Wednesday, January 18, 2012
On Monday afternoon, my estranged brother (we are a fractured family) called to let me know that my mother is dying. She is far away. The tragic part of this is that she and I have had a lifelong very bumpy road, to the point of no communication for decades now. (It's a long story, but the separation was necessary to protect myself. She is not kind to me at all.) I told my brother that, for a long time now, I have been very thankful for all of the good things and hard work she did as a mother. I also told him that I'll keep her in my prayers. That is the best I can do.
I explained to him some of the things she's done to me, and he went totally silent and quietly said, "Oh, I never knew that." I assured him that he wouldn't have known because I'm not one to drag others into my dramas. So, he's only heard her version of invented reality. It has been a lifetime of major painful interactions with her, and at one point in the past, I had to save myself from ongoing rejection and meanness.
That said, it doesn't make it any easier to know that she is at the end of her days. That mother/daughter bond goes very deep and I am trying to control my sadness.
I am so thankful that I've been off sugar, or else I'd be plummeting so far down. Sugar does that after the initial, short high.
Wishing all a good day.