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Tantrum

Sunday, November 13, 2011


::Viewer Discretion is Advised::

Oh my that was fun to type.

Vlogging is Blogging without all the grammatical garbage I deal with all week homeschooling my five children.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, so relaxing...



For the H8Rs...just 4U..(tnx lil sister for finding me this. You rock, TWYLIGHTWUNDER!! )

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MOSTMOM1 11/17/2011 11:49PM

    Oh geezle pete, I can't believe I missed this. Um, with ya on the energy thing. Sorry for your crapola water. And you're right, that cartwheel was the purest woohoo. How can ya hate on a woohoo?
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NAVYMOM133 11/16/2011 11:07AM

    Wow. Just, wow.....

Jumping to part 3, may I tell you once again how joyful that cartwheel blog was? (... and the "skipping" precursor, which we were treated to after the fact - LOVED that!)

Why was it so joyful to me?

1. Your exuberance and perfect execution, with the 50-lb bag of dog food in front, representing all you have left behind. That bag doesn't just represent 50 lbs of physical weight gone. Anyone who has paid attention and cares about you knows that. So it was an up-lifting, breaking-free cartwheel of VICTORY!

2. Your lovely daughter sharing that special moment with you, and the two of you laughing your beautiful laughs. Hers is quite like yours, I think. It was real laughter coming from a mother and her daughter, during a very special moment that she will remember forever. I mean, c'mon! We're daughters, too. We know the kinds of moments we remember - that's a super, SUPER positive one and she WILL remember it.

3. Your very own utter and complete joy in your journey. You are putting in the time and have left the globe, girl! You are becoming YOU again, with all it takes to make it happen. You are taking the risk to leave the bud.

I guess that's why it's always a risk. But the haters can't stop you! They can deal some swift blows, cut deep. Send you into a spiral... but think about this: it's almost like in a dream "I'm cut! I'm hurt badly!" Whoa, and you wake up and nothing has changed. You are whole. Why is that like the haters' cruel comments? Just because they feel real doesn't mean they are. YOU feel it because you bring it into your depths, assuming they strike vitally. But how could a hater cut you deeply, though? They would have to be someone who knew you well, knew your journey and what matters most to you. Had taken the time to get to know you, listen to you, interact with you - and then aim true.

Bah! Haters are superficial, generic, 'faceless' cowards. They got the Community Highlights email, saw you there and OBVIOUSLY did not do the happy dance and commit to watching it again, it was so darned special. Nope, came over instead and tried to verbally push you down, probably trying to spill the dog food in the process! HA! How's that one?
In all seriousness, cruel comments are just that. And they aren't fun at all, in fact they can be such a surprising bucket of icy water! I think sometimes that's half the problem - SO out of the blue. But all you need to do, instead of helping guide their superficial prods into your depths and bleed over them, is note the profile name and delete the comment.

I mean, you have GOOD STUFF to read!! You have love and encouragement and laughter to absorb as well as share!! The moment a comment even sniffs of a dig, put on the fleece-lined rain coat against the icy blast, note the name and delete the comment.

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Oh, and I picked up some special 'tic-tacs' for pillow-toppers! emoticon emoticon

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TWYLIGHTWUNDER 11/15/2011 6:52PM

    So you were just drinking the cold medication for????? LOL :D

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ASRMOM 11/14/2011 10:50PM

    You are such an amazing beautiful woman! I don't hate on you. I do wish I could spend more time around your awesomeness (NO JOKE) but alas, you are 1500 miles away. (Not that I'm stalking you emoticon)

Still love your energy, still love your vlogs. Any TMI, I think my switch is THERE! Yep, having a talk with the Big Guy myself someday. emoticon emoticon

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TEXASFILLY 11/14/2011 8:47PM

    *hugs ya 'til those gorgeous sparklers bug out~* Love you, gal! You are beautiful, wise, successful, hilarious, and most of all you are loved. *s'more hugs* YOU ROCK, sister~woman! emoticonBB~ emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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_JODI404 11/14/2011 7:19PM

    Saw this quote today on PositvelyPositive and thought of you & the negative comments:

“Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves.”¯Don Miguel Ruiz

And, way to Go on exercising your power to delete!! Love that!

