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Another ticket for the rollercoaster

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

So my parents are not dealing well. My mother is crying all the time. My dad was over last night and actually talked about how difficult this is for them while Adam was around. UGGGGGGG! Them dealing is not my problem right now. I gave my mother the number of my therapist last night. After she was trying to tell me maybe I should go about things in a different way!!!!!! OMG I"ve been focusing my world around making things healthy for Adam for at least 5 months. Working with professionals, blessed enought to have an amazing gay friend and educator who will listen to me and consult with Adam, an amazing online support center with friends of all kinds who shower me with support and advise. I don't have the patience or willingness to comfort, educate or coddle my parents through this. I just don't. I will be having a conversation with my mom about this at some point today. This can't go on. I need her support. I need her soft place to fall, if and when I need one. Sorry for ranting but I feel betrayed. I want from her what I desperately try to give my child. Thanks for listening.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HARTKITTY 3/23/2011 2:24AM

    Hold on tight, we your friends are with you. And the God of love loves you, Adam and your folks He will bring peace and restoration. I'm praying for you emoticon

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KAILYNSTAR 3/22/2011 9:41PM

    Somehow, I'm not surprised about their reaction.

Yes, they accepted it in the first place, but I think that they really needed to process this. Of course you know that they are grieving what they have lost in their dreams for his future, etc... You know all of this too.

I guess what I am trying to say is, they need to talk to someone about this and NOT make their feelings your problem. You did the right thing about giving the number to your therapist. Hopefully, if they are not too stuck in their ways, they will go and see that therapist.

Hopefully, all and all, things will calm down after they have more time to accept this.

Hang in there. Hugs!


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MIQUEY73 3/22/2011 9:02PM

    Hang in there. {{{HUGS}}}

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VBPARROTHEAD 3/22/2011 2:36PM

  Your parents are probably of the generation that thought homosexuality was a "mental disorder" or of the group that blamed being gay on parenting or lack of it. What a shame that they haven't been able to change views and accept that Adam is who he is just because.. that he is normal, just not attracted to femals in a sexual way. but still normal. He is the same boy that he was before you told them! Remind them of that, as someone else suggested and, as someone suggested, get in touch with phlag. that organization helped my friend very much when she was dealing with learning that her son is gay.

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RUNNER12COM 3/22/2011 12:22PM

    Adam is mature enough to understand that people react differently to surprising or upsetting news. And he is mature enough to know that learning a loved one is gay can be shocking.

But clearly, Adam is surrounded by enough love and support that he will be able to handle all of this emotionally. He knows that he is loved, that is he supported, and that he is accepted just as he is.

Your folks will come around. But until they do, this is their problem, not yours and certainly not Adam's.

Hang in there. And if you have not yet done so, please contact your local chapter of PFLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays). They have all been where you are right now, and they can help.

Hang in there.

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FREES1 3/22/2011 10:18AM

    Remind your parents that Adam is the same kid that they have known and loved for the entire time they have known him. Let them know just what you have told us - that if they want to be around you and be supportive than please come on.. and that if they need your support then you can give it to them as long as they stay positive... It might take them a little while to accept the idea as for those who lack understanding it can make them think they or you, their daughter, have done something "wrong" to make him this way... hopefully they will learn... hang in there and thanks for being the parent to Adam that you are!

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HIPPIECHIC68 3/22/2011 9:21AM

    I agree with simple_is_best...

I'm sorry they aren't as supportive as you thought they were going to be. Just stay strong and know that you ARE doing things that will support Adam and keep HIM healthy. I have seen far too many young gay people with so many issues because of how their families 'took' it.

I am so proud of the support your immediate family is giving him...you are all doing such a great job! (((HUGS)))

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MRDPOLING 3/22/2011 8:47AM

    I am sure with a bit of time they will come to accept it. The older generation tends to take longer to adapt; at least that has been my experience.

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JANRTEACH 3/22/2011 8:44AM

    I think your parents are in grief right now. They haven't had the benefit of months of knowing like you. They probably need some time. It's all about that "new normal."

