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Want to thank my Spark friends...

Friday, April 01, 2011

Thank you so much for all of your comments. Through reading all of them I've realized that there are many layers to a mother child relationship. There is a huge spectrum of relationships out there and I need to find a healthy one with mine. When ever my mom would text me yesturday I was positive and brief. I've realized to have this healthy relationship I need to give my mom only what she needs to hear about our family. She can't transition from the mom who needs to protect and advise to one who can just be supportive and understanding. That's ok I just needed to know where we stood. Now I know I can put things in perspective and go to my husband and a couple good friends when I need to vent and just be. We will be ok. Change is hard. It can be unsettling. We just need to find our way through the next chapters in our lives. Adam was cranky with his brother last nigh but I'm chalking that up to teenager moodiness. That is what is so hard about this process is that he is dealing with all this and he is a teenager Ugggggg! So I will keep myself healthy so I can keep things in perspective. So about me: I went to my amazing Zumba class last night. It rocked my world! This class in particular usually does! Came home and popped the chicken in the oven while I got ready for bed. Had a very healthy dinner with family and watched American Idol. I had a Weight Watchers Cookies and Cream ice cream bar for dessert. Everybody thought they were pretty tasty. So they will stay on the rotation for grocery list. Have a great Friday and don't getting fooled to much today :)!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

KAILYNSTAR 4/1/2011 1:31PM

    The joys of coping. That is exactly what you are doing and you're doing fine.

I have never really been the type to vent to my Mom or Dad let alone talk to them everyday. Not that they're not around or unavailable. It's just the way things are. I love my family, but I love my time without them too. Otherwise, the drama that one could get into.

Adam is a teenager and going through lots of things. He will eventually learn from his mistakes and good things that he has done in his life. I was fortunate to be the youngest in my family. Being the youngest is great. You see what your older siblings do and realize that there is no way you are going to pull that stunt!

I wonder if I can find that flavour of ice cream here. Haven't seen it on the shelves yet. Sounds yummy!

Glad that you are coping and getting on with things.

emoticon

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VBPARROTHEAD 4/1/2011 9:59AM

  Sometimes it is hard to change because we are afraid of what can't be seen but you seem to have a much clearer view right now. Congratulations. It will take a while to get the relationship with your mother where you want it but you are on the right track!

And, yes, Adam is a teenager and there is a lot of angst and dramam in boys and girls at this age! They also are very "smart mouthed" and sarcastic. the thing I told myself when my girls were like this was, "They aren't brain dead like some think. they are actually really smart not just smart mouthed". Good luck through these teen years, they are a challenge!

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FREES1 4/1/2011 9:38AM

    things sound good - changing from a parent-child relatonshp to one of two adults can be a tough transition.. you'll make it... and kids will be kids - gay or straight - just like adults!

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HIPPIECHIC68 4/1/2011 9:05AM

    Go, you! You are doing fine...I'm trying really hard not to fool myself today!

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MRDPOLING 4/1/2011 8:23AM

    Sounds like you are really working on YOU good.

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KOREENREGIS 4/1/2011 7:14AM

  emoticon

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OK time to blog about me...

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Enough about mom and or kids or husband for that matter :). I had yummy omlette for breakfast. Egg whites, spinach, tomatoes, black olives and cheddar cheese lowfat. A cup of plain greek yogurt with sliced bananas for snack. I met hubby and our good friend for lunch at Chipolte. I had chicken burrito bowl with mild salsa and lettuce and a cup of unsweetened iced tea. I had a 1/2 cup of Activia plain yogurt with sliced granny smith apple for snack. I wasn't great with dinner last night. After my awesome dance class i came home stressed and had some prepackaged breaded chicken strips and 2 small pieces of frozen pizza :(. I will do better tonight. I'm defrosting boneless chicken breast and will marinate them with hot sauce :) yum! I'll have some broccoli and wax beans for sides. I have a Zumba class at 6pm and I'm really looking forward to it as usual. Tonights class is my favorite instructor. She makes you feel your at your favorite club at 1am bringing the roof down :). Have a healthy night!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MIQUEY73 4/1/2011 9:11AM

    Sounds like you have a plan going forward to avoid another repeat. Good job! Enjoy your class!

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HARTKITTY 4/1/2011 5:56AM

    There you go! You must always love you best of all or you will have nothing to give anyone else. Take care of you, you are worth it. I'm glad you are enjoying your Zumba class emoticon

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KAILYNSTAR 3/31/2011 6:18PM

    Food sounds good.

I should make something for supper too. I am having a blank moment right now and I have no ambition to cook.

I did however go for a walk. It was great.

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FLUTTER-BY)L( 3/31/2011 6:06PM

    Having a plan is more than half the attle for me. Keep moving forward and you can do it.

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MRDPOLING 3/31/2011 3:15PM

    I tried a healthy scrambled egg recipe in the microwave yesterday evening for the first time. Mom and dad swear by 'em. Took like forever!!!!!! I won't be doing it that way again. LOL!

