SNOOKUMS19   30,149
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Happy Saturday.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

Adam just asked me if I think its a good idea for him to tell his friend Jared that he is gay. I told him he should do whats best for him. Do you think that was good advise? Please give me some advise. I'm trying to do right. He also texted Mike. Hopefully he will get back soon. Jared just got here. Here we go :). My dance class was a bust. I shouldn't say that actually, I did get a good workout but it was a whole new dance routine and it was very frustrating. I really didn't like some of the moves. That doesn't happen very offen and is extremely annoying. Please get back with words of wisdom!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNNER12COM 3/28/2011 3:33PM

    It was absolutely great advice to tell him to do what makes him feel comfortable. He will make good choices and, sometimes, not so great choices. But he'll learn from them all.

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MRDPOLING 3/26/2011 5:02PM

    I got your spark-mail. So glad Jared is being so cool about it!

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KAILYNSTAR 3/26/2011 1:34PM

    You must have got used to the routine that they had for dance and then they changed it up. It is totally understanding that you were frustrated. I would be too. The only thing is is that you will do better the next time and the time after that.

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Hi friends!

Friday, March 25, 2011

I told Joe yesturday that I'm actually starting to feel like myself. Starting. Kinda like I've been under this spell for 5 months and know I feel this huge weight is ever slowly being lifted off of me. My hair looks better, my skin glows more I'm eating much healthier. I feel like tackling cleaning and organizing projects. I am so grateful I've made it to this place. We are so blessed that Adam had gone through this process without turning to distructive avenues to deal with everything. I've also found the past couple of days that I am not sitting on my Sparkpage every moment that I can. Not that I'm not interested in my friends and getting in touch with them :). It's just that it's not encompassing my day. So thank you all for being here. If you asked me 5 months ago if I would be here I'd doubt you completely but here I am. Still taking things day by day but will be happy to be blogging about my nutritional tracker and workout programs which is how I started on this site. Oh, side note, Spark friend John said to me that one day in the not so far future we would sit around the table having a laugh about thing that happened during this trying time. Well we have already started. We were joking during the week how when we told my parents they were worried we were going to tell them we were getting divorce. My brother actually told my mom that if Joe cheated on me he was going to beat the crap out of him :). LOL My father inlaw that we were going to tell them that I was pregnant :). Which would have been incriminating for me since Joe had a vacetamy 12 years ago LOL. So here we are feeling pretty darn good :) Have a great weekend!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MRDPOLING 3/26/2011 11:46AM

    Valley's are so much fun huh? hehehe! Well coming out of the valley's is fun!

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KAILYNSTAR 3/25/2011 1:04PM

    It's so funny how other people think. It's so nice that things are starting to calm down for you and your family.

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FREES1 3/25/2011 11:26AM

    glad to see that the sun is shining for you and the darkness is lifting! its your son's journey afterall and he's lucky to have the parents he does! breathe - this too will pass!

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HIPPIECHIC68 3/25/2011 10:58AM

    Glad you all are feeling better. Now that the weight is being lifted, you can focus more on you for a while. Your health and well-being. You are an awesome lady and look forward to seeing your progress!

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HARTKITTY 3/25/2011 10:41AM

    You see now??? We do go through trial but we are never forsaken, If God leads you to it God will lead you through it. A very trite thing to say to someone who is hurting But it is true.

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Mom and I had a productive talk...

Thursday, March 24, 2011

We met at a diner and sat for about 2 hours. I explained exactly what I need from her and my dad. I know I'm 40 years old and have been through quite a bit in my life but I never really felt like a grown up. That conversation definitely was a grown up conversation. I stayed very calm and focused. She told me she understood. So I guess we will see as we go. Joe brought the boys to the movies last night and I got a good Zumba class in. I came home and my mother inlaw texted me. She asked how we are doing and if we could come to dinner on Sunday. I filled her in on everything going on here. She hadn't told the family yet which was a surprise. She said she was waiting to here from me. Typical for them. God forbid they call us to check in. Instead even in such a trying time they can't be the one to go out of there way for us. I shouldn't be surprised it just hurts. Have a good day Spark friends!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FREES1 3/24/2011 3:36PM

    glad that you were able to have a sit down honest adult conversation with your mom- its all a part of growing up and each of you seeing the other differently than you have in the earlier parts of your lives...
your inlaw texted... rather than called... funny, its often the older people complaining that younger people are texting instead of calling! she contacted nonetheless.. and maybe she thinks the news should come from you instead of her - who knows what goes on in people's minds...
hey your getting there, making progress!

