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Facing the Scale, Paying the Piper, and Regained Lbs feel Double the Wgt

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

As I wrote in my previous blog, I've eaten my way through this past three months of sadness and grieving, despite knowing better.

I've postponed the dreaded scale as I could feel each pound that arrived during that time. Well, this morning it took all of my courage and before weighing I said to myself that I would not let it get me down. I already knew that I'd done major damage. I'll use it to motivate myself back to action.

Yes, I'll be paying the piper alright. The good news is that I didn't gain back all of the 30 I'd lost, but the bad news is that I gained back 10. And I confess that when you've lost and regained any of that weight, it feels like double the weight. It truly feels like 20. And I can see how I've avoided the mirror more and more. Not good at all. My dearly departed cousin (like a sister to me) would not be happy to see me in such a miserable state - mentally, emotionally, and physically. It's time to get a grip.

When I saw the number, at first I was horrified, and then I almost slipped into my "I don't care" mode that has afflicted me during my months of rebellion. However, I do care. I feel awful and want to feel good again. It's going to take work, but I'm ready to do it.

Wishing all a wonderful day.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLORIDASUN 10/2/2010 8:13AM

    The most important thing is that you are back on the healthy train...woot..woot...I'm cheering you on...and put that SUGAR down! emoticon emoticon emoticon it's crap with a capital C! emoticon

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RAINBOWFALLS 9/30/2010 11:37AM

    I think you can do it! You have the right attitude! I'm glad you haven't given up.

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NANCY- 9/30/2010 9:07AM

    You will do it.

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JOYATLAST 9/29/2010 11:05PM

    You ARE brave! emoticon

Saying you don't care is a defense mechanism. Saying you DO care is empowering. emoticon on getting a grip!

I'm getting a grip too. And I'm walking toward the plate. Whatever happens - I'm giving it my best shot. emoticon

I hope I can lose 30 pounds like you did.

emoticon Gooooooooooooo Jesse!!!!

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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 9/29/2010 8:40PM

    I agree that your cousin wouldn't want to you to not take care of yourself. Hooray for you for getting on the scale today!

I'm glad you are fighting back. I'm in the process of losing the weight I gained over the summer too. We can do this!!

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ALEXSGIRL1 9/29/2010 8:15PM

    i am at your side as you battle with those pounds they will be banished in no time

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LIZZIE13 9/29/2010 5:58PM

    It must be that time of year. I feel I have put some on as well, but will find out on Monday when it is weigh in day. Persistence will be our reward!

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JLITT62 9/29/2010 5:52PM

    So glad that you are stepping back up to the plate. In the end, you know that eating whatever you want won't bring your cousin back -- nor would she want to see you unhappy.

Honor her life by taking care of yours!

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CHERIRIDDELL 9/29/2010 3:54PM

    Noone is going to stop you ,you will lose it and be able to look boldly at the mirror and say I look marvelous!!!I believe in you!!!!

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JERSEYGIRL1950 9/29/2010 3:18PM

    we think alike as i got on the elephant scale myself and gained back 10..not that's not to bad if we stop now...we can do it right???? emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 9/29/2010 11:37AM

    emoticon emoticon

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BORIQUANMAMI 9/29/2010 11:09AM

    You can do it! I know what it's like to lose a loved one and use it as a crutch for emotional eating. But you're on the right track and get lose it alla gain. THis time you ahve the tools and support of your sparkfriends to help you get there!


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DANGER AHEAD! (Order to Self - This Has Got to Stop - RIGHT NOW!)

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Enough's enough. I've been rebelling like a 5-year-old over the loss of my cousin (like a sister) in July. Okay, so this is the 8th person in three years, but who's counting?

Well, I've gained back some of my pounds, but if I don't quit this deliberate shoving edibles in the piehole, I'm headed for big trouble.

I've never been overweight prior to these last few years. And I absolutely hate the way it has felt. I was on a good roll back down to "normal." (my baseline wgt) I do not want to feel yucky anymore.

Now, however, despite knowing all the tools emotionally, mentally and physically, Ihave been daring myself to just not care. I know my dear cousin would not have wanted this for me, but the sadness has been a tidal wave.

AS OF TODAY, it's going to stop. Circling the calendar. It's really really going to stop. What am I punishing myself for - survivor's guilt? For not being able to save her fromthree years of cancer suffering? Enough punishment.

Okay, so I'm sad. I'll deal with it differently. That's that. Man, blogging is a great pressure cooker release valve!

Wishing all a wonderful day.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLORIDASUN 10/2/2010 8:09AM

    Ahhhh I so feel your pain my darling friend! I SO feel your pain.'s the best thing..go ahead and blog your little heart releases all the stuff rumbling around in your brain and blah...throws it out from the keyboard onto the screen and feel better for that! We are all here to support you, and you know that you will be encouraged every step of the way by your beautiful cousin. When you say she was like your sister...she probably was in a former lifetime. I've read that we all hang out in 'soul groups' and reincarnate over and over in different roles with each other to advance our knowledge and sharpen our perspectives from different genders and's all pretty fascinating stuff and I love that we are ALWAYS together.

