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Moderation is NOT My Middle Name

Saturday, February 12, 2011

I've been on SP for two years and have done several good things toward a healthier lifestyle.

But the better I do, the more I realize what a way to go I still have in doing many things in a healthier way.

It amazes me that, with my all or none tendencies, I haven't become addicted to anything major. Although the advice of the wise says that a little bit of something will remove that feeling of deprivation, I CANNOT have just a little bit of sweets.

I'm always picking up something to teach myself moderation. Yeah, right! It's like I'm a 5yr old sometimes when it comes to sugar. Today I had one of those invisible tugs of war with an angel on each shoulder as I picked up a small bag of Gharadelli chocolate squares. "You don't really want that," the good angel wisely whispered in one ear. But the other rascally one, said, "Oh come on, teach yourself moderation, for pete's sake. Just have one or two a day as a reward for doing so well."

So, tonight the pkg is in the garbage - empty. And I'm sugar dizzy and feel sick from eating the entire contents.

I will beat sugar. I know I can. This was a tough blog confession to admit to myself and on the computer screen. It's a wonder I have not succumbed to a diabetic coma tonight. (which I don't have - yet!)

Wishing all a great weekend.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

NOMORESTALLING 2/12/2011 10:32PM

    I know, It's sugar with you salt with me.
I was so bad at one point that I was consuming a 200 gram bag of potatoe chips a day! Now I am proud to say that I maybe get a salt craving once maybe twice a month and instead of buying the 200 gram bag I buy the smallest bag I can find. My craving is satisfied before I even finish half of it and I toss the rest.
The same if I want chocolate but I don't buy my favourite. I buy Walts. I have two or three squares and give him the rest. And I learned protion control. The chocolate doesn't happen often Maybe every couple of months I've never been big on chocolate.
The same with ice cream another biggy for me! So instead of buying the 4 litre pail I go down to the local ice cream parlour and buy a small cone. Now I can buy the bucket put it in the freezer and forget about it. The only time I take it out is when Walt asks for some. And again it's his favourite not mine.
And believe me if there was ice cream in the house and it was my favourite a 4 litre pail would be gone in less than a week!
So it can be done. One day at a time one step at a time. I don't do anything cold turkey anymore because it doesn't work.
Now whenyou bought those chocolate pieces could you not have bought a single serving and walked away with the one piece. Or are they only sold in the bag size? If that is the case then IF and when there is a next time try buying a single serving of something and leave it at that.


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ALEXSGIRL1 2/12/2011 7:00PM

    i dont eats sweets anymore but i have to have my chocolate almond milk i crave the stuff i beat you can guess why sugar

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FEISTY1949 2/12/2011 5:59PM

    I am the same way. I buy something telling myself I'll spread out eating it and then do the whole thing in one or two days. I can be so bad that when my granddaughter visits, I spend more money at a local bakery to buy just 2 cookies for her so no packaged ones are left behind for me to eat. You certainly are not alone in the desire to eat the good stuff!

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MILLISMA 2/12/2011 5:51PM

    What is it with sugar that makes it so addictive!!!! One of my treats - that I had this afternoon - is a hot cup of tea and a gingersnap cookie. I don't keep coffee ice cream around because I would probably eat the whole thing by myself and I refuse to pay the price for a pint so it's easier just not to bring it home..sigh!

Libby is right...tomorrow is a new day.


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NANCY- 2/12/2011 12:19PM

    Moderation is difficult with some things. Some things I just cannot have the house.
I have developed resistance to the temptation of the checkout chocolates by saying that I deserve better than that and should make the trip to the chocolate shop. If I do make the trip.... I just purchase enough for one serving. (because I tend to behave like more is better.)
Hang in there you will find what works for you.

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NATPLUMMER 2/12/2011 10:22AM

    It does take a lot of practice. I have gotten better and better at it. I even set up a personal goal on SP to have sweets fewer than 4 times a week. Good luck!!

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LIBBYFITZ 2/12/2011 8:00AM

    emoticonTomorrow is a new day.

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JLITT62 2/12/2011 7:54AM

    Sugar is definitely a hard one! I should know, since I suffer from it too. I have learned to be much more in control - it takes a LOT. Of practice, and because I've had to struggle for so many years, I've gotten a lot of practice!

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CHERIRIDDELL 2/12/2011 3:30AM

    I know why we get on so well we share the same vices! Now we just have to talk each other out of said vices!!!!!