Hope you have an AWESOME week!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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KMYLIN 11/14/2011 12:39PM

    I'm still proud of your cartwheel! Your rant was fun! Thanks for posting! emoticon

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NANHBH 11/14/2011 11:55AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Love the pumpkin-headed snowman! What a hoot! And the "go suck straw" is the BEST! I so get your sense of humor and love it!


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JULIAMOONCHILD 11/14/2011 11:31AM

    Just a "FEW" of the reasons why I HATE YOU:

1. You're waaaay funnier than me - and I have always been the funniest person I knew!

2. I have TONS and TONS of energy - and your energy level is my energy level X 10,000!

3. I love to dance - but you could dance my arse off!

4. I love the outdoors and I love, Love snow - but I ain't laying down in it without a big heavy winter coat (and hat)-(and gloves)-(and thermal underwear)!

5. I take care of my Mom and "6" (I said "6") cats! - but you take care of 5 (yes, "5") kids and home-school them, to boot! (Man, I really hate you!)

6. If someone insulted me or said any kind of hateful things, I might have to punch them out and then, of course, go off to jail - but you ... well, you go and make some hilarious video, talking crap about them for all the world to hear, and then ya stick it right smack dab in their FACE! (so much more powerful)

7. Those incredible eyes - Enough said. :-(
(FYI, for others who also hate her - I hope those eyelids totally disappear one day and "she" needs to have an eye lift surgery in order to simply see her video camera!)

8. I love snowmen and have a collection of snowmen that I put out each Christmas Season - but you post a picture of a snowman with a Pumpkin head ... the funniest snowman I've ever seen. Should have been my post - not yours!

OK, I said I was only going to list a "FEW", so I'll stop here. Oh yeah, I know all about your powerful "delete button"! Well click it - See if I care!

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ROGUE_RUNNER 11/14/2011 11:22AM

    Who in the world could have a bad thing to say about your cartwheel vlog?????

Me being the nosey thing I am - went back to look through your comments to see what people were saying - you must have deleted the negativity - good for you :o)



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MIBELLALUNA 11/14/2011 11:19AM

    WhAT THE FRIG?? Negative comments? Where? What in the world.....people could rag on anything. I'll have to go look now. Don't let the suckers get you down! Grrrr... to them.

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SNOWANGELDIVA 11/14/2011 11:04AM

    MNOT2THICK~ Ya, they do work hard, so, they do deserve dsome slack. I do have energy now that I'm actually sleeping through the night and not up with HIS children. HOWEVER, I think I need to start lacing his coffee with RED BULL. Life is for LIVIN' Baby! Just sayin' :D
I think with the negative comments and the inneundos that I mostly deleted (that delete button is a Super Power!), it is focusing on what IS. Focus on the good and let rest just fade. emoticon

CRYSTLE~ I will embrace the LOVE. Tnx. emoticon

JEANUT~ "Men's vitamins"...muhahaha...I was thinking...do they sell blue Tic Tacs? Cuz, I'm gonna get me some and draw a BIG "V" on 'em and leave them on his pillow. You know, cuz, I'm a sweetie. With a note..."Here baby, some 'energy' for you..."
I love that you get my humour, Jean!
As for Christmas, Ba Humbug. New church and I'm not up to my neck in all the organizing it is soooo easy to get thrown off kilter. I gotta get my groove and quick my kiddies need me to.
Maybe this weekend. Then it's Sarah's 4th birthday.
WOW, time is flying.

KATSHIA~ It is a small world after all. Seeing you up and in college gives me hope that it can be done, cuz, at this end of the work day it's lookin' grim. Be blessed!

NANHBH~ So glad you're a friend, perfect timing. The guy you saw in the Dance Vlog was my 14yo man-child. He usually doesn't have that energy either, but, he does have drama like his mama. My hubby is uber camera shy. He wouldn't be caught dead in front of a camera, or social...opposites really do attract.
I went and found a pumpkin-snowman picture to post so that you could see the outcome of the snowman-pumpkin battle ;)

LENKA~ Thankyou. I will. I wouldn't have been able to get up and shake off the negativity before, but, I've gotten stronger. Now, I don't want to see anyone else be cornered or side-blinded thinking it'll be a LOVEFEST or easy-street getting limelight or attention.
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LENKA763 11/14/2011 9:58AM

    "Ignore the hate and embrace the love." is what had Crytle wrote..so true

keep it up!

