Saturday, August 21, 2010
Thanks for all your support regarding my frazzled day. I think I proved to myself once more that letting it (stress) get to me just makes me less efficient and productive, as well as less likely to achieve my eating and activity goals.
I'm just back from a super Zumba workout this morning and feeling energetic. I'm going to try to do some of the thinking work I need to accomplish while I accomplish the laundry and housework.
I'm a little frustrated that I still haven't gotten back down to my happy weight; I've been over for two full weeks. I got down to just .6 pounds over last Saturday, and today I'm 4.2 pounds over. I guess you could just call it vanity pounds since I'm still at a healthy BMI. However, I know me and I know that if I accept a gain of 4.2 pounds and the eating behavior that goes with that gain, it could very easily become 40.2 pounds. I would like maintenance to be focused on eating healthy and balancing activity and food. But for now I'm still seeing those same numbers on the scale going up, up -- going down -- going up -- going down -- going up, up -- going down, down -- going up. I want so badly to just be normal when it comes to eating. Why is it so hard for me?
Excuse my rant. I'm sure there is not one person who will read this blog who doesn't struggle at some time. Some struggle far more than I. Feeling sorry for myself is not productive.
For a long time -- over a year and a half -- I felt like my food selections and eating behavior was gradually improving. Now I feel like there is still progress I need to make, but right now I'm not making progress. Part of it is trying to incorporate the increased work demands with the reality of prioritizing healthy living. Perhaps I need to be a little patient with myself without giving up my commitment to healthy living.
Thanks to anyone who read this self indulgent blog! It helped to write it. I was thinking of changing my screen name to Slenderella. Maybe that would give me a shot in the arm! -Marsha
Friday, August 20, 2010
Yesterday I had a 7:30am professional breakfast. A protégé of mine won a big award, Workforce Champion of the Year. She really deserves it. I am very proud of her. BUT I burned fewer calories than in any day since I seriously started SparkPeople last October.
After the breakfast, she and I met with a funder about a new opportunity and my head was spinning about the effort it is going to take and the looming deadline. I then worked all day on my day off -- I didn't finish until after 11pm. Other than helping my hubby get his car out of the shop, I did nothing else but work and grabbing a bite here and there. A volunteer has written a mystery dinner script and wanted a mailing list of our donors for invitations. We didn't have it any one place. Yes, we should have. Yes, her request was reasonable. However, it took me probably 8 hours of sitting and typing to produce what she wanted, consolidating and updating several different lists, and then re-learning how to do mail merge address labels.
This morning I went to meet with the volunteer. I thought I knew where she lives -- I have a friend who lives right nearby, or so I thought. Turns out my friend lives on SuchandSuch Road and this volunteer lives on SuchandSuch Drive. I forgot to take my new cell phone. I tried to mapquest it again, but the only wireless available was password protected. Had to drive home, but then couldn't find her address. Then I remembered it was in the paperwork on the front seat of my car. I grabbed the papers and the address and ran into the house to mapquest it again. I left the consolidated mailing list and all the source documents - her copies and mine - sitting on the hood of the car. When I backed up they flew all over the road. I ran around picking them up, knowing I was late. My hubby was outside doing yard work and yelled as I drove off. I had left some right in the driveway. Ran back, got them, and on my way again.
I got done and back home in time to care for granddaughter while pregnant daughter went to her weekly doctor appointment now. I sure would like to get this grant proposal done before the baby arrives so I can help if needed.
