SNOOKUMS19   29,673
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Ok officially making bad choices

Monday, February 21, 2011

Spark friends, here I am admitting to you and myself that I am absolutely off the wagon. I've seen myself slide these bad choices in and now I'm here. I'm in that bad place I thought once again that I would never be in again. I think I was so worried about Adam that I couldn't admit where I was headed. Now Adam seems in a great place and here I find myself binging on Tostitos chips and salsa for breakfast. We watched the Daytona 500 yesturday and always have a million snacks around. I indulged yesturday and woke up wanting to fly downstairs to eat the leftovers before anyone could throw them out. So here I am wallowing in my own mess I've created. I know one day at a time. I know it's just a setback. I know I have to just get back up and do the work. Right now I feel like a loser. I feel like I can't even manage my own life. I plan on going to the gym tonight. We are going to Vermont today so that will keep me out of the pantry. I did throw out whatever was left after my binge.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VBPARROTHEAD 2/21/2011 11:58AM

  If I am downstairs there are days when I will turn the house upside down looking for "something", "anything" that is weet or savory, depnding on my mood, that is unhealthy. Usually I don't find much, whic is a good thing, but sometimes, there is just the thing that I shouldn't have and I binge. So, you have one more person that has the same addiction. Glad you got rid of the "bad" stuff. No get on the healthy horse and ride it to a long life!

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HIPPIECHIC68 2/21/2011 10:26AM

    I know for me, I have to get to the emotional part of why I am bingeing. After doing a lot of 'inside' work, the urge to binge does just fall away, BUT...you have to remain aware of what is going on inside of your body. Be willing to experience the emotions, good or bad, and not stuff them back inside with food. AND...when the binge monster creeps in, you can take control and beat the binge.

I would love to have all the junk out of the house, too, but I have realized it is not the food that has the problem, it is me. No one else in the house has the need to eat a whole package of cookies or chips, just me... The food is not evil, we just have to learn to find our triggers and how to calm them.

I hope this helps, you can look at a few of my journaling blogs to see if there is anything you can glean from them, if you'd like...

Peace, love and light
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IMBRENDAB 2/21/2011 9:50AM

    I am right there with you! I don't know what the deal is. If it is IN my house....I seek it out. Don't you wish we could just magically take the cravings away?

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JANRTEACH 2/21/2011 9:42AM

    I so totally understand!! Eat more protein and get rid of the snacks somehow. I can not have one cookie in the house EVER or I just eat all of them. Salsa of course isn't bad for you. Could you put it on raw vegetables or something? I thought I was the only one who just can't control what I'm doing.

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Wow whata night

Sunday, February 20, 2011

Our dinner was so great. It was so great to see Mike. We met about 6:30 and got home at 11:30. All of which was sitting at a small resturant visiting. He said Adam is doing great. We are doing great and gave me guidence on how to tell Josh that Adam is gay. So that was helpful. Mike is such a great guy. We are lucky to have hm in our life. We are going to my in-laws for breakfast. That should be interesting and akward. My grumpy father inlaw is trying to be friendly and its so weird. I don't know which is worse him being grumpy or trying so hard to be nice because my mother inlaw is making him :). The kids don't have school this week and I'm thrilled! I love knowing they are upstairs sleeping in. I love having them around and spending time with them. Some parents hate summer vacation because their kids are underfoot. I count the days. My kids are awesome. :) Plus the lack of homework and scheduling is a nice break for all of us. I went to my Zumba class yesturday and felt great! Have a great Sunday Sparkfriends!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNNER12COM 2/21/2011 6:17PM

    Little steps lead to big changes and growth.

Best to you all!

SDJ

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NUTRON3 2/20/2011 7:21AM

    Have a great day!

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BILL60 2/20/2011 7:20AM

    I thought that you were going to mention the exercise or nutrition, but you didn't. Are you doing any of it?

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ALIDOSHA 2/20/2011 7:19AM

    You're blessed to love having your kids around and spending time with them. Because the years when you can do this will be gone in a blink and then only remorse will be there for the parents who hadn't made the best of those precious moments.

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NWLIFESRC 2/20/2011 7:17AM

    Hope yor Sunday finds you safe

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Going out with good friend tonight...

