House marathon then off to dreamland...

Saturday, May 14, 2011

Joe and Josh had an awesome time in Massachusetts. He is such a great dad and the boys love spending quality time with them. Adam came home from school without swimming yesturday. Still fighting that stomache bug. We watched a movie on demand and then did a marathon of House. I hope he feels better today. I had a great talk with my sister inlaw yesturday and we decided I should make a short list of things I want to get done every day and check things off as I go. Through talking with her I was able to get out how stuck I've been. The smallest of tasks have felt like a chore. So yesturday I made my list and checked things off. It did feel good. So will do that today. Eating was good again yesturday and I'm heading to my hip hop class this morning. Going out to lunch with my brother's family and parents and going to the movies with my awesome friend Kate tonight. Need some good girl time after the bad energy I felt while with my friend Sue Wenesday. The boys are sleeping in and love the quiet house knowing they are home and resting. Have a peaceful healthy day my friends!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANNESYLVIA 5/15/2011 1:37PM

I hope it help you to kept the stress level down. The "list", sounds like my day planner I started when I became a teacher. It was like a bible to me. I stop years ago, a few years after I stop teaching. I do still use my phone calendar and now even utilize SP planner. Not quite like my planner where I could actually list things too. Good Luck! Report Inappropriate Comment

SIMPLE_IS_BEST 5/14/2011 11:58PM

Have a good time with your friend at the movies tonight! Report Inappropriate Comment

MRDPOLING 5/14/2011 8:35PM

sleeping in.. that sounds wonderful! Report Inappropriate Comment

FLUTTER-BY)L( 5/14/2011 7:49PM

I have been thinking that I need a daily list. I haven't sat down and done it. I have been in a funk and I think this will help me out of it. Thanks for reminding me. Report Inappropriate Comment

HARTKITTY 5/14/2011 9:52AM

My Grandmother swore by lists there were lists for everything, so I grew up with my list in my brain. Recently however with the depression and stuff I haven't followed a proper plan and DH says that I haven't left first time out this week (I must keep going back for something) and you know why because I haven't done my 8 (8 things I must do before I leave the house) I forgot my list. Report Inappropriate Comment

It's Friday Friday Friday.....

Friday, May 13, 2011

Joe and Josh are heading to Massachusetts for a band trip and psyched they have this day together. Joe works sooooo much that these are important moments for them. Found out Adam had the big "D" yesturday. He spent alot of time in the bathroom if you know what I mean. I'm having breakfast with my awesome sister inlaw today and looking forward to that. Hoping to get some good organizing done today. Adam has a baseball game tonight. Food has been really good the past couple days. I am thankful for that. I had an awesome Zumba class yesturday! It was sooooo beautiful here yesturday. I wore a cute flirty sun dress that felt really great on! I'm not where I want to be weight wise but thrilled some of my cute summer stuff fits. Have a great day my Spark Peeps!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MRDPOLING 5/13/2011 11:39PM

What's the Big D? Report Inappropriate Comment

ANNESYLVIA 5/13/2011 10:02PM

Oh, you sound so much better today. Enjoy the day! Anne Report Inappropriate Comment

KAILYNSTAR 5/13/2011 1:30PM

Good that you are going to something that you are looking forward to. Have a great weekend. Report Inappropriate Comment

HARTKITTY 5/13/2011 12:03PM

Life would be so boring if we never had anything to work on. Oh so our young man has his eye on someone, cool, do let us know how that goes. Report Inappropriate Comment

VBPARROTHEAD 5/13/2011 11:50AM

So happy that you could wear the cute, flirty sundress and feel so good in it! Congratulations! Keep up the great work! Report Inappropriate Comment

FLUTTER-BY)L( 5/13/2011 11:30AM

Glad the new outfits fit. That is very motivational for me. Enjoy the weekend. I hope the band trip goes well for them. Report Inappropriate Comment

