Thursday, November 05, 2009
I was so proud of myself. From October '08 until August '09, I didn't even crave sugar so that made it easy not to eat it. I didn't feel deprived, which was nothing short of miracle since I've always been the sugar queen of the universe. (smiling) But then I read an article saying not to deprive yourself of anything or be too rigid, as you might run the risk of sudden derailment.
Okay. I get it. Then, August was the first time I fell off the program after being "almost perfect." (not a perfect human being - smiling - just a near-perfect program) Yes, too rigid. I ate a little more of this and that, but not even close to what I'd eaten in the days before healthier eating.
I learned a lot during that month of "failure." In fact, in retrospect, I no longer consider it a failure since I learned so much about myself and eating in that month. I brushed myself off and found it easy to use the tools I've learned to get headed back in the right direction.
Then came October 22, 2009. A week before that, I'd worked sooooo hard with mega-exercise to the nth degree. When I saw that it did not make the scale even quiver slightly, I subconsciously took that info and tucked it away to use when I needed a "who cares" attitude.
My opportuntity came on October 22 when, before going to see Lion King, I had dinner with a friend. At that time, I realized that I didn't even really WANT sugar, but somehow I wound up ordering dessert. I rationalized that I'd exercised so hard w/o losing a pound, and if that was going to happen (I've been on a forever plateau). then who cares? (not a forver who cares, just for that night - or so I thought.)
In one of my blogs, I'd discusssed that I'd been trying to teach myself the "little bit" thing, and trying to get out of the all-or-none syndrome. That it's the first few bites that are said to be the most rewarding and the rest is downhill from there. But I ordered the dessert, and I was determined to forget the rules and just enjoy it. Which I did - kinda...
I really didn't do the "little bit." I had a honkin' piece of caramel cheesecake with so many additions it would make your head spin. And that's just what the sugar did to me. During the play, I was so dizzy and my body wanted to reject that sugar.
Of course, it's seldom a "one night" or one time thing. It was my gateway drug and for the following days, right up to Halloween, I had sugar. No, not as much as the sugar queen of the universe used to have, but way more than the almost-year of absolutely none.
Last Sunday night, upon taking a close look at myself (in many ways) and soul searching, I knew I was at a juncture. I could become a sugar junkie again, or live without it and feel great. I know I made the right choice.
The reason the Pampered Princess award this week was terrific timing is that it was a triumph of my decision to live without that which I really no longer want, need or can physically accommodate. Not only am I sugar free, but also caffeine free after a very tough detox last week. In a way, I'm glad this happened and made me make the choice. It was like a recommitment to myself rather than the substance.
And, guess what, today's weigh-in - 1 LB. DOWN! I think I'm done with this forever plateau. And I KNOW I'm done with sugar. Hooray, hooray!