SLSALKIL   23,287
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SLSALKIL's Recent Blog Entries

Feel like I am starting over... AGAIN

Monday, March 18, 2013

Once again I have let stress knock me off the wagon. WHY CAN'T I GET MY BUTT IN GEAR?!?!? I hate the way I feel when I make unhealthy choices, but I continue to do it. I hate the way I look. I hate feeling like a failure over and over and over again. I keep thinking this time is different. And it feels different for a couple of weeks. Then something happens and I get knocked off my stance. Then it takes a couple of weeks to get back in the groove. I really want to find the inner strength to keep going in a forward direction in my health. Ugh!!!!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLSALKIL 3/23/2013 9:58AM

    Azulvioleta6- in response to your comment... I realize more water and exercise are needed; however, I haven't even met that goal consistently so making a goal to workout 30 min - 1 hour a day would totally discourage me. The Spark tells you to start with 10 minutes and build. That was why my goal was 10 min or more a day.

I appreciate the supportive and constructive comments from everyone. I really think a lot of it is just not feeling worth the effort. Especially since my miscarriage. Feeling totally betrayed by my body makes it harder to want to take care of it. Probably sounds stupid, but its just like someone you love betraying you and then wanting to do nice things for them. Not an excuse... Just a realization.

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PRETTYPITHY 3/20/2013 10:26PM

    There is no "Starting" or "Stopping". I think we carry that over from a diet mentality. When it comes to lifestyle change, it is all part of one continuous process. The good days AND the bad days are a part of your lifestyle. I think sometimes we think that first there's motivation and then comes action. But really action comes first. Come up with two or three things you KNOW you can do and start with those. Starting a streak will light your fire and with that spark comes motivation. HTH.

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AZULVIOLETA6 3/20/2013 10:14PM

    OK, I have changed my mind after looking at your SparkPage. I think that in at least two ways you need to have BIGGER goals if you want to see any progress. If you aren't doing enough, you will never see the scale move and that will be endlessly frustrating for you.

1. 10 minutes of exercise a day is not very much. I wonder if you would have better stress control/relief if you could exercise for an hour a day...or even 30 minutes. You say that you hate exercise...but honestly...just do it anyhow! Several studies indicate that 30 minutes a day is a bare minimum for basic cardiovascular health. So even if you didn't want to lose weight, you would need to be moving a lot more than you are just to stay healthy. What kinds of exercise have you tried? Can you experiment until you find something that you like enough to stick with it? You don't have to go run marathons--walk around your neighborhood, ride a stationary bike in front of the TV, take a swim, etc.

2. 6 glasses of liquid a day is not enough. Eight glasses a day is a bare minimum for a very small (frame size, weight) woman. It doesn't have to be cold water. I like to drink hot herbal tea with sweetener. It keeps me full, keeps me hydrated and keeps my hands busy while I work so that I am not snacking. Your liquid goal probably needs to be bigger. As you exercise more, you will find it easier to drink more water.

Just a couple of things to think about. I am lucky to be a stress-exerciser rather than a stress eater...but that came about because I forced myself to exercise until it just became a routine and then grew into something I actually enjoy.

Comment edited on: 3/20/2013 10:16:37 PM

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AZULVIOLETA6 3/20/2013 7:42PM

    What are your goals? Are they too big?

Why the all-or-nothing thinking? When you get slightly off track, why can't you start fresh the very next day? Do you have strategies for coping with stress?

Off to look at your SparkPage...

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MT_GIRL 3/18/2013 4:54PM

    I think that small steps and reasonable goals are the way to go. Soon you will realize that you have been consistent for weeks. I tend to try too hard at the beginning and can't keep up that kind of momentum for long. Keep your head up and keep moving forward.

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 3/18/2013 12:27PM

    You're NOT a failure because you're still here and you continue to fight. We're all here for you friend.
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SLSALKIL 3/18/2013 10:18AM

    I know all of that in my head. I just have to find the motivation and will to do it. That is what is so frustrating!!!

