SNOWANGELDIVA   20,058
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SNOWANGELDIVA's Recent Blog Entries

No Nekkin'!

Sunday, May 25, 2014


I'm sure everyone has that person in their life that their words of critism crippled their ego.
I've been insecure about my legs since 17.
Puberty hit and I got curves.
I went from thin to this random mass of odd lumps and bumps.
I felt gross and ashamed when my body morphed from girl to woman. It was validated by an ex's comment when I first sat in his passenger seat and the disgust in his voice when he exlaimed, "Good God your thighs are fat!"

I lived in a home full of girls with a step-dad that never spoke unless it was important. I didn't know there were ignorant males. I innocently took this boy's comment as gospel.

I was a freak.

I met SNOWANGELSPOCK within the year and he worshipped my curves. By this time my self-image had been damaged and even though he said he thought I was attractive and he wasn't a guy to pamper egos, I didn't trust him. I thought he was hiding his repulsion to protect me.

A couple of babies later, I had a generational photo done ith my daughter, mother and maternal grandmother. Upon receiving a copy of the photo my grandmother said in reference to me, "Having children is no excuse to let yourself go. Her knees are huge!"
She had 9 kids. I waived her total disregard for my feelings and that her pregnancies were healthy and her postpartum diet wine and accepted her words as gospel.

It has taken me 21 years and I feel I am beautifully and wonderfully made.
For 38, and five kids later, I did not expect to feel comfortable in my skin. In 2010 I just hoped to feel less miserable and not wear the thigh area on my pants to dust from friction.

I know they're lookin' good at the top of my b.m.i. I thought that little gap between my thighs and knees was a deformity or sign of anorexia in my teens. I am 157 and 5'9". I'm comfortable in my skin. I thought it was because appearance compared to my obese form. My legs are how I remember them from before I battled obesity.
They're older and have more mileage; yet, I have pride and thankfulness. It's not the shallow feeling I expected when a certain vanity was achieved.

I was thankful for what God gave me. I have pride that I'm taking care of th egift of healthy, and strong legs. I can take care of my family because of them.

P.S.
I am sorry for the poorly written blog. I'm having trouble typing on my teeny phone. Although the Good Lord is allowing me to enjoy healthy legs I have yet to figure out why I got Shrek sized fingers... ;)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHASSYSUE2 7/12/2014 3:28AM

    Oh how I have missed your blogs!!!! I am going back and read everyone one of them, I have missed you!!! HUGS! Shannon

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KAREN-IS-HERE 6/12/2014 10:39AM

    ....great legs! emoticon

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PEWTERBUNNY 6/9/2014 1:36PM

    Congrats on your success and the continuing successes! I love your hula hoop! Great job!

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MISSMIRANDALEE 6/6/2014 1:55AM

    I've had similar feelings about my legs ever since I got stretch marks from GROWING TALLER in high school. They're nothing compared to what I have now, but I'm slowly learning to accept myself & appreciate what my body is capable of!

Thank you for the great & encouraging post! Congrats on finally feeling comfortable in your own beautiful God-given skin! You deserve it!

~Randi

PS. Loved your Boots are made for a walking comment too!

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Comment edited on: 6/6/2014 2:24:24 AM

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MIBELLALUNA 6/4/2014 10:26AM

    Awesome !! I am looking for inspiration to get off my butt and start working out again and you have just given it to me! :)) Looking GRRRREAT!!!

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TEXASFILLY 5/31/2014 1:03PM

    OMG! At 5'9" with legs like yours is my dream~ maybe in the next life the good Lord will have my spiritual bod with gorgeous gams up to me neck! *LOL*

I think you are beautiful inside and out~ 'n I agree with an earlier Sparker, don't let others define you. God wanted someone just like YOU, Lizzie~ and He sure did a mighty fine job. Love you, gal~ *hugs* BB~ emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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ASRMOM 5/30/2014 11:43PM

    I love this blog! I long for the day where I can take my body for how it is and be proud of it. I'm so proud of you for reaching this point in your life--many women never see it.
You have great legs! Of course, even they are darker than mine--and you are even farther north. *sigh*.
Very excited about the acceptance, and positive attitude in this blog.
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LIVINHEALTHY9 5/26/2014 8:08PM

    Don't let others define you.

