Tuesday, August 14, 2012
So tomorrow morning I am off for Puerto Rico. I will not have my scale for a week! I will probably not be able to track my food very well. I feel like i make pretty good food decisions, so I am not as worried about not tracking, but it feels weird to not have my scale. It is comforting knowing the number every morning, but it will be ok. I am very excited about my first time out of the country and my first tropical vacation:) I packed plenty of workout clothes and am hoping to check out the fitness center at the resort.
I also bought some new shoes. I used to be a size 9, but now my foot is a size 8. However, when I wear pumps my heels slip out when I walk... but a size 7.5 is too tight on the front of my foot. I found these heels and am very excited about them. The heel is thicker, which I was looking for, but the strap keeps my heel in the shoe. I also like that the platform in the front makes the heel not look so thick. My legs and ankles are getting stronger, but I need to keep practicing with heels. I used to wear them every day when I was younger, but getting heavy stopped that. Time to get out of flipflops and back into sexy shoes. I also got some new boots. They are actually a little looser in the calves! Usually I can't wear boots like this. I want to try them out in school and see if I can make these work as well:) Super excited. I will miss you all this week and will have TONS of pictures when I return!
Sunday, August 12, 2012
So in Jan 2012 I was 215 lbs. On Feb 18th I was 210 and decided to start making some goals and come back to SP. I knew I was going to Puerto Rico the end of Aug and made a goal to lose 2 lbs per week to get to 160 by the trip. I knew it was HIGHLY unlikely that I would lose exactly 2 lbs a week for 6 months, but that was my goal.
Today is the day that I intended to be 160. I am 5 lbs heavier than that, but incredibly happy with those results. In the last 6 months I have lost 50 lbs and am starting to notice muscles. I have lost a great deal of inches and have gained incredible confidence. I love how my clothes fit, I love how I feel, and I love how I view life. I have run two 5k's and am signed up for a 10k in Sept and a half marathon in Oct. I have tried new things (i.e. horseback riding, pole dancing, kayaking, zumba, yoga, run outdoors in public, etc.). I lost more weight than I thought I would and feel like these 6 months were successful. I look forward to continuing my healthy lifestyle when I leave for Puerto Rico this Wed and when I return and go back to school. The week I get back teachers go back to school and the week after that the kids go back and grad classes start up again. I know it will be busy and will take planning and commitment from me, but I am ready and willing. I can visualize where I want to go and I am ready to take myself there.
Here are some pictures after I worked out at the gym today (weights and walk on treadmill). I will be posting lots of Puerto Rico pics next week:)
Thursday, August 09, 2012
My bf and I have some friends whose gf's/wives have never particularly like me. They will give me a fake smile when they greet me and ask how we are doing, but it does not seem sincere. They give me disapproving faces and after they answer a question with one or two words will turn themselves so they are facing away from me. These girls are a little older than me, but around my age, quite thin/athletic, attractive, they are college educated like myself, are equally successful in their fields, and put a great deal of attention to their appearances/clothes.
However, this summer we have recently hung out with a few of these couples and I noticed a significant difference. They both commented on how great I look (which surprised me. Their comments seemed genuine). They were nicer and more relaxed around me. They seemed more open and did not seem pained to be around me. Our conversations weren't awkward and seemed less tense. It was legitimately a positive interaction, versus years and years of hostility.
This made me wonder... why is it like this?? These are the possible reasons I could come up with.
1. Since I am confident now I don't allow them to be mean (i.e. because I love myself does this stop the meanness/negativity instantly and they have no choice but to stop being mean to me?)
2. Since I am happier do they pick up on this vibe (i.e. is the positive attitude contagious?)
3. Since I am happier/more content now do I not notice or look for the mean behavior (i.e. was I paranoid before??)
4. Since I am confident now are they afraid to be mean to me (i.e. am I intimidating now when before they thought they could walk on me and treat me poorly?)
5. Are they and/or people in general nicer to skinny people?
6. Since I am happier now and in turn friendlier to them thus they are friendlier to me (i.e. was i the one that was mean before? Did I hate myself and assume others did too so I put up walls and shut people out?)
I am leaning the most towards #6, as much as I hate to admit that I was part of the problem. I've been told that I'm too quiet and come across as a b!tch (people I have met for the first time have told my boyfriend that they thought these things and that I am very standoffish). I thought people mistook me being quiet as not being friendly, but maybe i was giving off bad vibes... I didn't like myself so why should you? I am the kind of person that when I first meet you I don't talk just to talk. If I don't have anything to say I don't say anything. I don't feel the need to fill the silence with fluff, but I guess maybe I wasn't giving off positive vibes. I was insecure with myself so I assumed people would be negative towards me and I was defensive before even meeting them.
So what's different now??
I am proud of myself! I can tell you 10 things I like about myself at any given second. I've accomplished and tried new things that didn't just involve me being smart or good at school. I've tried tasks that I might not have been successful or the best at. I take risks. I enjoy life. I am fun to be around. I like how I look. I like taking pictures of myself. I like shopping. I do not feel like an embarrassment to others. No one is doing me any favors by hanging out with me. I am not a burden on anyone. If you disagree with what I think that is perfectly fine and I am not upset with you. You can have your own opinion and I don't need your approval anymore. I approve of myself.
I feel that these things are why I noticed a difference in how I am being treated. I am starting my 4th year teaching at the same school. This summer I recently made friends with several of my coworkers. Before I had kept with myself and only interacted with 2-3 people in my department, but I was missing out on such fantastic friendships! Of course I never want my weight and appearance to go back to where it was before, but I don't want my attitude towards myself and my interactions with others to go back to where it was before either. It is fascinating where this journey takes us, but I am enjoying the ride!
Thursday, August 09, 2012
Choc Strawberry Banana Protein Shake
1 frozen banana
1 c frozen strawberries
1 tsp unsweetened cocoa
1 scoop chocolate protein powder
.5 tbsp sugar free vanilla pudding mix
2 c skim milk
Makes 5 cups. 96.1 calories per cup. Fairly thick, but not SUPER thick. Tasty.
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