Wednesday, October 10, 2012
No clue about creepy dude. I'm avoiding walks altogether and by default I am avoiding The Creep.
It's just a walk dammit, why does it hafta be rocket-freakin'-science? If it's not my safety, it's someone's projected fears of abandonment when I take 55 minutes to move my body. Holy hypersensitive much? I need that time like oxygen.
The dog that used to pretend to protect me on my walks (the one the size of a horse) is not with us. He lost his privilege to be a part of our family when he unrepentatively dragged my 4 year old daughter across the asphalt. To this day she still prays for him and he is most undesserving of that honour. Also, I don't walk with people. It requires multi-tasking. Like listening and thinking and that my friends would inhibit my Brain Fart time.
So, I'm in the pi$$iest moods imaginable. When I'm not crying, I'm kicking Invis-a-dog or barking at my kids.
This morning I tackled a barking Banshee in my kitchen and lost. It was an epic failure. The banshee happened to be me. I apologized to everyone in my family after my deluge of brand new profanities were vomitted out of my being in warp drive. However, the damage was done. I had lost 'it'.
Between cursing like a sailor and tossing up Heavenward prayers to the Divine, "For the love of all things holy give me the strength to instantaneaouly grow the h3ll up and stop this tantrum!"
It was the most surreal moment.
I'm standing there bawling, cursing, praying...all simultaneouly. I could see myself but was powerless. You know like a ghost moment when Scrooge is in his past and he wants to change the events but, he's unable to. It was like that. I was in that tantrum, The Queen of Multi-tasking. I was even disgusted and impressed with my new talent at the same time. Go me.
What the hell is wrong with me?!
Then, I had an epiphone.
I am angry (the tantrum may have given it away).
Pi$$3d beyond recognition.
Then I remembered some wisdom from an old friend. We once had a Deacon that would come visit weekly and pray with us over any concerns our family had. It was an amazing time in my life. We saw epiphones in the everyday. We were showered in blessings.He was a prodigal son to Egyptian missionaries. He would tell us that the root of anger was when something interferred in your plans and you were not at peace with the Divine's path for you.
Anytime I'm angry I ask myself:
1. What was the trigger?
2. Where are my plans and His colliding?
So this morning I tried to figure out the trigger.
I was having a most glorious time giving Duchess and Tank an impromptu art lesson on two-point perspective. My daughter was having trouble grasping it's concept in her class, but, I was able to reach her to teach her and she flourished. This triggered Tank's interest in art and before you know it I was in my 'Zone' I hadn't been in my creative zone in forever. I was in heaven.
Then reality snuck up and chewed a chunk outta my @$$.
"Snow, you have to have to get 5 lethargic kids breakfasted, clothed and prepared for school in less than 20 minutes."
I felt the Divine was being particularily cruel by allowing me to glimpse heaven and do a take-back.
*Biznotch* (yes, I may have even muttered it)
How can He be so cruel?
Yes, I understand this is going over many of your heads and this all seems drama queen'ish', but, I'm going to break it down for you.
I am NOT June Cleaver. I will never be her. I am not naturally tidy, glamorous, kind, organized, and all things wholesome. I'm in fact her complete opposite. I fight to resemble her every waking moment and when I get a taste of me being successful and it happens to not be as June Cleaver, but, the real me and it is taken away it feels like torture. I fail at being her.
I am trying to be a square when in fact I am the most hyper-spastic of squiggly lines. I'm that idiot fish trying to climb a tree.
So, my walks that I use to help me focus I can't get together for fear and that is strongly inhibiting my spiritual growth and unresolved anger issues.
I asked God, "Why won't you give me the strength I need?"
That quiet still voice was answering, "I did. You haven't figured out how to pick it up."
I have to put down my pride, choosing humility so that I can grasp His grace to figured out WTH?!
I want to accomplish things the way June Cleaver would. I don't know how to 'do' me. Yet, I'm the only one who can.
He didn't make me to be a June clone. He made me to be a Snowflake, all unique.
Instead of throwing on my masks and faking it until I make it with my life... He is showing me that I will have joy when I do things as myself.
Gotta go pick up my kiddies from school. I wish I had more time to think on this, but, I'm having trouble pinning this Banshee to the wall before she tears apart my family.
Monday, September 10, 2012
Fitness is now 5K/Day.
Calorie intake is higher to accommodate, BUT, but, but, but....I am not staying within my magic portions.
I used to ignore the nutrition value and stay within perfectly, now, I care about nutrition and I'm not able to throw in my sugar without guilt.
My days are so busy.
6:30 up and at 'em. Well get up, karate chop the d@mn alarm clock...steal 15 more minutes and then
7:00 sulk off to the bathroom to simultaneously get my Diva on...share the bathroom with the teen girl, tackle the kindergarteners renegade ponytails, and threaten the lives of my two youngest sons; reminding them that it is indeed illegal to go nekked to school.