Feeling a bit better ...thanks friends

Thursday, May 12, 2011

I kinda figured out what the root of my problem was yesturday. We were going to a friends house for dinner last night. She is my best friend from high school. We went to Spain together after graduation. She was my maid of honor in my wedding. We set up the first date with her now husband. At the births of each others children....She is someone who enjoys bringing up people being gay and joking about it. Now I've been putting off tell her about Adam and or seeing her because of the discussion. Adam said we didn't need to tell them before last night because it may be ackward and we love their kids. Omg the boys just adore their daughter who is 17. So we went. The kids were out playing and it came up. We detered the conversation and I basically let them know that this was a riduculous conversation. This isn't going to be good. I feel it. I've known it. This will be the first disappointment for all of us. Because even if she tries to be supportive it won't be the same. I know it. I'm going to talk to Adam today and make sure nothing was said with the kids. He didn't go to school today. He said he felt like he was going to get sick. I'll watch him. I'm so sad. Disappointed. I will pray about this. I'm going to my Zumba class this morning. That will help. My mom is being disappointing again as well. Oh well, par for the course. Sorry I'm being such a downer the past couple days. I'm sure I'll get out of this. Just having a moment. Have a healthy day my friends.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANNESYLVIA 5/13/2011 10:00PM

I understand better now. Of course you were anxious...your baby is now (in your mind) the bud of of her jokes. I am so sorry my friend. But remember why you two were friends...you went to Spain together you asked her over all others to be your maid of honor. You saw something in her...give her the benefit of doubt that she will be the person you cared about. you are going through this. Please let go and let GOD! Anne Report Inappropriate Comment

TEENY_BIKINI 5/12/2011 8:50PM

Sending out big hugs, sweetie. Report Inappropriate Comment

MRDPOLING 5/12/2011 8:22PM

you are allowed to be a downer... we are all here for ya! Report Inappropriate Comment

KAILYNSTAR 5/12/2011 11:15AM

Nobody likes confrontation. That's what this will be. Confrontation. It will be a time when your friend will have to take a step back and think about things now that it is in her 'back yard'. You were right in not participating in that conversation. I don't know why she is obsessed with bringing up that topic anyways. There is so much more to talk about and it's about time she learn that. As for you, I'm sorry that you are going through this. I know what it is like when a friendship changes. I had to let a friend go no too long ago. I couldn't take her attitude anymore. It was worth the sacrifice. I could sleep better once I was done missing her and realizing that I wasn't carrying her baggage anymore. Have a good day. Maybe after Zumba you will feel much better. Report Inappropriate Comment

TABBYARTS 5/12/2011 11:09AM

I am coming to realize, more and more, that TIME and LOVE prevails. It was good of you to stop the conversation that as derogatory of Gays. Adam might be feeling sick because he is holding back emotions. Fear (of rejection) sits like a lump in the stomach. It may take a long while, but she will come around. At thevery least, she will curtail the negative comments because she won't want to offend you. I'm praying for peace in this situation. Report Inappropriate Comment

HARTKITTY 5/12/2011 10:58AM

It can be very hard to loose friends especially when they have very close and important however as you say unless you can be honest with her about everything there must be a distance between you. sometimes however people surprise us because they can come to a better understanding of God's creation and receive healing even when they don't yet realize they need it. So don't loose hope. Until something is in your face it is natural to see them as funny because they are different. Now that it is REAL your friend has to really look at it as more than a joke. But give her time, even as you needed time. Report Inappropriate Comment

Gotta come clean...