Comment edited on: 3/22/2011 8:45:05 AM

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SIMPLE_IS_BEST 3/22/2011 8:10AM

    Your parents are adults and can handle it if you tell them what you think.

Better to get it out in the open and set them straight, letting them know that if they have a problem with this they can get counseling and deal with it with each other, but not with you. Just tell them, it is what it is, and they need to accept it, and quit coming to you with complaints, criticisms, or other worries, because you've already thought of all that stuff on your own and it's not doing you any good to hear it again from them. Tell them you understand that they are just trying to be helpful, but the most helpful thing they can do is to keep their suggestions and such to themselves for now.

However you tell them, you do need to say something. They probably have no idea how their behavior is affecting you. Good luck!

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Can't sleep ...Ugggg

Monday, March 21, 2011

I don't have these nights very often but here I am. I had a really nice day. We missed church today because we spent 2 hours in a Catholic Church Friday night for my neices confirmation and 2 hours in a Temple on Saturday for a Bat Mitzvah. So I think we spent some quality time with God this week. So I hung out in my pj's until 11am. It was great! We went to lunch with a friend and then I went to an amazing Zumba class. Our friend Mike came over at 4pm. It's the first time we've all been together since Adam came out to us. It was so nice. I think it was great for Adam. I ate some chips that I feel pretty bad about. Josh has a sore throat so I will be calling the pediatrician in the morning. I hope I get some sleep soon. Thanks Spark friends for everything. Hope we all have a healthy week.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FREES1 3/21/2011 11:55AM

    I love your way with words - spent enough time.. that's cool... sorry you had trouble sleeping - supposedly late night exposure to the lights of the computer monitor can make sleeping harder..
Sounds as though you had a lovely Sunday - and not to worry about the chips... its over and done with, in the past, and not worth the effort of beating up yourself.

p.s. I also love your wallpaper photo!

Comment edited on: 3/21/2011 11:55:52 AM

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HIPPIECHIC68 3/21/2011 10:05AM

    Hey there lady, I experienced only 3 hours of sleep on Sat night and last night slept for about 9 1/2. I think after I give a massage today, when I get home I'm planning on a short nap, too.

I love spending time with Spirit right here on my mountain. I have made my mountain my Temple. I have felt a bit separated and prayed at the moon Sun morning and felt so good.

PJ's around the house is fun, too. Glad you all had a good time and am wishing you an awesome week!

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SIRIRADHA 3/21/2011 9:09AM

    Ugh, indeed! I don't know what's going on, but there seems to be a whole lot of insomnia going around...self included. It's awful not just when you aren't sleeping, but it also puts a damper on your life the day after! Hope this passes quickly for you!

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SIMPLE_IS_BEST 3/21/2011 8:32AM

    I hate it when I can't sleep. Well, you'll probably sleep really well tonight. Have a good day!

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MRDPOLING 3/21/2011 8:06AM

    I am sorry... I was hoping to sleep later today after such long and late work hours for the past 5 days. Hopefully we can both find some naptime today.

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HARTKITTY 3/21/2011 5:58AM

    My mentor once said to me that there are times when missing events (like church) occasionally is the best way to keep our relationship with God healthy and happy. Sometimes we just need down time and I totally agree with you after all the pressure and stress of the last couple of weeks God may just want to hang out with you in a quite place doing ordinary things Always Remember Be Good to You!!!

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Nice day yesturday!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

We went to a Bah Mitzvah yesturday and it was awesome!!!! The ceremony was thoughtful, engaging, and inspiring. I watched a 13 year old girl speak at length in Hebrew, care the Torah around the Temple and stand in front of her friends and family and speak of her love and commitment to her God. It was beautiful. I obviously have never been to one before and was blown away. I've always heard that these ceremonies were boring and long and omg can't wait for this to be over. The boys and I all were intrigued and so impressed with Josh's good friend. She was great. She is so smart and sweet. After the service we went to the reception. OMG it was unbelieveable!!!! It was probably the most fun my kids have ever had in their lives. The DJ was all about the kids. They had their own buffet of all food kids love and a chocolate fountain. I did try to do well with my food choices. I could've done much worse. The boys stayed over at a friends house and Joe and I watched a movie that I fell asleep during :). Have a great Sunday my Spark friends! The sun is out here and I'm feeling good. I'm going to Zumba today and then Mike is coming over! Yeah ! I can't wait to see him! I love that guy! We have so much to catch up on. Josh hasn't seen him since he found out so I think it will be great for him! Enjoy your day!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VBPARROTHEAD 3/20/2011 1:43PM