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MNOT2THICK 11/13/2011 10:37PM

    Oh boy can I relate. Although I have no hub,I have always had too much energy for my companion. It is depressing. I want to go, do, move. He wants to sit, watch TV and veg. Actually that is not being fair. He has several ministeries and is blessing others all week long. By the time he graces me with some time, he is all worn out. About 5 minutes on the couch and he officially turns into a sleeping potato. emoticon

I have already commented on the ignorance that is here. The devil will use anyone to undo your blessing. Do not react.



Comment edited on: 11/13/2011 10:38:24 PM

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NANHBH 11/13/2011 10:17PM

    That poor snowman must have gotten freaked out by the pumpkin!

Too funny that the tables have turned with you and your husband. Wasn't that him in your Friday night dance vlog? It looked like he had energy there. Or, was that one of your boys?

I can't believe that anyone could comment negatively on your cartwheel. I wish that I could do ANY kind of cartwheel. It WAS AWESOMESAUCE! Don't you think otherwise. It's just jealousy on their part.

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KATSHIA 11/13/2011 10:12PM

    You homeschool five kids? I'm the oldest of five kids and was homeschooled! :O Too cool!

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JEANUT 11/13/2011 10:04PM

    LOL get him some mens vitamines
Decorate for Christmas when YOU want to
Sometimes we wait until Dec 8th (my Mom's Birthday)
Other times we start decorating Thanksgiving day...
just depends how I feel.


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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 11/13/2011 10:01PM

    Oh man, that is a bummer. Why are so many people full of nasty that they just don't mind spreading it around? So sorry. Ignore the hate and embrace the love. emoticon emoticon

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 11/13/2011 9:43PM

    It has been a while and it still won't let me watch..err double errr emoticon

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MNOT2THICK 11/13/2011 9:20PM

    Waiting, Waiting, Waiting. Where is the vlog. I need to hear the tantrum!!!! emoticon

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VLOGGER TEAM DaNcE PaRtY!

Friday, November 11, 2011

Maroon 5 ~ Moves Like Jagger

No, my kids do not know who Jagger is. They did say the song reminded the of Right Said Fred's, "I'm Too Sexy" song. Which kinda tells you the music I torture them with. Muhahaha...

For those of you new to the Friday Night Dance Party thang it was a dare that was set out by vlogger ROGUE_RUNNER (formerly LOVNGMENOW). We lipsync, boogy, or just chillax together to kick off the weekend. It helped me through my depression to get involved with Spark things like this...just fun, non-fitness or food fixated stuff. That helped me get my 'stuff' together and focus on my lifestyle journey.

I LOVE DaNcE PaRtY FrIdAy!!!!

Be Blessed.

VLOGGER TEAM
www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/groups_i
ndividual.asp?gid=37215

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ECLIPSED 11/22/2011 6:11PM

    I agree about the "Aha" video, love this!

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JULIAMOONCHILD 11/14/2011 11:08AM

    I don't know how you made this look like it looks, but WOW!!! You're a freakin' creative genius! emoticon

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MIBELLALUNA 11/14/2011 9:22AM

    LOVIN' IT!!!! You slay me. Rock on, Diva!

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CHRISTINCOTA86 11/14/2011 8:12AM

    woohoo! Loved the sprinkler move!

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NANHBH 11/13/2011 6:45PM

    That was awesome! How'd you make it look like a cartoon? Love that the whole family gets in on the action - even the dog!
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TEXASFILLY 11/13/2011 11:29AM

    *LOL* Y'all have so much FUN! So happy for your, sweetie. YOU ROCK! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticonBB~

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NLH4444 11/12/2011 11:42PM

    Your dog was cracking me up!

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MEWHENRYSMAMA 11/12/2011 11:18PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WINNIE1978 11/12/2011 9:59PM

    Love that even the dog got in on the dance party!! emoticon

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AMD4436 11/12/2011 8:06PM

    Everytime I hear that song on the radio I have to pump it up!

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RUNNERRACHEL 11/12/2011 5:49PM

    emoticon

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MINIUM 11/12/2011 3:47PM

    What a great idea! Keep it up!

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ACAWTHORN 11/12/2011 12:22PM

    Loved it.. my kids would love dance party friday...lol emoticon emoticon

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MNOT2THICK 11/12/2011 12:10PM

    HI BIRTHDAY BOY.

