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Omg mom is killing me....

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Spent hours with my mom yesturday and I can't believe how much she hurt my feelings by things she said. It's still to raw and really can't get into it right now. Joe has always said she is a marter but omg I don't need this right now. I don't know what to do with this anger I'm feeling. He is reminding me she is 62 years old and I should let it go but I am so sad and I know she will say more things if I don't say something. I need to say something but I have to be that grown up again. Although the last time I had that grown up conversation I wasn't angry. Now I just want to stamp my feet and cry why and how could you say those things to me right now. I'm so naked. I'm so fragile. It's just not fair. I went to Zumba right after the conversation with her so that was a God send. I had an awesome work out and unfortunately my sister inlaw called while I drove home. She was just checking on me and I told her everything my mom said. She didn't seem surprised at all. So sad. I went home and although Joe was so supportive I just kept talking about it and it was stuck in my head. I had a big vodka seltzer and watched some Modern Family with the kids. I'm not happy I turned to alcohol to make myself feel better and will conciously work on not doing that again. So here I am turning to my Sparkfriends for healthy blogging therapy :). Thanks for reading. Have a healthy Thursday and if you one to pray... please send one upstairs for me. I'm kinda feeling like I'm teetering here and want to scream...alot....

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VBPARROTHEAD 3/31/2011 1:29PM

  I hope that you are learning lessons from your mother's behavior...namely to decide to be different from her! Oh, her age is NO excuse! My mother was hurtful from the time I was a little child (You should ahve been a boy. girls can't be trusted, etc) It took many years to deal with the hurt and actaully avoiding her at times. I needed to do that to heal. Once I realized that it was her problem, not mine, I could spend some time with her and before she died I felt real love for her for the first time. I had always wanted acceptance for myself, my husband, and my children as well as love ofr all of us. My mother didn't know how to give that love or acceptance and I had to learn to be different from her.

Oh, before she died she had to go to a nursing home as my sisters and I had no way of caring for her. For many years she didn't like my husband and hated that I had married him. One Sunday, after she was in the nursing home and many years after she decided my husband was ok, we went to see her. She looked up and saw my husband and asked is that Ed. I said, yeas and she replied that she was glad to see him. She then looked at me and said, "Who are you?" I had to leave the room, not from hurt, but because I was laughing. I didn't know whether she was so mad at me that she thought she would hurt my feelings or if she really didn't know who I was and Karma had gotten her!

Good luck with your mother situation. Will pray for you!

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REBEKAHJOHNSON 3/31/2011 11:18AM

    I had enough of my mother on June 5, 2005 and I haven't seen her since. That woman is a train wreck. Really. She is an alcohol who is also a sociopath. I realized that she ruined my childhood and I wasn't going to allow her to ruin my adulthood too... or my babies childhoods. I gave her an ultimatum, which she ignored and I never spoke to her again. And you know what? At first it was hard because I felt like she was my mother and I should keep in contact, but she doesn't care. She didn't then and she still doesn't now and I have completely detached myself from that craziness. I'm happy now, she's still miserable in her own little mental prison and I genuinely do not care. If someone is toxic for you, then you should probably just politely explain that they hurt your feelings and you are better than that, so you cannot be around them or talk to them until they can control their own emotions. That's what I would do, and I know everything! j/k haha

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RUNNER12COM 3/31/2011 10:59AM

    You cannot control what she says. You can only control your words and actions. And if she is toxic to you right now, perhaps it's time to for a little distance.

You will get through this. I can't say this enough. It gets better.

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SUECHRIS50 3/31/2011 10:21AM

    I'm sorry about what happened honey but just remember,she is your mom!My mom is gone forever and I cant pick up the phone or give her hugs!She would call me when I was losing weight and tell me YOU WONT LOSE WEIGHT!! Besides you are fine the way you are!I'd reply by saying SUPPORT me mom Dont criticize!!She had been on so many name brand diets and drugs and I was doing it Au Naturale and i think she was jealous I was doing it when she couldnt!Tell her how you feel and that you need her support...Good Luck!

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CECE0330 3/31/2011 10:18AM

    emoticon My mom is a toxic person whom I have not spoken to in 7 years. It's so hard when family falls so short of what you need. Blog away! We're here to listen & support best we can.

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HIPPIECHIC68 3/31/2011 10:01AM

    Yes, sweetie, perhaps her ignorance can be your bliss...

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HIPPIECHIC68 3/31/2011 9:44AM

    Anger doesn't necessarily have to be bad...when we feel anger, we just have to let it out some way, zumba, screaming in the car or a field, let it out and don't push it back in...

I hope you can talk to her calmly and let her know how the things she said made you feel. I am sending you purple healing energy today, my friend... emoticon...and to your Mom, too...

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SIMPLE_IS_BEST 3/31/2011 8:02AM

    My mother has the same effect on me frequently. One time she called my husband and "secretly" advised him to have me start walking everyday because I'm so fat. That's only the first example that came to mind.