  I have been to a few bar and bah mitzvahs and only one was boring and there was no reception at that one either. The others were amazing, beautiful, thoughtful, and well planned and the receptions and parties later that night were such fun. I am glad that you enjoyed the one you attended. Also glad that things are looking up today!

My choices for food could have been better this weekend and I could make better choices today but I am afraid that devil on my left shoulder really did dropkick the angel on my right shoulder into next week; so, I have done rather poorly food wise and my energy level is showing it.

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HIPPIECHIC68 3/20/2011 11:53AM

    I'm glad you enjoyed the bat mitzvah. Each one is different in its own way.

Have a super rest of the weekend! emoticon

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MRDPOLING 3/20/2011 11:26AM

    I've never been to one either, seen 'em on TV but sure it would be different in person.

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JANRTEACH 3/20/2011 10:17AM

    So glad things are looking up for you and your family.

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Everything went great last night!!!

Saturday, March 19, 2011

First I want to clarify something in my last blog. When I spoke about poison toxins leaving me it wasn't Adam being gay that felt bad. It was keeping it a secret. I felt like not telling had made it a bad thing. My inlaws were awesome about everything. My neice, who is17 was amazing. She is a gift. Adam came home and txted with her all night. So I take a sigh of relief that the family knows. Adam seems like a new relaxed kid. He told us last night that there are any parents that are more awesome than us. That felt great. I am still worried because he definitely wants to tell everyone in school but with our extended family behind us we can get through anything. Thanks again for everything!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

EEPOMY4 3/21/2011 11:36AM

    Glad to hear the great news! emoticon

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BAKERICLISA 3/20/2011 11:38AM

    It's great that his family is behind him . . . but if he goes to a standard school (and not one for the Arts) coming out to more than just close friends will make him the target of getting pick on . . . thus is high school. If we are talking college, his true friends should see him no differently. In telling 'everyone' you are telling those who do care and those who don't care if their comments hurt him or not . . . best of luck.

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KATRINIA17 3/20/2011 2:46AM

    I'm so glad that he has such a loving family.

Hugs-kat

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KAILYNSTAR 3/19/2011 3:07PM

    emoticon emoticon

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JENSUMILLER 3/19/2011 10:15AM

    That is huge for you and your family. I am so happy to hear it went well for you and now you guys can work together to get through the rocky times that Adam is sure to face as he tells the rest of the world. Family can help through just about anything.

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HIPPIECHIC68 3/19/2011 9:32AM

    You guys are doing great! I knew you meant the secret... emoticon

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ANNESYLVIA 3/19/2011 7:56AM

    Terrific! I am so glad Adam notice too how wonderful you all are. May I ask how old Adam is? When I read your last two blogs I read "baby" but knew better. I thought middle school but now I am guessing HS years? Mainly because of your niece age and his maturity.

More prayers...telling Middle School & HS can have real mixed feelings. Prepare him for all situations...possible even losing some friends. Some due to parents sad notions. But other because of simple ignorance. He may be opening doors that may be too rough for him to handle. Sending more prayers~~~(((((vibes~~~(((( your way!

Anne emoticon emoticon

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MRDPOLING 3/19/2011 7:27AM

    That is GREAT news! I am so glad Adam has the love and support of so many!

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Thanks for being patient...

