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SLIMMERJESSE's Recent Blog Entries

Today's Tidal Wave of Grief & How I fell off the Wagon for the First Time Since October '08

Sunday, July 12, 2009

It was bound to happen. I had to celebrate my son's birthday today, and then this morning I received very bad news. My dearest friend/cousin who is like a sister to me took a turn for the worst. On Monday, she will know how quickly the clock is really ticking now and whether I should fly there to be with her. My heart has been broken for a long time over her illness as she's already dealt with breast cancer 12 years ago, and now suffering from a much more ominous cancer. Well, I ate with semi-abandon today. Honestly, I don't regret it at all as part of the birthday festivities. But I also must admit that I did so while being very stern with my psyche that this did not mean that I would stay off-track. And I got an hour of exercise in, so I'm back on-track from now on. If I have to leave this week, I will not be on SP, but that is the least of my worries. I hope they hold my page open for a bit of time before wiping it off the system.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARTYLP 7/14/2009 12:40AM

    Sorry to hear about your cousin. I'm sending my prayers out to the both of you. Don't give up and don't worry about your page it will be their. Be safe. emoticon

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MARTY19 7/12/2009 4:30PM

    I am sending prayers that you can hold off the grief and enjoy any remaining time with her. It is this quality time the will be freshest in your mind.
We all fall off the wagon, but you climbed right back on so that is a good thing.


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DARLENEK04 7/12/2009 2:37PM

  Sorry to hear about your cousin being ill.
It is always painful when someone we care
about is ill.
Stay strong....

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ARTHURTOM 7/12/2009 2:16PM

    Kind, warm loving thoughts from me to you.

I've seen pages that haven't had activity on them since January, so I would believe your page is safe for quite a while.

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NIKALE 7/12/2009 10:56AM

  Take a breath. Close your eyes and take another... a really deep one. Take as many as you need to find a place of calm.

Focus your energy on your cousin. She needs you to be strong and healthy for her, and for your son, and for yourself too.

Breathe again and find some quiet in your mind and your heart.

Take care. My thoughts are with you all.

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ALEXSGIRL1 7/12/2009 10:53AM

    i am sending you hugs and prayers for you and your friend in this difficult could write to the sparkguy or maybe message boards tec sites to see how long they leave your page up with no activity. maybe you could find a library somewhere for a quick update to keep you on. wishing you well. emoticon

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Happy Birthday to My Son

Saturday, July 11, 2009

I've lost two out of three. I'm blessed to have him left, so this is a special birthday for me. It's been one of those types of lives where everything seems to go wrong. Better luck next time? (smiling)

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ALEXSGIRL1 7/11/2009 10:11AM

    happy birthday to your son. life is very hard and complicated and i don't know why some of us seem to have a harder time,due to no fault of are own. maybe god realizes were stronger and gives us more. i don't know ,but i always believed he gives us the strength to deal with anything that comes our way,and the ability to be positive and enjoy the life we have no matter how hard it is. emoticon

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RICH530 7/11/2009 9:42AM

    Happy Birthday to you son!!! Enjoy your day!!
emoticon Lee

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When Life Comes Crashing Down, My Eating Doesn't Have to Accompany It

Friday, July 10, 2009

Yesterday was the ultimate bad day. I won't bother with the details because living through it once is enough without breathing life into the memories. However, it was one thing after another to deal with. Additionally, I have two loved ones who are struggling with terminal illnesses and one is now very, very ill. Which is breaking my heart. I've never been much of an emotional eater, but yesterday would have been when I'd have signed up to become one. However, my head got a hold of my heart and kept me on the right track. Food would not have changed a single thing, had I indulged. Oh wait, it would have... it would have started me down the fatness freeway again. Here's to you, sparkfriends. Keep on keeping on and thanks always for your support, advice and encouragement.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RICH530 7/10/2009 1:14PM

    Sorry to hear you are going through such a rough time. You are right though, eating would not have changed anything but the accomplishments you have already made! You have worked hard to get where you are! Good for you for staying on track!!
emoticon Lee

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KATFRIN 7/10/2009 1:12PM

    You've done really well to think of your long term goals in such a stressfull situation. Well done on not falling into that habit.