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Having a bad day. Having a real bad day. My therapist says I need to process the death of my dreams for Adam. Its just so hard. I know I am not doing well on a beautiful sunny spring day and I just want to lie on the couch and cry. I think I'm doing well and then bam it hits me so hard i just don't know what to do with myself. Therapist said that I"ve been working so hard on taking care of how Adam is I've been avoiding dealing with myself. I guess that is right. The first couple months I cried so much I thought I got it all out of me. I guess not. I need tools that will help. We will work on that more at the next meeting. I'm working out, eating well (usually), talking with good friends. I just don't know what else I should be doing. She seems to feel like I just have to get through it. To feel all of it. But I also have to be a functioning member of society as well. I ended up having lunch with my sister inlaw because Joe was very busy at work. I broke down and was crying at the diner. It's not like me to do that. I just feel so lost sometimes. We watched Glee last night which was so great for Adam but put some things front and center for me again. I actually had a friend check on me today because she watched it and was concerned. I hope some spark friends can give me some words of wisdom since I won't be seeing my therapist for a couple weeks. Thanks for being here.

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANNESYLVIA 5/12/2011 8:21PM

I did not realize how effected you were still about Adam and coming out? I knew you were nervous about telling other family members and him telling his HS friends. But since that all went pretty well, I thought your anxiety was at rest. I watch Glee all the time with my 6yo daughter. I think I should sparkmail you the rest of my thoughts. Report Inappropriate Comment

BARCLE 5/12/2011 6:19PM

Wow - I love this site and the support & positivity so much - once again wise sparkers get there before me. I could not have put my supportive and encouraging comments any better than has already been versed so I'd like to tag my support on too. Report Inappropriate Comment

KAKIPOPUP 5/12/2011 4:18AM

Sometimes, the only way out is through - you will get there! Report Inappropriate Comment

MRDPOLING 5/11/2011 8:25PM

dreams can still come true if we allow ourself to see them in different ways. Report Inappropriate Comment

HANKENSTEIN 5/11/2011 2:51PM

So, I haven't known you long and went back and looked to see who Adam is and what dreams died, and I have to tell you I was struck by the joy and humor and feelings of life is good back on the day he came home from school after telling everyone. I would say your dreams may change, but never die, and that Adam is so so blessed to have a mom that cares for him as you do and who aches for him and tries to feel for him. He can't help but know he is very blessed and very very loved. Sure, there's an adjustment in a situation like that, but you are still a family full of love, and maybe more than some other kids, that will be bolstering to him and to you forever. Be grateful, too, that you have company on this walk of life, and over the rough spots and through the dips in the road. It says all that needs be said about you that when you need people at your sidde the most, they all fight for front of the line. Report Inappropriate Comment

KAILYNSTAR 5/11/2011 2:25PM

Honey, I'm processing lots of things myself, and I am at a loss what to tell you. I wish that we could all just exhale together and take a deep cleansing breath and start fresh. Just to be content would be nice. I don't watch Glee, it doesn't interest me at all. I'm more of a NCIS, Bones, Sci-Fi kind of gal. I do know that I really think of you and read your blogs. If I have something to say, then I say it. Otherwise, I just wait for the next one. You are truly going through a walk in life that I am at a loss. I am here to support you. I am here to listen. I am here for now. I think I could use a therapist right now too. Comment edited on: 5/11/2011 2:26:12 PM Report Inappropriate Comment

Needed to give myself a boost.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I browsed my page today. Checked out all new aricles. Earned my Spark points. Then said to myself. Self... you need to regroup. I'm kinda in a slump. I'm working through my feelings. I'm feeling a bit weak with the eating. I'm looking at my emotions. Whats going on. I'll keep you updated. I looked at my pictureless spark page and thought I need something here. I've noticed I usually end my posts to friends with have a healthy day. So looking at options for spark page pictures I saw this one. This will be my reminder to myself every day I view my page. It's all about health to me! Remember! Have a healthy day Snookums!

  

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TABBYARTS 5/11/2011 11:28AM

Speaking of healthy day, how's your tummy! Congrats on your fifty points! God Bless You! TOBY Report Inappropriate Comment

HIPPIECHIC68 5/11/2011 9:23AM

And a healthy day to you, my friend! Report Inappropriate Comment

DIANEWITHASMILE 5/11/2011 7:50AM

thanks! You have a healthy day, too! Report Inappropriate Comment