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Feeling a bit better ...thanks friends

Thursday, May 12, 2011

I kinda figured out what the root of my problem was yesturday. We were going to a friends house for dinner last night. She is my best friend from high school. We went to Spain together after graduation. She was my maid of honor in my wedding. We set up the first date with her now husband. At the births of each others children....She is someone who enjoys bringing up people being gay and joking about it. Now I've been putting off tell her about Adam and or seeing her because of the discussion. Adam said we didn't need to tell them before last night because it may be ackward and we love their kids. Omg the boys just adore their daughter who is 17. So we went. The kids were out playing and it came up. We detered the conversation and I basically let them know that this was a riduculous conversation. This isn't going to be good. I feel it. I've known it. This will be the first disappointment for all of us. Because even if she tries to be supportive it won't be the same. I know it. I'm going to talk to Adam today and make sure nothing was said with the kids. He didn't go to school today. He said he felt like he was going to get sick. I'll watch him. I'm so sad. Disappointed. I will pray about this. I'm going to my Zumba class this morning. That will help. My mom is being disappointing again as well. Oh well, par for the course. Sorry I'm being such a downer the past couple days. I'm sure I'll get out of this. Just having a moment. Have a healthy day my friends.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANNESYLVIA 5/13/2011 10:00PM

    I understand better now. Of course you were anxious...your baby is now (in your mind) the bud of of her jokes. I am so sorry my friend. But remember why you two were friends...you went to Spain together you asked her over all others to be your maid of honor. You saw something in her...give her the benefit of doubt that she will be the person you cared about. emoticon you are going through this. Please let go and let GOD!

emoticonAnne

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TEENY_BIKINI 5/12/2011 8:50PM

    Sending out big hugs, sweetie.

emoticon

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MRDPOLING 5/12/2011 8:22PM

    you are allowed to be a downer... we are all here for ya!

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KAILYNSTAR 5/12/2011 11:15AM

    Nobody likes confrontation. That's what this will be. Confrontation. It will be a time when your friend will have to take a step back and think about things now that it is in her 'back yard'.

You were right in not participating in that conversation. I don't know why she is obsessed with bringing up that topic anyways. There is so much more to talk about and it's about time she learn that.

As for you, I'm sorry that you are going through this. I know what it is like when a friendship changes. I had to let a friend go no too long ago. I couldn't take her attitude anymore. It was worth the sacrifice. I could sleep better once I was done missing her and realizing that I wasn't carrying her baggage anymore.

Have a good day. Maybe after Zumba you will feel much better.

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TABBYARTS 5/12/2011 11:09AM

    I am coming to realize, more and more, that TIME and LOVE prevails. It was good of you to stop the conversation that as derogatory of Gays. Adam might be feeling sick because he is holding back emotions. Fear (of rejection) sits like a lump in the stomach. It may take a long while, but she will come around. At thevery least, she will curtail the negative comments because she won't want to offend you.
I'm praying for peace in this situation.

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HARTKITTY 5/12/2011 10:58AM

    It can be very hard to loose friends especially when they have very close and important however as you say unless you can be honest with her about everything there must be a distance between you. sometimes however people surprise us because they can come to a better understanding of God's creation and receive healing even when they don't yet realize they need it. So don't loose hope. Until something is in your face it is natural to see them as funny because they are different. Now that it is REAL your friend has to really look at it as more than a joke. But give her time, even as you needed time.

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Gotta come clean...

