Sunday, January 30, 2011
It's amazing how I go from a day of acceptance and love to anxiety and sadness. Yesturday we went to a boy scout ceremony. My younger son is a boy scout and my older son used to be one in the same troop. There was a slide show on the wall that showed my older son when he was 9 years old and older with many of his friends who are still in the troop. It was so sad to see. I want to be accepting of who my son is but some days I mourn the loss of who I believed he was and concerned how these friends will be to him when he comes out to them. High school is so hard. I'm so afraid what will happen when he lets them know. I worry so much about everything. I know having teenagers that worry is part of the job but this is something else all together. I keep hearing this is a process and yesturday and this morning I totally get it. I thought for a few days I was doing sooooo well. Now I feel like I'm back to square one. Thank God to Spark! I was never much of a diary person but typing it out here is good for my soul. I think that is why I haven't binged. I woke up this morning and felt like I had a brick on my chest and thought hmmmm those cookies downstairs would make me feel better. I felt like this would be exactly what would happen in the past with stress and this is more stress than I have ever had. I came downstairs with every intention of eating every cookie. I made a clear choice to make a cup of coffee first. I then made up something healthy for breakfast. Opened up my laptop and came right to spark. I need to take this one moment at a time. Let things be and pray for my son that he will be happy and healthy. That is all I want. Thanks for everything Spark!