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KAILYNSTAR 3/24/2011 11:45AM

    A grown up conversation with parents? That can happen? You actually felt grown up with her in the room?

W O W !

In all seriousness, glad that you managed to do that.

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HIPPIECHIC68 3/24/2011 11:13AM

    I know...and it is so nice to have grown-up conversations with our parents, isn't it? I'm glad you were able to do it and just keep on with your immediate family, I'm sure with the extended family, the 'news' will trickle out and who knows you may find even more support when it does.

Have a good day, sweetie!

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MRDPOLING 3/24/2011 9:25AM

    People sometimes are completely blind to the way they are until forced to see themselves in a mirror.

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Had a great night with family....Love our Glee!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

After a stressful day and sick kid we ended the day with some good singing and laughing. Nothing heals the soul like a good laugh. It makes everthing normal in our house. Adam seemed better last night. My sister inlaw checked in with him as well as my nephew. That I think was a big deal. To have one of his boy cousins acting normal is definitely important. My mom made an appt. with my therapist. I'm happy about that but it's not until April 6th. So I'm sure I will be having a discussion with her today about how she will be dealing until then. I haven't heard from my friend how she did yesturday with our friends. I'll check in with her later. My mom sounds pretty good last night. She tried to get into it a little last night but I didn't engage. We will have some alone time today so I'll explain what I can give her and what I can't. I had a great conversation with Mike yesturday. We usually txt each other and when we are together the kids are with us or Joe. So to discuss all of this just him and I was great. Every day there is a new challenge and having him is unbelieveable. I felt much more clear headed and had a plan for one of our challenges when I got off the phone. I really need to talk things out when something gets in my head and when Joe is with us I need to share the conversation. I know it may seem self centered but I just needed to hear Mike talk to me. My perspective. It was a relief. Thanks for everything Spark friends and have a great Wenesday!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FREES1 3/24/2011 3:38PM

    not to worry about how and when the news spreads - it will take its own course as does the rest of life... there will be hard times and good times, as with everything... and in the end all will settle

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HARTKITTY 3/24/2011 6:50AM

    I am so glad at the progress everything seems to be working out Praise God!!!

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MRDPOLING 3/23/2011 3:16PM

    Have you ever read Hind's Feet On High Places? Life is a serious of highs and lows and through we may not realize, we are ever moving up, even when going into a valley. But one day we are walking and suddenly the gloom of the valley parts and the sun light hits us. It is then we realize how far we've come.

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KAILYNSTAR 3/23/2011 12:56PM


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RUNNER12COM 3/23/2011 12:38PM

    Each day, a little better. That's really the best any of us can hope for, right?

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HIPPIECHIC68 3/23/2011 8:55AM

    Singing and laughing is good for the soul... Glad you ended your day well!

Sending good energy to you for your meeting with Mom... You will make it through your daily challenges, I'm sure. emoticon

Have a super day!!

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Another ticket for the rollercoaster

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

So my parents are not dealing well. My mother is crying all the time. My dad was over last night and actually talked about how difficult this is for them while Adam was around. UGGGGGGG! Them dealing is not my problem right now. I gave my mother the number of my therapist last night. After she was trying to tell me maybe I should go about things in a different way!!!!!! OMG I"ve been focusing my world around making things healthy for Adam for at least 5 months. Working with professionals, blessed enought to have an amazing gay friend and educator who will listen to me and consult with Adam, an amazing online support center with friends of all kinds who shower me with support and advise. I don't have the patience or willingness to comfort, educate or coddle my parents through this. I just don't. I will be having a conversation with my mom about this at some point today. This can't go on. I need her support. I need her soft place to fall, if and when I need one. Sorry for ranting but I feel betrayed. I want from her what I desperately try to give my child. Thanks for listening.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HARTKITTY 3/23/2011 2:24AM

    Hold on tight, we your friends are with you. And the God of love loves you, Adam and your folks He will bring peace and restoration. I'm praying for you emoticon

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KAILYNSTAR 3/22/2011 9:41PM

    Somehow, I'm not surprised about their reaction.