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Having a bad day. Having a real bad day. My therapist says I need to process the death of my dreams for Adam. Its just so hard. I know I am not doing well on a beautiful sunny spring day and I just want to lie on the couch and cry. I think I'm doing well and then bam it hits me so hard i just don't know what to do with myself. Therapist said that I"ve been working so hard on taking care of how Adam is I've been avoiding dealing with myself. I guess that is right. The first couple months I cried so much I thought I got it all out of me. I guess not. I need tools that will help. We will work on that more at the next meeting. I'm working out, eating well (usually), talking with good friends. I just don't know what else I should be doing. She seems to feel like I just have to get through it. To feel all of it. But I also have to be a functioning member of society as well. I ended up having lunch with my sister inlaw because Joe was very busy at work. I broke down and was crying at the diner. It's not like me to do that. I just feel so lost sometimes. We watched Glee last night which was so great for Adam but put some things front and center for me again. I actually had a friend check on me today because she watched it and was concerned. I hope some spark friends can give me some words of wisdom since I won't be seeing my therapist for a couple weeks. Thanks for being here.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ANNESYLVIA 5/12/2011 8:21PM

    I did not realize how effected you were still about Adam and coming out? I knew you were nervous about telling other family members and him telling his HS friends. But since that all went pretty well, I thought your anxiety was at rest. I watch Glee all the time with my 6yo daughter. I think I should sparkmail you the rest of my thoughts.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BARCLE 5/12/2011 6:19PM

    Wow - I love this site and the support & positivity so much - once again wise sparkers get there before me. I could not have put my supportive and encouraging comments any better than has already been versed so I'd like to tag my support on too. emoticon

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KAKIPOPUP 5/12/2011 4:18AM

    emoticon

Sometimes, the only way out is through - you will get there!

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MRDPOLING 5/11/2011 8:25PM

    dreams can still come true if we allow ourself to see them in different ways.

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HANKENSTEIN 5/11/2011 2:51PM

    So, I haven't known you long and went back and looked to see who Adam is and what dreams died, and I have to tell you I was struck by the joy and humor and feelings of life is good back on the day he came home from school after telling everyone.

I would say your dreams may change, but never die, and that Adam is so so blessed to have a mom that cares for him as you do and who aches for him and tries to feel for him. He can't help but know he is very blessed and very very loved.

Sure, there's an adjustment in a situation like that, but you are still a family full of love, and maybe more than some other kids, that will be bolstering to him and to you forever.

Be grateful, too, that you have company on this walk of life, and over the rough spots and through the dips in the road. It says all that needs be said about you that when you need people at your sidde the most, they all fight for front of the line.

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KAILYNSTAR 5/11/2011 2:25PM

    Honey, I'm processing lots of things myself, and I am at a loss what to tell you.

I wish that we could all just exhale together and take a deep cleansing breath and start fresh. Just to be content would be nice.

I don't watch Glee, it doesn't interest me at all. I'm more of a NCIS, Bones, Sci-Fi kind of gal.

I do know that I really think of you and read your blogs. If I have something to say, then I say it. Otherwise, I just wait for the next one. You are truly going through a walk in life that I am at a loss. I am here to support you. I am here to listen. I am here for now.

I think I could use a therapist right now too. emoticon

Comment edited on: 5/11/2011 2:26:12 PM

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Needed to give myself a boost.

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

I browsed my page today. Checked out all new aricles. Earned my Spark points. Then said to myself. Self... you need to regroup. I'm kinda in a slump. I'm working through my feelings. I'm feeling a bit weak with the eating. I'm looking at my emotions. Whats going on. I'll keep you updated. I looked at my pictureless spark page and thought I need something here. I've noticed I usually end my posts to friends with have a healthy day. So looking at options for spark page pictures I saw this one. This will be my reminder to myself every day I view my page. It's all about health to me! Remember! Have a healthy day Snookums!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TABBYARTS 5/11/2011 11:28AM

    Speaking of healthy day, how's your tummy!
Congrats on your fifty points!
God Bless You!
TOBY

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HIPPIECHIC68 5/11/2011 9:23AM

    And a healthy day to you, my friend! emoticon

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DIANEWITHASMILE 5/11/2011 7:50AM

    thanks! You have a healthy day, too!

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One day at a time has gotten us here!