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ARTHURTOM 7/10/2009 11:34AM

    The rough days do make it seem so much easier to start shoving things in the old kisser. I know there are times when I pass my favorite pizzeria and the combination of a bad day and the smell of my favorite cuisine gets my mind to rolling thinking "one pizza" won't hurt!

It is then that I go and drink a few glasses of water, sit down and look at pictures of where I was at and pictures of now and more 1 more pizza won't hurt.

Positive thoughts to you Jesse on your current mindset and stay strong...look at pictures of yourself from before and current if you have to before you entertain emotional eating. Think of your hard work and dedication to this point.


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ALEXSGIRL1 7/10/2009 11:21AM

    sorry you are going through a very hard time right now. glad you did not turn to food . i hope you have a little time to exercise to get rid of the stress you are now under. remember to take time to take care of you. i am sending hugs and prayers your way.

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RUBYSNANA 7/10/2009 9:45AM

    You were so smart to realize that eating would not have fixed anything and would have made you miserable instead. I am an emotional eater and sometimes I am not so strong, so give yourself a big pat on the back! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon We are all proud of you!

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I Want to Be One of those People Who Post "I Lost ___ lbs by Walking"

Thursday, July 09, 2009

Yesterday, I posted that I've been working hard, but gained two pounds anyway. I received a lot of great advice, including that I should change it up when it comes to exercise. If that's the case, how am I reading all of these success stories about people who lost it by walking, walking, and walking some more? Also, I need to divorce my scale. It is driving me crazy. I'll put it aside for a couple of weeks and just concentrate on eating right and activity level.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

S_HANSEN 7/9/2009 4:12PM

    You will be one of those people, but I have to agree with Sheltilady... You normally cannot lose hundreds of pounds just by walking. You must increase muscle mass and watch what you eat. You can do this. Take it one day at a time. We are all rooting for you to succeed, and I for one know that you are going to! emoticonSondra

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SHELTIELADY 7/9/2009 9:09AM

    If you read the blogs about how people lost ____ lbs. walking, you might notice that they don't say "only walking". They usually start out "just" walking but then when they hit that area your in now they add some strength training in as well.

Your really doing great but it sounds like you just need to "kick it up a notch" .

Bands are cheap, easy to use and travel well. Spark has some good videos of band workouts So why not add that a couple times a week and see what happens? Hopefully you will be pleasantly surprised. Sure can't hurt!

As for that scale. Awful old things aren't they? I actually had to hide mine in the closet. LOL Drove myself insane with them (OK, now everybody knows what did it. LOL)

I hope the next blog you write is titled "BAM, I added some spice". Can you tell I watch a lot of food network shows? LOL

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HICALGAL 7/9/2009 7:42AM

    i intend to be one of those people who lost weight by walking as well as controlling my food intake. i vary the distance, time and intensity of my walks. i take measurements, go by how my clothes fit and weigh myself to keep abreast of my progress. all the best to you too!!!

spark emoticon emoticon


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RICH530 7/9/2009 7:12AM

    Most of the time that scale is not our friend!!! Remember to use it as a number not as a goal!! maybe adding a bit of ST will help to shake things up. Good luck!!
emoticon Lee

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ARTHURTOM 7/9/2009 6:39AM

    Jesse, I can tell you that I weigh myself once a week, on Thursday. No matter what the result, I just enter it on my private journal and it goes to a spreadsheet and graph so I can view the overall fluctuations in weight and I have it tied in with my nutrition as well. I set this up when I started in 2007 on my computer in Word and Excel. It was my own personal spark people as I didn't know that this site existed.

I never let the numbers get me too high or too low emotionally but only twice during the whole time that I've been doing what I've been doing.

