Sunday, April 22, 2012
Recently, a sparker apologetically explained to me that she is afraid of clowns, thus not interacting with me here on SP.
Apparently, fear of clowns is quite common. A list was recently read on the radio of the top 10 fears of most people and clowns were, like, number 4 on the list.
Well, here's why I posted my pic as a clown. I've lost 12 people (6 friends and 6 relatives) over the past four years. They died at various ages of different causes. My mom is currently dying.
The hardest for me was the passing of my cousin who was like a sister to me. When I came onto this SP site, she was dying of cancer and I used my clown photo to remind myself to keep as much happiness and smiling in my heart as possible.
I have also dressed up with a group that attends events for terminally-ill children. The clown in me reminds me of my lifelong happy heart and laughing personality, which I've kinda lost during these past few years.
These losses took the wind out of my sails big-time. Even for someone like me who has always been a survivor after major traumas, it's been a huge battle to find my spirit again.
That said, I have used SP to make sure that I keep myself healthy as a foundation for rebuilding my life. Even though I am making progress in rejoining the human race, I still have some major hurdles to go.
So, I need the clown pic to remind myself still. Perhaps I always will, I don't know.
Wishing all a good day.