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Adam went to his therapist yesturday. He told me on the way that he wasn't sure he had anything to talk about. I gave him some topics he might want to discuss and he nodded. When he came out he was all smiles :). He said his therapist said that he has accomplished all he set out to do in January and they don't need to make another appt.! Of course if there is anything he needed he could call her anytime. Wow! He seems so good! Very content and just Adam! I of course will be seeing my therapist for a while :). Got some good cleaning done yesturday. I'm feeling better about that. Still fighting a stomache bug but at least I'm really not hungry :). Went to my hip hop class last night. Got some good sweating in but wasn't really into it because of my stomache issues. Oh well, I did show up. Half the battle right? Food choices were easy because stomache issues as well. I am going with my friend to my awesome Zumba class today. Have a great day my friends!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAILYNSTAR 5/10/2011 4:32PM

    Great news about Adam! Hooray for him!

Sorry that you're not feeling well. Hopefully soon, you will be back to your normal self and up and running.

Take care of yourself.

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-AD-ASTRA- 5/10/2011 2:56PM

    Seomtimes cleaning is very therapeutic as well!

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REDSHOES2011 5/10/2011 2:06PM

    emoticon

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MRDPOLING 5/10/2011 1:43PM

    Wow! Sounds like a really good therapist who sets goals to meet and doesn't feel it needs to be drug out for years and years.

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HARTKITTY 5/10/2011 1:09PM

    I am so pleased for you and your family Victory!!! Viva!!!

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CELIA1975 5/10/2011 11:15AM

    One day at a time! God bless!

Celia

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SIMPLE_IS_BEST 5/10/2011 9:33AM

    You are one tough cookie, to be going to your dance and Zumba classes with a stomach bug! You put me to shame. Hope your stomach gets better. :-)

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HIPPIECHIC68 5/10/2011 8:27AM

    Hope you beat the bug soon...so glad Adam is doing well...and you are a strong lady so I know you will get through the things you need to...

Have a wonderful day! emoticon

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BILL60 5/10/2011 7:29AM

    Hang tough!!

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Getting back on track with life!

Monday, May 09, 2011

Yesturday was nice. Although I woke up with a stomache ache. Yuck. Joe and the boys brought me strawberries with Greek yogurt and cashews in bed. :) So nice! I read the paper and got ready for brunch with the moms. Uggggg. Thank God mimosa's make it proper to drink in the morning. All four parents did everything I expecting in the ways that drive me flipping mad. Oh well. Left them and headed to Manchester for some shopping Yeah! Went to our awesome fudge store The Village Peddler in Arlington. So Yum! Headed to the outlets and got an awesome new spring purse at Kate Spade. So stylin! Got some cute things real cheap at Gap outlet. Had our Yum Yum fav Vermont sandwich at Zoey's for dinner and headed home. Ok so food choices of the board bad. Day with Joe and the boys priceless :). So funny.... crossed the Vermont state line and I announced Adam you can get married now! :) He is so awesome he wanted to go to a rally in Albany today for gay marriage. I thought he was a bit young to be downtown missing school today. I do support him wanting to be an activist though. He is awesome! Today is all about getting house kinda back in order from the flood. Feeling positive about that. Will make amazing food choices today! Will go to hip hop class tonight and dance off all that yummy food from yesturday! Have a healthy day my friends!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TABBYARTS 5/11/2011 11:21AM

    Great about spending family time and ME time.
You are doing great!
And I like how supportive you are of Adam!
TOBY

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MRDPOLING 5/9/2011 12:31PM

    Here is getting back to normal and making good food choices for us both!

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KAILYNSTAR 5/9/2011 11:37AM

    Nothing better than 'family'.

Sounds like you had a great day as it went by.



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HIPPIECHIC68 5/9/2011 9:34AM

    I'm so glad you enjoyed your day...and you have to splurge sometimes...glad you aren't feeling bad about it.

Way to go getting through the extended family thing in order to spend the rest of the day with your close loved ones...I'm sure you did great!

Have a great week as you get things back in order from the flood! emoticon

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