Friday, July 30, 2010
So what am I doing wrong with this whole thing? I am STILL the same weight. On the 15th I was 205. Then I started SP again. On the 16th the scale said 202.8 and the 17th it said 201.4. It has stayed 201.4 since that point. I have burned calories and stayed around 1500-1550 for calories. Am I still eating too much? I think the 205 was inaccurate (maybe I had just ate or didn't take it at the same time I usually do??), but I would think that 2 weeks later it should have moved from 201.4. Any thoughts?? I've been eating lots of salads, getting fruits, some breads, meats, nuts, cheese, water... I'm not sure what the problem is. When I started SP 2 years ago I just tracked food at first and didn't exercise and the weight came off very quickly at first before it slowed down towards the end. I am measuring everything and doing it the same way I was then, plus exercising. You can see my trackers on my page. What do you think?
Thursday, July 15, 2010
So after stepping on the scale this morning I realized that I have been avoiding SP because I am humiliated. I am now back up to my original weight when I started SP in July 2008.... just over 200 lbs How do I deserve to be a SP motivator and how did this happen? I have been trying to be good and if I have to eat on the run I get salads or Subway, but the weight just keeps adding and adding and adding. I don't feel good in my clothes and even the "big" clothes I had to buy are starting to get tight. I didn't want to get back onto SP until my weight back down so I wouldn't have to type my weight into the tracker... but I don't think that is going to happen any time soon. The other day I went over to a friends house and her 2nd grader said "Ms Sara, you have fat arms. You must have a lot of meat on your bones." How mortifying! Surprisingly I am relatively happy in other areas of my life... I survived my first year teaching and am doing my second year of summer school right now. I love my school and miss my regular school year kids. My boyfriend and I are still going strong and it has been over 6 years. Money is still tight, as always, and I am still helping take care of my boyfriend's 92 yr old grandfather... I think that has been a contributor to my reduction in going to the gym. It is nice living with my boyfriend, but granddad's house is almost near PA (42 mile drive one way to summer school and about 35-40 minute drive to day school). In the past year I have put over 28,500 miles on my new car and am constantly driving from here to there. I still have my apartment, which is close to my day school, but I only stop in to feed my cat and then run to the next place. It would be ideal to not have the apartment, but I'm afraid granddad will accidentally let the cat out if I bring him to the house... plus there is no room at the house for all of the stuff in my apartment (i.e. furniture, appliances, clothes, teacher materials, etc.). However... saving hundreds of dollars a month would be pretty nice. Since money is tight I haven't been going to the store as much and with sharing a fridge again it's hard to keep healthy food away from other people's stomachs. However, I eat breakfast at 5:45 before I leave for summer school and then don't end up eating lunch until around 2, so by this time I am near the point of passing out and mentally going through the menu of every fast food restaurant in the 40+ trip home. Plus I didn't mention that I am starting a master's program. I've been taking a prerequisite calculus class that is tues and thurs evenings until 9:30, so that's also reduced my desire to exercise, but I really need to change that. I packed my gym bag and am going to at least walk after summer school today and before my night class. It is just really depressing because I know that even in a year I might not be back down to where I was before. I used to be so cute and so active... Even though my boyfriend is still supportive and finds me attractive, it is frustrating to always yo-yo back and forth between extreme weights. Plus we are approaching a time where we might get engaged sometime in the near future. I haven't been taking pictures of us recently and don't feel pretty in pictures... the rings that I wear now are getting tight, so I would like to be at my previous weight when this major life event occurs, you know?? I guess just overall I am sad and depressed because I know how much work it is going to take and how slowly the results are going to occur. I've enjoyed going out to a local bar with friends, but fruity drinks have added to the problem. My boyfriend and I also enjoy going out to dinner (versus seeing a movie and other "date" activities), so I need to make better choices when out. It is just really hard with my schedule, the amount that I work, and the little amount of sleep I am already getting to fit in one more thing, but I definitely need to exercise again. My gym is near my apartment, so it's around 40 minutes from the house. Granddad lives in the middle of the country, so I wouldn't be ok with walking on the street and don't really have a desire to be outside through trails, trees, and fields (not a fan of ticks....). Maybe I can give myself a starting goal of going to the gym once during the week and once on the weekend. The last time I was really going regularly was July 09, but I went once in January, once in March, and once in April. I want my old body back.... I feel like the person in the mirror really isn't me. I've never had this much fat even just on my pelvis area and was actually thinking the other day that maybe it would be good to be preg just so I'd have an excuse for my stomach. My legs look like cottage cheese and my bra can't contain my back fat. It is terrible and I wish it could just go away! So after all this crying and complaining I think I've decided that my goals are going to be going to the gym once during the week and once on the weekend for now. I drastically need to start getting back into that routine. I am also going to try to track my food again, but that was really time consuming and time is not on my side right now... so i will do the best I can with that. I also feel that I need to start packing healthy snacks again, so after I get some paychecks and my other bills are paid off I need to do a grocery sweep and get some fruits, veggies, and other healthy snacks. Finally, I need to start turning down the soda and drink water again. I feel like when I am at my class late at night or trying to manage on little sleep a sprite gives me a little kick and helps push through. I also had a small iced caramel latte from Dunkin Donuts during the school year (skim milk and sugar added). This is not as bad as my old favorite (Starbuck's Double Chocolate Chip frappaccino with whipped cream), but probably isn't helping given my low level of activity. So I guess we will start from there and I will stop avoiding the scale. It just seems like there is a huge task in front of me with not much hope and requiring way too much work, but I guess that's what I get
Tuesday, April 06, 2010
Hey spark... haven't been around for a while. Who knew my first yr teaching wld be this crazy? But good news is that I'm not staying up at midnight anymore and have been trying to keep my work at school... I'm still up at 430 to get to school by 6, but I do feel more relaxed at home and on weekends. However, bad news is I still haven't been able to manage going to the gym much. Even worse news, I got on the scale and it was basically what it was when I started sp. Now its in the evening and I've had dinner and such... also my scale has been banged around a little bit so maybe its slightly off but omg. How did I gain almost 40 lbs since last summer!? What's worse is I don't see a solution in sight. I wanted to go to the gym today but I was at school till 6, still have 3 teams to prepare for this week, still have no lessons ready for tomorrow, and wasn't home till 7. At least next year I'm just going to be a math teacher vs a fulltime math teacher and special educator, but that doesn't help me now. I feel gross, my clothes don't fit, I'm uncomfortable, etc. Everyone says to prioritize and take time for u, but I donno how to make that work. Do I walk into my 90 min class tom with no lesson (suicide!) or go to team and tell the parent, student, and iep chair "oh sorry. I didn't finish that ed assessment or team reports"? The prob is that everything has top priority. Gotta say I feel pretty miserable:(
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
So I just got my new Wii Fit. I tried it out and it was pretty fun. I'm hoping this will help me get back on the fitness train.
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