Tuesday, February 14, 2012
RaNdOm Vlog, but this time I was waiting for Shel to upload her awesome one.
The pink roses were for Valentine's Day, the single red rose was for something else entirely. Here's the story...
I love walking.
Bobby does it all day long. So, he comes home and it's the last thing on Earth he wants to do. It's been like this for our entire married relationship. It sucked. I hate walking alone and truth be told it was a huge indicator of my value to him. It's lonesome I am petrified to walk alone (some are legit fears, some fabricated and highly entertaining). So, it's a battle for me to make my walk once a week let alone my goal of twice and it stresses me out. Once I've done it it's empowering and uplifting, but, until I get out there I'm a wreck.
My Bobby came home last Friday (after working doubles) and offered to go for a walk with me for however long I wanted and whenever, just give him a time frame of our departure time.
?! I told him he didn't have to, and that I understood that he was exhausted and gave him a 'PASS'. He insisted.
"Lizzie, I love you. You need this and you need to feel safe. Besides, I live to be your hero."
[Please cue Enrique Inglesis sexy music. purrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.........]
Off we go on our walk. I want him to know my usual 5K route. You know - in case the town sex offender that's under constant police surveillance sneaks away and grabs me in broad daylight, my hubby will know my path for CSI to start the search for clues.
Welcome to my brain.
Walking the path with my man and I am feeling marvellous. It's -17C. HOLY FREEZER BATMAN!! The snow is sparkling and I am in Heaven. I feel safe. I'm hoping that that guy that watches me at #27 and during the Summer when I walk by 'pretends' to be watering the flowers and the hose isn't even on will give it up. I'm hoping that the crowd of drunks over at #53 that my dog almost ate that one night see my 6ft5 man and think twice before crowding me and wolf whistling. I feel the post traumatic stress release from my bones.
I'm 'Old School'; I love feeling protected.
We head toward the main road where there are two gas stations on opposing sides of the street. The last time I was here I was with little Sarah to pick up the mail and the construction workers had our sidewalk crowded with fencing but the path was still passable. I told hubby the story of how Sarah and I approached and these guys did the 'stop' and 'leer' and how I know it's because it was a small town and I was 'done up' and the view in our corner of the woods is usually lumber jack coats and hatchets, so, I was a rose among thorns. Still though, it was wildly uncomfortable and I told Bobby that I even considered making our little daughter cross to the other side of the road (only to have to cross back to the same side to get to the Post Office). I didn't though. I just held my little girl's hand, avoided the stares and soldiered on.
Coming back was different. Then this is the point in the walk where I remember I'm talking to my husband who is a former Toronto Bouncer. Between those years and now he has been a Deacon in the Baptist Church, but, still a man hearing weeks later of an 'incident' involving his wife and daughter, can't be sweet.
"Lizzie (Lizzy, I prefer, but, he likes spelling my name with an 'ie'), tell me, I'll listen. I need you to tell me everything for us to work."
"But, it's stupid and it's past,and..."
"And...it has you scared to tell me, so, you must..."
So, I left the Post Office and now the workers have the gate lined leaving me and my daughte only our shoulders wide to pass. I would have to brush up against their bodies to make it through. Um, no. I'm also NOT going to be forced to cross the street. I hate bullies. So, I will wait them out. Advantages to my career choice. TIme sometimes is on MY side.
It worked to an extent. 3/4 of them returned to work after 20 minutes and repeat glances in my direction where Sarah and I contented ourselves playing on the snowy lawn in front of the Library. One disappeared, but, to me the coast was clear. No one was on the sidewalk. We began home. When I got the gas station from behind the truck the missing dude popped out to tower and corner the path making it so as I would have squeeze past him to get away. The way he breathed me in as I passed by I was so sure I was going to pass out from fear or vomit. If I hadn't had my daughter there, I don't know...He leered us pass without incident, but, I shook for hours afterwards.
I looked up to my hubby after I told him. We had walked past the spot where it happened and it was safe to me again and he walked me right into the Florist's Shop and bought me a rose.
There was no chastising for not telling him sooner. There was no lectures...there was listening and comfort.
I love this Red Rose.