Thanks so much for your support...

Thursday, August 11, 2011

I am so grateful for all of you for your comments and words of wisdom. I will reread them all when I feel those moments of retreat. Which happen quite often. I went to my Zumba class last night and got more info. Yay! I was offered their studio to come in and practice in front of a full mirror and one of the students who actually evaluates instuctors actually offered to come and help me with my routine when I use the studio!!!! I will definitely do that next week! So thank you again for pardon the pun ...talking me off the roof. Guess what! Our basement is now carpeted and our kitchen floor has flooring!!!!!! Yay!!!! I feel like a new woman! I can't believe how messed up I felt with my house not together. I don't do well in chaos. Obviously. Guess what again!!! Adam is in this acting summer camp and he is a natural. A boy who was in the broadway musical 13.. which Adam is a lead in this summer musical... commented that Adam did a great job and was shocked that he hadn't done any acting before. :) He said he was a natural. This boy is headed to Juliard in New York City in the fall! The director of voice approached me this morning to tell me the head of another acting company needs a lead for a play coming up in two weeks. She recommended Adam and would love him to be this charecter! She said he was a natural as well! Gush! Gush! Gush! I don't know what to say! I'm in awe and once again speechless by my amazing son. So with his bravery of coming out this year he has also found a passion that people are praise him for! I'm inspired by my family every day. I am blessed. So blessed to have all my Sparkfriends as well. To share the good, the bad and the ugly! Have a wonderful summer day!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAILYNSTAR 8/11/2011 2:37PM

Congratulations for your son! I am so very excited about the news. I'm sorry that I haven't been here for you and I do think of you. I just hate having my routing interupted all of the time by going to the library. There is only so much time a person is allowed to use the computers here. I received a phone call from the insurance company and we have the go ahead of doing our own basement. (We're in the business). So my husband is working in the basement as of right now. As for my own computer, it is still in the repair shop waiting for the insurance company to pay or confirm that they will pay. I miss you and I am so glad that you are getting support from your classmates. Take care of yourself. Report Inappropriate Comment

FLUTTER-BY)L( 8/11/2011 12:49PM

Cool about your son. I am glad you are feeling better with your house in order. Keep moving forward. Report Inappropriate Comment

KKINNEA 8/11/2011 11:12AM

Good things! Report Inappropriate Comment

TWEETYKC00 8/11/2011 10:29AM

Glad that everything is falling into place and you can get back into your own personal grove again. You have plenty to gush over, Adam is a great kid and it sounds like he is really going places, be proud! Report Inappropriate Comment

Ok so I've found my main issue....

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Ok... here we go. I get to the moment when I can really excell and accomplish something great. Graduating with my bachelors degree (in psychology no less), new job at a bank, and now this opportunity to teach and I just choke. I want to just retreat. Go back to what has worked and not deal with how uncomfortable it all feels. It is so uncomfortable. I worry about everything. I feel like I just can't practice enough. It's so ridiculous. I know. I'm a grown woman who should just get it together and make it happen. This is also when I start to binge.... I haven't. I don't even feel like I want to really. I'm feeling all of this instead of eating it away. Score yes. Feeling this isn't fun. It also doesn't make it any better. I am acknologing it all but I still feel it. Ugggggg. It's funny whether I'm a size 8 or a size 12 the situations are still there. The house needs to get clean. I have to deal with my moms stuff. I have to work on and perform my Zumba. I guess this is when my yo yo effect shows up. I have a goal to lose. Then when I do I feel like the world will be a better place. There will be chick flick movie music playing all day and all my worries will be gone. Wrong. Life is still the same. I just look much cuter trying to work through it. Yes I am healthier. Yes I feel much stronger physically to do what needs to be done. What I need now is a mental makeover. The physical one is beautiful and I am proud of what I've accomplished but my brain has to change now. Unfortunately my therapist had to cancel this week and now I have to wait a few weeks to see her. Well....Sparkies who've dealt with these issues...bring it on! Give me your words of wisdom. I want it all! I need it for this to be a perminent change! Thanks!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KEKEIKO 8/10/2011 11:09AM

You are stepping out of your comfort zone and it's a little scary but if you hold your head up high and go with it things will get better. In a few months from now you'll be a pro without worries. You would not have accepted to teach the Zumba class had you not been confident. You can do it! Hugs, Keke Report Inappropriate Comment