Your legs look great and so do you!

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I*AM*BLESSED 5/26/2014 8:23AM

    Proud of you, Girlfriend! More proud that you have kept the weight off. It takes a lot of self-respect to accomplish that...obviously, you are a stronger woman than you give yourself credit for.
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SNOWANGELDIVA 5/26/2014 12:57AM

    Shel~ Read your comment and the first thing I thought was singing (to the tune of: These Boots Are Made For Walkin'), "These legs are made for:
hooping, cartwheeling, skipping, fake karate
and that's just what they'll do. One of these days these legs are gonna learn to surfboard too!"

Lori~ AMEN! emoticon

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MISSLORI5 5/26/2014 12:22AM

    You are beautiful!! NEVER quit thinking like you do now!!! I know the power of words, the lasting damage of looks, and the lasting effect of tones very well, but I also know the power of God's word, and His is above anything man can do!! He says you are fearfully and wonderfully made, believe it to the very depth of your soul!!! P.S. God knew when He created you what those legs were going to be needed for, and you needed strong ones with 5 kids!!! You go, girl!!! emoticon

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MOSTMOM1 5/25/2014 10:42PM

    You look mahvelous. Just think of all the places those beautiful legs have taken you!

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You Can Graduate!

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Yo, Snow! Where'd ya go?

I used to marvel at how negligent it was of Spark Success people to not dedicate their every breath to the Spark Community.

How can they neglect this fantastic community?
Have they never heard of Paying It Forward?
Does Spark Success mean I'm going to be self-centered?
Why would I even start a process that would turn me into a brat?

SparkPeople is a school for healthy living.
It's learning time.
I do not desire to be a professional student.
My goal upon endeavoring on this course was to graduate.

You get training, you practice your skills and then you apply them. Once in a while you need to upgrade your skills.

My graduation day was Week 57.
I took my training One Day at a Time. Sometimes I could see where the lessons were going and then sometimes I got Pop Quizzes that would knock the wind out of my sails.

Some of the lessons took forever to build my skills. Some tests I needed to retake just to get a pass. In some areas of my Healthy learning I was an exceptional student. In other areas I am remedial.


I am an "A" student when it comes to being aware that fear is my barrier to keeping healthy. I fear if I am a healthy weight it would make me more attractive and in turn I would be more visible to predators.

I am severely remedial in understanding that this emotional trigger is a catalyst for binging. A kind comment from a friend, acquaintance or stranger would send me into blind panic. Many times I've eaten the fridge ten times over before I can calm myself down. Reality is that my size is not to fault for psychopaths.




I'm not here in Spark School everyday, or sometimes hours like I was in the beginning. I have graduated the course I chose. I know that there are SparkPeople that came through these halls before me and many after me that will have more flamboyant achievements. I have considered many times over to try to go for an achievement that would make be 'worthy' of the status of Spark Graduate.

I remind myself that a true graduate realizes that half the diploma is understanding that before I even began was the truth that I am worthy as I am.

I lost weight.
I am healthy.
I am a more productive, wife, mother to five and employee.
I was worthy, am worthy and will always be worthy of loving myself and sharing that love.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PEWTERBUNNY 6/9/2014 1:47PM

    I'm coming back to school!

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WISHICOULDFLY 6/2/2014 6:22AM

    emoticon Liz! You earned it! I'm tired of being a dropout. I'm a gonna go back to school and get ME a diploma too! emoticon emoticon

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TEXASFILLY 5/31/2014 12:55PM

    emoticon You are worthy simply because you are a child of the one true King~ so proud of you, dear heart~ emoticon BB~ emoticon emoticon

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RUNNERRACHEL 5/25/2014 8:34PM

    emoticon congrats! Proud of you. We are on a journey and you have learned from Spark in this part of your journey. I wish you the best in the next phase of your journey. I know you will be successful and continue to grow and move forward in your life!! emoticon

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KAREN-IS-HERE 5/25/2014 1:09PM

    emoticon

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BUSYGRANNY5 5/25/2014 9:41AM

    Excellent blog! Thanks so much for sharing!! Have wonderful week!

