SLENDERELLA61   162,093
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Familiar Awful Feelings

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Saturday morning I woke up and grabbed something to wear out of my closet, not thinking. I could hardly button it and it didn't feel comfortable at all. Old familiar feelings came rushing back to me, as I took it off and looked for something a little less snug.

For years and years I'd wake up and carefully choose something out of my closet that fit that day. My closet had many sizes. How I felt about myself that day was heavily influenced by what I fit into. (Not that I think it should be that way, but it was.... )

When what I expected to wear didn't fit, I got this awful feeling in my stomach -- a sick feeling, a guilty feeling. I had not felt those emotions in more than a year and a half, as I went from a size 2X to a size 4.

Saturday I had those awful feelings, plus a certain feeling of surprise and disbelief. It was all too familiar.

But this time was different. I knew that less than a week before everything had fit. I knew just a few days of being a little more committed to eating healthy (I was still working out on schedule) would get me back where I want to be.

And I'm glad to report, I'm almost there.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MARYMAC45 8/12/2010 9:51PM

    Been there, done that. You are a role model for me. You should be so proud of what you have accomplished. I wish I could be more like you. Love your blogs.
Mary

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DAMOTIVATION 8/12/2010 7:43PM

    Similar times for me. I have allowed piles of work and stress to take a toll.

I do believe that my weight gain is a relapse, but does not represent a defeat. The fear I have is actually a good tool to remind me to never return to that awful place of self-neglect. It is a constant struggle, but the knowledge of having triumphed and come so far is powerful. It gives me a huge "WTF" shot in the arm when things get too out of hand.

I may have pushed the size 4s to the back of the closet, but they will see the light of day again. It helps to see others are walking a similar path...we are too strong in spirit to let it spiral out of control. Those days are over!

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PARKERB2 8/12/2010 10:34AM

    emoticon on jumping back on and getting back to your goal.

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JOYINKY 8/12/2010 5:58AM

    Good Morning Marsha, I've enjoyed your blogs and posts for some time now; we have so much in common! I know that feeling well, we have so much in common; our journey and maintenance. For me, vigilance is a lifetime commitment. I don't even own a scale anymore, the fit of my clothes is a better measure. Thanks for all you share here on SP, you are an inspiration!

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SLIMLILA 8/12/2010 2:11AM

    I know those feelings from years and years... and I too haven't been feeling them in the 8 months I have been on SP, but tonite, I notice things are tight, blame it on today's stress, but I'm with you.... I've got to get in control of this and not go back to those awful feelings....

I've heard it said there's a 2-3 lb. weight watch and I know as a young woman I used a 5 lb. weight watch.... when I was up 5 lbs., I cut back on food til the weight fell back, so for a few decades I didn't let that rule control me, but I think I really seriously need to.

You go girl, you've come so far, I know that ...this too shall pass! emoticon emoticon Lila

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TEXASG-MA 8/11/2010 11:47PM

  Glad you are getting back to where you need to be. Isn't SP a wonder place to be when you feel like you have trouble. I know that feeling you are talking about and hate it. Wishing you all the best on your goals to get back where you want to be.
emoticon emoticon

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MONTY68 8/11/2010 11:44PM

    Hi Marsha
Sometimes I think it is good to get that old feeling as a reminder that is not who we are, You had made plans, the adjustment came and it's coming off. Your blogs reinforced the thought I had when I wrote my blog on eat to live. I had thoughts reminding me before I ate something.
When someone has developed new good habits as you have, the new awareness comes much quicker to remind us we need to do something now.
You have done a fantastic job getting to this point and those lessons learned will be with you forever.
Thank you for sharing this.

Monty emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 8/11/2010 10:47PM

    Hey, it works now! My computer (not your blog) wouldn't let me comment from work today! You are going to MAKE it, and I know it! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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PO_PAZZA 8/11/2010 10:14PM

    Remember when we used to cave in to those familiar feelings? We'd eat to compensate. Now we merely feel the feeling and get back to work on our healthy selves. This incident was an important test of how attitudes truly have changed. We know we COULD slide back, but we WON'T.

