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Thanks Sparkies...

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Thanks for being here for my moments. I really, honestly don't know what I would do without you all this year. I'm in a much better place today. I will put my questions about Mike on the back burner and keep my text about Adam or not at all. Things are good. We went to see Transformers last night. Omg! I don't think I have been to a movie with more testosterone running through it! So funny. The firt 2 hours were fun but the last hour was torturous. It wouldn't end. Robot upon robot. Fighting for an hour. Ugggg! I told all 3 boys :) that I get 2 chick flicks for this one :). I was amazing with the food again yesturday. Greek yogurt for breakfast, chop salad for lunch, activia for snack, flaxseed small turkey wrap with veggies for dinner. NOOOOO popcorn or candy at the movies! My husband and boys had both...including my favorite...Reese's cups! I was good. :) On our way out of the movie my friends daughter texted Josh and they texted for about 10 minutes without a word about Adam. I thought that was interesting. We will see. We were on guard. We even had Mike on stand by for guidence but nothing. We will see. No workout yesturday but will be going to my crazy fun Zumba class tonight. Yeah! Have a good day my friends and thanks again for talking me down yesturday. I soooo appreciate the words and will refer back to them if need be.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MRDPOLING 6/30/2011 3:50PM

    I might be seeing that movie this weekend with my S.O. I mean he really wants to see it but I am like, "let's wait until after premere weekend." which makes him groan and moan his displeasure. LOL



Comment edited on: 6/30/2011 3:51:09 PM

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DEBTEVELDAHL 6/30/2011 9:40AM

    emoticon Absolutely emoticoneffort. emoticon Debi T.

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TEENY_BIKINI 6/30/2011 9:40AM

    emoticon

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Just an update

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Thank you friends for all of your advise. I wrote this blog and left for the gym. On my way there I called my awesome friend from college that I know I can confide in without it going anywhere. I spewd all that stuff to her and she talked me through it as well. She thinks from what I've told her there hasn't been a line crossed yet. She understand where I'm coming from and maybe unless it's about Adam we shouldn't be texting right now. I think that is sage advise because... I went into the gym and found out there was a subtitute teacher for my class and she is not good. I decided I needed to leave. I got in my car to head home. I was at the stop light and just knew I couldn't go home yet. I needed time to figure things out in my head. I got on the innerstate and headed north. I just kept driving. Sometimes this is very therapeatic for me. I put on the radio and after about 20 minutes I heard Carrie Underwoods song Jesus take the wheel. In that moment I felt God speaking to me. I realized I had this whole conversation with Kate and never once mentioned our friend texting Adam about her uneducated view of him. I couldn't believe it when I realized this. This was huge to me. I realized that I had been deflecting my horribly hurt feelings for my friend who has put this in her beautiful daughters head. I had tried to focus on something and someone that I know in my heart would never hurt me so I didn't have to deal with the unbelieveable hurt I just couldn't go to. I started to cry. I couldn't believe I was crying again.... Sometimes I feel like there could not be another tear in me and here we go with the waterworks. I cried for miles. Until I was done. Headed the 45 minute drive home and met my friend from college for lunch with the boys. I told her how I felt and she smiled. I'm not saying I won't be aware of things. I will. Mike texted me minutes after I got home and sent a beautiful message about how great we are as parents and are doing an amazing job. He could tell last night especially with Josh's answers to subtle questions he would pose. He could tell how disappointed I was with my lifelong friend. It was innocent and helpful. I will take it all one day at a time. I know that God is carrying me even when I feel so lost. I know my Sparkfriends are as well and I am blessed.

  
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MRDPOLING 6/29/2011 3:01PM

    yes you are blessed, loved and supported!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Hi friends

