Monday, December 29, 2008
Every time I put on another pair of pants or jeans that didn't fit in November, I am encouraged.
I have not failed. In fact, I planned this all quite carefully. Start the plan on 12/1. Give myself a little break during the holidays, see how I feel. Well it turns out that I have not been all that interested in cheating. Sure I HAVE cheated. Who can resist Christmas cannoli?? But I split that cannoli and half was just enough. I get sick when I eat too much junk now. I get sick when I don't feed myself properly.
I've maintained my 7 pound loss through the last week and a half. Now I have just a few days "vacation" left. I'll start Phase I all over again on January 1. This time, I think I have the added participation of DH, who informed me yesterday that he needs to "drop a few". (He's also been wonderfully supportive... every time he makes a phone call for dinner, he chooses a place where I'll be able to find something reasonably SB friendly on the menu, and only half the time after I've said "but there's nothing for me on that menu" :)
Our Ravens are in the playoffs and I'm not worried about playoff parties. The first one is at my house, giving me the control over what we're eating. That ought to help.
Happy New Year, Sparkers!
Monday, December 15, 2008
When I started Phase I on 12/1, I wasn't sure I'd make it this far. After all, I've started and stopped more times than I can count this year. And of course each time I've had that built in failure plan. But this time was different somehow and I'm not sure why. I'm not going to question it. I'm thankful for my success thus far.
Speaking of which, drumroll please.....
In 15 days of SB Phase I:
7 pounds lost
7 total inches lost (among 11 measuring points)
This is even with a few cheats along the way that I honestly think have kept me on the wagon far longer than I've stayed before. It's been little things, like a little sugar in my morning tea, or a gingersnap or two.
Holiday treat making presented its own challenge this weekend. I tried the mint gum in the mouth while I worked so I was less tempted to eat my work. Then I remembered that I LIKE mint chocolate! So I switched to Orbit Bubblemint. Bubble gum, mint, and chocolate? Ick! SO that worked quite well. Luckily I got a big package of it, so there's plenty left for the rest of the treat making to be done.
I'm on my way....
Wednesday, December 03, 2008
Who diets during the holidays?? Ok, maybe I'm a total idiot, but I'm trying realllllly hard NOT to ever see 300 on the scale. It's bad enough that I'm at my all time personal high. Enough is enough and I'm tired of...
... taking daily meds to control problems I didn't used to have like acid reflux and pain meds to keep my feet from hurting nonstop.
... getting winded taking the 5 steps up to the mailbox in my building.
... clothes that fit perfectly as recently as this summer no longer fitting as well as they once did.
Every time I've made a plan to get back in the boat, I've built that plan with a failure option. So, I'm gonna start South Beach. BUT when the cravings get bad and I realllly just want something sweet like ice cream, or fruit, I have the WW Core program to fall back on. After all, the last leader said it's essentially SB Phase II, just with the Points bank to fall back on when I want something not on the Core plan. UGH!! What kind of plan is that, moron?? You want to do something about this, and you want to get healthy, but you build your plan for success with an option for failure??!
So... my week in review thus far...
Sunday 11/30: Made a special stop at the market on the way home Sunday night to prepare. Staples include fun things like eggs, string cheese, reduced fat cheese, frozen pepper stir fry mix... one last indulgence... shrimp egg foo young, egg rolls, ice cream.... the whole carb overload. Peppers roast in the oven while I eat dinner so I can have a sort of western omelet for Monday. Before I go to bed, breakfast, lunch, and small snacks are ready to go. Now... remembering them in the morning could be a whole different story.
Monday 12/1: Day 1 of South Beach Phase I. Again I ask... who diets during the holidays?? I have a plan today, so it's pretty easy. And I have a renewed determination... I think. LOL. I put a little bit of (gasp) real sugar in my tea. And stick to eating what I brought with me today. This is surprising. But as 4pm nears, I'm nervous about what happens when I get home and I'm by myself for 4 hours with nothing to do. I'm not feeling well, so I take a nap and sleep straight through till 9pm. Dinner is roasted chicken and zucchini. I'm proud of myself.... even after dinner, when I wanted something sweet, I resisted and just went back to sleep.