If she were here in her human form she'd say..."get a gripe dear can't waste one minute of one day of your life unhappy"...and of course she IS saying that to you...through all of your friends here in spark world that adore you and want you to be happy and healthy...huggers..dear one..we all have our crosses to bear...and we are all here for each other. Now make today a 'Be good to Jesse Day" okay, okay? emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NANCY- 9/30/2010 9:06AM

    I do not know where my comment went from before.... but I just want to tell you that I admire your determination to take care of yourself. Blogging is a terrific tool.
emoticon emoticon

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CHERIRIDDELL 9/29/2010 3:51PM

    You are special and we want you to feel good.All the advice I have read here has been sound ,blogging is a great way of letting out your feelings and letting people who care know what is bothering you.We all want what is best for you! I know Carole would have too.I haven't got the world all figured out or the magic answers but I do know that you make my days better and I want to make yours better too.We need you to know that you are well worth taking the time to make feel healthy and happy.Do what is best for you! We are all behind you rooting for you!

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JENNIFER9907 9/29/2010 9:25AM

    Today is a great day to begin! You are right ENOUGH IS ENOUGH! You can do it girl.!!!! Take care of you for all the right reasons. I have faith in you honey. YOU GOT THIS!!!

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LIBBYFITZ 9/28/2010 11:37PM

    That is so sad about your cousin, but as you said she would not have wanted you to do this to yourself! emoticon emoticon

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DRB13_1 9/28/2010 11:11PM

    As you get walking, I find the time spent moving, breathing, and having time to meditate very centering. You may find your answers by starting to have daily walks. Wishing you brighter days and serenity.
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CORKYTHEMOM 9/28/2010 9:40PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Rest My Dear Cousin

Even though you are gone away,
Your love will always be here to stay.
You touched my heart with so many things.

God knew you were the one to save,
He took you home to get some rest,
Even though I loved you best.

My heart is filled with so much pain,
God loved you more, there was no shame.

At this time I must let go.
Your memories I will keep a flow.
Rest my dear cousin with peace of mind,
Your memories will live on through.

Rest In Peace
~ Jesse ~

written Michelle Alexander

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Jesse, remember you're never alone in this journey of ours. I am right by your side, embracing you the positive thoughts, healing prayers and comforting hugs.

~ Monika ~ emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/28/2010 9:40:51 PM

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ALEXSGIRL1 9/28/2010 5:48PM

    you cousin is watching you and knowing you will make good decisions and will succeed good luck on the new business

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AYAMMAYA 9/28/2010 5:14PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
Jesse is back!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 9/28/2010 4:30PM

    Blogging is great for getting out those feelings. I'm glad you are doing it!

Today is the day!

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JLITT62 9/28/2010 1:53PM

    Yeah, why do you think I blog so much?

What else are you going to do to release all that stress?

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DIALIOTO 9/28/2010 11:53AM

    Take care of you. You matter. It's so right to grieve, but don't punish yourself. You're punished enough by losing your wonderful cousin. Treat yourself like you could treat her if she were still here and in need of healthy food and loving care. That's what she wants for her cousin.
My prayers are with you.

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114 Degrees at My Little House Today

Monday, September 27, 2010

Record-breaking temps today and even with my a/c cranking away all day (don't ask what my monthly bill is) - it's 84! My little cats look like they're dead. How do I cool them down? Yikes! This is not typical San Diego weather. Supposed to be hot again tomorrow. Drains my energy.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLORIDASUN 10/2/2010 8:00AM

    I hear ya's been hotter than Hades here in Florida...I mean DISGUSTING hot! I'm SO ready for some fall weather...hey...we even look FORWARD to the winters here...sorry for that statement to all of my northern friends...I think Mother Earth is punishing us for all the havoc we've been raining down on her all these years...sad sigh! emoticon Hope your babies and you...get some relief soon! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AYAMMAYA 9/28/2010 11:25AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
Hopefully the temperature drops today because Sunday and Monday were H-O-T!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon
Aloha ~ M

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JLITT62 9/28/2010 5:44AM

    You know, cats are desert creatures originally. They're equipped to handle heat.

Now, keep in mind mine are short hairs, of course, but they actually prefer to be outside when it's hotter. When it's cool, they seldom go outside, but when it gets hot, they love to lounge out there!