My advice, stay away from her for awhile. You don't HAVE to be available for her visits or phone calls, it's okay to let the phone ring and not answer it. Distancing yourself for a few days can help you sort out your feelings and decide what you want to say to her next time.

Good luck!

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OZARKMARY 3/31/2011 7:37AM

    emoticonSorry you had such a crappy visit with your mom. We mothers can say things and not even realize how much we hurt. I'm not just siding with mom, just saying. I hope you can continue to do the best you can do for YOU. You are a very special person and deserve to feel positive about yourself and your accomplishments. I'm glad you have Zumba to help release the anger and hurt you feel. Just remember we don't always get the kind of parent we want, but they are still our parents. I WILL pray for you and your relationship w/mom. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LIVINHEALTHY9 3/31/2011 7:34AM

    Don't let your Mother's issues become yours.
I do think you need to let her know that what she said was hurtful and unkind. Maybe she didn't realize how much she upset you or maybe she did, but if you don't speak up, she may never know.

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HARTKITTY 3/31/2011 7:18AM

    Hi my friend. I understand I also have an OMG mother. everything is negative, it doesn't matter what I do I'm always in the wrong and I can never provide well enough for her, I have forced her to live in an area she doesn't like even though its a nice area about 30 years out of date and just right for us. But I did it to hurt her. So all I can say to this one my friend is Scream. let it out and then remember even if she is your mother you need to protect your inner self from her.

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Great talk with friend

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I went out with my friend Kate last night and she was awesome. We have been friends since college and she calls my boys her honorary nephews. :) I vented about everything and she made some good points. I was tired when I got home and could tell Adam was off. My mom texted me that he seemed of when she was with him for dinner. Joe told me he had a talk with him when he got home and Adam didn't like much of what he said. We are concerned about how obsessed Adam seems to be about making his sexuality a statement at school. Joe explained to him that when Mike meets someone lettting them know he is gay is not the first thing he tells them. Its a part of who he is just like being a good person, a good student, a swimmer, baseball player, brother and son. Adam seems to feel like he has to announce it from the loud speaker at school and we are concerned for him. I had told him after school that he wants to go to the GLAS meeting after school but kids will say he is gay. I told him if he wants to go to that meeting then he should go. If kids say he is he doesn't have to deny who he is. That is when he can say yes I am gay. Not just make a blanket statement to everyone. So I'm going to the dr. with mom today and Zumba tonight. I had some greek yogurt with sliced banana for breakfast. I had sashimi with Kate last night. Yum Yum! Have a good day!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HARTKITTY 3/30/2011 1:42PM

    I've been thinking when I first came out I also Came OUT, I'm actually very much a woman, But I wore suits and ties to show off I would walk every where holding my girlfriend's hand (she is actually married to a man now and has 2 daughters) But I can totally agree with SANDIEGOJOHN at some point we do grow up.
I'm just glad that you had a good time with your friend. Its time to get on with Your life. Adam is only 15, be careful that you don't let him take control of everything you have shown support and understanding but maybe its time to think about your needs now

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RUNNER12COM 3/30/2011 11:47AM

    Wow, I could have been Adam back in the day. When I was out after the Marine Corps, I was out. I mean, WAY out. I had a pink triangle sticker on my bumper, I wore t-shirts with some sort of gay statement on them... I was out of control.

It's natural. And it's normal. If you go from hiding something to finally being able to share it, it's not unusual to want to scream about it and tell the whole world.

He'll realize soon enough that it really is just one part of him, and it will cease to be THE thing that defines him. Be patient. I promise, this will pass.

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HIPPIECHIC68 3/30/2011 9:07AM

    I'm glad you had a good time with your for Adam, he will have to come to terms with how he handles telling others for the rest of his life, I imagine. He is probably just getting used to the fact, himself, of his being open and is testing the boundaries, like most kids on most things...I wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart!! emoticon

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MRDPOLING 3/30/2011 8:36AM

    We all need quiet moments with friends.

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2 blogs...1 day...

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

So I decided not to talk with my friend today. After an hour talking with her about her life she seems very off. I believe there is alot going on there. She'd like our family to come over Friday night. I'm going to call her tonight and let her know about Adam. I just didn't think telling her face to face today was a good idea. I think she needs time to wrap her brain around it. She does need to know before we get together though. She has said things to me in the past that would definitely be awful if she said it in front of Adam (or me really). I'm having dinner tonight with my great friend Kate she is a great person. I will feel really good venting with her. Zumba was good. I had a lot on my mind so I was a bit distracted. I had a good conversation with Adam after school and I feel a bit better about somethings. I had an awesome eggwhite omlette this morning, plain greek yogurt, small bowl of chili for lunch and some yogurt with blueberries for snack. Have a great night!

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HIPPIECHIC68 3/29/2011 10:03PM

    Good luck with all you have on your mind...have a great night!

