SKYEPHOENIX   20,036
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SKYEPHOENIX's Recent Blog Entries

Lake run

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Taking full advantage of the lovely weather, I finally drove over to the lake and ran around it. 2.8 km, according to the map feature. I considered doing it again, but I got out later than planned and it was already getting a little warm. Plus my run was a struggle, so I saw no need to torture myself further today! Lol. Going to test out my toes in the pool shortly.

Funny--I was on top of the world this morning--nice weather, days off to enjoy it, etc...now I'm rather bummed out. No real reason that I could think of, then I realized it was close to that time of the month. I'm really getting quite annoyed with my hormones for that--I mean, really? Bum me out for no other reason than to..I don't know...I guess shift it preparation for my monthly lack of baby? Bad moods for no reason are just plain irritating. Let's see if I can't change that around. :)

Mar

  
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MIZCATHI 6/21/2011 5:02PM

    Just think, one day you'll be old like me and won't have that time of the month anymore.

Trust me, I don't ever miss it for a second. Sometimes I even forget that it seemed to go on forever. Wow, I was such a monster, too.

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BRAVACHASER 6/21/2011 4:42PM

    Go for it! Thanks for this blog...I hate days where I'm bummed too...but glad to hear you're not just going to give in! Just catching up on my SP friend blogs today, and am always glad to read what you're up to!

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Dad's day

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Today is Father's Day. Happy Father's Day!! There are many of you whom enjoy this day. There are also many who find if stressful, an unpleasant reminder, or downright depressing. For those, I'm sorry. Holidays are oft a double-edged sword, no? Especially parental days, Valentine's, and bloody Christmas.

So...my dad. Is a pretty cool dad. One of those distant ones, though, I think. Ours was a typical 'dad works, mom runs the house' families. He had little to do with the raising and discipline side of things. He also wasn't actively involved in activities with us--but he was always there for ice cream Sundays! And, yes, I DO mean SunDAY. Every Sunday-ish we would go for a drive around the countryside. My brother and I were always super-excited about that...not because we cared much about looking at fields and country homes, but because we knew the end of the ride would mean soft ice cream! From 'the corner', our local convenience store. I'm sure we often drove our parents batty with our pleas of 'are we stopping for ICECREEEEEAM yet?' I remember get excited every time the car would head back towards the corner, then disappointed when we would veer off down another dusty side road. Ah, good times.

Now? My daddy is getting old. He has Parkinsons', arthritis in his back, and herniated discs. He has trouble hearing us a lot, but hates hearing aids, so we always have to shout. He is unsteady on his feet, and randomly falls down a little more often than we'd like. He also went from a 6'0, large man with a bit of a beer belly, down to a thin rail of a man who hovers just slightly taller than me now (I'm 5'5.5"). Some days I'm grateful that he's still around and able to at least have some limited mobility. Other days--it breaks my heart. To know he'll never be able to go fishing or camping again. I would give anything to give that back to him, just the ability to enjoy his retirement, instead of being slowly shut out of life. My poor daddy.

So, Father's Day is very bittersweet for me. Glad he's around. Wish his circumstances were...different.

Hmmm...I was going to post some workout/eating related stuff, you know, to make this a SP related blog. But I'm drawing a blank. Maybe later.

Mar

Oh, random thought--I don't associate soft ice cream with any emotional kind of 'feel good' stuff. In fact, I rarely have it. Considering my proclivity to having other foods bear such strong emotional ties, I'm kind of surprised by this. But on that note, maybe I'll go find a soft ice cream cone in honor of dad today. :)

  
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LE7_1234 6/20/2011 12:38AM

    Thanks, Mar.

Sometimes these things that aren't directly related to SP on the surface have deep subterranean connections, ya know?

Lisa
Who will have officially outlived my father if I make it to the end of the month...

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Random totally OT

Friday, June 17, 2011

I've been thinking about my skin color (as in, how tanned I am) a lot lately. Actually, for the last couple of summers now.

Apparently, I'm really, REALLY white. I think I'm just normally pale, but I'm also kind of...translucent? On top of it--meaning you can see my veins pretty clearly under my skin in a lot of places--my wrists, inside of my elbows, below my knees--oh, and you should SEE my shoulder area after a good workout! Maybe I'll take a pic and post it someday. :) So, yeah, I'm pretty pale--pale enough that more than one person has commented on it.

