough & cold...she finally crashed for some much needed rest. I have my music really loud and she slept right through it...I even dropped my hoop LOUDLY - by accident quite often and she still didn't wake up.]

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CRYSTLE4HIMTX12 10/30/2012 8:35PM

    How precious! emoticon

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TEXASFILLY 10/30/2012 6:12PM

    emoticon emoticon O! I missed your b'day! Sure looks like you enjoyed a lovely one, dear heart. Here's to many more~ *hugs* BB~ emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/30/2012 6:12:47 PM

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TWYLIGHTWUNDER 10/30/2012 9:48AM

    Love, Love Love :D Looks like they finally made you that cupcake :D Well done children :D
Happy Birthday :D

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MOSTMOM1 10/30/2012 7:49AM

    Cool, you look like you have vampire eyes. Extra bonus.
My little voice sounds like a Muppet, probably an American Muppet.
Water--yes, but need to do more.
I totally get you on the cupcake thing. It would be SO much easier to do everything. But sometimes we managed to reign ourselves in (and clean up the mess afterwards...).
Le Sigh.
I SO love that duck-out you do. So smooth.
Nice way to duck out of the frame, Gigantor.
Liz, you do know that the older you get, the longer you celebrate your birthdays, right? It's true. I've pretty much stretched mine out to a week-long celebration. You ought to be able to grab at least 1-2 extra days from this one. Festival of Liz!!
emoticon emoticon

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DABNEYCLARK 10/30/2012 5:34AM




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WONDERFUL2BME 10/30/2012 4:01AM

    Happy Birthday to you! You sure can hoop girl. I am going to get a hoop for my 20 lb loss. Any ideas where the best place to buy one is? What kind should I get as a newbie?

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CARPENTERGAL 10/30/2012 1:29AM

    Happy birthday!! emoticon emoticon

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NANHBH 10/30/2012 1:25AM


To an amazing woman who is crazy, fun, and unpredictable - wishing you a year filled with good health, much happiness, and all God's blessings. I hope you had an incredible birthday. Wishing you many more happy years.
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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B-LYNN1ST 10/30/2012 1:12AM


Not! You just make me want to learn to do some freaking tricks!

emoticon Happy B-day friend....

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SKEEWEE2MEK 10/29/2012 11:00PM

    Very entertaining! emoticon

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HAPINANA 10/29/2012 10:53PM

    emoticon 29 again! Lookin marvelous dahhhling!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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_JODI404 10/29/2012 10:06PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
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*H*A*P*P*Y* *B*I*R*T*H*D*A*Y* LIZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope you had a FABulous day!! HOOP on!! emoticon

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COWGIRLUPINOK 10/29/2012 10:02PM


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AZTLAN777 10/29/2012 10:01PM

    Excellent! You are witty, a hula master, and beautiful (so is your family!) Happy Birthday!!! You go girl!

A Hugs emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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