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_JODI404 5/24/2014 11:07PM

    emoticon

SUPER *AWESOME* blog Liz!!

Yes, you ARE worthy...*ALWAYS*!!!

Love your growth through the process! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MNOT2THICK 5/24/2014 11:00PM

    Magna Cum Sparkler girlfriend!!!!

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MOSTMOM1 5/24/2014 10:35PM

    You graduated with honors, baby!
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Comment edited on: 5/24/2014 10:35:46 PM

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Teenie tiny blog

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Friday Night (last week), I was on gym duty with the 8-18 y.o. and my daughter and I picked up some hoops when the crowds died down. That night is a weekly escape from loneliness - not just for the kids.

The pastor encouraged us to make it a weekly lesson and teasingly as what our deal was with these circles?
I told him a circle reminds me of God's love ~ no ending can be found.

I dance with despair frequently. It's part of Depression. I am shamefully critical of myself, but, allow for all kinds of mercies for others. That circular toy reminds me of His victory. He saved me from myself and the idea that O'm not valuable or treasured.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TXCROCHETQUEEN 5/7/2014 11:47AM

    I emoticon this!!! What a way to remind yourself of Gods unending love for us! emoticon emoticon

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KARENE10 5/4/2014 9:35AM

    emoticon

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ASRMOM 4/29/2014 10:35AM

    You are often a God breeze to me. Keep going friend.

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WISHICOULDFLY 4/23/2014 6:36AM

    THAT's EXACTLY what I have been doing: dancing with despair. I need to hoop with God more often. emoticon

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JOYFULMOMTO5 4/21/2014 7:07AM

    Keep dancing in His Love, my friend! emoticon

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DEBBYFROMMT 4/19/2014 12:54PM

    LOVE the hooping in the snow! You're right, a circle has no beginning or end. Just like Him

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LEEKA5 4/19/2014 10:11AM

    Love it! Now, only if I could get that hoop to stay on my body!!
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SLAYINGDRAGONS 4/19/2014 9:44AM

    I love your analogy! You are a treasure. I've been teaching our ladies group all about the value we are to God, in Christ, and what He has provided for us. Easter is a celebration of all of that and more!!!
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Comment edited on: 4/19/2014 9:45:29 AM

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TEXASFILLY 4/19/2014 9:07AM

    emoticon I hope Father has shown you what a gift you are to all who know you, dear heart~ emoticon BB~ emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MOSTMOM1 4/19/2014 7:39AM

    You said it, sister!

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WINNIE1978 4/19/2014 7:38AM

    emoticon

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PINKHONEYLILY 4/19/2014 2:07AM

    emoticon

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LYNN-LOVESLIFE7 4/19/2014 1:34AM

    That's the blessing.

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GOOSIEMOON 4/19/2014 12:52AM

    emoticon

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Geriatric Hair

Thursday, April 10, 2014

It's my hair or my body, but, I have yet to channel that negative energy wisely. I just find that I'm on autopilot and I don't clue in until the bleach has made my hair a rainbow of banana peel yellow, melted white and jello orange. That's when I remember to pray.
*face palm*


I am cruel to my hair.

It's not like I have some nastiness that I feel compelled to hide. I really like my soft light brown hair. I have a wicked awesome streak of silver-grey in my bangs that Rogue would envy.

I like the illusion that I have some kind of control on my environment. Colouring my hair when I am thrown into turmoil is all a part of my coping mechanism. I wanted to bake a cake and eat it solo like I had been doing since surgery and lay-offs. Instead I hit the bottle. The water bottle and then the hair dye.