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FCARMICH 3/31/2011 2:59PM

  okay

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Omg mom is killing me....

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Spent hours with my mom yesturday and I can't believe how much she hurt my feelings by things she said. It's still to raw and really can't get into it right now. Joe has always said she is a marter but omg I don't need this right now. I don't know what to do with this anger I'm feeling. He is reminding me she is 62 years old and I should let it go but I am so sad and I know she will say more things if I don't say something. I need to say something but I have to be that grown up again. Although the last time I had that grown up conversation I wasn't angry. Now I just want to stamp my feet and cry why and how could you say those things to me right now. I'm so naked. I'm so fragile. It's just not fair. I went to Zumba right after the conversation with her so that was a God send. I had an awesome work out and unfortunately my sister inlaw called while I drove home. She was just checking on me and I told her everything my mom said. She didn't seem surprised at all. So sad. I went home and although Joe was so supportive I just kept talking about it and it was stuck in my head. I had a big vodka seltzer and watched some Modern Family with the kids. I'm not happy I turned to alcohol to make myself feel better and will conciously work on not doing that again. So here I am turning to my Sparkfriends for healthy blogging therapy :). Thanks for reading. Have a healthy Thursday and if you one to pray... please send one upstairs for me. I'm kinda feeling like I'm teetering here and want to scream...alot....

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VBPARROTHEAD 3/31/2011 1:29PM

  I hope that you are learning lessons from your mother's behavior...namely to decide to be different from her! Oh, her age is NO excuse! My mother was hurtful from the time I was a little child (You should ahve been a boy. girls can't be trusted, etc) It took many years to deal with the hurt and actaully avoiding her at times. I needed to do that to heal. Once I realized that it was her problem, not mine, I could spend some time with her and before she died I felt real love for her for the first time. I had always wanted acceptance for myself, my husband, and my children as well as love ofr all of us. My mother didn't know how to give that love or acceptance and I had to learn to be different from her.

Oh, before she died she had to go to a nursing home as my sisters and I had no way of caring for her. For many years she didn't like my husband and hated that I had married him. One Sunday, after she was in the nursing home and many years after she decided my husband was ok, we went to see her. She looked up and saw my husband and asked is that Ed. I said, yeas and she replied that she was glad to see him. She then looked at me and said, "Who are you?" I had to leave the room, not from hurt, but because I was laughing. I didn't know whether she was so mad at me that she thought she would hurt my feelings or if she really didn't know who I was and Karma had gotten her!

Good luck with your mother situation. Will pray for you!

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REBEKAHJOHNSON 3/31/2011 11:18AM

    I had enough of my mother on June 5, 2005 and I haven't seen her since. That woman is a train wreck. Really. She is an alcohol who is also a sociopath. I realized that she ruined my childhood and I wasn't going to allow her to ruin my adulthood too... or my babies childhoods. I gave her an ultimatum, which she ignored and I never spoke to her again. And you know what? At first it was hard because I felt like she was my mother and I should keep in contact, but she doesn't care. She didn't then and she still doesn't now and I have completely detached myself from that craziness. I'm happy now, she's still miserable in her own little mental prison and I genuinely do not care. If someone is toxic for you, then you should probably just politely explain that they hurt your feelings and you are better than that, so you cannot be around them or talk to them until they can control their own emotions. That's what I would do, and I know everything! j/k haha

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RUNNER12COM 3/31/2011 10:59AM

    You cannot control what she says. You can only control your words and actions. And if she is toxic to you right now, perhaps it's time to for a little distance.

You will get through this. I can't say this enough. It gets better.

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SUECHRIS50 3/31/2011 10:21AM

    I'm sorry about what happened honey but just remember,she is your mom!My mom is gone forever and I cant pick up the phone or give her hugs!She would call me when I was losing weight and tell me YOU WONT LOSE WEIGHT!! Besides you are fine the way you are!I'd reply by saying SUPPORT me mom Dont criticize!!She had been on so many name brand diets and drugs and I was doing it Au Naturale and i think she was jealous I was doing it when she couldnt!Tell her how you feel and that you need her support...Good Luck!

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CECE0330 3/31/2011 10:18AM

    emoticon My mom is a toxic person whom I have not spoken to in 7 years. It's so hard when family falls so short of what you need. Blog away! We're here to listen & support best we can.

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HIPPIECHIC68 3/31/2011 10:01AM

    Yes, sweetie, perhaps her ignorance can be your bliss...

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HIPPIECHIC68 3/31/2011 9:44AM

    Anger doesn't necessarily have to be bad...when we feel anger, we just have to let it out some way, zumba, screaming in the car or a field, let it out and don't push it back in...

I hope you can talk to her calmly and let her know how the things she said made you feel. I am sending you purple healing energy today, my friend... emoticon...and to your Mom, too...

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SIMPLE_IS_BEST 3/31/2011 8:02AM

    My mother has the same effect on me frequently. One time she called my husband and "secretly" advised him to have me start walking everyday because I'm so fat. That's only the first example that came to mind.

