Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Ok... here we go. I get to the moment when I can really excell and accomplish something great. Graduating with my bachelors degree (in psychology no less), new job at a bank, and now this opportunity to teach and I just choke. I want to just retreat. Go back to what has worked and not deal with how uncomfortable it all feels. It is so uncomfortable. I worry about everything. I feel like I just can't practice enough. It's so ridiculous. I know. I'm a grown woman who should just get it together and make it happen. This is also when I start to binge.... I haven't. I don't even feel like I want to really. I'm feeling all of this instead of eating it away. Score yes. Feeling this isn't fun. It also doesn't make it any better. I am acknologing it all but I still feel it. Ugggggg. It's funny whether I'm a size 8 or a size 12 the situations are still there. The house needs to get clean. I have to deal with my moms stuff. I have to work on and perform my Zumba. I guess this is when my yo yo effect shows up. I have a goal to lose. Then when I do I feel like the world will be a better place. There will be chick flick movie music playing all day and all my worries will be gone. Wrong. Life is still the same. I just look much cuter trying to work through it. Yes I am healthier. Yes I feel much stronger physically to do what needs to be done. What I need now is a mental makeover. The physical one is beautiful and I am proud of what I've accomplished but my brain has to change now. Unfortunately my therapist had to cancel this week and now I have to wait a few weeks to see her. Well....Sparkies who've dealt with these issues...bring it on! Give me your words of wisdom. I want it all! I need it for this to be a perminent change! Thanks!