I'm not doing the radiant red ever again. I felt like a clown trying to match my makeup to balance that intensity. That did not make feel pretty. I gotta feel pretty so, I can remember to treat myself pretty.

Yup, I am that sissy.

I kept in my range for two days in a row. I snuck a hop on the scale and it looks like I met my goal for the week. I still have Tiger's 40th on Saturday to contend with calories .

OH! Asides from celebrating a milestone in my husband's life, I was asked to put my resume in at a Retirement Home. I'll be following up tomorrow.
That's what started my panic mode. I was planning to remain a Homemaker during the lay-offs, then the tightening of the pursestrings seemed to choke the fun out of being home. I can't maintain or improve things if we're never getting past, "Go".

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KARENE10 5/4/2014 9:34AM

    You look great no matter what your hair color ! I just bought an Auburn color and I'm hoping it won't be too bright emoticon . I think YOU would be great at a retirement home,they need a little sunshine emoticon

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MI-ELLKAYBEE 5/2/2014 3:04PM

    You are SO pretty!

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ASRMOM 4/14/2014 12:01PM

    It's been a long road, hasn't if? Glad to see y are still hanging in there. I like your hair and if dyeing it makes life better-go for it!

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JULIAMOONCHILD 4/12/2014 12:04AM

    You are so beautiful on the outside ....... no matter the color of your hair .... and so AMAZINGLY BEAUTIFUL on the INSIDE if you were completely bald no one would even notice. Your inside beauty makes everything about you seem absolutely flawless.
Now, I hope that things change and that you can remain at home, but if need be I also wish you much luck with the possibility of a new job. Still, I hope you will think of it as a temporary placement only ..... rather than a life sentence. Mommies, like you, make this world a far, far better place ......and being a HOMEMAKER is one of the most important jobs ever! And surely one that you do GREAT at!

You ROCK! emoticon

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TEXASFILLY 4/11/2014 8:04PM

    emoticon You are beautiful no matter what color your hair may be~ Keep smilin', beautiful~ *hugs* BB~ emoticon emoticon

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ADVENTURESEEKER 4/11/2014 2:01PM

    I always let someone else lighten my hair, and even then I need to take time off every couple of years or it feels all destroyed! I wish I could do it myself- save big bucks.

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SLAYINGDRAGONS 4/11/2014 10:38AM

    Love how you shared these recent challenges. Blonde is a good choice for you! Hope you get the job so you can pass "Go"
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WISHICOULDFLY 4/11/2014 8:17AM

    I am horrible at coloring my own hair, so I have to pay BIG BUCKS to have someone else do it. If it did not cost so much, I would be changing it more often.

As for your hair color, I think you look great in any color. The truth is, you could not look bad even if you TRIED. emoticon

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MOSTMOM1 4/11/2014 7:50AM

    This just makes me think of this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_5
jIt0f5Z4
Hope you get good news from the retirements center. You would be such a breath of fresh air for them! Thinking of you, kiddo. Hang in there!


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PINEBLUE32 4/11/2014 12:06AM

    lol, I do the same when I am stressed out I change my hair color, I am glad I am not the only one who dose this.by the way u are pretty u are lucky I haft to really work at it. Anyhow u are not a sissy. Hope and praying things work out for u. Like the cartoon about hair lol.

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Reward Dress

Tuesday, April 08, 2014

I bought a Reward Dress!!!

I have been pondering on an inexpensive way to encourage (bribe) myself to remain motivated. I am so indecisive that it was a miraculous feat in more ways than one.

It was $12 @ Walmart and I am positively in love. It was one of those times where I was running around doing a bazillion errands and as I walked by it time went in ...s...l...o...w... motion. I stopped mid stride and oogled it. Stroked it. Convinced myself that if I was to die today I would be in Heaven pining for the fun, simple, feminine, cheeriness of it.
Yes. Clearly I "had-to-have-it". My drool provided entertainment for a few unsuspecting people as I tossed it in the cart and headed to the checkout.

Who does that?
Who grabs a dress, confidently checks the size and just tosses it in the cart?
Not I.