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Worried about hubby. I think he is fighting that summer bug that the rest of us had in this house. Unfortunately he is soooo busy at work there is no way he can stay home and rest. We got the dumpster yesturday and already started on the garage. Yeah! Feels good to purge ourselves of stuff. I have such a weird thing to talk about today. Our friend Mike told us weeks ago that he's thinking of getting involved with women again. He has in the past and was just so disappointed in men that there are things about women he loves. I told him we would love him whether he was with women or men. He thanked me and said I will never know how much that means to him. All of this through texts. Since then sometimes his texts to me seem kinda flirty. Of course telling me how awesome I am. He always did but now it kinda seems different. I've told him from the get go about how great he is and that anyone would be lucky to have him. That was always under the assumption that he liked guys. It made me feel safe to talk to him this way. I guess I didn't change the way I communicated with him and I just don't know. One day he texted, I'm just crazy about you. Don't tell Joe. I texted back I think he knows :). and he responded Darn. Now back when I thought he just liked guys I would have thought it was adorable and good for my ego. Now I'm not so sure. I've felt so uncomfortable that while Joe was away I didn't text him. Just wasn't sure how he would be. I think I've enjoyed the innocent flirting. I never would have spent this much time texting any man except with what we have been going through with Adam I needed his support and info on how to deal with everything correctly. He has always been such compimentary guy and so great for my ego but always innocent because there was no threat him coming on to me. I'm not sure if I should burden Joe with this. I could be overreacting. Last night we all went out for ice cream and I felt a bit uncomfortable. I'm worried I was leading him on with sweet things I said and I don't want that at all. I'm feeling I should say something to Joe. I just don't want this to be a thing. I'm glad I have spark to think this out. He has been so amazing with Adam and a friend of ours for years. I don't want this to make things weird or have Joe think badly of him. Anyway, food was great yesturday until I got ice cream. It was sugar free but still. Will be better today. I could be completely overreacting. I'm not sure.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HARTKITTY 6/29/2011 1:04PM

    I wonder how many innocent relationships have been complicated by sms.
(just a personal theory I have about sms) You really should not feel guilty, if he has changed the rules on you. maybe you should just tell him how happily married you are and how much you love Joe. (a bit over the top if necessary) that way neither of you need be embarrassed, however if that doesn't stop him I would tell him straight out. In my personal feelings it is best not to beat about the bush if you feel confused.

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MRDPOLING 6/29/2011 12:46PM

    Hope Husby kicks this fast! No fun being sick and not being able to rest.

As for the friend, I think the others below have shared the best wisdom.

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VENISEW1 6/29/2011 12:36PM

    Sounds like you have a lot of great advice already.

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ELACEYX 6/29/2011 10:35AM

    Talk to Mike, let him know how you're feeling. Maybe you can email or text him because that's easier than face to face. Me, personally, I would tell my husband, but everyone's different. You know your husband better than anyone.

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TWEETYKC00 6/29/2011 10:16AM

    i personally think you should talk to Mike first and if you still think something is serious then talk to Joe about this. it might not be anything and if you tell Joe first, things may turn out for the worse if things get out of control. you might be able to work it out with Mike first and then you can calmly explain things to Mike after that. Ii hope your DH feels better very soon, being sick in the summer can really be bad.

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KEKEIKO 6/29/2011 8:47AM

    No, don't tell Joe. Some things are left better unsaid. Talk with Mike, work things out with him instead. You wish to keep him for a friend then don't give reason for Joe to be weary of Mike. Let Mike know that it's all innocent flirting and you enjoy it but you want to make it clear that it will never go any further. Read your blog to him if you feel you'll get nervous and can't say it directly. Let him know you value his friendship more than anything else. Strength to you! Hugs, Keke

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ODINRMC 6/29/2011 7:36AM

    This is Random, as I don't know you and this is the first blog of yours I've read, but if you think you should tell Joe, then you should tell Joe. Not telling him will make you feel like you are hiding something and it will be a seed that can manifest in other areas of your relationship. I have been in situations where I thought things were harmless friendships, that turned into more and it became a whole ordeal until it is faced and dealt with. If Mike truly values your friendship you can be honest with him about how you feel about it and tell him that you are a little uncomfortable with the direction your friendship might head. It's all easier said than done, but you will feel better for the honesty, and it will weed out anything that might come in between you and Joe. Good luck, hang in there!!!

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First major disappointment...

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Ok. So the friend I told about Adam a couple weeks ago? It was her daughters grad. party Saturday. The daughter is a sweetheart and we just love her. She came over Sunday afternoon just to spend more time with us before she leaves on a mission to Uganda for 5 weeks. Anyway, she texted with Adam last night. She asked him why he would choose to be gay.... He, being the amazing awesome kid he is tried to educate her. She then said well liars and cheaters are made by God but its not how he wants them to be... and he doesn't want you to be that way. I know its her parents influence. I know we need to help educate her... it was just a knife in my heart. Adam did great and says he is good. He knows we will worry about him and wishes we didn't . How can we not. To have someone who we love feeling this way about our son is torturous. I really thought she would be good. She has friends in school who are gay. She even considered going to prom with one of them. I'm sure she didn't get into that conversation with them. I think she is confused. I think she is torn. Her parents have poisened her mind. That is their fault. Sadly she is one of my oldest and dearest friends. I will go slowly with this. I ate awesome yesturday. I'm back. Greek yogurt for breakfast, Chipolte chicken burrito bowl with only chicken, salsa and lettuce for lunch. activia plain yogurt for snack, chef salad for dinner. I went to my hip hop class last night. That was awesome! Adams best friend was here last night when Adam got the texts and he was a great support. We all realized not one kid from school did this too him and such a close family friend has. She is struggling I think. Questioning is good. I hope we can help her.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VBPARROTHEAD 6/29/2011 10:01PM

