Sunday, February 07, 2010
Perhaps you read my update. I got up to watch the 4:39am launch of the shuttle Endeavor. Here at our central Florida home we can clearly see night launches when we look east toward Cape Kennedy from our front yard.
This morning was suppose to be the last night launch of the shuttle ever. I thought it would be worth giving up a little sleep to see it. Well, disappointment, it was scrubbed at 4:30am due to cloud cover. Bigger disappointment, I could not get back to sleep. Man, I am really tired. My eyes are drooping , everything looks a little fuzzy, and I swear I can feel the blood pulsing in my arms.
So far, this blog has seemed off topic, but it isn't. I'm just about to relate fatigue to weight maintenance and exercise.
When I'm tired, it's almost like I'm drunk. My inhibitions are way down. And I get hungry when I'm tired. Maybe that is because food provides energy. When I'm tired, I need energy. I crave carbs first.Then I crave meat. Then I want fruit and nuts. I want not one sandwich, but six.
And then there is the exercise part. When I'm tired I want to sit. Sit and eat that is, but even the sit part becomes an effort. It might be too much effort. I just might have to lay down. Okay. I got with it and used my little bit of morning energy for strength training and a 3 mile bicycle ride. I'm scheduled to burn 307 calories today, and so far I've got 100. And all I want to do is hold my head that feels so weird perfectly still. But I am not going to get off track. I can do my scheduled cardio! I can do it! Eyes drooping or not, I can!
Perhaps I will take a nap after cardio and before the SuperBowl. It might help. But one thing I know is today I am going to be very, very mindful of what I eat; very, very careful. I am going to drink plenty of water and plenty of steamed veggies and I'm not going to skimp on protein. I'm going to make sure I don't overdo the simple carbs. If I go over a little today on fruits, meats, or veggies, I'll be okay with that.
Tonight I'm going to get a great night's sleep, one way or another. However, I probably will get up for the 4:13 rescheduled launch of Endeavor. Just hard headed, I guess.
Saturday, February 06, 2010
Internal dialog or self talk is something I never really noticed for years. I mean, how could I not notice that every day, probably every waking hour, and probably many times in most waking hours, I was talking to myself? Most of the time the thoughts that came to me, the thoughts I picked up on and reinforced, were not positive ones. Yet I just ignored what I was doing to myself.
In the last decade I've become more aware of my self talk and have tried to be more accepting, more kind, and more helpful to myself. I try to be my own best friend. I doubt if I could have lost the weight and kept it off this long if I had not improved my self talk. Yet, the concept of "giving myself a pep talk" [page 128, The Spark, had just not occurred to me.
Well, from here on out I intend to be my own best cheerleader. I am setting my sites on first, convincing myself that I can maintain a healthy weight. Of course I can! I am doing it. Isn't that proof??? Every day we make hundreds of little choices that all add up. I intend to cheer -- loudly, internally -- with each good choice. An hour walk -- "Way to go, Marsha!" Another glass of water -- "You are almost there!" Delicious SparkRecipe -- "You really can cook healthy!" In the calorie range today -- "That's the way to maintain!" And when any of those negative thoughts dare to flash through my mind, I intend to just let them sail on by!
What are you telling yourself?
Friday, February 05, 2010
A week ago I was considering changing my screen name. I love it when my now (as of today) 3 year old granddaughter calls me Old Mom. She was the one who gave me that name, so it is special. Yet, it seemed like adults -- and especially adults I don't get to meet in person-- might be construed it as negative.
I appreciate all the input, pro and con, my SparkFriends had to offer. I did learn, too, that I wouldn't have to give up all my points and start over if I decide to change screen names. At the moment, though, no other screen name really appeals to me.
So, for now, I've decided to keep OldMom. When Natalie starts calling me something else, maybe I'll change it. Or maybe some day a name will just occur to me and I'll have to have it. We'll see.
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
"Getting past the mindset that the number on the scale is our grade in life is a life long challenge for some of us," ONEKIDSMOM responded to my blog yesterday. Those words stayed with me all day, kept resurfacing in my thoughts.
You know I was one of those kids -- perhaps you would call us overachievers -- who put way too much emphasis on grades. I sat very still in class, because being still was being good. My parents were both teachers. Getting good grades was almost everything. As my weight went up, I was embarrassed to run. I didn't want anyone to see my fat jiggle. (Oh, I wish Bigger Loser had been popular then!)
But as my weight went up, I studied more and more. That is where I was having success. Success leads to success, just as Chris SparkGuy says. My "streaks" were all those grades on daily and weekly papers, midterms, and finals.
My attempts to lose weight were over and over again dismal failures. Times I had little successes were short lived. I never felt good about eating; I thought I was too fat to eat anything, but just couldn't help myself. I felt awful about the way I looked.
Now my streaks are water, cardio, fruit/veggies, milk servings, healthy breakfast, etc. I feel good about putting healthy food in my body.
But it does sometimes feel like the scale is the report card. But ONEKIDSMOM put it right into perspective. There is so much more to me than the number on the scale. I know it. But I'm still glad I'm back down to 129.2 today!
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
"Hi. How are you?" she asked enthusiastically.
I almost said, "131.6," but I knew that wasn't a good answer. "Fine," I mumbled. I was 129.0 yesterday.
"What's wrong?" she asked.
"Fluctuations," I said. "You know. My weight is up a couple pounds for no real reason. Well, maybe I didn't measure exact, or ate a bite I forgot to record, or maybe I was over on sodium, or something like that. But nothing major."
"Then you know, you'll be back down in a day or two," she said. "You shouldn't let it throw you."
"I know, I know," I said. "You are 100% right. It's just that it is so discouraging when I've worked so hard. Seeing that number go up when I didn't do anything wrong. Who is in control here? Major injustice. I feel like a convicted criminal who is innocent."
She laughed, "well, at least I don't have to come visit you behind bars."
I laughed, just a bit, too. "I really know this gain isn't anything. Thanks for confirming it for me. Now, are you ready for the bike ride we planned?"
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