Man, there has to be a better way. I simply have to learn to balance work and the rest of my life. I will not be able to maintain my weight if I don't have time to eat right and exercise. It is very hard to say no to volunteers who are giving their time to the cause. I'm paid, so they expect a lot. I understand that. But I've got to set priorities and set limits. I'll try.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
I told my hubby I was on the way to the gym, envisioning my usual elliptical or stationery bike workout and then hitting the weight machines. On the way there, I was just not excited about it. The day was so beautiful. The sky so blue. I decided I wanted to walk outside even if it was in the 90's. So I went to Lake Hollingsworth, a popular lake to walk here in Lakeland. It is 3 miles around, beside interesting Florida Southern College, buildings designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. There are so many beautiful birds (herons, ibis, anhinga, etc) and aquatic plants there -- I'd never before noticed a sort of water lily standing erect with blossoms at least a foot above the water. I thought I'd do a ten minute warm up - 5 min outs and possibly turn around then -- and go to the gym. After 5 minutes, I wanted more. I did the whole 3+ miles in just over 35 minutes -- a little jogging thrown in.
Then I drove to the gym, showered, and swam laps for 30 minutes straight, mostly breaststroke and backstroke, but a bit of crawl and sidestroke, too. Yesterday I had been so lazy and tired. Today I really got into a change of cardio. Showered and changed again and went to the grocery store which is another thing I rarely do. So, enjoyed a day of changing it up. Strength training may just have to wait until tomorrow
Sometimes you just go with the impulse and benefit from it!!
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Last weekend I weighed 6 pounds more than my happy weight, did not fit into all my clothes, and felt fat, bloated, and a little bit scared. I cut my calories back, lost water weight, feel good that now I'm less than a pound over, and determined to make that golden number.
My daughter, (who has had success managing her own weight, works part time for a weight management company you have heard of, and will get a chance to show her skill at weight loss again after birth of grandchild #2 in approximately 3 weeks), witnessed a discussion between hubby and me. Hubby is the grocery shopper in the family and he usually does a pretty good job looking out for the things he wants and the things I need to succeed. But for the past couple shopping trips he bought no skim milk, no powdered milk, no fat free yogurt, no fat free cottage cheese. All the cheese was full fat and all the milk products had too much fat. I try to hit 1200 mcg of dairy calcium every day, so just ignoring them was not an option. I could have gone back to the grocery store, I suppose, but I didn't.
Okay. So my daughter witnessed the discussion last weekend in which I blamed my hubby and his dairy purchases for my weight gain. She snickered. I think she mentally calculated the points/calorie difference between my fat free options and what I had been eating. She suggested perhaps there was something else I had been eating as well.
Coach Dean's SparkPeople article popped into my head. I need to use "I" statements. Blaming the hubby is not helpful. Blaming the dairy products is not helpful. I did it. I ate too much. I take responsibility. And I'm now undoing it. I will succeed.
I suspect that had my daughter written this blog, it might have had a little different perspective. However, it is my blog.
I don't know if maintenance will ever be easy for me, but I know I can do it. One of my favorite sayings that I don't know if I created or repeated is, "it isn't always easy, but it is definitely worth it." I am committed to using SparkPeople principles to eat healthy, stay active, and maintain my healthy weight. I will do it! -Marsha
Saturday, August 14, 2010
I really enjoyed our Polk County SparkTeam walk this morning at the old Lakeland mall. It was wonderfully air conditioned and very comfortable. I had Natalie in the stroller and out of the stroller.
Cyndi, our leader, set a comfortable pace and kept it up like a metronome. I experienced more of an interval training with getting Natalie in and out of the stroller and adapting to her pace, which was either much slower than mine or running! Amanda and her boys added laughter and energy and the hour went by in no time.
I missed the SparkRally for the state of Florida that was held in Largo today. Maybe next time our SparkTeam can attend the state event. It is wonderful to get to meet SparkPeople face to face. (MONTY, thanks for all the encouragement you have given me, including to attend the rally. Maybe next time.)
I know, though, that most of my SparkFriends live far away. Although they have helped me very much and been very significant to me, I will probably never meet them. (For example, WALKINGANNIE, a wise and consistent friend, lives in the UK.) I feel ambivalent -- I am so grateful to have all my SparkFriends in my life, but sad that some I'll never know outside the virtual world.
To you who have been following my recent struggle, I am as of this morning, more than 5 pounds below what I was a week ago and just .6 pounds from my "happy weight". Couldn't have done it without you!! -Marsha
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