The comments, though, didn't start until more recently--the last couple of years or so. Why? Because, prior to that, I tanned, oiled, bronzed, and fake-and-baked like you wouldn't freaking believe. I kid you not--I clearly remember being 18 and 19 yo, and my roomie and I worked part time 4 days a week. So the other 3 were devoted to TANNING. 2-3 hours out in the noon sun with oil (I used SPF, not to protect myself but so I could lay out in the sun LONGER. I used the bared minimum required to prevent me burning), followed by the max amount of allowable minutes at the tanning salon downstairs. We were HARDCORE, and we were also young and skinny--and got TONS of compliments.

Fast forward a few years. I found out that my boyfriend, as well as a couple of his friends, had mistakenly thought my friend/fellow tan addict was my MOM. I was shocked. And I took a good hard look at my friend, and was even more shocked to realize how...ummm...leathery she looked. It freaked me out. I stopped tanning at salons altogether--though I still liked going to the beach and developing a good base tan so I wouldn't burn every time I forgot my sunscreen for 20 minutes. Then as I got older, the sunspots started. My normally pristine peaches-and-cream (other than the freckles lol) complexion suddenly--wasn't. And each year it gets worse. I also developed moles. LOTS of them. Every spring a few more new ones pop up (one of the reasons I won't get a tattoo of my ultimate cute kitty). Most are teeny tiny freckly like ones, but some aren't. My doc warned my that I was prone to getting a LOT, and I should NOT BE IN THE SUN. Which is impossible. I run, I golf, and I spend a lot of time mucking about my yard. But deliberately prostrating myself before the yellow orb of sol each time it appears? Yah....not so much. It was a lesson that took a long time for me to learn, and chances are good that I may not have escaped totally unscathed--only time will tell regarding skin cancer.

So.

When someone makes comments about my pasty whiteness, I get defensive. And a little angry. I kind of don't have a CHOICE. Well, I do, but it's kind of a no-brainer--cancer or less risk of cancer?? Hmmm gee lemme think about that one oh gosh I guess I'll pick the LESS RISK. And no, I don't feel like justifying my skin tone to everyone who says that.

So I resort to self-tanners now, at least until my skin gets more color just from being out and about. The one I'm using is very, very gradual and (so far) stainless--more of a lotion with just a hint of gradual darkening tone thrown in. Hopefully enough to keep the wolves at bay.

Funny--I would never DREAM of saying something negative about any aspect of a person's appearance--I wish more people would think like me sometimes. Could you IMAGINE if I said 'you need to LIGHTEN up your skin tone a little! You look like a cowhide! Hahaha' Nope, I couldn't.

Brought to you by Snow White and her Seven Dwarfs--Grumpy, Cranky, Annoyed, Tired, Resigned, Dopey, and Sleepy

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MSCDBB 6/17/2011 10:46AM

    I SO love the sun...and I spend a lot of time out in it...but I use sunscreen on my face (moisturizer with spf) every day. Also, as soon as the spring/summer sun gets here I start putting at least 35 sunscreen on every day, too. More if I am sitting out side for long times or spending the day on the boat. I also wear my hat ALOT!

I, too, worshipped the sun stupidly when I was younger and have the sun spots to prove it!



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MAEACULPA 6/17/2011 9:28AM

    I am pale with freckles too. When people (usually girls in their early 20's) tell me I need a tan because I look like a ghost I educate them on the dangers of tanning. They look at me like I am a crazy person! These are the same people who can't believe that I am 32 years old. They think I am in my 20's. The sun ages you I say! Maybe someday they will learn emoticon

Pale will prevail!!!

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LE7_1234 6/17/2011 5:02AM

    Hmm. So we synchronize on other things besides running issues? I tend to be good about sunscreen when I'm officially out in the sun--but less careful about incidental exposure, like on my walk to the bus stop. Yeah, it's early morning, but the sun here is STRONG.

I recently decided I have a few too many freckles. And a sun spot or two on my face that make me look older than I'm ready to be. I occasionally try a moisturizer with sun block, and end up breaking out. (So my skin looks both young and old at the same time! LOL!) Earlier this week I went out and invested in something new. This time, I actually ASKED for recommendations, can you imagine?? I don't use the term investment lightly--it was NOT cheap.... But three days in, and no new zits. Heh.

Time to cultivate that pale skin, before it's too late!!

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An exercise in futility...

Thursday, June 16, 2011

,,,was my run attempt on Tuesday. Lol! Everything hurt, my ankle was acting up big time, so instead of my intended 5 kms I just went out and around my 1 mile loop. Then I came home and mowed my lawn for an hour (which is only half the lawn..yikes).