Mary
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TBRANCH2 8/11/2010 10:05PM

    I am proud of you and all that you have accomplished!! You are my role model!! I certainly wish I had your will power and stamina!!! I am going through a lot of stress this summer and it has really taken its toll. Hopefull, this fall, maybe when the temps drop some, I will be able to get some self control back!!??!!! I am not giving up and am pushing, pushing, pushing but, sometimes...... That is when I think of you and keep going! Thanks!!

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EILEENV3 8/11/2010 8:24PM

    Isn't it great that you don't have to add mental weight back on when the scale is temporatily not your friend.
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KALIGIRL 8/11/2010 1:28PM

    Glad to hear you're back on track. As you've said before - you are not going back there!

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WALKINGANNIE 8/11/2010 1:19PM

    Once again, congratulations on your control Marsha. That old familiar feeling could well have signalled disaster. You have really got this sorted now.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AQUAGIRL08 8/11/2010 12:51PM

    I'm so glad that you are right on top of it. It's so scary that it could happen that fast! Wow! I guess when your schedule is changing and you are working, you have to change the timing on your workouts. I'll have to keep that in mind! Thanks for sharing.

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HAPPYSOUL91 8/11/2010 12:09PM

    Glad this time was different and you jumped back on the wagon

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SHIRLEYSAUL 8/11/2010 10:37AM

    Keep up the good work. emoticon

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PARKERB2 8/11/2010 10:33AM

    Sounds like you have picked yourself back up after a brief fall. Hang in there. emoticon

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DONNABRIGHT 8/11/2010 9:55AM

    Awesome blog! That is a critical lesson to learn - to pay attention to the little things before they turn in to big things!

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JUST_TRI_IT 8/11/2010 9:52AM

    What a good feeling to have when you know you are in control of the next step!!! Congrats on being almost there :)

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JHADZHIA 8/11/2010 8:04AM

    This time it is different because you have accepted a healthy lifestyle. You just have to get used to the changes in your life and find a way to adapt, which you are doing. Wonderful to hear you are finding a way! Never giving up is what makes you so successful!!
Well done Marsha!!

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ONEKIDSMOM 8/11/2010 7:04AM

    Susie has some wise words there! Yes, schedule changes and stress can be a factor. Sounds like you have a great handle on it, though! Get right on it, don't let it slide.

emoticon emoticon Maintainers are emoticon

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BESTSUSIEYET 8/11/2010 6:43AM

    Those old feelings can flood over us - like they were just waiting for us to be vulnerable! As you transition back to working more days, you'll soon find the way to maintain healthy habits. Life is about change, and we have to learn to adjust as the changes come. I have no doubts that you will manage just fine. God Bless You today!!

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NUTRON3 8/11/2010 6:41AM

    Great job in not giving up!

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Getting It Back After Minor Bump in the Road

Monday, August 09, 2010

I've been very concerned that going back to work 2 full days a week might trigger eating. I started back on payroll on August 2, 2010. (Before that I was just working one day a week as a consultant plus some grant writing at home.) My first week at work was even more stressful than I had anticipated.

Saturday morning I weighed 131.6. That is the most I've weighed in the morning for six months. I looked back over my tracker and realized that although I have not had any one big binge, I have been over my calorie range -- at least a little -- quite a few times recently. Also, those 2 days at work involve a whole lot more sitting than my usual days of child care and housework at home.

I've decided that my "happy weight" is 126. So I took my calorie range down from 1550-1830 to 1200-1550. I stuck to it yesterday. This morning I weighed 128.2. Much better. (Yes, I know that was water weight. I know I didn't have a 10,000 calorie deficit.) Going to hold the calories down for at least this week, though.

This morning I was extra good. I got up at 6am (after 8 hours sleep) and did a whole hour of walk/jog. I packed my healthy lunch and put Rosemary Chicken in the crockpot. I took one active break at work and also did 10 minutes stepping during lunch, too.

