SLIMMERJESSE   287,443
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SLIMMERJESSE's Recent Blog Entries

Coulrophobia

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Recently, a sparker apologetically explained to me that she is afraid of clowns, thus not interacting with me here on SP.

Apparently, fear of clowns is quite common. A list was recently read on the radio of the top 10 fears of most people and clowns were, like, number 4 on the list.

Well, here's why I posted my pic as a clown. I've lost 12 people (6 friends and 6 relatives) over the past four years. They died at various ages of different causes. My mom is currently dying.

The hardest for me was the passing of my cousin who was like a sister to me. When I came onto this SP site, she was dying of cancer and I used my clown photo to remind myself to keep as much happiness and smiling in my heart as possible.

I have also dressed up with a group that attends events for terminally-ill children. The clown in me reminds me of my lifelong happy heart and laughing personality, which I've kinda lost during these past few years.

These losses took the wind out of my sails big-time. Even for someone like me who has always been a survivor after major traumas, it's been a huge battle to find my spirit again.

That said, I have used SP to make sure that I keep myself healthy as a foundation for rebuilding my life. Even though I am making progress in rejoining the human race, I still have some major hurdles to go.

So, I need the clown pic to remind myself still. Perhaps I always will, I don't know.

Wishing all a good day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIVINGFREE19 4/23/2012 1:26PM

    Unfortunately people are scared of clowns and I have heard about this a long time ago. Everybody has their reasons. John Wayne gacy was a clown, in fact, and I read one of the books.
I hope you can continue to do what makes you happy. We all need to do that for ourselves.

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NANCY- 4/23/2012 8:28AM

    Kudos to you for doing what you need to do for you. You are one strong lady. Meeting your needs when times are tough is difficult, you are doing it beautifully.
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STITCHERFRIEND 4/22/2012 8:46PM

    Your blog title intrigued me so I read your blog. Thanks for writing it. I hope you keep the finding some happiness as you walk this difficult path of loss. emoticon

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CBEVNOW 4/22/2012 6:19PM

    I my self dont like clowns, i think its because of the scarey ones you always see on TV. but then i have had this disike for them since i was a little girl. Yet my son has the most beautiful picture of a clown on his wall and i do like it. So go figure, i cant. I have a friend who does a clown ministry for her church, and so many children are frightened at first, It may be the out fits the make up, i cant figure this out,
Thank you for posting.
Caroline

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CATLADY52 4/22/2012 5:55PM

    Bringing a smile or chuckle to anyone is the greatest gift we can give each other. Keep up the clowning. emoticon

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BOBBIENORTHERN1 4/22/2012 5:26PM

  Your blog has really enlightened me to people being scared of clowns.

I just cannot imagine such a thing, but of course there must be a reason for it.

How can one become fearful of a clown unless there is some kind of a reason?

I always have thought of clowns as funny and bringing smiles and laughs to people so I can fully understand you doing what you are doing with clowns.

We all have to do what we need to do to get on with life to a bigger and brighter future full of love, fun, smiling, laughing, singing and dancing.

Life sure can bring much grief and hurt into our lives and I am so glad to hear that you have found such a harmless way of coping with all of the pain of living because seeing that clown is an excellent reminder to keep smiling and enjoying being alive and strong and healthy.

You are truly unique and spsecial and valuable and one of a kind person who is going on to a great new life filled with many good things. emoticon emoticon

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NATPLUMMER 4/22/2012 2:29PM

    emoticon

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KKLENNERT809 4/22/2012 12:37PM

    Thank you for sharing and making the rest of us aware of this phobia. I think that you are doing a terrific job in handling grief and maintaining a positive attitude. Stay on track with your plan, I think it's a good one!

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RYDERB 4/22/2012 11:19AM

    I never realized that "fear of clowns" was a thing. But, personally it's always depending on the clown. Some clowns (like the one in the TV movie IT) I do find SCARY!!! emoticon and some clowns make smile. I'm glad you've been able to hold on to your smile, during such a difficult time in your life. I'm sorry about all the losses you've experienced and so sorry that on top of everyone you've already lost, you're dealing with your mother being terminally ill
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The Lightness of Being

Saturday, April 21, 2012

I feel lighter today. Despite whatever number comes up on the scale next week for my weigh-in, my body is showing signs of change and responding well to my healthier regimen. Feeling very optimistic that things are starting to head in the right direction - down!

Wishing all a fun day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIVINGFREE19 4/22/2012 10:51AM

    I am genuinely very happy for you because I know how it feels when you feel you are spinning your wheels.
I so understand how you have been doing everything right and nothing seems to change on the damn scale! LOL!
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IAM_HIS2 4/22/2012 9:46AM

    emoticon emoticon So happy for you....love hearing your good news!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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RYDERB 4/21/2012 4:15PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NATPLUMMER 4/21/2012 11:33AM

    AWESOME!!

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NANCY- 4/21/2012 9:47AM

    Wonderful attitude.
The scale always fluctuates. What remains are actions. Healthy choices in food and exercise nourishes us, the scale will eventually follow.
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DAREDEVILME 4/21/2012 9:46AM

    Have a wonderful day....and keep up the good work!!

