Tuesday, January 04, 2011
In the wake of my imminent 2-year Sparkversary at the end of this month, I've become aware of several things that I've gotten a bit misdirected on. It doesn't feel like I've fallen off the proverbial wagon, but just that my healthy two-year track has begun to start making the beginning of what can easily be a U-turn. Yikes! Rather than let that happen, I thought I'd blog about each issue that I need a direction correction on. Each one will begin with this paragraph and lead into the topic of the day.
The Sparkpeople Site. I have appreciated it from Day 1, and supported it by buying products, buying from advertisers, referring the site to friends, etc. HOWEVER,
From the very first week, I resisted joining. I'm not a joiner, I reminded myself. Can't really explain all that entails, but I don't like joining anything. And I realized that I often resist doing what is best for me.
Well, every few months or so during these two years, I was going to quit SP. I found one reason or another that I didn't want to do this daily grind (what I perceived it to be during my immature times of ranting to myself). In fact, the last time I almost did quit for good, I was saved by a wonderful team leader (thanks, EJ) who did not prod me to stay, but gently came after me in a kind and helpful way. Okay, I'll stay.
Now I look back on those times and smile. My resistance to Spark was symptomatic of my life in general. With so much loss these past few years (deaths of loved ones), as well as my own life's bumpy road challenges, I was very ready to throw out the baby with the bathwater. The "who cares" attitude too over.
Not that I've been a tremendous example of weight loss success over these past couple of years (32 lbs before I got here, and then maintained, but have gained about 8 back over past year during grief eating), but I see that if I hadn't come here daily to track food and exercise (as well as connect with friends), I would have been in much bigger trouble by now. Much.
So, this direction correction is my attitude. Just the other day, I was perusing similar sites and they all cost a fortune (relative to free). For the first time, it really dawned on me how I would have never been able to do SP had it had fees, and what a huge gift this has been.
Being the rebel I am, I may still go through some "I quit" times in the future. But I have to do tough love with myself during those times and know that it is due to SP that I've maintained the lbs lost. And look forward to getting the rest of this hideous stuff out of my gut. Yes, I'm spoiled by lifelong slimness and a harsh unacceptance of how horrible this extra weight feels. (and knowing all the factors that contributed to it helps - mega stress, overwork, less exercise, hormonal stuff, and yes, eating like I always had since I never gained weight.)
Wishing all a great day.