7:30 make lunch and that damn coffee that for some stupid reason (exhaustion) didn't get set to timer and never percolated. Tackle the youngest son into clothes...I am not above sitting on him. Make everybody have breakfast.
7:45 turn off all electronics that the disobedient children snuck on and distracted themselves with and again encourage breakfast.
8:00 Bible story and prayer (God Lord, their teachers NEED it to handle them!)
8:30 Tackle the youngest son and put socks on him. Tackle the kindergartener and threaten her life if she decides to use washable marker as makeup EVER AGAIN.
chuck all kids under my armpits and run to the van. Ignore protests for oxygen. It's all a ploy...I saw them this summer holding their breath in competition for hours on end.
8:45 try to be cool when I get swarmed by my kids and their friends and mistaken for a teacher, then, dodge darts when I inform them I am not. People hate feeling fooled.
9:00 home...I deserve a HEro Freaking Biscuit for not killing anyone. Avoid hero biscuit by walking far far away from the house. Today I did a highway walk in the sunshine with the cool fall breeze dancing with me. Gloriousness divine.
10ish, I'm home. My hubby is alive! Hugs, snuggles and get the man coffee. Making a second pot in the process and snagging some yogurt for my own breakfast.
10:30 laundry and playing MOnday NIght Combat on the XBOX 360 with my man. We kick @$$.
11:30 I'm starved. I serve us up some pb&j on toast.
12:00-2:30 The D@MN laundry. Why can't we be nekked?! My son is a genius.
Spark break of pathetic moments and quickie vlog.
2:50 Bike to school
3:05 arrive on time (sans kids has advantages)
3:40 home with kids after piggy-backing my youngest son, loaning my pink ipod to my middle son so he can everyday be "Shufflin'" and listening to the incessant flow of verbal diarrhea from the kindergartener.
Time to go through agendas and drill kids on their homework and fill out a ridiculous amount of permission slips. I think I just signed a kidney away. The devil is in the fine print.
4:30 salad and pork for supper. It was left over night and the kiddies had burgers with their salad.
5:00 printing off title pages for #3 child. WOW, he is so unorganized. Reminds me of someone...
6:00 on...checking facebook, emptying out a 20litre bag of milk into the tub that went bad...more laundry...spark and something else....looking for the stupid eyeglass forms that I lost. They're still lost. I hate paperwork. It's so stupid.
6:30. I quit. I'm tired All I want is sugar and a hot bath and, and, my man home to cuddle with.
6:55 I'm late for getting the kiddies into their baths and I'm supposed to do 20 minutes of reading with 3 more kids.
Monday, August 27, 2012
Hey, Shel I have a mini-tutorial of the elbow pass tucked in this one.
Today I learned to batch convert ".vsp" to "sumthin', sumthin', sumthin' " (MP4?) so I could upload here and all the AWESOME crispiness of the glorious beach bought the bisquit.
My man took us all to the beach yesterday. If you squint the little black floaty dots in the water are my husband and three youngest.
My fellow hooper is my eldest daughter, Duchess.
Beach hooping...never thought I'd ever
C) Wear a bikini in public ~ ever. I still prefer the swim skirt (I made this one, GO ME!!) and a tank.
(Song~ Titanium, David Guetta ft. Sia)
Saturday, August 25, 2012
I learned to pass the hoop from elbow to elbow behind my back today. I've been trying to get it on camera, but, it's getting dark and it didn't film well.
It's been worth it, this whole "Suck it up and you won't hafta suck it in!" journey.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
10minutes to 10K
This is a short clip of the bike route with my children. It also happens to be the same path I took for my First 10 minute walk.
Today I did my 5K Walk
(This flower is EVERYWHERE and it smells fantastic. She's named Queen Anne's Lace)
following this route and then I did 5K of biking with my children. It's beautiful the physical fitness growth I've seen over the last year. I went from 10minutes/day to 10K.
This is another beautiful treasure I see on my journey it's a Sumac Tree. My mother calls it, "Mic-Mac". I have no idea why. I think she takes gross satisfaction in slaughtering the english language (now you know where I get it from).
I'm struggling with intake again. I have this mindset that I've "made" it and now I can relax. I've only proved to myself how much I still need to be here. I still have a horrid perspective on portions.
Doritos have snuck into my house, but, Water Wedgie ...
has been stepping in with the warning, "When in doubt WAIT it out."
When I listen (ahem), my Fake Hunger pains subside and I can stay on track.
I've gotten to (real close) where I want to be and I have to wake up to the reality that I've gotten the active lifestyle I was working for and I need to adjust according being ever more vigilant about what is coming into my stomach.
Hold On! You can do it!!!
OH! This little flame gift always reminds me of a match streaking. Congrats, MOSTMOM1 on your 10 minutes (at least) of Fitness Streak of 500+ Days!
HOLD ON, it's gonna be beautiful after the storm passes. I was not happy about it raining when we first started out, but, we got a rainbow for our efforts. Well played Creator of the Universe.
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