Friday night dance party with the Snow Angel Diva and crew. emoticon emoticon
I love the special effects.



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TXCROCHETQUEEN 11/12/2011 12:02PM

    emoticon moves! I hope to find the courage to do something for the Dance Party Friday challenge one of these days... for now I'm content with my weekly blog update.... Hope your having a great day!

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CHUBRUB3 11/12/2011 11:58AM

    Great fun! Good for you!
Like the graphics.
Hugs,
Angela

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MKPRINCESS007 11/12/2011 11:14AM

    YOU ROCK, GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You do have the moves like Jagger.............I think probably better! :)

Love the camera affects and the fun! Thanks for starting Saturday with a smile1

K

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MARCH_ 11/12/2011 10:30AM

    ...still singing! Love this idea for our family too! (hey, your rocked the moves at the 3:30 mark!)

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 11/12/2011 10:07AM

    Another fun night with the Diva. emoticon emoticon I love that kids are there with you. And did I see the pup steal a small cameo? emoticon

Well, off to separate and hang laundry. It is amazing outside this morning. emoticon

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MOSTMOM1 11/12/2011 8:58AM

    I think this is my favorite dance party so far. Boogie, Bigfoot!
(focusing is highly overrated)
(insert disco ball emoticon here)

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DUSTYPRAIRIE 11/12/2011 7:43AM

    Your energy is catchy!

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CANBDONE 11/11/2011 11:50PM

    How many kids do you have and how old are they? It looks like a fun place to be on a Friday night!

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LENKA763 11/11/2011 10:54PM

    well, is (again) too late for me to listen to your vlog...but watching it (with no sound) is still very funny..

you should try it :)

you rock!
p.s. my spell check gone wild!!

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KAURAKITTEN 11/11/2011 10:47PM

    I want to do that with my camera! I'm so jealous!!!!!!!!!!! You guys looked awesome! You crack me up. I'm adopting you guys. We now just have one really really big family

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Snow Angel

Friday, November 11, 2011

V/Blogging is helping with SO much, but, I still need to work on expressing my thoughts into words...

The WHOLE reason for the snow angel thing is this: I am changed. I choose to LOVE life not FEAR it.


Crystle understands (many do), but, everytime I think of battling my fear of getting out and embracing what is, I know Crystle understands.
There is NO room for fear when you choose to love life.
I'm choosing to LOVE my life.
I changed my name from SNOWGLOBEMAMA which represented my feelings of being entraped in a cage of fear.
I've busted out.
This is my tribute to freedom. Freedom to love life.

Calories burned:
Shoveling Snow (no blower)...408 calories per hour
Building a Snowman...285 calories burned per hour
Having a Snowball Fight...319 calories burned per hour
Making Snow Angels...214 calories burned per hour
[Assuming a body weight of: 150 lbs more burn if you weigh more!]

Be Blessed.


{The fall back into the snow angel was an after thought...I wasn't being a sucker for punishment...I just figured.."PHOTO-OP! Maybe I can catch a clip off of this video and use it as my profile picture if my daughter gets this." I am weird, not THAT weird.}

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"And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk to blossom..."NAVYMOM133

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ECLIPSED 11/22/2011 5:46PM

    Decided to catch up on your vlogs and this one just had me grinning from ear to ear! You rock Angel!

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JULIAMOONCHILD 11/14/2011 11:03AM

    OMG! I am sitting here laughing my arse off!!! I wish you could hear me!

YOU ARE A PIECE OF CAKE! emoticon

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MIBELLALUNA 11/14/2011 9:18AM

    Oh man, I'm just catching up, you are BRAVE adn WiLD! haha And yes....SKINNY!!!! DANG, how tall are you?? You are absoutely 'svelte'!

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NANHBH 11/13/2011 6:39PM

    That is too cute! And very brave, I might add!
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MAMACAT2_3 11/13/2011 5:28PM

    Oh my goodness woman, you are crazy doing that in a tshirt!!!! This makes me laugh!!!

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SUECHRIS50 11/13/2011 4:24PM

    You,Girl are crazy as HELL!!I love ya though and enjoy you too!!