Then Wednesday came. I was determined to run my 5-6 kms to get to the little lake/pond thingie--I'd mapped this route out a couple of weeks ago, and really wanted to see it. So off I went--much better this time! A little ankle tightness 10 mins in that worked itself out after about 10 mins. I wasn't in any rush, took a lot of walk breaks, I just wanted to see the lake. :) Made it there--umm, yeah, let's just say the lake is in a REALLY hoity toity part of town. Immaculate, intricately detailed yards, tiered, ponds, waterfalls, statues, mini-lighthouse(!!), the whole nine. It was like walking into a completely different world. Worth every step. THEN....I got caught in the rain on my way back. Thought about standing in a bus shelter until it passed--then I decided I was being a wuss and kept going. I have to say, it's kind of fun. Only thing I wished I had was my hat to keep the rain off my glasses. :)

Total run was 5.94 kms in an hour. What struck me while walking home was--I just ran/walked 6 flipping kms without batting an eye. Like it was perfectly NORMAL.

Kewl.

So, anyway, it's funny how a little exercise, or a good clean run, makes everything better. Like the endorphins chase away all that doubt and angst and frustration. I think I really needed that run after my race, just to remind myself of WHY I like running so much. I was getting too caught up in numbers and placements and times. I run because I CAN. And it FEELS GOOD. And I like scoping out houses and potential areas to move to--lol. :):) Definitely NOT the 600K plus lake area, though! Double lol! Though I DO have that lottery ticket for Saturday's draw.....:D.

ETHNIU02 (what is your NAME, btw? Lol)--you're absolutely right--I could go back to that wedding 40 lbs lighter and he could STILL make some comment about how I'm 'kinda big' (he prides himself on all of his exes getting super fit and lean after he broke up with them--twisted, huh.) I think I just wanted to be in a place where *I* am comfortable enough with my body to not let that be an issue. I realize I AM actually, at that point--if I approach it with the right perspective. So my focus will be on maintaining my PERSPECTIVE of myself at this point, as opposed to trying to whittle down a couple more lbs.

And, you know, I'm WHITE. Really really white. I think it bugged me because I myself don't like it too much. So, guess what I did? Got me some 'gradual tan' lotion. Self-tanner! Very light, very gradual, easy to use--and cancer free. :)

Corrie--Funny, my first thought was 'but she's NOT an insensitive and rude person! I LIKE her (as a co-worker)' But then I started thinking--yeah, actually, she kind of is. Rude, that is. Not all the time, but sometimes her comments about stuff are kind of insensitive--so I shouldn't be surprised to be on the receiving end of them from time to time. Duly noted.


I'm going to the gym now, to work on my lovely, amazing arms.

Mar

  
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SKYEPHOENIX 6/17/2011 1:36AM

    Lisa--I would have had fun trying to translate! Lol!

No, the comment wasn't a compliment. I was leaning over, getting an envelope out of a bin, and she came up with a smile on her face and said 'you need to get some SUN, lady! hahaha you're practically glowing'. I've also experienced the 'cultural' kind of rudeness, or bluntness, if you will. Let's just say she's Canadian born and raised. Plus, she is, by far, not the first person to point out my paleness. You can see my veins and even a few blood vessels under my skin, I'm so....translucent.

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LE7_1234 6/17/2011 12:43AM

    Speaking of the global world, I still had this set to Hebrew when I started typing. That would have been fun... especially since I was typing English words. And yeah, Corrie, I was thinking the same thing about cultural differences. I was also wondering (but didn't have time to post on your last blog) if the comment about being so white was meant as a compliment??

Sooooo glad you had a lovely endorphin-producing run. And that you didn't let the previous bad run stop you.

Lisa
(Hi Kelly, nice to finally meet you, after reading all your comments to Mar all this time!)

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KJDOESLIFE 6/16/2011 12:37PM

    I'm Kelly! Nice to meet you, lol. He must really pick at girls' appearances if he brags about how they get fit after he dumps them. Geesh!

The self-tanner sounds like a great idea! My sister and I both laugh at how translucent we are. I do (eventually) tan, but it's better to stay out of the sun. Actually, it's probably better that I've been running after sunset for the past couple weeks - I never remember sun screen for my face. I think I need to set that by my running stuff.

Running is a great way to sightsee. Glad it's still fun for you - that's important!

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MSCDBB 6/16/2011 12:27PM

    GOOD FOR YOU!

I have noticed with Japanese and Filipino that sometimes they say things that I perceive as rude, without that actually being their intent. I used to work with both a Japanese lady and Filipino lady and it took us all a little "getting used to" time for some communications. :) No one was intentionally being rude, but our cultural differences made it seem so. Ahh..the global world is a cool place, no?

Glad you are feeling better today!
Corrie

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But but...I don't matter.

