Sunday, February 13, 2011
One Woo Hoo, early weigh-in success..
Two Woo Hoo, proportion control under pressure.
.....Three Woo Hoos ~ I'm overweight not obese anymore! Hello 29.9 BMI!
Wednesday, February 02, 2011
I had a grandiose idea that I would be one of these super-motivated women we've read about in the Spark Pages and have all these migraine/pregnancies pounds shed within a year.
I just bought a scale.
I hate logging my food. I'm not ashamed of the calories being tallied, I get annoyed that nothing I eat is easily accessible and what should take seconds takes too long.
I fell to the pressure that my health is not a priority. That if I was going to take time to care for myself with fitness than I was being selfish. I don't enjoy getting sweaty. I've got dry skin and curly hair, bathing extra is not a desire of mine. It's been a battle this year.
I begin again. The extra has to come off it is killing me spiritually and I'm sure it's laying groundwork physically as well.
It's sad that a dream has died, but, I plan on being at 170 by September. It is a priority over everything. I really think the extra weight is contributing to the seasonal depression and migraines.
I can't give up on me.
Sunday, August 22, 2010
This morning as I was recording the remainder of yesterday's food intake, I stopped and pondered the results. I was over (again), but, what was this odd deformity gracing my lips?...A smile? How can I smile in the face of failure?
I hadn't failed. It wasn't the picture of perfection, but, it was not close to a FAIL at all. As far as I'm concerned I could have been far more destructive and the effort I put in yesterday was a vast improvement over my old habits.
1. I didn't take seconds on the absolutely luscious ribs my children made (even at the risk of John and Kate not barbecuing ever again for the mama...I doubt that, those kids have seen me cower in fear of the BBQ).
2. I didn't snack when hubby came home from his absence. He usually power snacks when he gets home. I had oodles of cookies for prepared for him. He tends to not need a snack buddy when there is ample cookies available. I hope I remember this trick.
So as far as I am concerned I avoided a minimum of 1, 500 calories yesterday that I wouldn't have before and that my friends is success. Slow success, but, success none-the-less. Slow is still a go...
HaPpY DaNce.....2 min.= 10 calories burned ;)
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
It has been a month since I have begun with sparkpeople. It has been an emotional endeavor as I could not have imagined. I knew of the challenge to be responsible with my portions (and dreaded the boredom hunger-pangs), but, I did not fathom the emotional baggage that I was going to have to purge.
I was really going at this challenge as a race. I fell a couple of times (hard) and because of encouraging, patient folks here at sparkpeople, I learned to shake off the disappointment and began to take it slow. Fortunately, the slower pace geared me to pay attention to emotional patterns and I've been slowly sorting through them.
So, I've rewarded myself with a long desired haircut in celebration for not giving up. The hubby likes the long hair (as do the vast majority of hubbies) and is still in a snit :( , but, is happy to hear the migraines have pretty much disappeared.
This is a picture from Christmas. This is its length before I attacked it Friday:
Friday, I hacked off a half of a foot just to see if I could cope with the dramatic change.
My little sister encouraged me to take some pictures of the before...
Saturday morning after working a few minutes and fighting with the mangled wavy tats and still feeling like a hag, I was sold on getting myself a new do. I did a walk-in to the First Choice hair place and requested a chin-length Bob. The stylist was the manager (yay, me!..that felt secure after all the horror stories I've heard). She said my mop was the thickest she'd ever worked with, and asked me if I happened to experience many headaches because of it's weight and length. Man! I wish I had one of those super-duper scales...I should have weighed my hair before and after! ;)
It feels F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Did you hear that?
It was me kicking my dog. I wonder how many calories that burns. Cuz it feels good and I have a talent for it.........
My dog is in reality very fine. I never kick him. Even when I know that he's taken his big furry butt and pinned the toddler to the wall on purpose. I think it, I don't actually do it. I asked for him for my birthday last year because I thought the guilt trip to do daily walks would be an excellent incentive (also, my 3rd-born, 'Tank', likes to perpetually run, jump, defeat death and he needed a cohort). The guilt-trip was easily disregarded when my brain threatened to explode with last autumn's migraine mayhem. I'm jealous of my dog. He's all trim and has this huge mane of golden blond hair that he never brushes. It's disgusting. He has his food out all day and he's not fat. The toddler that he torments is his personal cookie-dispenser. I think I may try his food...... I think it would be easier to handle the starve moments if only dog food was available.
Follow me along as I continue my tangent in a whole other direction. My hubby; is 6ft.5' and 240lbs. He fills doorways. He's a big ol' teddy bear or grizzly depending on the fuel level of his stomach. He is my rock. Sometimes the rock that holds me up, sometimes I drop him on my own foot. I've noticed that lately when we go on his 'couch potato mode', that I am out eating him. Just this month I realized that I have paced my eating to his and surpassed! Wait. I'm not supposed to proud of that... No wonder I'm a big girl! He's been gently reminding me that I'm trying to be healthy by being an example and not taking extra portions. I am finding that bitter-sweet. Instead of taking that as a gentle reminder I take it as a challenge. Suddenly, "You want to be healthy" has morphed into, "see, how far you can torment/hate yourself before you really do kick the dog."
Which, brings me to my 5ft9'ish' preteen son. He is a master saboteur.
"Mom, lets stay up and watch the entire 'Murder, she wrote' 5th season on DVD. I know you wanna...."
"Hey, Mom, I'm hungry. Lets have chips! They're the Sour Cream and Onion - your favourite....."
"Mom, is on a diet!....Nah, na, na, na, na...."
I succumb to HIS peer-pressure?! I think the migraines have done some brain-damage.
Why do I think that I have to sabotage myself? Do I really think I am selfish, superior, self-absorbed, snotty and vain when I take time to take care of myself? Do I feel guilty that the migraines steal time and that I don't deserve to have anymore to take care of myself? Am I afraid of becoming the callous woman that dumps her family and finances to be gorgeous? Do I really believe that there is only those two choices available, 'self-seeking' or 'martyrdom'? Do I really have NO SELF-ESTEEM?! Why do I equate beauty with evil? God loves beautiful things....and why is that Northern Pike's song, "She ain't pretty, she just looks that way." playing in my head?
So, this weigh-in I managed to keep 1/5 of the lbs I lost off. Not as traumatic as it could be. I have my boobs back, which is a love-hate thing cuz I also gained back my calves and that pinching back-fat. Looks like I have some psychological issues to work on this week. I think some time to reflect that gluttony is evil and beauty is wonderful is in order.
Week Three Goal: Don't kick the dog and drink more evil water.
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