Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Saturday morning I woke up and grabbed something to wear out of my closet, not thinking. I could hardly button it and it didn't feel comfortable at all. Old familiar feelings came rushing back to me, as I took it off and looked for something a little less snug.
For years and years I'd wake up and carefully choose something out of my closet that fit that day. My closet had many sizes. How I felt about myself that day was heavily influenced by what I fit into. (Not that I think it should be that way, but it was.... )
When what I expected to wear didn't fit, I got this awful feeling in my stomach -- a sick feeling, a guilty feeling. I had not felt those emotions in more than a year and a half, as I went from a size 2X to a size 4.
Saturday I had those awful feelings, plus a certain feeling of surprise and disbelief. It was all too familiar.
But this time was different. I knew that less than a week before everything had fit. I knew just a few days of being a little more committed to eating healthy (I was still working out on schedule) would get me back where I want to be.
And I'm glad to report, I'm almost there.