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Oh YOOVIE, dam you and your blog for making me cry. emoticon

(Not really. I just hate crying sometimes, it gives me a headache and makes my eyes all puffy)

I've been feeling kind of off the last couple of days. I finished my 8k run, the run I looked forward to all year, and trained for since January. I did GREAT! Shaved 8.5 MINUTES off last years' time.

Yet I feel like 'I could have done better'. I don't know why I keep thinking that. As a RUNNER, my time sucked. As a WALKER/JOGGER, it was pretty darned good. I don't want to be a wogger anymore. Want to be a runner NOW. (insert little girl foot stomp). Sigh. Why am I suddenly so impatient? Maybe because this run was my ultimate goal, and I'm done it now, so I feel like I should be 'finished'? Hmmm.

Anyway.

I've been eating like a horse. (the thought just occurred to me that this might coincide with my going back on the pill) I feel like I've given up. I have a wedding to go to in less than 2 weeks, and I DON'T CARE what I look like. Because at this point, what I eat and how much I exercise isn't going to change how I'll look. So who cares?

What does it matter?

Really, no one cares. I ran my race. No one, save my hubby, was around to notice. It didn't CHANGE anything. It doesn't matter than I finished the race, I still can't run well. It doesn't matter that I'm on the verge of getting below 145, because no one except me gives a shiite what size I am. No one at that wedding will be looking at me and noticing whether I'm 150 or 145 (as well they shouldn't--weddings are about the WEDDING COUPLE). HowEVER, my ex will be around, and he will most definitely notice me. And judge me. I hate him. I HATE him. I hate that his judgement of me MATTERS so much to me. Why? I definitely don't want him anymore--but he was a dyck, and the last thing I want is for him to be glad he's not still 'stuck with that girl who let herself GO so much'.

My co-worker made a LOVELY comment about how white my legs were in my shorts. Huh. And all this time I was worried about stretch marks and fat--who knew I needed to think about the COLOR of my FRICKIN' SKIN? Considering she's Japanese or something--she has naturally dark skin. Why is WHITE skin so bloody unappealing? Why do I have to keep putting myself at risk for SKIN CANCER, just to be visually appealing???? WTH is up with that.

GRRRRRRRRRR.

I think Yoov's is right. I need to get angry at whatever I'm angry about, run it out, scrub it off, and give that little girl a BIG hug, and try to get it through to her head that I DO matter.

I don't even know what I'm saying right now. I'm going to attempt a run. And then attempt to tan my pasty white stumps. bleah.

  
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KJDOESLIFE 6/15/2011 1:30PM

    You could lose 20 lbs and if your ex is a jerk, he might still think negatively of you. You could tan four days a week and your coworker might still think you're pale. You could run a 9 minute mile, and someone will still be faster than you (if they are a jerk, they might call you slow, too). Point is, do YOUR best and be the best YOU that you can be. You can't please everyone, so do what you want to please yourself!

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KRANDER 6/15/2011 1:30PM

    I agree with MSCDBB - like ditto her whole post. LOL

I arrived at a family birthday party in a skirt and the first thing my Uncle said to me was (SARCASTICALLY) "When did you get so tan?" and proceeded to chuckle at his little joke. I chuckled with him and said "At least I don't look like dried out leather" OK - I SAID IT IN MY HEAD, but it made me feel better. Then I reminded myself that regardless of what other people think - I look better milky white than I do lobster red. I don't tan and don't care to try. Sure tan skin can be beautiful but not on me (and all that tanning added years to my uncle's face.)

The only thing that matters is you! And how you feel.

Comment edited on: 6/15/2011 1:32:45 PM

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MSCDBB 6/15/2011 12:03PM

    Your coworker made an insensitive comment, that if you would have made to her in reverse (gee your skin is so dark!) would have been considered racist and inappropriate. Now is not the time to let the comments of the small minded change your life. There are thousands of shades of skin tone. Everyone wants what they haven't got. She is probably jealous. IGNORE HER.

See my post to you on the board...who or what is making you feel invalidated?

You are a "runner". Why do you think that there is some "magic" thing that you will achieve and then you will officially TA DA be a runner??? You ran a freakin race MAR!

And quite honestly, one of the problems I see facing you is that you are still trying to get your motivation for your health and weight loss externally. WHy does it matter, who cares but me?? YOU caring is the ONLY one that DOES matter. If you try to do this stuff for other people it will never, never, never work. Ever. It has to be FOR YOU because YOU matter to YOU and YOUR opinion is the most important.

Who cares what you look like at that wedding? You do. And you matter the most.

Who cares if you get under 145? You do. And you matter the most.

Who cares if you finished a race? YOU do. And YOU matter the most!



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