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Happy Tuesday!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Heading to Zumba at 9:15. I'm having lunch with my best friend from high school. We've been friends forever. She is Christian and has said things in the past that were negative about being gay. She wants to get together with the families soon and I feel I need to let her know that Adam is gay before we all get together. I love her and her family. I'm concerned at how this is gonna go down. She is such a sweet person but when it comes to her religous beliefs its like she becomes this other person. I hope it goes well because I have been refered to as a "pit bull" when it comes to my family. I don't want this to be the end of our friendship but honestly I'm not sure where it will go. I feel like Adam is getting consumed by announcing this to the world. It's not like he just can't be who he is. He feels it has to be a statement instead of a part of Adam. Mike is concerned as well. I'm going to have a conversation with Adam about this. I just have to wrap my brain around how to go about it. One day at a time, right? Have a good day!

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KAILYNSTAR 3/29/2011 2:16PM

    Just see how the conversation goes and go from there. There is no reason that this has to be her business. If anything, Adam can see how short sighted people can be and learn to cope.

I really have no words of wisdom here for you.

As for Zumba. Never did that. There are no classes here for that.

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MRDPOLING 3/29/2011 1:34PM

    I was tempted last night to do Zumba but figured I better wait until Move2Lose is done. Too many irons in the fire makes Danny too tired.

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HARTKITTY 3/29/2011 12:17PM

    I just can't do Zumba I totally lack the co- ordination.
You know some of my story and it has been a long hard battle with trying to adjust to being a Gay Christian. I have been deeply hurt at times by Christians and sometimes it is very hard to convince my friends that their is a place is God's Kingdom for them and that the church can be a safe place.
My personal beliefs rest on certain ideas.
1. Romans 3:23 "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God"
Therefore none have hope without Jesus. It doesn't matter if you are gay or straight.
2. Depending on being straight is like the Jews depending on being Jewish
This is very clear from Ephesians 2 and Romans 4
13 It was not through the law that Abraham and his offspring received the promise that he would be heir of the world, but through the righteousness that comes by faith.

3. We have only One Saviour, The Lord Jesus Christ and it is only when we fall before Him knowing that we can do NOTHING to earn His love that we find He is the Key to the Kingdom.

4. In the world we allow small children to choose who they want as friends and yet in we think we have a right to choose friends for the King of the universe. This we do by saying that one kind of person can be a Christian but any other can not i.e If you want to be a Christian you can't be gay.
5. This is blasphemy, because what we are in essence saying is that GOD is in our theology not allowed to choose for Himself. This is not only a Gay issue it applies to everyone of all tribes and nations.
6. The Holy Spirit convicts of sin. We are called to love and pray not convict
7. Of course I believe that certain lifestyles are wrong, e.g Rape is wrong, adultery is wrong and as gay people we need to live moral lives
Mathew 7:16 By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?

Any way I thought I would give you a couple of verses (weapons to use in case you need to talk to your friend on a religious level
I will be praying for you.

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HIPPIECHIC68 3/29/2011 10:20AM

    Good luck with your lunch date today. I hope you are able to maintain your friendship but if not, just remember that it is her choice...who would want to give up a friend like you, not me!

Maybe it is just a step for Adam...this statement of his...perhaps it is what he needs to feel proud, I don't know. But it is probably a good idea to talk to him about it.

I tried zumba yesterday. The teacher was gone so they were doing a video. It was kind of hard to jump right in but with the dance I've had before and my rhythym, it wasn't too bad. Hey, it was free since the students were running the show. I can go to another free video session this Thursday and back with the teacher next week. I'll give it a go for a few sessions to see how I like it. I may be interested in teaching a bellydancing class instead.

Anyway, have a great day, my friend! emoticon

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Happy Monday!

Monday, March 28, 2011

Enjoying a normal Monday. I had some greek yogurt with a banana. A cup of coffee and later a cup of chamomile tea. I'm going to shower, pick up the house, go to Target, pick up tax info at the town hall, have lunch with mom, bring Adam to therapist and get his allergy shots. Pick up Josh from school make some baked chicken marinated in hot sauce :) go to my Zumba class and watch some mind numbing tv with family :). I never thought a normal Monday would bring such a smile to my face emoticon Thank God for the simple things in life. Enjoy your normal Monday!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FREES1 3/28/2011 1:48PM

    peace to you and yours!

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HARTKITTY 3/28/2011 11:23AM

    Life can really be fun when things are "daily" same ol' same ol'
So glad the storm has passed and the sun is coming out. Enjoy!!!

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MRDPOLING 3/28/2011 10:42AM

    Happy Monday? Noooo! Sleepy, groggy, groany, Yawny Monday. I say we boycot Monday and everyone go back to bed!

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HIPPIECHIC68 3/28/2011 9:57AM

    Less is more, I always say... enjoy the simple things! Have a beautiful day! emoticon emoticon

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PARKERB2 3/28/2011 9:50AM

    Sounds like you've go a busy schedul going on. Enjoy your day too. I think mine will be normal, hope so. Have a good day.

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