Yes, they accepted it in the first place, but I think that they really needed to process this. Of course you know that they are grieving what they have lost in their dreams for his future, etc... You know all of this too.

I guess what I am trying to say is, they need to talk to someone about this and NOT make their feelings your problem. You did the right thing about giving the number to your therapist. Hopefully, if they are not too stuck in their ways, they will go and see that therapist.

Hopefully, all and all, things will calm down after they have more time to accept this.

Hang in there. Hugs!

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MIQUEY73 3/22/2011 9:02PM

    Hang in there. {{{HUGS}}}

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VBPARROTHEAD 3/22/2011 2:36PM

  Your parents are probably of the generation that thought homosexuality was a "mental disorder" or of the group that blamed being gay on parenting or lack of it. What a shame that they haven't been able to change views and accept that Adam is who he is just because.. that he is normal, just not attracted to femals in a sexual way. but still normal. He is the same boy that he was before you told them! Remind them of that, as someone else suggested and, as someone suggested, get in touch with phlag. that organization helped my friend very much when she was dealing with learning that her son is gay.

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RUNNER12COM 3/22/2011 12:22PM

    Adam is mature enough to understand that people react differently to surprising or upsetting news. And he is mature enough to know that learning a loved one is gay can be shocking.

But clearly, Adam is surrounded by enough love and support that he will be able to handle all of this emotionally. He knows that he is loved, that is he supported, and that he is accepted just as he is.

Your folks will come around. But until they do, this is their problem, not yours and certainly not Adam's.

Hang in there. And if you have not yet done so, please contact your local chapter of PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). They have all been where you are right now, and they can help.

Hang in there.

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FREES1 3/22/2011 10:18AM

    Remind your parents that Adam is the same kid that they have known and loved for the entire time they have known him. Let them know just what you have told us - that if they want to be around you and be supportive than please come on.. and that if they need your support then you can give it to them as long as they stay positive... It might take them a little while to accept the idea as for those who lack understanding it can make them think they or you, their daughter, have done something "wrong" to make him this way... hopefully they will learn... hang in there and thanks for being the parent to Adam that you are!

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HIPPIECHIC68 3/22/2011 9:21AM

    I agree with simple_is_best...

I'm sorry they aren't as supportive as you thought they were going to be. Just stay strong and know that you ARE doing things that will support Adam and keep HIM healthy. I have seen far too many young gay people with so many issues because of how their families 'took' it.

I am so proud of the support your immediate family is giving are all doing such a great job! (((HUGS)))

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MRDPOLING 3/22/2011 8:47AM

    I am sure with a bit of time they will come to accept it. The older generation tends to take longer to adapt; at least that has been my experience.

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JANRTEACH 3/22/2011 8:44AM

    I think your parents are in grief right now. They haven't had the benefit of months of knowing like you. They probably need some time. It's all about that "new normal."

Comment edited on: 3/22/2011 8:45:05 AM

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SIMPLE_IS_BEST 3/22/2011 8:10AM

    Your parents are adults and can handle it if you tell them what you think.

Better to get it out in the open and set them straight, letting them know that if they have a problem with this they can get counseling and deal with it with each other, but not with you. Just tell them, it is what it is, and they need to accept it, and quit coming to you with complaints, criticisms, or other worries, because you've already thought of all that stuff on your own and it's not doing you any good to hear it again from them. Tell them you understand that they are just trying to be helpful, but the most helpful thing they can do is to keep their suggestions and such to themselves for now.

However you tell them, you do need to say something. They probably have no idea how their behavior is affecting you. Good luck!

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