Friday, March 18, 2011

Things went very well Wenesday night telling my parents. I didn't cry. My mom did. She gave Adam a huge hug and said everything is ok. She also said she knew. :). My dad was really good. He said he was good. They left and my dad texted me that I am an amazing mother and that Joe is the best dad he has ever known. So thursday was another story for me. I felt like I got hit by a truck. I spent the day with my mom. I wanted to tell her everything I've gone through since October but as I did everything flooded back. Everything I've blogged about day after day after day. I know I took it one day at a time because saying it out loud in the course of hours made my head swim. I really didn't cry alot but I looked like I got hit by a truck as well by the time the kids got home from school. I had a migrane which I took medicine for and went to bed. I got up around 7pm and was cranky to Joe most of the night. It felt like all the toxic energy of keeping that secret was seeping out of my skin and it felt awful. Mike said that about secrets but I don't think I would have ever been able to get it until I felt it. Now its the knowing that people I don't even like will have this information and speaking bad about my amazing child that is killing me. We ran into a student and his mom at Stewarts and I wanted to throw up thinking she will gossiping with her friends about my baby when this goes through school. This process is so hard. I'm taking things minute by minute today. I'm better than I was last night. So thats a plus. Thanks again for everything. We will be telling Joe's parents tonight. I'll keep you updated.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HIPPIECHIC68 3/19/2011 9:30AM

    I am glad YOU were able to detoxify. I truly believe emotions can and do cause illness and you needed that 'feeling sick' to heal yourself. You know I think you and Joe are the best. It looks like you got some good advice from fellow amazing Spark People...

Peace, love and light

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ANNESYLVIA 3/19/2011 7:45AM

    emoticonMy empathy goes out to you and your family. But just think what your Adam is going through? I personally am thanking GOD that Adam has such amazing parents! You are in my prayers especially Adam. How brave of him to know who he is now at his age. I am 44yo and still confuse about who I am well mostly what I want and want to be (when I grow up).

Time heals all dear friend.

Anne emoticon

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KAILYNSTAR 3/18/2011 10:06PM

    There is no use in fretting what other people are saying. You have no control there, so let it go. I know that will be hard, but what else is there?

I hope that you have got all of your toxic thoughts and feelings and such out of your system by now. It never does a body good, let alone taking it out on others. When I do that, I feel worse about myself and the toxicity gets worse. Be careful, that could turn into a never ending cycle.

Go see your therapist. Vent there. Get it out!

emoticon

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JANRTEACH 3/18/2011 8:15PM

    I had a feeling that your mom probably already knew. Grandparents are like that. I'm glad it went well for you with your parents. I think you are in the process of developing a new "normal." It's what we had to do when my son had 2/3rds of his lung taken out at 23 along with a grapefruit-sized cancerous tumor. Things just won't be the same. I know now, how vulnerable we all are. Give yourself a pat on the back. You're doing everything just great. :)

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HARTKITTY 3/18/2011 4:49PM

    I think that you are amazing parents and I'm sure that your son is truly blessed to have both of you. I just feel that I need to share a little more advice (use it as you will or not) Its just that coming out is something your son will need to will need to do for the rest of his life and it is also something one need not always do. Of course I'm 42 and the world has changed since I began coming out. I do not live a lie I am me but I am also not only a Lesbian, I'm a Christian I'm a theologian I'm a student of psychology, I'm a nurse. I don't always tell everyone everything about myself on first meeting that is not lying its just selecting the facts I wish to share. I'm glad that you as a family can know and share the pain together but there really is no need to tell everyone. each person and situation should be judged on its own. Again I wish to say your son is 15. and you are going to need to advise him that not everyone is as accepting their have been times when my mother out of love and acceptance of me have shared that I was gay and in some cases I have lost companions and ministries. I was also going to be ordained but at that point had to choose between marrying my now wife or living a single life at that point I was mature enough to choose my wife and the truth of my sexuality even though I had lived a celibate lifestyle for some years. All I'm saying is be careful

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MRDPOLING 3/18/2011 2:21PM

    (((((((((((((((((( H U G S ))))))))))))))))))))

You are stronger than you know! Hang in there and know that we are here praying for you and your family!

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