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TEXASFILLY 11/13/2011 11:22AM

    emoticonThat is so emoticon! emoticon emoticon Plus, you sure don't look like a Snowglobemama anymore. In fact, you don't look like a woman who has had five babies! emoticon emoticon! And that's what I call BRAVE to make your snow angel without a coat! emoticon

YOU definitely ROCK, sister~ the one and only, glorious SnowAngelDiva! emoticon emoticon Love you, gal~ emoticonBB~ emoticon

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DAWNFIRE72 11/12/2011 4:41PM

    Great reasons for a new user name and I love the guts it took to make that snow angel without a coat on (I don't like to be wet).

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MINIUM 11/12/2011 3:51PM

    So funny! I wish I could do that but it wouldn't be possible in Paris. Let me think of other funny things we could do here... Love it! Thanks for sharing!

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ROGUE_RUNNER 11/12/2011 2:03PM

    You are so funny...and SKINNAYYYYYYY!!! Dang girl...where did you go?

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LIFEGENESIS 11/12/2011 12:58PM

    WHOOOO HOOOOOOOOOOOOO! :D So happy for you! :D

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ACAWTHORN 11/12/2011 12:25PM

    you like having fun and i love that...life is never boring.. emoticon emoticon

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MNOT2THICK 11/12/2011 11:55AM

    Beautiful crazy lady, why did you not have a coat on????? Love your snow angel and hope the sore throat does not last!!

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SNOWANGELDIVA 11/12/2011 11:32AM

    I think I have a sore throat...

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MKPRINCESS007 11/12/2011 11:19AM

    You TRULY are a SNOW ANGEL DIVA!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was dying the whole time waiting for you to lay down in that snow! Girl, you are a wild woman. Where is your parka, your hat and gloves! Yikes! Don't even be telling us you are sick now! NO!

Loved it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :) emoticon emoticon

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MNOT2THICK 11/11/2011 11:17PM

    Go on Snow Angel Diva emoticon emoticon

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KMICHA 11/11/2011 9:25PM

    woo Hoo!!!!! Awesome!!! Great blog!!!


Glad to see your sister is home . . . my SIL just returned a couple of day ago from Iraq! DD daughter baby due in 4 weeks . . . Isn't God Good? SIL wasn't to be home until Feb!

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WINNIE1978 11/11/2011 8:54PM

    Love it!!

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JANIEWWJD 11/11/2011 8:19PM

    Great blog; great attitude!!!! emoticon

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ELISOS 11/11/2011 8:08PM

    emoticonsnow angel diva great blog. emoticon

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_JODI404 11/11/2011 7:20PM

    You truly are a snow angel diva!! Beautiful!

Cheers to LIVING life to the fullest!

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NAVYMOM133 11/11/2011 5:56PM

    Like like like!!! Take THAT life!! emoticon

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DEBBYFROMMT 11/11/2011 4:35PM

    So Wonderful! Love it!

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 11/11/2011 4:30PM

    Oh how fun. I haven't made a snow angel since I was a little girl. I'm watching you and grinning from ear to ear. Life should be enjoyed. emoticon You are making it happen. emoticon

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AMANDASHRINKING 11/11/2011 4:12PM

    thanks for the laugh I loved it the whole time before you laid down I was thinking omg thats gonna be cold lol I love it

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GEMINISUE 11/11/2011 3:22PM

    A beautiful SnowAngelDiva you are! Thank You, looked like a fun time hugs Linda

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MEWHENRYSMAMA 11/11/2011 2:51PM

    THANK YOU FOR THE BEAUTIFUL ANGEL AND ALL IT REPRESENTS!!
HAVE A WONDERFUL WEEK END!
MARY
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TWYLIGHTWUNDER 11/11/2011 2:45PM

    Awesome.... I would have done it with a sweater on though, lol... but hence my nick name Wimp I guess, lol emoticon

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KATHY_NATURELVR 11/11/2011 2:23PM

    LOL! You're nuts - that looks SO COLD! But it turned out so pretty!
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LENKA763 11/11/2011 1:43PM

    You are a true DIVA,

Thank you for making my day more bright!
I'm sure Crystle had appreciated your effort..as I do.

hugs Lenka

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DRKEYEZ820 11/11/2011 1:39PM

    haha i luv ya i really do! You totally just made my day!

I think your amazing, strong, and fearless. I admire u in so many ways!

P.S Your snow angel totally rocks!

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KIMMIF 11/11/2011 1:27PM

    That is great! Only a SnowAngelDiva could've done it! emoticon

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MARCH_ 11/11/2011 1:18PM

    You totally diva'd that out! (and you look great in red btw!)
Gorgeous Snow Diva!