The first time was in January of 2008. I stepped on the scale (I always weigh on the digital doctors scale at the gym) and it read 366 pounds. I went home from the gym that day and my thoughts were "How could I have let myself get so damned big?" and I cried myself to sleep that day.

The second time was late June 2008 when I stepped on that very same scale and my weight was 299. I had a euphoric feeling engulf my entire being that day as the numbers finally went below 300 pounds. Opening up my journal, the exact date was June 25, 2008.

That day was a bittersweet day of sorts. About a month before, on May 30, 2008 we had an interment ceremony and memorial service for Colleen. I had so badly wanted to be under 300 pounds for that service as she had been on me about my exploding weight for the better part of the last year of her life. I weighed around 310 pounds at that service and realized then (as I had all along) that if I stayed true to what I was doing, the numbers wouldn't matter, as they still really don't get me too high or too low emotionally, even as I approach weights that I haven't seen in almost 17 years.

Stick with your nutrition. Stick with your activity. Don't adjust it to how much you think you should lose.

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MSTELZER 7/9/2009 2:22AM

    Put that nasty old scale away for awhile - good for you!!!!! As for the walking thing - some people are just differnent than others. I too am one who couldn't loose weight by just walking and the reason was I needed to raise my metabolism. Some just have to get the heart pumping and sweat to raise the metabolism and loose the weight! Hang in there as the walking sure doesn't hurt though!


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Exercising More, but the Scale Doesn't Care. What's Up w/that?

Wednesday, July 08, 2009

I have been really working hard and the scale hasn't budged. Then, today, after a week or two of a lot of activity, I'm up 2 lbs! Yes, I've increased my caloric intake, but still within range. I know I need to do a bit more protein, but I just can't understand this trend. A friend suggested I get my thyroid checked as I've been unable to lose more than these 34 lbs. I'm tired and frustrated.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

S_HANSEN 7/8/2009 3:47PM

    There are so many reasons why you could be up in weight... The body is really a complex machine that is hard to understand for the common folk and sometimes for docs as well. Don't get too frustrated and whatever you do, don't quit. This could be just a speed bump on this journey. I know it is frustrating, but I know you have it in you to finish this journey. You will do this! You can do this! Take a deep breath and really take a look at everything you are putting in your mouth and everything you are doing in the form of exercise. Are you eating "clean" foods and are you weight training and doing cardio. Are you mixing it up, and if not when was the last time you did? See, there are so many factors to take into account. I am all for having your thyroid checked, but chances are it is fine. You have lost weight you are just at a place where your body is not giving any more up. You have to figure out why. Be a detective. I hope that these suggestions help. Keep us posted. I will be thinking of you and wishing you success. emoticonSondra

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KATFRIN 7/8/2009 2:33PM

    Did you check you measurements too ?- you can't just go by the scales - particularly if you are exercising more as your muscles will be storing fuel for the next session.

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SLIMMERJESSE 7/8/2009 11:16AM

    Thanks to all for advice. But how about these success stories about walking 100 lbs off and similar others? That's what I've been doing, walking. And some weights for strength exercises.

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    I agree with the others you might need to change up your exercise regime. You also might consider changing up your nutritional values a little bit. Don't give up this is just a plateau. You will find your way off of it.


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KALATHIA 7/8/2009 10:58AM

    What kind of exercise are you doing? Sometimes, if your body gets used to doing the same exercise every day, you have to change it up. Say, ride a bike instead of walking. Or try swimming. Just doing something different will place new demands on your body and may be enough to get that scale moving again.

It's also important to be doing strength training. If you just do cardio, you'll can lose muscle along with fat. The strength training helps you build muscle, which will hep you burn more calories.

Hope this gives you some ideas that might help you out.

Whatever you do, DON'T GIVE UP!!!


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ORGANICBEAUTY 7/8/2009 10:10AM

    Do not give up.
When you add more exercise?
Your muscles will hold onto water!!!!!!!
Keep drinking your water, and staying on track, you will see a loss!
Also it cant hurt to get your thyroid checked.
WTG !!!!! on taking care of you!
Ali emoticon

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