I hate shopping. It's usually a painstaking process. There is commitment when you purchase things for yourself as a wife and mommy to five on one income. There's guilt to battle, motivation to question and a myriad of other psychological battles to joust with and that's even before leaving the blasted house!

I am almost terrified to spend any money lately. I killed a car. I am off-season with my resort housekeeper job and was physically ailing (as of today I am well on the mend from surgery).

I didn't try it on. That is brave. I eyeballed it. I have not been able to look at something in decades and tell if it's close to my size or one of the kids. I always have to check tags. Thankfully the tag did say 'Medium' which is a standard 9/10 in Canadianese.



I am not wearing it until I get to 155lbs (and it is warmer than 20C). I felt fabulous at that weight. I feel great now. However, the fabulous I felt prior to the storms and the fall into comfort eating was more energy and vitality.

I am excited.

Accountability
emoticon Did not happen. The youngest had me play her personal puke slave all night.
emoticon emoticon I love coffee, but, it's beating my water intake and my skin is parched.
emoticon portions. I am at the tippy-top, but, I am IN THE ZONE!!! emoticon
emoticon Nope. I could count the errand jogging. Know what? I will. That's a big honkin' store. It wasn't my fun fitness, but, I'll do some hooping while jumping on my bed after I get the kids in their own beds. emoticon
emoticon Daily Diva emoticon I put on earrings and even though I'm toning down my egyptian/retro 60's look; I remembered fragrance and mascara.
emoticon emoticon I tried to be invisible because I held onto shame and not His promises of restoration.

I've been asked to be a Youth Leader. I'm pretty sure it's because they have a dunk tank position they want to fill and hopes that I'll share my hula hoops, but, it's going to be awesome. Currently, every Friday evening I get to chillax with 8-18 y.o. The majority is in the tweens.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KARENE10 5/4/2014 9:29AM

    I love your blogs! Cute dress and I am sure you will rock it!!!

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MI-ELLKAYBEE 5/2/2014 3:02PM

    Wear it in good health...buy it some new shoes, too

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MNOT2THICK 4/10/2014 11:24PM

    Cute!! emoticon

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LIVINHEALTHY9 4/10/2014 6:11PM

    That's a cute dress and you can't beat $12.00
It will look great on you!

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_JODI404 4/10/2014 1:57PM

    So glad you overcame any feelings of guilt and bought the reward dress. I love it & I know it will look good on you! You cannot beat $12 for a dress that you have that "have to have it" feeling about!

emoticon ENJOY!

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MOSTMOM1 4/9/2014 11:11PM

    Ooh, I'm glad you're getting plugged in and I love that dress. It's so yoU!

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PKBOO3 4/9/2014 8:22PM

    Love the dress. OK, you need to video and share when you hoop on the bed, LOL!!!

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I*AM*BLESSED 4/9/2014 7:36PM

    Love it! emoticon

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FITBIZZZ 4/9/2014 3:45PM

    Love that you have a Daily Diva goal. Right on.

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WISHICOULDFLY 4/9/2014 6:47AM

    Liz, That dress will look adorable on you! and the youth leader position will be FUN! They will LOVE you! emoticon

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TEXASFILLY 4/8/2014 11:35PM

    O Lizzie~ *hugs* That dress is gonna look drop~dead gorgeous on YOU! O! I can't wait to see your peepers POP in that! *LOL* How fun for you~ relax and enjoy it. You're the Mom and you deserve a way to motivate yourself to be the best Mom you can be. Love it! *hugs*

Sounds like a sensible plan of action that I have every confidence you will achieve~ 'n in flying colors no less! So happy to hear you are back in the Sanctuary of the Lord. *hugs* And my O my~ aren't those some mighty blessed kids to be sharing time with each other. Be blessed, dear heart~ *hugs* BB~ emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JOYFULMOMTO5 4/8/2014 11:21PM

    emoticon emoticon

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LYNN-LOVESLIFE7 4/8/2014 10:55PM

    Well done! emoticon

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