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MOSTMOM1 11/11/2011 1:04PM

    You so crazy, I love it! We heart the snow around here. Yes, you need to catch a still frame and use it for your profile pic.

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TXCROCHETQUEEN 11/11/2011 1:01PM

    emoticon We don't get snow very often at all here in Texas... It sure is PRETTY! As are you!!!!


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I*AM*BLESSED 11/11/2011 12:43PM

    Brrrrrrrrrrrr... emoticon

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CANBDONE 11/11/2011 12:37PM

    I love your zaniness! Here in southern Georgia, I'd have to make a sand angel. Faith not Fear! emoticon

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AwEsOmE!!!

Saturday, November 05, 2011

As one of my favourite artists would sing, "Tell those voices in your head to like you instead..." P!NK ~PERFECT.

You are PERFECT to me!

In fact, you are freakin' AwEsOmE!!!!





















  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CAROLJ35 11/10/2011 10:14PM

    You are so clever!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SHASSYSUE2 11/8/2011 8:37PM

    emoticon

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MIBELLALUNA 11/7/2011 9:46AM

    SO LET IT BE WRITTEN, SO LET IT BE DONE! haha (Can never get Yul Brenner's line from MOses out of my mind. It's our standard couple joke when we make a decision.)

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ANEWBETHSTL 11/6/2011 9:28PM

    YOU ARE emoticon MY LOVELY FRIEND!

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ASRMOM 11/6/2011 11:48AM

    emoticon

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TEXASFILLY 11/6/2011 11:38AM

    YAY! Here's to AWE~someness! emoticon emoticon emoticonBB~ emoticon emoticon

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JENNYBAKER247 11/6/2011 10:13AM

    How emoticon
You are simply THE BEST for reminding us all.
LUV your blog!
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KATHYD82 11/6/2011 9:16AM

    What a positive way to start the day!! That one boy from "The Middle" ( I think his name is Brick or something like that)....he is very awesome and that show cracks me up. Its on before Modern Family if any of you watch MF and haven't seen The Middle. Anyway, thanks for the reminder that we all are awesome :) Hope your Sunday is wonderful! I thought I would be more sore today from the raking I did yesterday, but I don't feel too bad! Its going to be in the low 60's here today and sunny. We also have church this morning and then more outside yard work. Make it a great day!! emoticon

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NAVYMOM133 11/6/2011 8:05AM

    OK, I vote for Kirk!! Hahahaha!! So funny, that's so him. I also liked the little boy: "You! Yeah, you're awesome!" Almost like picking teams for dodge ball. Everyone standing there cringing, waiting till that magic finger points their way.

Hey Liz! You! You're awesome!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

XOXO

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LYNN-LOVESLIFE7 11/5/2011 11:15PM

    Okay, we need to have a day out of every month to celebrate our emoticonness...... emoticon You're emoticon!

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MOSTMOM1 11/5/2011 9:41PM

    One of my favorite states of being.
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WINNIE1978 11/5/2011 7:26PM

    We are all awesome! Thanks for reminding us!

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LENKA763 11/5/2011 2:57PM

    you are awesome, we know that...:)

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MNOT2THICK 11/5/2011 2:53PM

    Awesome programmed in, Awesome given out. emoticon
U R Awwwwwwwesome!!! emoticon

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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 11/5/2011 2:47PM

    You ROCK! You're emoticon emoticon

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MAMACAT2_3 11/5/2011 2:11PM

    Soooo needed to read this, it is AWESOME!!

And you are AWESOME...

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I*AM*BLESSED 11/5/2011 2:02PM

    A.W.E.S.O.M.E.!!!

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WILDFIREKRISTIN 11/5/2011 1:48PM

    Okay like always, gotta vote this blog up! Thank you for reminding me of two things today, ONE, YOU my sweetmama are AWESOME and that Two, I am awasome too!

Hugs,

Kristin

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SNOWANGELDIVA 11/5/2011 1:44PM

    DEBBY ~ I love my egotistical men...like a moth to a flame...