I have gained this weight back so many times, but not this time. I mean it when I say this time is forever!! -Marsha

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WALKINGANNIE 8/10/2010 4:17PM

    Congratulations Marsha for your self-awareness, your analysis, your planning, your determination and your focus. I admire you so much for the way that you are keeping yourself accountable and on track.

You are a great role model!

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AQUAGIRL08 8/10/2010 3:56PM

    Good for you Marsha! Getting right to it without excuses is the only way to get the job done. You've done a great job of it too! Yay!

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JOHAL52 8/10/2010 1:39PM

    emoticon for this blog! I am in the same spot as you were except that my 131 pounds has been sitting around for a few months now. And I would like to at least below 130. Also like you, I know it's down to not being careful about calorie quantities. I exercise a lot and I exercise consistently but I think I've been letting the calorie count edge up to 2000. So, I am burning this blog in my brain and in a few weeks hope I'll be able to report that I am back down to "happy weight."

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EILEENV3 8/10/2010 1:29PM

    You seem to have a handle on what's happening. emoticon

It is much easier to nip in the bud.

I'm working full-time five days a week. Besides bringing my lunch, I also bring a morning & afternoon snack. I have low blood sugar and having food more often helps. I'm planning for those breaks so I'm less likely to grab munchies from the snack machine. About the only thing I'll add is some Diet Coke here and there AND on rare occasions, I have some bags of Goldfish that are only 50 calories each (I get them at Halloween).

You can do this. You are not the same person you were in the past. You have more knowledge and experience in what you need to do. AND you have SparkPeople.

emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/10/2010 1:30:03 PM

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HAPPYSOUL91 8/10/2010 1:01PM

    I like the phrase "happy weight" and plan on using it! Boy, you reallygot your day together with all the right stuff

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KALIGIRL 8/10/2010 12:40PM

    Iím so proud of you for analyzing your new life and adjusting your eating habits accordingly. Iím sure you will keep the weight off given your drive and determination. I try to get up from my desk every hour to get my water. Its 100 steps to the kitchen area and back, I can hydrate and maybe even concentrate better?

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DONNABRIGHT 8/10/2010 12:35PM

    So wise to catch it quick - that is what we all aim for and it's nice to know we can do this! When I get to goal I hope I am able to maintain my happy weight. I've got so I can tell a few pounds difference by the way my clothes feel!

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RHONDA_11 8/10/2010 6:55AM

    You can do this! You are one of my inspirations! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon Rhonda

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JHADZHIA 8/10/2010 1:14AM

    Way to catch it before it gets out of hand. This is why you will be successful!!
Go Marsha, go!!

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XENA1956 8/10/2010 12:15AM

    Good job on getting back in the swing of working and keeping the weight off.

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MONTY68 8/10/2010 12:01AM

    Hi Marsha
I am going to start with your last paragraph first. "I have gained this weight back so many times". Now that rang a little bell in the back of my head and I bet a lot of others recognize it also.
However, You had concerns that you wrote about before you went back to work and that also would be a new awareness. You got on the scale and saw the results and that was responded to by new awareness.
You have been an inspiration to me since I met you and your blog is the result of all the fantastic ideas you have learned and the success you have had. So you are able to develop a plan and your results in working it will bring you back down to your happy weight and your new plan will maintain it.
Congratulations on what you did and who you are.

Monty emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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TBRANCH2 8/9/2010 8:44PM

    Good for you! I wish I had your dedication then, maybe I could get to my goal weight, also.

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ONEKIDSMOM 8/9/2010 8:44PM

    emoticon Maintainers rock! Even if we have to "maintain" off a pound or two once in a while to stay in that "happy place". You go, Marsha!

I find if I really stick to my active breaks at work, it helps my stress levels, not just my step count.