HARTKITTY 8/10/2011 11:07AM

I may be wrong but I feel that I have seen physiological growth in you in the short time that I have known you, you coped wonderfully well with Adam, you accepted the fact that your mother cannot give you love in the way you would like. You chose not to be influenced by negative people around you. You even grew in your marriage choosing to accept it and be happy in it as it was. You even coped with grace and gentleness when you thought you were being hit on. What is it that you have not accomplished? Report Inappropriate Comment

MIRAGE727 8/10/2011 11:05AM

Take it slowly. You can only handle one thing at a time. You can also only be concerned with what is in your control. Prioritize and Neutralize! I go through the same thing and I'm retired. I take one room at a time and clean. I deal with my mom, who is ill and under my sis's care. I can only do so much. I am still actively looking to volunteer or find something that gives me worth. I just take it as it comes. We can't solve the problems of the world. But we can play with time management. Just a few thoughts that might help. Thanks for sharing and keep the faith. Also change the music in your head. Report Inappropriate Comment

RUNNER12COM 8/10/2011 10:34AM

"I'm a grown woman who should just get it together and make it happen." _________ What's with the "should" nonsense? You didn't lose weight by beating yourself up, so why do you think it's the best way to improve mentally and emotionally? Try this, instead. "I want __________, so I will __________." It isn't about what you should or shouldn't do. It's about what you WANT to do and what you are willing to do to make it happen. This is about choice and control, not about the expectations of others. You can do this. Report Inappropriate Comment

KKINNEA 8/10/2011 10:26AM

I'm not certain I can help because I think my brain feels the same way! I can often get through situations with grit or imaging - imagine yourself doing great in your class, or coming up with the solutions to your problem. It usually works! I know you can do it - you always seem to deal with other issues you've talked about with grace and humor! Report Inappropriate Comment

VBPARROTHEAD 8/10/2011 10:04AM

Do you really need to know why or is not knowing an excuse for not overcoming and moving on? Sometimes there isn't an underlying reason other than we just don't want to "do it". When that happens just remind yourself to put on your "big girl panties" and do what needs to be done! You are strong and able to do just that! It isn't easy and thatis why you can't put on the little girl pants! Report Inappropriate Comment

SNOOKUMS19 8/10/2011 9:56AM

I guess that is it... I don't know what makes me do this. I'm aware now of this happening I just don't get why I"ll allow myself to retreat at the last minute. I won't do that this time but I'm aware of how easy it would be too. I like this being my new goal. I'll work with that idea! Thanks! Report Inappropriate Comment

TABBYARTS 8/10/2011 9:31AM

So what is your main issue? Is it really important to identify at this point? Remember to set up smaller tasks to attain your long term goal, whether it be designing a lesson, or losing weight. That can BE a lesson plan. Report Inappropriate Comment

crazy Tuesday.

Tuesday, August 09, 2011

Joe dropped off Josh at school for his workout at 6am. I picked him back up at 7:20am. I brought Adam and his friends to acting camp at 8:15am. Came home to the flooring people here. We discussed the many issues they will have in getting the lamenent flooring in the kitchen. I told them I'd talk to our contractor and he said he'd start the carpet in the basement. I headed to my Zumba class with my mom. She has never done a class so I was a bit worried about her. I was so frazzled I left my music in the car and just didn't feel ready to do any songs during this class. By the time the class was closing the women were getting pretty bummed that I wasn't doing any songs. So when a song came on that I knew I did it. I did well but I just wasn't ready for it. They said I did well but I'm feeling a bit discouraged about all I need to do by then. Oh well. I left that class at 10:45am went to the instructors house to make flier for my class in September. Making this way to real. I left her house at 11:45 and headed home to deal with flooring situation. He was happy I talked to my contractor about baseshoe??? He seemed happy that the contractor will deal with this. They are working on the basement now. I took Josh to lunch at Panera. I had a chopped chicken salad. Very yummy and because of the crazy morning I hadn't eaten anything! Uggggg.... I finally have a minute and in about a half hour I'm heading out to a have coffee with a friend I haven't seen since Adam has come out to everyone. I know she will be awesome. Her sister is a lesbian. We just haven't had a moment to catch up. I'll be glad to spend some time with her. I will work on my routine tonight. Oh ... by the way... Adam came home after camp yesturday and told me he had his first kiss! With Joe whom he has liked for months now! Wow!!!! That was a shocker. I asked how it was and he said awesome. He was so happy. This guy isn't easing me into anything this year!!!! Taking this day by day again. Here we go!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TWEETYKC00 8/9/2011 7:34PM