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DEBBYFROMMT 11/5/2011 1:16PM

    Great! The James T. Kirk picture looks like one of the demotivational calendar pictures. (ok I belong to the Sarcastics unlimited spark team) emoticon

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REDROSEMARIE 11/5/2011 1:12PM

    Thank you for cheering me up!
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AMANDASHRINKING 11/5/2011 1:10PM

    those made me smile

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REBELBLITZ 11/5/2011 12:32PM

    You are an awesome Sparkler!
Great blog.
Thanks for sharing.

Cheryl emoticon

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NORTHWOODSMOM8 11/5/2011 12:30PM

    Liz, THANK YOU for making me feel so good!!!!! emoticon

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† The Air That I Breathe

Friday, November 04, 2011

::again with the t.m.i.......


Ever have someone be the air that you breathe?

I remember being 9 and threatening God at the passing of my Uncle in a drinking and driving accident. My mother was utterly devastated at the loss of her younger brother. My mother was my entire world and my threat to the Creator of the Universe was if He ever took her from me I would die..I promised Him that I could not survive it. She was my air that I breathed, my sunshine, the water for my thirsty soul. My e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g.

Fast forward and I'm married. Not ideally so. I had walked away from my boyfriend to find out I was with his child. Commence shot-gun wedding (f.y.i. the pill and rain jacket -over rated..ya). My mother is not really pleased. My choice is between husband or mommy that doesn't exactly respect the marriage and maybe is kinda hating the marriage. Okay, she hates that she's not my world. Soon she gets voted off my island because she is reeking havoc. It takes a few years of separation from my mother (that tore me inside out) and reconciliation is made. She learns to play nice, but, now my husband is the center of my world. My mother is one of my best friends now and ever supportive of my marriage.

This tendency to hero worship is throwing my entire universe right off. Other people do it with their children, friends, their careers, fitness, food, self-image or possessions just about anything _____________...I make idols out of people for the most part.

I completely ignore:

Exodus 20:2-17 NKJV
1 ...You shall have no other gods before Me.
2 “You shall not make for yourself a carved image, or any likeness of anything that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth; you shall not bow down to them nor serve them. For I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God...

I ignore those words and I worship my husband. I go to bed and he is on my mind. I wake in the morning and he is on my mind. I try to do my chores and I'm thinking of him. He is constantly saturating every fibre of my thinking. How would he like this? Does he want this or that done first? Did he like such and such? and on and on and on....

I love him so much, that I actually hate him.



The trouble with having a human idol is that they can NEVER be pleased by me. I will never be enough for my husband. I can not be my husband's joy. He is in charge of his own joy. It's a choice he has to make everyday. I can't make it for him. I am too fragile to be the source of power that navigates his being. Yet, I keep trying to be his air like he is mine.

Oh how I hate the power that I have forced him to have over me. An expression on his face can determine the mood of my entire day if not week. If he doesn't kiss me before he goes to work, I am literally crushed for days. A silly comment can cut so deeply I feel pain of it years after it's haphazard delivery. I've been battling this on and off for years. I tried to project this hero worship onto a BFF and that's when I ended up with the Frenemy from Hades I mentioned back in August. I was her personal verbal abuse bag. My husband was so thankful to not have to be my world that he didn't care that I was being abused, because he was escaping my claws of desperation.

This Spring I had projected that worship onto all those duties with the church. I had that justified so well even the Pastor and his wife were convinced what I was doing was marvelous. I had minimized all my duties at home and home-schooling to accommodate the secretarial, desk-top, trustee, Sunday school and et ceteras they were giving me as duties. In my heart I knew that I was playing the "Idol Game" again. It all came tumbling around me. My hubby saw that one though and he was more sympathetic. Time had worn on and I think he had forgotten how suffocating it was for him to be my everything because he readily took up the position after I went through that mess this spring.

I'm choking the life out of him. That is a lot of pressure on someone. I know....I am that to my children. It is a lot of pressure to be someone's everything. It makes them back away and distance themselves. Which is what I am doing to my children. We have this awful dance going on in our home.

Bobby asked me what was wrong because he knew I was 'off' the past bit. I'm not going to tell him that cutie-pies are making passes at me and I can't find my big girl voice to tell them to go away. Although that is bugging me it's not THE thing that's bugging me (that's where I'm totally miffed with BIGGEEKDAD...which he has no clue about because he's an emotionally stoopid guy and I am emotional genius), THE thing that's bugging me is my Idol Worship.

"The wise man builds his house upon the rock." You know that Sunday School Song?

