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Mom and I had a productive talk...

Thursday, March 24, 2011

We met at a diner and sat for about 2 hours. I explained exactly what I need from her and my dad. I know I'm 40 years old and have been through quite a bit in my life but I never really felt like a grown up. That conversation definitely was a grown up conversation. I stayed very calm and focused. She told me she understood. So I guess we will see as we go. Joe brought the boys to the movies last night and I got a good Zumba class in. I came home and my mother inlaw texted me. She asked how we are doing and if we could come to dinner on Sunday. I filled her in on everything going on here. She hadn't told the family yet which was a surprise. She said she was waiting to here from me. Typical for them. God forbid they call us to check in. Instead even in such a trying time they can't be the one to go out of there way for us. I shouldn't be surprised it just hurts. Have a good day Spark friends!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FREES1 3/24/2011 3:36PM

    glad that you were able to have a sit down honest adult conversation with your mom- its all a part of growing up and each of you seeing the other differently than you have in the earlier parts of your lives...
your inlaw texted... rather than called... funny, its often the older people complaining that younger people are texting instead of calling! she contacted nonetheless.. and maybe she thinks the news should come from you instead of her - who knows what goes on in people's minds...
hey your getting there, making progress!

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KAILYNSTAR 3/24/2011 11:45AM

    A grown up conversation with parents? That can happen? You actually felt grown up with her in the room?

W O W !

In all seriousness, glad that you managed to do that.

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HIPPIECHIC68 3/24/2011 11:13AM

    I know...and it is so nice to have grown-up conversations with our parents, isn't it? I'm glad you were able to do it and just keep on with your immediate family, I'm sure with the extended family, the 'news' will trickle out and who knows you may find even more support when it does.

Have a good day, sweetie!

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MRDPOLING 3/24/2011 9:25AM

    People sometimes are completely blind to the way they are until forced to see themselves in a mirror.

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Had a great night with family....Love our Glee!

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

After a stressful day and sick kid we ended the day with some good singing and laughing. Nothing heals the soul like a good laugh. It makes everthing normal in our house. Adam seemed better last night. My sister inlaw checked in with him as well as my nephew. That I think was a big deal. To have one of his boy cousins acting normal is definitely important. My mom made an appt. with my therapist. I'm happy about that but it's not until April 6th. So I'm sure I will be having a discussion with her today about how she will be dealing until then. I haven't heard from my friend how she did yesturday with our friends. I'll check in with her later. My mom sounds pretty good last night. She tried to get into it a little last night but I didn't engage. We will have some alone time today so I'll explain what I can give her and what I can't. I had a great conversation with Mike yesturday. We usually txt each other and when we are together the kids are with us or Joe. So to discuss all of this just him and I was great. Every day there is a new challenge and having him is unbelieveable. I felt much more clear headed and had a plan for one of our challenges when I got off the phone. I really need to talk things out when something gets in my head and when Joe is with us I need to share the conversation. I know it may seem self centered but I just needed to hear Mike talk to me. My perspective. It was a relief. Thanks for everything Spark friends and have a great Wenesday!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FREES1 3/24/2011 3:38PM

    not to worry about how and when the news spreads - it will take its own course as does the rest of life... there will be hard times and good times, as with everything... and in the end all will settle

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HARTKITTY 3/24/2011 6:50AM

    I am so glad at the progress everything seems to be working out Praise God!!!

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MRDPOLING 3/23/2011 3:16PM

    Have you ever read Hind's Feet On High Places? Life is a serious of highs and lows and through we may not realize, we are ever moving up, even when going into a valley. But one day we are walking and suddenly the gloom of the valley parts and the sun light hits us. It is then we realize how far we've come.

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KAILYNSTAR 3/23/2011 12:56PM

    emoticon

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RUNNER12COM 3/23/2011 12:38PM

    Each day, a little better. That's really the best any of us can hope for, right?

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HIPPIECHIC68 3/23/2011 8:55AM

    Singing and laughing is good for the soul... Glad you ended your day well!

Sending good energy to you for your meeting with Mom... You will make it through your daily challenges, I'm sure. emoticon

Have a super day!!