You'll get used to the classes when you get into your own groove with things, just remember the music! I hope your coffee meeting went well with your friend, it's good to have the support. I can't believe that Adam had his first kiss, that is so great that he could have that with his crush. next thing you know, he'll be seeing someone. Kids never ease you into anything, that's what they do best after all! Report Inappropriate Comment

HIPPIECHIC68 8/9/2011 3:28PM

Yay for the flyer...you are going to be awesome! Have a nice time with your friend and hearing about any child's first kiss/time is like, oh my gosh, they are really growing up!!! Hugs to you! Report Inappropriate Comment

Here is Monday

Monday, August 08, 2011

Stumbling through a Monday. I brought the kids to summer camp and had breakfast with mom. Omlette with tomatoes and ham. It's difficult to see her aging. I know this happens it just not easy. We are trying to navigate through a new relationship we find ourselves in. We are doing our best but I know its going to be yet another process in life. This grown up stuff is for the birds. Anyway, enough of the pity party. I'm working on chores today. Ugggg. I found out today my therapist needs to reschedule our appt. We were supposed to meet up tomorrow. I have so much to talk to her about. She won't be able to get back to me for at least a couple weeks. Ugggg. Thank God for Spark and prayer. I will be working on my routine today. I"m a bit discouraged with it today but tomorrow I will be working with an instructor to get some choreography. That should help. No popcorn at the movies again!!!! They had candy and I didn't indulge. Yeah me! I think I may try on my size 8 shorts today. Wish me luck! I'll keep you updated! Have a great day!!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HARTKITTY 8/9/2011 3:20AM

Awesome, you go girl!!! Report Inappropriate Comment

ANNESYLVIA 8/8/2011 5:09PM

Well, I read your status feed so I know you are in your size 8's!!! So you are getting closer to maintenance terrific! I can hardly wait to me you there! Report Inappropriate Comment

FLUTTER-BY)L( 8/8/2011 12:26PM

I hope it becomes a good day. Doing chores instead of eating is awesome. Report Inappropriate Comment

12GIFJ24 8/8/2011 11:53AM

You have a good week. Report Inappropriate Comment

Wow ...good sleep!

Sunday, August 07, 2011

I missed church today and slept until 10am!!!!! Wow! Good for me :). Joe was out playing basketball and brought me home the papaer and a starbucks soy latte. Yum. He brought them to me in bed with a yummy Chobani yogurt with black cherries. What an awesome morning! I didn't get out of bed until after 11am! I know right? I feel quite blessed. We went out for Mexican with Mike. I had pulled jerk pork with salsa and lettuce. I also had a prickily pear margarita. A staple at this awesome little mexican joint. :) We went to the mall and the kids went to see Crazy Stupid Love and Joe, MIKe and I went to see Friends with Benifits. It was a trial run to see if the boys could see it. Ummmm.... absolutely not. Quite inappropriate but much better than I thought it would be. Nice movie. Now we are home hanging. Hope everyone had a great weekend!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANNESYLVIA 8/8/2011 5:05PM

At 10am I was just finishing up my Zumba class. I think we both had a good morning. We both got what we needed. Report Inappropriate Comment

NOMORESTALLING 8/7/2011 8:47PM

You my girl were spoiled spiled spoiled today! GOTTA LOVE IT! Report Inappropriate Comment

MRDPOLING 8/7/2011 8:42PM

Wow! That kind of sleep/morning sounds wonderful! Report Inappropriate Comment

TWEETYKC00 8/7/2011 8:21PM

wow, sleeping in and breakfast in bed, how lucky are you? i hope your evening goes as well as your morning. Report Inappropriate Comment

JOAN_HEO 8/7/2011 8:05PM

That sounds like a fantastic day!!! I really like that sleeping until 10 thing! Perfect kind of Sunday! Report Inappropriate Comment