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AKATHLEEN54 3/18/2013 10:01AM

    You just have to decide and make the commitment that this is something you want to do for YOU!! No pressure to do it because others want you to..... if you want to look better, feel better, be healthier and overall be happier with YOURSELF then you have to make that commitment. Take baby steps.... choose one small goal; don't try to make a huge commitment that will make you feel overwhelmed. Small goals are reachable and once you have met that one small goal you will find you are able to keep moving forward and then the journey gets easier and other goals become attainable. Keep logging onto Spark and reach out to the community and friends. This community has a wealth of knowlege and people that can help keep you on track and can help you reach your goals. Most importantly, remember that this is NOT a quick fix and it is not a DIET. It is a lifestyle change. Try to choose a program you can live with and fit into your life everyday!!! emoticon

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Moving along

Monday, March 04, 2013

Last time I blogged, I blogged about the Advocare 24 day challenge. I completed the Cleanse portion (days 1- 10). I did very well staying off coffee, added sugars and simple carbs. I only had 1 cheat night, and my stomach didn't like me much at all! I only lost 2 pounds during the cleanse phase, but I did feel better, so I am considering that a NSV. I just hope the weightloss kicks it up a notch for all of the supplements I have been swallowing and all of the money it costs to get them.

Yesterday was the first day of the Burn phase so I decided to treat myself to some diet pop, which I used to drink constantly. It tasted SOOOO SWEET! I couldn't drink it! Then I had my usual favorite home coffee drink. It was good, but I felt so wired after I drank it. It amazed me that after 10 days without these things I could taste and feel such a difference. I plan to stay off diet pop and switch to half caf or decaf on the coffee, just because I love the taste so much! I am continuing to avoid added sugar, simple carbs and fried foods and focus my diet on lean proteins, healthy fats, complex (whole grain) carbs, fruits and lots of veggies.

Here is to another good week!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MT_GIRL 3/16/2013 10:11AM

    How are you doing on the burn phase? I just finished the cleanse phase and only lost two pounds as well. Hang in there!

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CHANGING4ME49 3/4/2013 10:27AM

    Sounds like you are doing well. Keep up the great work! emoticon

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3 recent achievements...

Sunday, February 24, 2013

Spark Coach gave me the assignment to list 3 recent accomplishments to give me more motivation. It's easy to get so focused on the negative and the mess-ups... Especially for this glass half empty girl! So here goes...

1.) did major organizing and cleaning around the house. Feels so good!
2.) Declined dessert at church dinner today and there was a huge table of delicious looking desserts. Out of character for me for sure.
3.) I'm on day 4 of the Advocare 24 day challenge and its going well. I haven't add refined carbs, added sugars, COFFEE (HUGE for me) or diet Dr. Pepper (another big one).

Bonus accomplishments:

4.) Increased water from barely getting 6 glasses a day to now getting 12-15 a day!!
5.) increased fruits and veggies to 6-8 a day
6.) Ive been keeping up on laundry and dishes. This also feels good!!

It felt great just to post these. :)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WILLOWBROOK5 2/24/2013 9:36PM

    That is a lot to be proud of!

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 2/24/2013 7:26PM

    You are doing AWESOME, congratulations!

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ITSMATT 2/24/2013 7:21PM

    Sounds like a number of very positive things.
It's nice to see them in writing, huh?
Make it a great day!
Matt

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SRBSRB26 2/24/2013 7:16PM

    emoticon

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Having a tough time and feeling cynical

Saturday, February 09, 2013

Dealing with the miscarriage has been like a roller coaster. I thought I was doing really well. So well in fact I tapered off my antidepressants without talking to my doctor. I think it gave me kind of a false sense of stability. I have plummeted into a pit of emotional despair and anxiety.

I've been trying to listen to only Christian music and have been reading the Bible plan on God's promises. And I've been reading the Shack which is about a man having a personal confrontation with God after losing his daughter. It has some really interesting points, But I don't seem to find comfort in much of it or anything for that matter. It just makes me more mad, sad, confused. I just can't seem to reconcile the fact of a "loving" God who already "foreknew" the outcome letting me go through it. Makes me picture God with a huge magnifying glass and me as an ant and him laughing as I sizzle from the sun concentrating its heat on me. And not just me, but others too. Nothing I have read has made me feel different and I don't know how or I would. I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to doubt the inherent goodness of God, but I do.

