Friday, May 21, 2010
Ever have one of those days where things seem like they will never change and giving up seems like the only logical option? I have been having alot of those lately. I know I haven't been consistent in my eating or my exercise, which gets me down. That's when things start to spiral out of control...
Because I haven't been following my normal regiment I get down. Then I get down because I am not seeing any good results, just then bad ones (obviously from not being vigilant). Then I get more down because I feel like things are never going to change and I feel trapped and want to give up. Then that leads to the eating. Eating is a comfort for me, always has been since I lost my mom when I was young. The eating makes me more depressed because I think of what I just did to myself. Thankfully I am not a purger, just the thought of it makes me ill.
I've just been in such a funk that I can't seem to snap out of lately. Every time I turn around I feel like it's never going to help so I should just quit and live the life I have and not even try to reach for something better. I just don't know how to make things click and STAY clicked in my brain... It feels like it's broken. What's even worse is I have this mental picture of myself in my head and I am fit and cute and don't have crazy amounts of belly hanging all over the place, and then I look in the mirror and I am heartbroken at what is actually there. I can't get it together. What gives?
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Things seem to be looking up career-wise for Mark and I! Woohoo! He is interviewing for a promotion and I am officially waiting for an acceptance letter into a Graduate Training and Development program. Finally, we are getting somewhere and progressing. I am really excited even though I know it's more work.
I am still really not feeling well. I cancelled my Bollywood Burn class tonight in favor of rest and extra prep time before my internal training class tomorrow morning. There is no such thing as being over prepped for an INTERNAL class. It's one thing to train a client, we show up love 'em and leave 'em, but the internal stuff I have to see those people every day in the office. You can see how it's a little stressful! My head still feels like it's going to explode and my lungs are all nasty and whistly so drugs and rest sound so good to me. Wish me luck, I am going to need all the help I can get the next few weeks!
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