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ALEXSGIRL1 9/27/2010 9:45PM

    it has been a very hot summer. i am still waiting for a cool down on the east coast. emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 9/27/2010 8:53PM

    My cats go to the bathroom where the cool tiles are. do you have tiles?That islate for it to be so hot! emoticon

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CLEVAGAL 9/27/2010 8:10PM

    I know the feeling. We live in the sub tropics. I have a persian and a birman. We got the persian shaved for the summer a few years ago! NEVER AGAIN! It was awful! He looked terrible! So now I put the overhead fans on for them if the a/c isnt on and ice in their water.

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Gout Relief

Monday, September 27, 2010

I am not a doctor, nor am I recommending the following in lieu of your medical treatment. But this is the story of a successful gout flare up with a very happy ending.

Last weekend, I took my friend to Urgent Care. He couldn't walk as one of his knees had suddenly become intensely painful for no apparent reason. I've been through this another time with the pain in his foot. (according to articles, most flareups start in the feet and work their way up the body)

Well, after going to Urgent Care and finding there is little they can do for gout, I spent a lot of time researching. Thank God for the internet!

Learned all about gout, and as I researched, the pain meds he'd gotten at Urgent Care were doing absolutely nothing except destroying his stomach linings with severe pain.

Then I hit upon what others in similar straits found worked for them. Wild Cherry extract. I figured, okay, anything's worth a try at this point as he was facing a long period of pain ahead (sometimes up to 7 days or more per flareup) on crutches and not being able to drive.

Turns out that the extract is supposed to balance out the body's acidity that causes gout. Of course, I am simplifying here for expediency.

This wild cherry extract is available in either pill or liquid form - I bought both- at any nutrition store, on Amazon, etc. I had no expectations. However, within 24 hours, he had 2/3 less pain and in two days the pain had all but disappeared. It was like seeing a miracle at Lourdes.

If you suffer from gout, give this a try. If it helps even one person, wonderful!

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALEXSGIRL1 9/27/2010 6:55PM

    you are a great friend thanks for passing on the important info, emoticon

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KMICHA 9/27/2010 5:37AM

    My hubby has suffered from gout on and off for the last 10 years. We have tried MANY things. He eats nothing from the list, he has totally given up red meat and pork. He drinks cherry juice concentrate on a daily basis and suppliments with the cherry extract pill. We buy organic as much as possible and he juices at least once a day. If he is having an attack he juices all day long. We haven't hit upon a "magic cure", we would rather correct the problem than mask it with meds. Although, I'm not sure that is going to be possible. His body just does not process the uric acid. I meds are horrible though! emoticon

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SLIMMERJESSE 9/27/2010 1:03AM

    Yes, the list of foods that I checked were things that my friend does not consume. So diet is not the issue at all. It's his body's ability to break down the acidity that seems to be the issue. It's a painful malady, for sure.

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RENA1965 9/27/2010 1:00AM

    My own step dad suffered Gout- his doctor explained it was better to avoid foods that are high in purine than grab a remedy all the time..
Purine-Rich Foods

"Beer, other alcoholic beverages". Is the worst sinner for both men and women..
Anchovies, sardines in oil, fish roes, herring.
Organ meat (liver, kidneys, sweetbreads)
Legumes (dried beans, peas)
Meat extracts, consomme, gravies.
Mushrooms, spinach, asparagus, cauliflower.
This is one painful rheumatic condition that can be reversed with sensible eating and drinking habits..
Good luck with your friend- my step father won't listen.. emoticon

Comment edited on: 9/27/2010 1:04:07 AM

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Challenges as Tools or Weapons

Sunday, September 26, 2010

I just saw the DVD "Gifted Hands" about world-famous neurosurgeon, Dr. Ben Carson, who surmounted many challenges in his life. He said that you can use challenges as either excuses to not do the things you want to do, or you can use them as stepping stones to make you stronger and ready to achieve the next challenge or goal. His mom told him that if something is in your way, find out what it is and work to remove it. Nice reminders and advice from them both, don't you think?

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SIMPLELIFE4REAL 9/28/2010 2:28PM

    Sounds like a great DVD....I'll have to check into it.

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REBECCAMA 9/26/2010 11:05PM

  Maybe that is why there are so many great challenges on Spark. All tools to help motivate us to do better for ourselves. Good luck!!

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RAINBOWFALLS 9/26/2010 7:24PM

    I find challenges have really helped me in this healthy journey. I hope you find the same.

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ALEXSGIRL1 9/26/2010 3:17PM

    emoticon emoticon

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LIBBYFITZ 9/26/2010 9:57AM


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TRIGFROST 9/26/2010 2:08AM

    Using what you the "Greatest thing" on this earth.
emoticon for Sharing w/ your SparkFriends... emoticon

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AYAMMAYA 9/26/2010 1:37AM

    Thank you for the Reminder Jesse!!! I am making my list of things to do, what is blocking me, and the solutions to achieve goals!!!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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FRIENDOFBACH 9/26/2010 12:40AM

  Really great! Thank you.

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