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WHERE DID SHE GO? (When SPfriends leave the Site)

Friday, February 11, 2011

I just clicked on the page of a long-time, very visible sparker and POOF - NO longer on SP! Where did she go? Why so quickly? And w/o a word! Okay, I know we all make our choices for various reasons, and I respect that. Maybe she didn't want to be talked out of it? I don't know.

Realizing that the virtual world is just that, I understand it isn't the be-all and end-all. However, you DO make connections with others whose lives have been shared during this journey. So it leaves you to wonder about them and how they are doing when they've left.

But this reminded me to at least say goodbye before I ever sign off. Because those who leave will be missed. Wishing all who've gone away the best.

Have a good day, sparkfriends.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MT-MOONCHASER 2/17/2011 12:41AM

    Another thing that happens is that they change their Sparknames. I have a Sparkfriend that recently lost her husband and just felt that she couldn't keep Sparking with that identity, so she deleted her account and then started again with a new identity. It took a couple months to find her, but she is back now.


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NANCY- 2/12/2011 12:05PM

    Sometimes there is not a reason....
I just am thankful for the time we had.
But you are right a heads up would be nice. Sometimes you can get a feeling from posts or blogs.
Sometimes even they may not have control over the disappearance.
Your comment is a good reminder to say so long or taking a break as to be kind to our Sparkfriends.


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CHERIRIDDELL 2/12/2011 3:33AM

    I can't imagine doing that to me the people here are friends even if they are online.I would be hurt if someone vanished without a goodbye.

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SUGARBABY60 2/12/2011 12:12AM

    No matter what the reason it is still hurtful. I had a friend recently do this as she felt she caused some problems on a team we were on (she did not and folks told her that but I think her self esteem is low ) she said good bye to the. team but still it was hurtful not to interact with her almost daily. I do have her email and we keep contact outside of Spark but it is just not the same.I hope you find peace with what ever the problem is

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KTMAE2006 2/11/2011 9:27PM

    That is so sad! I never thought about someday deleting SP. How could I?? Its a part of my daily computer routine! Plus, how will I get motivation to workout without the support of everyone else??

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MILLISMA 2/11/2011 8:05PM

    I had that happened a few months ago with someone I felt very close to. I just wish she had said goodbye. I knew she had reached her goal but like you said "poof" she was gone.

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BADASSBLONDIE 2/11/2011 7:36PM

    Most of my friends are online (I'm a very introverted person) and when someone just leaves it throws me into a tizzy for awhile. This happened to me a bit ago with someone who was not only visible, but also struggling with depression. I still have no idea what happened to her or if she's OK and it still bothers me. So yeah, I agree about the "saying goodbye" thing.

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HEALTHYASHLEY 2/11/2011 7:23PM

    I do think it's a little selfish to not say goodbye. I take friendships seriously. Regardless if they are Internet or face to face friends. I lost a few including my best best friend. I texted her to see if she was ok. Her response was so distant and formal it was like she didn't even know me. It hurt my feelings a lot.

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FRECKS96 2/11/2011 6:11PM

    It is hard, I have lost a few friends that way. Hopefully they can find what they're looking for.

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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 2/11/2011 4:33PM

    You make a very good point.

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JLITT62 2/11/2011 3:39PM

    Yes, I've experienced that too. It can be very sad!

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MRE1956 2/11/2011 12:19PM

    There've been times I just wanted to leave quietly, myself - perhaps that might have been the case here.....


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GLMOM2 2/11/2011 12:14PM

    I have had this happen with a couple of my buddies but their pages just got switched to offline when they were updating & didn't even know it until I sent them a sparkmail!

Maybe that happened with this friend? Are you able to email her or is she deleted out of Sparks completely?

Just an idea?

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SUZYMOBILE 2/11/2011 12:06PM

    One day this happened with my best SparkFriend. I was freaking out until I learned that she had accidentally unplugged her modem!

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LIBBYFITZ 2/11/2011 11:58AM

    I can understand some people leaving for different reasons, but a goodbye would be "nice". I currently have a dear Sparkfriend who signed off a few weeks ago and I really hope she comes back! But at least she did say she was leaving to have a break. emoticon

I agree , I treat all my Sparkfriends with respect and am so grateful of the support I have received and I love being here for my Sparkfriends. emoticon

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NATPLUMMER 2/11/2011 11:53AM

    I have had that happen to me as well. And then there are the people who I added as friends and they didn't add me back and then they set their pages to private.
I would definitely say goodbye before leaving.