My advice, stay away from her for awhile. You don't HAVE to be available for her visits or phone calls, it's okay to let the phone ring and not answer it. Distancing yourself for a few days can help you sort out your feelings and decide what you want to say to her next time.

Good luck!

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OZARKMARY 3/31/2011 7:37AM

    emoticonSorry you had such a crappy visit with your mom. We mothers can say things and not even realize how much we hurt. I'm not just siding with mom, just saying. I hope you can continue to do the best you can do for YOU. You are a very special person and deserve to feel positive about yourself and your accomplishments. I'm glad you have Zumba to help release the anger and hurt you feel. Just remember we don't always get the kind of parent we want, but they are still our parents. I WILL pray for you and your relationship w/mom. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LIVINHEALTHY9 3/31/2011 7:34AM

    Don't let your Mother's issues become yours.
I do think you need to let her know that what she said was hurtful and unkind. Maybe she didn't realize how much she upset you or maybe she did, but if you don't speak up, she may never know.




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HARTKITTY 3/31/2011 7:18AM

    Hi my friend. I understand I also have an OMG mother. everything is negative, it doesn't matter what I do I'm always in the wrong and I can never provide well enough for her, I have forced her to live in an area she doesn't like even though its a nice area about 30 years out of date and just right for us. But I did it to hurt her. So all I can say to this one my friend is Scream. let it out and then remember even if she is your mother you need to protect your inner self from her.

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Great talk with friend

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I went out with my friend Kate last night and she was awesome. We have been friends since college and she calls my boys her honorary nephews. :) I vented about everything and she made some good points. I was tired when I got home and could tell Adam was off. My mom texted me that he seemed of when she was with him for dinner. Joe told me he had a talk with him when he got home and Adam didn't like much of what he said. We are concerned about how obsessed Adam seems to be about making his sexuality a statement at school. Joe explained to him that when Mike meets someone lettting them know he is gay is not the first thing he tells them. Its a part of who he is just like being a good person, a good student, a swimmer, baseball player, brother and son. Adam seems to feel like he has to announce it from the loud speaker at school and we are concerned for him. I had told him after school that he wants to go to the GLAS meeting after school but kids will say he is gay. I told him if he wants to go to that meeting then he should go. If kids say he is he doesn't have to deny who he is. That is when he can say yes I am gay. Not just make a blanket statement to everyone. So I'm going to the dr. with mom today and Zumba tonight. I had some greek yogurt with sliced banana for breakfast. I had sashimi with Kate last night. Yum Yum! Have a good day!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HARTKITTY 3/30/2011 1:42PM

    I've been thinking when I first came out I also Came OUT, I'm actually very much a woman, But I wore suits and ties to show off I would walk every where holding my girlfriend's hand (she is actually married to a man now and has 2 daughters) But I can totally agree with SANDIEGOJOHN at some point we do grow up.
I'm just glad that you had a good time with your friend. Its time to get on with Your life. Adam is only 15, be careful that you don't let him take control of everything you have shown support and understanding but maybe its time to think about your needs now

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RUNNER12COM 3/30/2011 11:47AM

    Wow, I could have been Adam back in the day. When I was out after the Marine Corps, I was out. I mean, WAY out. I had a pink triangle sticker on my bumper, I wore t-shirts with some sort of gay statement on them... I was out of control.

It's natural. And it's normal. If you go from hiding something to finally being able to share it, it's not unusual to want to scream about it and tell the whole world.

He'll realize soon enough that it really is just one part of him, and it will cease to be THE thing that defines him. Be patient. I promise, this will pass.

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HIPPIECHIC68 3/30/2011 9:07AM

    I'm glad you had a good time with your friend...as for Adam, he will have to come to terms with how he handles telling others for the rest of his life, I imagine. He is probably just getting used to the fact, himself, of his being open and is testing the boundaries, like most kids on most things...I wish you all the best from the bottom of my heart!! emoticon

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MRDPOLING 3/30/2011 8:36AM

    We all need quiet moments with friends.

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2 blogs...1 day...

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

So I decided not to talk with my friend today. After an hour talking with her about her life she seems very off. I believe there is alot going on there. She'd like our family to come over Friday night. I'm going to call her tonight and let her know about Adam. I just didn't think telling her face to face today was a good idea. I think she needs time to wrap her brain around it. She does need to know before we get together though. She has said things to me in the past that would definitely be awful if she said it in front of Adam (or me really). I'm having dinner tonight with my great friend Kate she is a great person. I will feel really good venting with her. Zumba was good. I had a lot on my mind so I was a bit distracted. I had a good conversation with Adam after school and I feel a bit better about somethings. I had an awesome eggwhite omlette this morning, plain greek yogurt, small bowl of chili for lunch and some yogurt with blueberries for snack. Have a great night!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HIPPIECHIC68 3/29/2011 10:03PM

    Good luck with all you have on your mind...have a great night!

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