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WILD4STARS 8/9/2010 8:41PM

    Way to nip it in the bud! Your wisdom and determination will win.

emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/9/2010 8:42:14 PM

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 8/9/2010 8:20PM

    Marsha, You can do this! I find that if I bring my lunch and plan it ahead of time, i don't overeat at work. I hope this tiny tidbit might help! emoticon

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Thanks, TBRANCH, and Thanks to FLUTERBUGCE, TOO

Sunday, August 08, 2010

Really enjoyed the Polk County SparkTeam pot luck dinner last evening. It was wonderful to meet AMANDJCD and get to see FLUTTERBUGCE, EILEENV3, and ASMITH (hope I have that screen name right) again. TBRANCH has such a lovely home. She and her husband were the best host/hostess. It was pouring down rain when I arrived, and Mr TBRANCH came to greet me with an umbrella -- now that is service! The food was yummy and healthy. We laughed and ate and enjoyed. Great evening.

Thanks so much to both great leaders of our local team!! -Marsha

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

PARKERB2 8/9/2010 2:37PM

    emoticonI'm glad you enjoyed yourself. Sounds like fun to do Spark Friends meetings. How do you find out if there's one in your area?

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KALIGIRL 8/8/2010 6:48PM

    Sounds like a great team - how great to meet your support group!

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WALKINGANNIE 8/8/2010 4:24PM

    It sounds as if you all had a wonderful time. Thanks for telling us about it.

Hope you have a great week.

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TBRANCH2 8/8/2010 1:41PM

    Hubby and I want to thank everyone for attending and having a great time of fellowship with us! The time flew by and yes, there was much laughter to be had!! I think everyone left extremely uplifted and motivated. The food was great, too! : )
Thanks again!
Theresa & Bob

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MONTY68 8/8/2010 1:06PM

    Hi Marsha
Glad you enjoyed the dinner, I am planning on attending the spark BBQ in Largo next Sat. I think it has to be a different feeling to actually meet some people that we have only seen on a website. your team has had a couple of these , if I remember correctly.
Thank you for sharing it.

Monty emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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AMANDAJCD 8/8/2010 12:35PM

    I second all of this -- we had a lovely time :D

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EILEENV3 8/8/2010 11:34AM

    I had a great time at the dinner. It was good to reconnect with the people I had already met and meet new ones. It was so much fun to sit around the table to talk and laugh together.

Teresa & Bob did a great job of welcoming us to their home.

Eileen

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HAPPYSOUL91 8/8/2010 10:49AM

    Glad you enjoyed yourself, and friends continue to be made through Sparks emoticon

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DONNABRIGHT 8/8/2010 10:07AM

    Glad you all had a good time.
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AQUAGIRL08 8/8/2010 9:15AM

    I had a wonderful time too! TBRANCH2's hubby was so cute with that umbrella! I was so grateful for all of the laughter and support. The connection that I felt with everyone was just lovely. I love you guys. The food was so yummy and healthy too. I can't wait until September 1 at 6pm! See you at the next team walk on August 14 at 8:30a.m. - can't wait.
Hugs,
Cyndi

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JHADZHIA 8/8/2010 8:46AM

    Lucky you getting together with Sparkers in person! What fun!
Enjoy your Sunday!

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LOSER05 8/8/2010 8:36AM

    emoticon

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Now I Can Look the Part

Thursday, August 05, 2010

Today it came! The FedEx man left me a little white package. Natalie was here and we opened it together. I now have a bright red (size small) SparkPeople shirt. Natalie was very impressed.

You may remember I won $10 credit on the wheel the other day, so I got my shirt for little more than the shipping cost. Can't wait to wear it and help spread the spark even further. -Marsha

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SLIMLILA 8/9/2010 4:08PM

    Hey Marsha, lucky you. can't wait to see your pic. Size Small, can't even imagine that!! emoticon

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AMANDAJCD 8/7/2010 3:42PM

    Oh what fun! Not only could you get the new shirt, but to get it in a small :D

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PENNYAN45 8/6/2010 11:55PM

    Size SMALL!! Looking forward to a photo!



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AQUAGIRL08 8/6/2010 9:34PM

    Way to go Marsha! I'm glad that you were the person who won it!