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UNCOMMONANGEL 2/11/2011 11:43AM

    It happens... I was gone before and came back... a couple times. :") I find sometimes I need to take a sabbatical and just... LIVE life instead of sitting down and keyboarding about it. But there is a happy medium... I found I NEED my fellow Sparks to be my backup. And to be fair, I need to return the favor for those who need the support as well. SO... I am here. And I plan to stay here. Mayhaps not each and every day, but I am going to be here to be a helping hand when needed, and a shoulder to cry on when needed, or a huge high-five to those who just accomplished a goal and want someone to share in the moment. :)

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EJHEINRICH1 2/11/2011 11:19AM

    Hi Jesse,
I agree with you and that is why I am so glad you reached out when you had thoughts of leaving. I figured you would at least have my email address to contact me if you choose to leave. But I am glad you decided to stay my friend.
((HUGS)) to you!

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KURTORTOISE 2/11/2011 11:10AM

    I agree, especially if you've developed SparkFriends.
I've reached my goal weight but I'm still here because I have a responsibility to my "friends" who still need support. I also became a co-leader.
One thing to consider, though, is that SP periodically removes pages of members who they consider inactive (they might just be on vacation), so he/she may have disappeared involuntarily.
However, it's also valid to imagine the worst possible scenarios of what could have happened to the person that would keep them from SP.
Hopefully other people will read this and know that they're important to others, and they should follow etiquette and say goodbye.

Comment edited on: 2/11/2011 11:16:54 AM

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Wednesday, February 09, 2011

I had a good day yesterday, and followed several of the suggestions from sparkfriends regarding the birthday song and call that I knew would not come. I really appreciate your warmth and kindness. Have a wonderful day.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHERIRIDDELL 2/12/2011 3:36AM

    I am grumpy I just realized tonight I was no longer getting notices when you posted a blog.Bah humbug.I have subscribed again.I never deleted it so Spark must have in one of the updates.Oh well I will just make sure I check from now on.

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LIBBYFITZ 2/11/2011 4:06AM


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FLORIDASUN 2/10/2011 6:11PM

    I too feel a blanket of sadness on certain days having lost our beautiful Josh. Mostly Mother's Day is a killer for me...why...because he always went out of his way to make it sooo special...something a 20 something young adult doesn't always do. I have a lingering sadness every Mother's Day...even more so than his birthday, or Christmas, or the day of his death. Death is a tricky thing to deal with, especially for you dear one having lost so many in such a short time.

I get by on my CERTAIN feeling that they are VERY much still with us...rooting for our health and our happiness and I KNOW for sure we will all meet up again further down the river.

Blessings to you, for your brave and loving spirit...remember the hardest obstacles in life are what make us the most human in our experience.

Big, big hugs and lots of love to you!

Happy Belated Birthday, treat yourself like the little gem of a friend that you are! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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NINEWESTGIRL 2/10/2011 5:44PM

    Happy Belated Birthday, I'm glad it was good regardless of the heartache that was/is attached... I can relate but in different ways- I taught myself a few years ago that the true new beginning to every year is the day you were born, once its here things can only get better!

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RAYLINSTEPHENS 2/10/2011 10:47AM

    happy belated birthday wishes.

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SHOOTIN4STARS 2/9/2011 11:04PM

    Hey Jessie-- Happy belated birthday! I'm happy to hear you had a good one. I'm sure it wasn't easy without your cousin here, but I'm sure her spirit was part of everything you did. I hope you had a beautiful one my friend! -- Lisa

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    Glad you made it through the day. Your cousin would have wanted you to have a great day.

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NANCY- 2/9/2011 12:24PM

    Oh rats!!!
I'm so sorry I missed your posts and your birthday.
Please accept my belated birthday wishes for you.
Wishing you all the best in the year to come.
May your days be filled with sunshine and beautiful colors.
And may your nights be filled with comforting dreams and wishes to come.

We turn not older with years, but newer every day.
- Emily Dickinson

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NATPLUMMER 2/9/2011 11:53AM

    I'm glad you had a good day yesterday!
Happy belated birthday!! emoticon

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Dreading the Birthday Blues Tomorrow

Monday, February 07, 2011

I was born on my grandmother's birthday and named after her.

I'm bracing myself to NOT be blue tomorrow. Not for the typical reason of passing years. I've lived enough for five people, and don't want to be younger than I am. So that's not the issue.

Having lost my dear cousin (the 9th person in 4 years), who was like a sister to me, last July, I've just begun to get back on my feet. Still have a way to go, but the blanket of sadness that was my constant companion has dissipated.

Each birthday, bright and early in the morning, the phone would ring. My cousin would sing me happy birthday. It was the gift that kept on giving, as I'd replay it and smile. As teens, we had a singing group. She still has (had) a lovely voice.