Tuesday 12/2: Off to another rocky start. Who brought Panera Bagels??! Ok... I'll survive this. I started yesterday by entering my new and increased measurements into my tracker. These numbers dance through my head as I brave the kitchen to microwave my eggs. I stick my tongue out at the bagels every time I pass them... getting breakfast, getting lunch, refilling my water glass.... and I resist them too. Day 2 gets harder later in the evening. I'm hungry but I'm feeling lazy and don't really want to go to the trouble to cook. Oh, and sugar cravings are kicking in. I open the oreo closet, flip the bag over and read the "nutrition facts" (cookies... nutrition... two words that don't belong sharing a sentence). I put the bag back, grab some dinner stuff from the freezer and throw it in the microwave. An hour later... ground turkey taco salad... sort of. All good, all plan food, and my tummy is happy. Tonight, when the dessert craving hits again, I make myself a homemade decaf latte with skim milk, equal, and some cinnamon. Sugar cravings be gone! It actually worked!
Day 3 (today): I'm doing OK! There's a box of donuts in the blasted kitchen. They receive the same treatment as the bagels did Monday. I'm making sure to cook more than I need at dinner so I can bring leftovers for lunch. I forgot breakfast this morning and didn't want eggs anyway, so I ate a little bit of the ground turkey from last night and some radishes with a little reduced fat feta cheese. Sounds odd, but it made a lovely plate, and filled the tummy well.
This morning's scale says I'm down almost a full pound already. As one who needs instant gratification, this is perfect for my mindset and motivation. I'm eating something every few hours... 2 or 3 depending on my mood. This is keeping me out of the M&M jar that is staring at me all day... that's for sure.
Onward and upward.... or should that be downward..???
You know what I mean :)
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Today is my last day in car sales, my last day in a strictly commissioned position. Listen... can you hear them? I think I hear angels singing! I start my new job Monday 10/6, and I'm taking the next few days to myself, sort of a little vacation. I'll finish a bunch of projects on my To Do list, visit friends I haven't seen in ages, spend an afternoon doing nothing but lounging on the couch doing absolutely nothing.
I feel a lot of disappointment when I look at myself these days. 5 years ago, I was almost 60 pounds lighter and on my way down. Healthy habits were well ingrained. I got lazy when I met my fiance and have gained back every pound I lost and then some. I'm no longer comfortable in my own skin and I've noticed lately that breathing, at times, is a chore. I'm not active anymore, I rarely eat 5 fruits and veggies a day. The only reason I get all my water is because I can't drink anything else without it making me sick. None of my clothes fit right, and those that do were on their way out the door to charity as recently as this past January.
And I look at my bank account and tax returns for the last few years and wonder where all the money has gone. I have nothing in the bank to show for 12 years of hard work and long hours. Most of what I had has been eaten up by bills just since sales tanked. I know I'm not the only one who is getting hit hard by life as it is now, and I include all of us in my prayers.... just let us get through this.
Things are looking up, one step at a time. First a new job with guaranteed income and better hours so I can start to work on me again. Then, starting to work on me again.... fun things like relearning those good habits I forgot... one step at a time.
Here I go again....
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Business sucks. Sorry, there's no nicer way to put it. Two months in a row, two lousy commissions in a row. I am absolutely out of my mind about this. In June, I was on the schedule to work 234.5 hours. In July, 247 hours! (But I took a vacation day so I only worked 234.5... yes, ONE vacation day was a 12.5 hour shift).
I have great respect for the people that work hard to keep us safe and save lives who have to work 12+ hours per shift. I have nothing but frustration and anger and stress at the industry where I'm forced to work so many hours for strictly commission and depend entirely on the production of someone else to make my paycheck. Other managers keep telling me to hang in there, that this will pass..... WHEN?!!??!? It's VERY easy for them to say that when most of them have a second income in their home to help with the bills. How many more months do I have to wait for this to break? Will it be right before or right after I get evicted???
Eating right isn't a problem. Eating at all is becoming one... Mom's getting accustomed to feeding me again! After the rent and the bills are paid, there's just nothing left. Oh and that faint screaming sound coming from the corner of my room is the pennies in my piggy bank, being pinched and stretched as far as they can possibly go. And I REFUSE to lean on my credit cards right now. I know me and that will lead to nothing but trouble.
SO now my days off are filled with running and interviews and searches. There has to be something out there somewhere..... at least if you break down what I make to an hourly wage, those people who work that many hours will make some overtime pay. Not me.... and I can't ride this wave anymore. They said it was starting to break, that things were starting to look up. Not so much. I'm making exactly what I made last month and it's not nearly enough.
I keep searching.... keep hoping... keep waiting....
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