It's very difficult to concentrate or put any effort into taking care of my health or body when I feel this way. It's hard to even breathe.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MAMISHELI53 2/23/2013 1:17PM

    Honey, I know the pain. I was a babe in Christ when I lost my firstborn - stillborn from a cord accident, on Christmas Eve. I had it out with God when I cam home with a sore belly from the emergency C-section and empty arms. How could I trust HIm for OTHER children when He did THIS? But I had to admit that I still believed (and contiue!) that God is GOOD...WISE...And that He loves me. I decided I would trust HIm, even if I didn't understand the why's and wherefores.
YEARS later, I was thinking about all my "spiritual kids" in Peru who fill me with so much joy. ANd I had an epiphany. That sill, small voice said, "Remember when you sacrificed the 'right to know why'? That set you up to grow in grace and in knowledge of Me, and brought you to the point of becoming a missionary and acquiring all these spiritual kids." I had to worship with tears of gratitude. I could NEVER have imagined, during that painful time, the joy that awaited me down the line. ANd I have been able to draw from this experience to comfort othersAs it says in 2 Cor. 1:3-7 "Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort."
Praying for your comfort.

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MANDIETERRIER1 2/11/2013 6:00PM

    Sometimes the things God does and allows to happen leave me baffled as well.

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SLSALKIL 2/9/2013 4:27PM

    Rickismom1... I am sorry for your loss. It is obvious you have experience to back up what you are saying.

In response to your post...
2)My personality has always been to try and figure things out. It has served me well in most areas of my life, but not in spiritual matters. This has always caused me faith issues. And I know God didn't promise an easy life, and I definitely haven't had one. But it's hard not to wonder why a God who could make things better, doesn't. Again, nothing I will ever figure out but hard to let go.
3) As for the Christian music and Bible reading... It used to give me peace and make me feel better, but it doesn't now so I am going to take a break.
4) I got my meds refilled and am going back on them. I've got a follow up appointment in 2 weeks and will discuss it then.

Thank you for your input.



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JO28352 2/9/2013 4:07PM

    Thank you for sharing with us. Hang in there, you WILL get through this. emoticon

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RICKISMOM1 2/9/2013 3:44PM

    I am not Christian, but I am religious, and since I lost my 17-year old daughter a half year ago, I can understand a lot of what you are experiencing.
A few points:
1) it is normal to have ups and downs after a loss.
2) it is normal to wonder why G-d did this to you.... but we don't really have to understand. Who says G-d is "with a huge magnifying glass and me as an ant and him laughing as I sizzle from the sun concentrating its heat on me"? Maybe when G-d did what He did (for whatever reason it was necessary), He was CRYING along with you? I don't know why G-d needed my daughter as an angel, but I do know that G-d does not PROMISE us an easy life. But He IS with us, and understands us, even if we are angry with Him.He's big enough to shoulder our anger and doubts.
3) Why are you only listening to religious music and reading the Bible?Is it because you feel guilty for doubting G-d's judgement? But that type of doubt is SO common, and is a NATURAL PART OF THE GRIEVING PROCESS.
Maybe you need to get out, listen to lighter stuff. Sometimes I also listen to religious music, even that on "faith when things are tough"-- and often I end up just crying and crying. So after a good cry I switch to something lighter. That helps.
4)You write: "It's very difficult to concentrate or put any effort into taking care of my health or body when I feel this way. It's hard to even breathe." If you are feeling this bad, go back to your doctor. Please. Sometimes meds are needed, and you need to take them AS THE DOCTOR ORDERED. Don't go it on your own!
5) HUGS!! emoticon

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Epic fail

Tuesday, February 05, 2013

Today was an epic fail! Awful!! Lots of stress at work, 2 panic attacks from miscarriage related emotions, lied to by an employee, and on and on. And how did I deal with it? Crying, anxiety attacks and self soothing with food. Do I feel better because I ate? Of course not! Now I have guilt on top of everything else. Ugh. Glad today is over. Starting again in the morning.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLSALKIL 2/6/2013 11:13AM

    Thank you so much for the support! Some days I am sailing along feeling good about life and then something hits me and puts me back to the same horrible feelings I was having when I had the miscarriage almost 5 months ago. I keep thinking how far along I would be and what I would be doing, planning, etc. It is so hard to move on. And food is always my comfort, which I am trying to work on. Thank you again for listening and not berating me for my pity party! I love my SparkFriends!!!

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MANDIETERRIER1 2/6/2013 9:45AM

    Sending you hugs.

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GLITTERFAIRY77 2/6/2013 8:36AM

  *big fluffy hugs* Honey, I am so sorry. Having been through two miscarriages myself, I do identify with you and totally empathize. It is okay to grieve, and no one expects you to be perfect. The important thing is that you do your best. Progress-not perfection.

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AMELIA_ 2/5/2013 11:42PM

    Yes, tomorrow is a new opportunity. Hope you can have a good night rest.

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UMBILICAL 2/5/2013 11:33PM

  Never give up

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