Saturday, February 19, 2011

My husband and I are going out with our friend who had that heart to heart with my son when he came out that he is gay. Although I have been texting with him often during this emotional month I haven't seen him since then. I'm looking forward to seeing him and thanking him in person for all he has done for our family. It's been such a rollercoaster ride for me and I honestly don't know what I would have done without his guidence and understanding through all this. Most days now everything is completely normal and then out of no where I'll start crying. I know its going to get emotional again when we tell our younger son and then again when he is ready to tell the family. I'm taking things day by day and it has helped alot. I'm just looking forward seeing our friend and laugh and hang with him again. Thank you Spark friends for being here and your kind words of wisdom. Our son is doing really well and so happy. He is comfortable in his skin and able to focus on school and friends again. He was stressed out and conflicted for longer than I can imagine. It's like he is becoming the person he was always trying to be. Thanks again.

  


Dr. appt quite an awakening

Friday, February 18, 2011

Well I went for my physical. OMG found out that I have officially gained back all 23 lbs. I worked so hard to lose. The dr. did bloodwork and we will see if there is a cause for this. Whether it's my eating or something else, we have to figure this out. Thanks for the comments. I'm done with the binging and am going to focus on myself again. Everything else will fall into place.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHIQUENS 2/18/2011 12:00PM

    That's hard. But you seem to have a good attitude about going back and doing it right. Good Luck!

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JHADZHIA 2/18/2011 11:37AM

    Tracking, tracking and tracking. True accuracy by weighing and measuring and recording every little thing you eat and any fitness that you get is the only true way to see what is really happening. The calorie differential will be plain to see. I lost my weight (78 lbs) and kept it off, all by accurate tracking..
Good luck getting back on track..
The binge stops now!
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BABYKANGAROO30 2/18/2011 11:15AM

    emoticon

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Well backsliding

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I can feel it. I'm looking longingly at bagels , I know that look. I stopped at the grocery store with my younger son and neice to pick up some baker ziti. I had to wait and decided to get them a treat while we wait. Usually I'd get a cup of coffee while they had their treat. Instead I got a donut with them and a cup of coffee. I knew what I was doing and I had to do it. I know these signs. Its that slippery slope that I am completely on. I'm not even at the top stepping on. I have my butt right down on it ready to push myself downward. I'm going to the doctors today for a physical. I don't own a scale and this is the only time I see my weight on a scale. I think I'll be crying today. That is ok if it puts me back on track. I'm hear to let it out. To write out loud that this true and I have to look at it and have it out there. Thanks for reading.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

VBPARROTHEAD 2/17/2011 8:58PM

  The problem will be only if you fail to get up after flopping onto this slippery slope! We all trip, stumble, fall, or just flop our bodies down at times, but the success is getting up each time!

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MISSY_MAGOO 2/17/2011 7:52PM

    You know what's happening- now you need to figure out what to do about it. Forgive yourself for the doughnut- I had three of them last weekend- sometimes it happens. What matters is what we're doing MOST. Tell yourself "this stops now" and make your nest meal as healthy as it can be, then the snack after that do the same.. and on and on. A lot of people take things day by day- I take them meal by meal, snack by snack. Everytime you chose something healthy it is an accomplishment! And when you don't, forgive yourself and move on- don't ignore it like it never happened, but try not to dwell on it and beat yourself up- if your anything like me that's when I make the worst choices, when I'm beating myself up. It's so hard to change our lives, but it can be done. Little by little, the longer we do this the easier it is- the further apart the slip-ups are, the more we end up craving healthy things. I found myself craving bamboo the other day! Bamboo! Two years ago I didn't even know people ate bamboo! But yum- it's so good with red curry and chicken :)
I hope all goes well at the doctor today. You are on your way to a healthier, more fit, and stronger you- you can totally do this!!!
-Missy

p.s. thanks for the friend add- I'm adding you back :)

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KAKIPOPUP 2/17/2011 4:50PM

    One step back, 2 steps forward - you don't have to go all the way down the slippery slope, but if you do, just get back on the path as quickly as you can - you'll be heading for your goals again before you know it! emoticon emoticon

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