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Sunflower Beverage

Friday, April 20, 2012

I found this unusual drink at my health-oriented grocery store and it was marked down enough to give it a try. It's not every day that one runs into a drink like this. It's 70 calories a cup,and tastes kinda like non-fat milk with a slightly nutty taste. Not bad. But honestly don't think I'd buy it again. Good, but not that good. (smiling)

Have begun my May goals early. Less (or no) cheese and less carbs. I think cheese will be as difficult as sugar was to eliminate because I've always been the cheese queen of the universe. We'll see.

Hey sparkfriends, have a wonderful day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LADYJAKE1 4/20/2012 8:17PM

    You are brave..... emoticon

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ALASKASKY 4/20/2012 6:24PM

    I was just going through the circulars for next week and one of the stores has my favorite cheese on sale. I usually buy two or three packs, but I decided that I'm cutting back on cheese also. emoticon

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SHERYLDS 4/20/2012 6:22PM

    if your really desperate...try soy cheese.
makes a great pizza with whole wheat pita breat, thin sliced tomatoes, thin sliced mushrooms, a little chopped basil, and soy cheese.

found myself at a Vegan health resort once (I really not vegetarian and I was surprised at how good they made the food).

Comment edited on: 4/20/2012 6:24:28 PM

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NATPLUMMER 4/20/2012 10:23AM

    It's good to try something new every once in a while. You never know.

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JOY73YL 4/20/2012 10:14AM

    I love your background. My cat has done a good job training me but right now she doesn't understand why I'm grumpy in the middle of the night and won't get up to feed her or do some silly thing for her. I'm not doing 24/7 if it isn't serious!
I would have tried the sunflower drink also -as long as it marked down to a reasonable price. Thanks for the heads up on it.

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LIVINGFREE19 4/20/2012 9:54AM

    If you want to get rid of your cheese fettish, google it and see what it is made of.
I used to always love cheese, but not anymore.
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Assessing April Goals & Setting One for May

Thursday, April 19, 2012

My April goal has been a total success and a lot easier than I imagined it would be. After a lifelong habit of eating at night (any time of night and sometimes another meal), I've managed this 26 day streak of absolutely nothing at night. Thought it would be a lot harder than this. I usually begin the next month's goal about a week ahead of time so that I get a head start.

I think that May will be to curb carbs and cheese. I do okay with carbs (but room for improvement), but tend to have more cheese than I should. I'm still deciding, but this looks like a good double goal for me.

Wishing all a fun day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LIVINGFREE19 4/20/2012 9:57AM

    I started eating at night about 2 months ago, and then i was able to kick it in the Butt within about a month. it was tough to do though.
I have found that eating walnuts does really curb my appetite.
Maybe if you eat a few walnuts at bedtime, you will see how well this works.
What works for one person though, may not always work for another as far as curbing your appetite enough.


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NANCY- 4/20/2012 8:15AM

    You are making great progress... keep on Sparking.
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DDHEART 4/19/2012 8:46PM

    Good goals and since you have done so well with these last goals I know you will do well with these as well. However.....since I'm from WI, I am thinking how impossible this would be for me!! LOL

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CATLADY52 4/19/2012 8:10PM

    emoticon on getting this far. And good luck with the cheese.

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SHERYLDS 4/19/2012 2:58PM

    emoticon congrats on the streak

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STEVENGO2 4/19/2012 1:49PM

    Way to go on your goal for April emoticon. I wish I could go with you on your cheese goal for May! I love cheese, my Mom hates cheese. I wish good fortune for your May goals. Again congrats on meeting your April goal ~ I hope it showed up on your scale too!

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JULESRULES78 4/19/2012 1:10PM

    Way to go! 26 days is awesome! Cheese is evil, and it goes so well with so many other yummy things. Good luck!

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NATPLUMMER 4/19/2012 9:49AM

    YAY for 26 days!!!
I need to curb my cheese a little myself. Good luck!

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Sing Along with Me...At lasssst...

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

WOOOOOOOHOOOOOO! 4 LBS DOWN! Must be a miracle! Got a new scale and I joked with the cashier yesterday that if it didn't give me the numbers I wanted, I'd bring it back for a refund. (smiling)

After whining yesterday, guess what? 4 lbs down! I even weighed on the old scale and it shows the same loss. Amazing what a difference a day makes.

I have worked hard for those lbs gone, my friends. Very very hard. And I'm hoping that my body is now getting the message that I mean business.

Wishing all a wonderful day.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NANCY- 4/20/2012 8:13AM

    emoticon

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YESCURLYCAN 4/19/2012 7:58AM

  *singing along with you* Congratualtions :)

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JLITT62 4/19/2012 5:05AM

    Congrats! Now stay off the thing for a week!

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EMILYJEN 4/18/2012 11:14PM

    You rock!!!!

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CATLADY52 4/18/2012 6:28PM

    emoticon emoticon

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LIVINGFREE19 4/18/2012 5:53PM

    Awesome my friend!
WoooooooooooHooooooooooo
ooo!
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KANSASROSE67 4/18/2012 1:25PM

    Congrats! And thanks for the goodie, btw!

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HEALTHYOTTER 4/18/2012 1:19PM

    Congrats on your hard work, and being patient waiting for the scale to show it. What's your favorite non-scale victory?

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NATPLUMMER 4/18/2012 11:53AM

    emoticon

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FANGFACEKITTY 4/18/2012 11:36AM

    WooHoo!!! Congratulations!

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RAINYFRIDAY 4/18/2012 9:46AM

    Congrats :D

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