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JULIA_211 8/6/2010 5:51PM

    Very cool! emoticon emoticon

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EILEENV3 8/6/2010 3:50PM

    emoticon

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PARKERB2 8/6/2010 1:03PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticonPut a picture on Spark soon.

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KALIGIRL 8/6/2010 12:57PM

    You'll be a walking advertisement!
emoticon

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JHADZHIA 8/6/2010 11:53AM

    emoticon emoticon Enjoy your prize and spreading the Spark!!

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TBRANCH2 8/6/2010 11:15AM

    Go you!! Wear it to the team dinner tomorrow night!!

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HAPPYSOUL91 8/6/2010 11:08AM

    Put it on, take a picture...would love to see it

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DONNABRIGHT 8/6/2010 10:54AM

    emoticon

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JUST_TRI_IT 8/6/2010 3:19AM

    We are looking forward to the photos on your page soon!! I have one of the bamboo long sleeve shirts and LOVE it :)



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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 8/5/2010 11:28PM

    Oh, how I want a shirt! I am saving getting one for a reward for my year anniversary and hopefully, goal! I'm so glad you got it! emoticon

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BESTSUSIEYET 8/5/2010 10:57PM

    I got my Spark T-shirt with gift certificate when I bought "The Spark". Enjoy wearing it to workout, play, and last Saturday for our Colorado Christian Women Spark Team Get-together! Let's see a photo!

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MONTY68 8/5/2010 8:53PM

    Way to go Marsha.

emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WILD4STARS 8/5/2010 8:45PM

    emoticon

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-WRKNG2ABTTRME- 8/5/2010 8:43PM

    emoticon

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WATERMELLEN 8/5/2010 8:40PM

    Very nice! No wonder you're motivated!! (And thanks for your comment on my motivation blog).

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Confident Portions

Tuesday, August 03, 2010

Last eve at supper I decided I wanted some of my hubby's mashed potatoes. I served myself what I thought was about a quarter cup. I started to take a bite. Doubt crept in. I got up from the table, got a measuring cup, and put the potatoes in it. It was exactly -- and I mean exactly -- one quarter cup. I plan to estimate confidently more often in the future. -Marsha

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WATERMELLEN 8/5/2010 8:40PM

    Portion control: you've aced it and it's key!!

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JOHAL52 8/5/2010 8:28AM

    Good eye Marsha!! I, too, have found that I have developed a sense for what a portion is.

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PENNYAN45 8/4/2010 5:59PM

    You have developed a good eye for portion sizes!
That will serve you well as you continue on!



emoticon

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TBRANCH2 8/4/2010 1:20PM

    GREAT JOB!! Not on just the measuring but on only eating that small of a portion of mashed potatoes!!! (I have a weakness for homemade mashed potatoes)...
Hugs,
Theresa

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DONNABRIGHT 8/4/2010 10:55AM

    It does get easier to estimate portions but I still check myself every now and then and find I come up short more often than not.

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AQUAGIRL08 8/4/2010 9:47AM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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WALKINGANNIE 8/4/2010 8:27AM

    Congratulations on doing so well in the eye test!

Your good habits are embedded now.

emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MONTY68 8/3/2010 11:24PM

    Hi Marsha
It is interesting that as we travel this journey, the things we used like weighing and measuring seems to become an awareness that it becomes automatic. Congratulations on your new found skill.

Monty emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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JHADZHIA 8/3/2010 10:15PM

    Wow!! Good for you!! I am able to tell what a banana weighs in g pretty closely now too. I always get the smallest ones and try keep it around 100g which seems to be the standard for it.


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BESTSUSIEYET 8/3/2010 9:05PM

    Isn't it nice to know you're getting to this portion-control thing coming more naturally?? Hooray!

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MEXGAL1 8/3/2010 8:02PM

    Hey, good for you. I am getting pretty good at that as well. Of course I have dieted all my live so I should have a good idea what size portions should be.

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HAPPYSOUL91 8/3/2010 5:14PM

    Good eye, glad you were right emoticon

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LITTLEFARMMOMMA 8/3/2010 4:28PM

    emoticonTHAT was GREAT! emoticon

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