  So sad that there are some people so fearful that they have to be terribly judgmental. yes, God made all things and al people. If we really think about that then we are saying that God made evil as well as good, and maybe He/She did. God made both male and female yet some believe that the male should dominate the female. In the time of the old testament the priests in the temple weren't married. Maybe they were gay, I don't know but I know that being gay isn't a choice it is the way one is born. I hope that this young woman and her family come to understand that. It must be really hard to have close friends not understand!

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TABBYARTS 6/29/2011 1:28PM

    God doesn't want be to be judgmental, but she (her parents) apparently are. It is sad that she has to live such a conflicted life. The Bible was (re)written by homophoebic people. It is difficult for some people to see this for the contradiction that it truly is.

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MRDPOLING 6/28/2011 9:35PM

    Adam is soooo lucky to have a mom and dad so loving and supportive!

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ANNESYLVIA 6/28/2011 9:03PM

    It sounds like you and DH did a great job in raising Adam. He is a confident young man. He is self assured and that comes from upbringing.


Hugs, {{Anne}}

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KEKEIKO 6/28/2011 4:56PM

    It's horrible how some feel the need to judge others. If this is a true friend there will be understanding not criticism. Your son is a strong person to take the time to educate those that do not take kindly to his being gay. It's hard to overcome hatred from people who already determine being gay is wrong. Bravo Adam for being the better person.

Looks like you are right on track with your food intake. emoticon

Hugs,
Keke

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KAILYNSTAR 6/28/2011 4:21PM

    How unfortunate for that to happen. I know that Adam is doing his best for educating people, but there are times that a person has to step back and let them come to their own answers in their own time.

She knows Adam. In the end, after she does some soul searching, she will make some sort of decision. What will happen, not sure.

Good to know that you are back on track with the eating.



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MIRAGE727 6/28/2011 3:30PM

    Lately, I've gone on rants. I will try to be civil.

"Choosing to be gay!" What a concept! We are given freewill to live how we feel inside. I truly believe that. I just came back to the church after 40 years. This type of thinking made me leave the church. Today, I know that God loves us all including the poisoned minded ones who will twist words. I wish your family the best and your son the strength to deal with any adversity that he encounters. Obviously, he can already handle himself with dignity. Rock on, Adam.

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CHRISTINA791 6/28/2011 10:26AM

    Your son sounds like an amazing young man, and hopefully his influence (and yours) will start to change the way this friend views things, even if the effects aren't obvious to begin with. Sometimes all it takes is one little seed to start changing minds, one at a time.

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RUNNER12COM 6/28/2011 9:39AM

    She is struggling, trying to balance what she feels in her heart with what has been poured into her head.

Your son is well grounded and strong. Have faith in him and his ability to ride through all of this.

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CAROLINATEACH 6/28/2011 9:38AM

  It is sad that a young person would compare negative acts such as lying and cheating to who a person loves. My neighbors and dear friends are a lesbian couple, and they fight this kind of ignorance daily just by living their lives positively and educating people along the way. Your son is blessed to have you in his corner, and I look forward to a world where who you love is not judged on race, gender, or any other criteria. I wish you well!

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The day went well.

Monday, June 27, 2011

The Christening went ok. I think I'm definitely getting to a better place with my sister inlaw. Slowly but thats ok. Food choices were ok there. They only had macaroni salads of many kinds and hamburgers and hot dogs. I didn't have cake which was good. But ... came home and had a big bowl of ice cream with family :(. So not a good day with food. That stinks. I will do better today. I'm going grocery shopping today and getting healthy stuff. Less than two weeks from vaca. Back to no carb! Thats it! Have a good day!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HARTKITTY 6/28/2011 4:08AM

    All positive changes come slowly. I'm so glad that things are coming right for you. Blessings. emoticon

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BRANDYSDONE 6/27/2011 11:20AM

    Congrats on not eating the cake :) I have such a hard time when I go to places that have food to eat its like I forget that Im trying to lose weight. emoticon

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KAILYNSTAR 6/27/2011 11:11AM

    You blog was ok. I wouldn't have a problem not eating macaroni salad, since that is not ok with me.

Not ok with the ice cream, but your future trip to the grocery store is ok.

Okay? emoticon

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