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Another ticket for the rollercoaster

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

So my parents are not dealing well. My mother is crying all the time. My dad was over last night and actually talked about how difficult this is for them while Adam was around. UGGGGGGG! Them dealing is not my problem right now. I gave my mother the number of my therapist last night. After she was trying to tell me maybe I should go about things in a different way!!!!!! OMG I"ve been focusing my world around making things healthy for Adam for at least 5 months. Working with professionals, blessed enought to have an amazing gay friend and educator who will listen to me and consult with Adam, an amazing online support center with friends of all kinds who shower me with support and advise. I don't have the patience or willingness to comfort, educate or coddle my parents through this. I just don't. I will be having a conversation with my mom about this at some point today. This can't go on. I need her support. I need her soft place to fall, if and when I need one. Sorry for ranting but I feel betrayed. I want from her what I desperately try to give my child. Thanks for listening.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HARTKITTY 3/23/2011 2:24AM

    Hold on tight, we your friends are with you. And the God of love loves you, Adam and your folks He will bring peace and restoration. I'm praying for you emoticon

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KAILYNSTAR 3/22/2011 9:41PM

    Somehow, I'm not surprised about their reaction.

Yes, they accepted it in the first place, but I think that they really needed to process this. Of course you know that they are grieving what they have lost in their dreams for his future, etc... You know all of this too.

I guess what I am trying to say is, they need to talk to someone about this and NOT make their feelings your problem. You did the right thing about giving the number to your therapist. Hopefully, if they are not too stuck in their ways, they will go and see that therapist.

Hopefully, all and all, things will calm down after they have more time to accept this.

Hang in there. Hugs!


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MIQUEY73 3/22/2011 9:02PM

    Hang in there. {{{HUGS}}}

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VBPARROTHEAD 3/22/2011 2:36PM

  Your parents are probably of the generation that thought homosexuality was a "mental disorder" or of the group that blamed being gay on parenting or lack of it. What a shame that they haven't been able to change views and accept that Adam is who he is just because.. that he is normal, just not attracted to femals in a sexual way. but still normal. He is the same boy that he was before you told them! Remind them of that, as someone else suggested and, as someone suggested, get in touch with phlag. that organization helped my friend very much when she was dealing with learning that her son is gay.

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RUNNER12COM 3/22/2011 12:22PM

    Adam is mature enough to understand that people react differently to surprising or upsetting news. And he is mature enough to know that learning a loved one is gay can be shocking.

But clearly, Adam is surrounded by enough love and support that he will be able to handle all of this emotionally. He knows that he is loved, that is he supported, and that he is accepted just as he is.

Your folks will come around. But until they do, this is their problem, not yours and certainly not Adam's.

Hang in there. And if you have not yet done so, please contact your local chapter of PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). They have all been where you are right now, and they can help.

Hang in there.

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FREES1 3/22/2011 10:18AM

    Remind your parents that Adam is the same kid that they have known and loved for the entire time they have known him. Let them know just what you have told us - that if they want to be around you and be supportive than please come on.. and that if they need your support then you can give it to them as long as they stay positive... It might take them a little while to accept the idea as for those who lack understanding it can make them think they or you, their daughter, have done something "wrong" to make him this way... hopefully they will learn... hang in there and thanks for being the parent to Adam that you are!

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HIPPIECHIC68 3/22/2011 9:21AM

    I agree with simple_is_best...

I'm sorry they aren't as supportive as you thought they were going to be. Just stay strong and know that you ARE doing things that will support Adam and keep HIM healthy. I have seen far too many young gay people with so many issues because of how their families 'took' it.

I am so proud of the support your immediate family is giving him...you are all doing such a great job! (((HUGS)))

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MRDPOLING 3/22/2011 8:47AM

    I am sure with a bit of time they will come to accept it. The older generation tends to take longer to adapt; at least that has been my experience.

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JANRTEACH 3/22/2011 8:44AM

    I think your parents are in grief right now. They haven't had the benefit of months of knowing like you. They probably need some time. It's all about that "new normal."

Comment edited on: 3/22/2011 8:45:05 AM

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SIMPLE_IS_BEST 3/22/2011 8:10AM

    Your parents are adults and can handle it if you tell them what you think.

Better to get it out in the open and set them straight, letting them know that if they have a problem with this they can get counseling and deal with it with each other, but not with you. Just tell them, it is what it is, and they need to accept it, and quit coming to you with complaints, criticisms, or other worries, because you've already thought of all that stuff on your own and it's not doing you any good to hear it again from them. Tell them you understand that they are just trying to be helpful, but the most helpful thing they can do is to keep their suggestions and such to themselves for now.

However you tell them, you do need to say something. They probably have no idea how their behavior is affecting you. Good luck!