Who is the Rock?
Jesus.
Not, my husband. I know. I know. I'm disappointed too.

My house is my life and it keeps folding because I keep building it on my Idol.



Funny thing is my Idol was the one that helped me work this out this afternoon. He totally could've gotten a foot massage or some extra *wink* *wink* lovin' and been a totally manipulative S.O.B. and had me do all sorts of contortionist moves to accommodate his ego. He didn't he could've, but, he didn't. That's why this is gonna be so d@mn hard. He is so d@mn freakin' awesome.

The last time I built my house on The Rock, I made one bad decision and my world saw the business end of the monsoon season. [Code for I made a decision that found me in a position that lead me to being raped. In turn I packed on the weight as a protective 'shield'. An experience not wanting to be repeated. Go figure.]

This weight loss is like what WILDFIREKRISTIN said, "With each pound you drop you discover another drawer to be opened with stuff that needs to be sorted and dealt with." I knew this was the Mother Loaded one. I've been trying to work on the "Weekend Project" that WILDFIREKRISTIN presented last week. I knew I needed to set new goals to focus myself, but, it's kinda murky in my SNOWGLOBE.

Link to Kristin's Weekend Challenge:
www.sparkpeople.com/mypage_public_jo
urnal_individual.asp?blog_id=4555176

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MIBELLALUNA 11/7/2011 10:14AM

    Hey Girlfriend.....I read this this weekend and didn't want to make any comment b/c I kept debating it in my mind (the comment). And I'm still afraid to say it, lest I jinx it. Fear sucks. Keeps us locked in ourselves, doesn't it?

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KATSHIA 11/6/2011 10:54PM

    Prayers and hugs!!

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ASRMOM 11/6/2011 11:46AM

    Prayers my beautiful friend!

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NAVYMOM133 11/6/2011 8:14AM

    emoticon I am thinking of you.
You are doing the hard work and heavy lifting of self-discovery. Who am I now? Am I different? Do I want change? How do I want to live my life? So important, and you are doing the work.
... and the day came... and the risk is worth it...
You are clearing your way to fully blossoming emoticon

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MKPRINCESS007 11/5/2011 11:33PM

    Whew...not often I am a loss for words. I feel your intensity. That being said, I think it is awesome to love your husband. I think the idolizing comes from you creating a world around him and limiting your stretch beyond it. It is easy to do. I made my son my EVERYTHING. From birth to 7, I lived and breathed him to the exclusion of all else. Almost ended my marriage by default, because how could my husband compete with our child? So, I realized I needed to find an additional purpose. I began part time work because I was struggling with my balance. Not that I suggest that for you, but my point is that I think the line between love and idol is thin. I know you will work through it in a way that works for you and your family. You know I believe in you, Liz! :)
K

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MNOT2THICK 11/5/2011 2:50PM

    I too agree with Eclipsed. Knowing what the problem is key. You will find your balance. Believe me I know how you feel. emoticon

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BAILEE_GRAVES 11/5/2011 11:47AM

    I think so often we think of "idols" as material things; like the golden calf. And we don't realize that the people in our lives can be made into idols. The fact that you've recognized that speaks volumes!

You've come so far from the girl who started on Spark and it's been MY pleasure to be your Spark friend and continue to watch you grow.

I know that you will work through this. It may not be today or tomorrow but I know you'll find a way to make that house balance and that you'll get your "idols" in order. I know you have the power to do it Lizzy girl!
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CRYSTLE4HIMTX10 11/5/2011 10:16AM

    You'll find that balance Liz. Besides God my husband is rock. My safe place in the storms of life. He is the head of the house but has always said I am the neck that turns the head. emoticon

As you continue to trudge through the muck of self discovery you will see that you are shining. That you have come through to the other side stronger, kinder and more self aware. You do and will ROCK! emoticon

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TXCROCHETQUEEN 11/5/2011 8:52AM

    I ditto what Eclipsed said! emoticon... praying for you emoticon

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ECLIPSED 11/5/2011 7:41AM

    Ah Liz, I think you're finally going to come through ok. You know what your problems are and why you have them. You just need to find a balance between idolizing and loving. You aren't living life like a lot of people. You know what you want but need to find the way there. The air that you breathe should sustain you, not smother you. You've got it figured out, and that's half the problem fixed!

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GRATEFULBOB 11/5/2011 7:36AM

    emoticon emoticon

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