Tomorrow morning, the phone will not ring. There will be no birthday song. I miss her so very much.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHERIRIDDELL 2/12/2011 3:38AM

    Like Floridasun I am so sorry I missed this blog I too would have sung you happy birthday.Floridasun and I could have harmonized (if my voice harmonizes with anything) at least it would have kept you laughing all day!!!! love and hugs,Cheri

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FLORIDASUN 2/10/2011 6:02PM

    Ohhhhh I'm sooo sorry I missed this blog! I would have sang you happy birthday even in my really CRAP~O voice. Just remember you are being sung Happy Birthday from a beautiful place up in heaven, even if the acoustics are of a higher frequency than our human ears can are VERY loved and appreciated dear one! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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1COUNTRY_GAL 2/9/2011 10:36AM

    emoticon emoticonI would call you if I had your phone number.You have a happy Birthday and know I care and offer you support emoticonand emoticonDiana

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NEELIXNKES 2/8/2011 12:07PM

    emoticon Happy Birthday emoticon

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ALEXSGIRL1 2/7/2011 8:42PM

    happy birthday sweetie

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DDHEART 2/7/2011 8:30PM

    How about this? Get up tomorrow morning and you sing to your beloved're going to be thinking about her anyway..turn it into a tribute! Happy Birthday just a tish early!!

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LIBBYFITZ 2/7/2011 6:10PM

    emoticonHappy birthday for tomorrow!

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    I wish I could sing to you....I know it wouldn't be the same....but at least somebody would be singing.

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JLITT62 2/7/2011 5:19PM

    A very bittersweet memory indeed -- I'm sorry.

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NATPLUMMER 2/7/2011 11:23AM


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JOYATLAST 2/7/2011 9:47AM

    Listen, Jesse. Listen.

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STUDLEEJOE 2/7/2011 9:41AM

    Thank you for your post. My birthday is also tomorrow. I will be 60, and I have lost several family members and friends over the last few years. I have found the best way to remember them is to celebrate you own life.


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DEBBIEOLMOS57 2/7/2011 9:39AM

    Just image your cousin singing to you. I just lost my father in December and I will miss his birthday hug and kiss on the 16th too.

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Other Goals/Landmarks Met

Saturday, January 29, 2011

In a recent blog, I listed some of the benefits of being on SP for two years this week. And thinking of those goals, I also looked at others I've achieved during this month of January, 2011. Of course, not all were done in this month, but cumulatively resulted in finality during January. Some of these are...

-No TV. For the past two months, I've not watched and feel an incredible peace from its absence. Did this once before for 7 years. Hate TV. I think this may be the grand finale.
-Less sugar. So much less that I am amazed that I don't want it or crave it. This is a true landmark for me, for over a month now.
-Grief relief. After four years of deaths of 9 friends/family members, including my dear cousin last July, I'd been in a state of total paralysis from functioning. Not to say that I am productively functioning the way I should, but at least I don't feel the heaviness of constant sadness any longer. That frees so much energy up for other things.
-A Job fiasco. I tried to get what I thought was a little, menial job and started last week. However, it was a totally different job than interviewed for, and one I could not stick with for a variety of reasons. While this looks like a failure on the surface, it actually isn't. I showed myself that I am able to suit up, and show up. It also motivated me toward the next issue.
-Getting more serious about planning the renewal of my own business. While this may take a while longer, I am closer to getting re-started again.
-Done sport shopping. No longer interested in internet or real-time shopping.

Wishing all a wonderful weekend.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DDHEART 1/30/2011 9:52AM

    You've come a long way baby and this next year will bring even more!

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NANCY- 1/30/2011 8:15AM

    Wow... You an amazing lady and have made some amazing changes.

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ALEXSGIRL1 1/29/2011 7:52PM

    baby your a firework you are doing awesome emoticon

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NATPLUMMER 1/29/2011 5:00PM

    Those are great accomplishments!!!
emoticon emoticon

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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 1/29/2011 1:06PM

    A lot of changes!!!!

I'm guessing that turning off the TV has helped a lot with grief relief too because it has let you feel your feelings more and start to focus on other areas of your life.

It's good to hear that you are starting to feel better. It's been a tough year and you deserve more out of life.

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JLITT62 1/29/2011 1:06PM

    Wow! Those are ALL amazing accomplishemnts & you have really kept the lid on them, too.

I am so glad that you feel that heaviness lifting. You deserve it.

I once took a job and left it after just a few days. It happens.

GREAT job!

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LIBBYFITZ 1/29/2011 12:00PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon

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