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Can't sleep ...Ugggg

Monday, March 21, 2011

I don't have these nights very often but here I am. I had a really nice day. We missed church today because we spent 2 hours in a Catholic Church Friday night for my neices confirmation and 2 hours in a Temple on Saturday for a Bat Mitzvah. So I think we spent some quality time with God this week. So I hung out in my pj's until 11am. It was great! We went to lunch with a friend and then I went to an amazing Zumba class. Our friend Mike came over at 4pm. It's the first time we've all been together since Adam came out to us. It was so nice. I think it was great for Adam. I ate some chips that I feel pretty bad about. Josh has a sore throat so I will be calling the pediatrician in the morning. I hope I get some sleep soon. Thanks Spark friends for everything. Hope we all have a healthy week.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FREES1 3/21/2011 11:55AM

    I love your way with words - spent enough time.. that's cool... sorry you had trouble sleeping - supposedly late night exposure to the lights of the computer monitor can make sleeping harder..
Sounds as though you had a lovely Sunday - and not to worry about the chips... its over and done with, in the past, and not worth the effort of beating up yourself.

p.s. I also love your wallpaper photo!

Comment edited on: 3/21/2011 11:55:52 AM

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HIPPIECHIC68 3/21/2011 10:05AM

    Hey there lady, I experienced only 3 hours of sleep on Sat night and last night slept for about 9 1/2. I think after I give a massage today, when I get home I'm planning on a short nap, too.

I love spending time with Spirit right here on my mountain. I have made my mountain my Temple. I have felt a bit separated and prayed at the moon Sun morning and felt so good.

PJ's around the house is fun, too. Glad you all had a good time and am wishing you an awesome week!

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SIRIRADHA 3/21/2011 9:09AM

    Ugh, indeed! I don't know what's going on, but there seems to be a whole lot of insomnia going around...self included. It's awful not just when you aren't sleeping, but it also puts a damper on your life the day after! Hope this passes quickly for you!

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SIMPLE_IS_BEST 3/21/2011 8:32AM

    I hate it when I can't sleep. Well, you'll probably sleep really well tonight. Have a good day!

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MRDPOLING 3/21/2011 8:06AM

    I am sorry... I was hoping to sleep later today after such long and late work hours for the past 5 days. Hopefully we can both find some naptime today.

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HARTKITTY 3/21/2011 5:58AM

    My mentor once said to me that there are times when missing events (like church) occasionally is the best way to keep our relationship with God healthy and happy. Sometimes we just need down time and I totally agree with you after all the pressure and stress of the last couple of weeks God may just want to hang out with you in a quite place doing ordinary things Always Remember Be Good to You!!!

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Nice day yesturday!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

We went to a Bah Mitzvah yesturday and it was awesome!!!! The ceremony was thoughtful, engaging, and inspiring. I watched a 13 year old girl speak at length in Hebrew, care the Torah around the Temple and stand in front of her friends and family and speak of her love and commitment to her God. It was beautiful. I obviously have never been to one before and was blown away. I've always heard that these ceremonies were boring and long and omg can't wait for this to be over. The boys and I all were intrigued and so impressed with Josh's good friend. She was great. She is so smart and sweet. After the service we went to the reception. OMG it was unbelieveable!!!! It was probably the most fun my kids have ever had in their lives. The DJ was all about the kids. They had their own buffet of all food kids love and a chocolate fountain. I did try to do well with my food choices. I could've done much worse. The boys stayed over at a friends house and Joe and I watched a movie that I fell asleep during :). Have a great Sunday my Spark friends! The sun is out here and I'm feeling good. I'm going to Zumba today and then Mike is coming over! Yeah ! I can't wait to see him! I love that guy! We have so much to catch up on. Josh hasn't seen him since he found out so I think it will be great for him! Enjoy your day!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VBPARROTHEAD 3/20/2011 1:43PM

  I have been to a few bar and bah mitzvahs and only one was boring and there was no reception at that one either. The others were amazing, beautiful, thoughtful, and well planned and the receptions and parties later that night were such fun. I am glad that you enjoyed the one you attended. Also glad that things are looking up today!

My choices for food could have been better this weekend and I could make better choices today but I am afraid that devil on my left shoulder really did dropkick the angel on my right shoulder into next week; so, I have done rather poorly food wise and my energy level is showing it.

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HIPPIECHIC68 3/20/2011 11:53AM

    I'm glad you enjoyed the bat mitzvah. Each one is different in its own way.

Have a super rest of the weekend! emoticon

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MRDPOLING 3/20/2011 11:26AM

    I've never been to one either, seen 'em on TV but sure it would be different in person.

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JANRTEACH 3/20/2011 10:17AM

    So glad things are looking up for you and your family.

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