Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Having a bad day. Having a real bad day. My therapist says I need to process the death of my dreams for Adam. Its just so hard. I know I am not doing well on a beautiful sunny spring day and I just want to lie on the couch and cry. I think I'm doing well and then bam it hits me so hard i just don't know what to do with myself. Therapist said that I"ve been working so hard on taking care of how Adam is I've been avoiding dealing with myself. I guess that is right. The first couple months I cried so much I thought I got it all out of me. I guess not. I need tools that will help. We will work on that more at the next meeting. I'm working out, eating well (usually), talking with good friends. I just don't know what else I should be doing. She seems to feel like I just have to get through it. To feel all of it. But I also have to be a functioning member of society as well. I ended up having lunch with my sister inlaw because Joe was very busy at work. I broke down and was crying at the diner. It's not like me to do that. I just feel so lost sometimes. We watched Glee last night which was so great for Adam but put some things front and center for me again. I actually had a friend check on me today because she watched it and was concerned. I hope some spark friends can give me some words of wisdom since I won't be seeing my therapist for a couple weeks. Thanks for being here.