Wednesday, November 17, 2010
As of today, I've not only made my goal but I've lost nearly 2 more lbs..This has been an incredible journey, not just for my weight lost but for a bit of self-discovery as well. I learned I had some more trash that needed discarded and to the dump it went without a fight...I feel uplifted, happy all the time and I've found some self-confidence that I didn't know possible...I hold up my head now, I don't hide behind big shirts, sweaters and jackets..In fact, it could be freezing outside and I want to go without a coat..I smile all the time now and I look at mirrors and say to myself "yeah, that's me"..And the best part is, it is me...It's always been me, but I've kept myself hidden from everyone including me!
Now, this isn't to say that everyone has the same symptoms as I did but I imagine when one carries the amount of weight that I did, it does cause some deep issues to some degree. ...I never would have thought that shedding pounds could actually change how I feel and act daily. I never thought I wouldn't mind glimpsing in a mirror and I never thought I would ever have any self confidence but yet, those are the facts. It all happened simply by shedding weight.
When we choose to lose weight, we do choose a difficult journey but not one without it's rewards along the way, never mind the end prize....Others, who do not need or ever have needed to lose weight, truly don't understand what we come up against. They simply think it's a matter of how much we eat so eat less..It's not, it's a combination of many things including the fact that our metabolism don't work like theirs.
In saying this, I realize God created each of differently and yet in his eyes, we are perfect. However, though all of this, I have come to recognize that each of us, skinny or fat, big or tall, whatever; have demons that we must conquer..I think it's a form of learning survival....So my battle is weight...I've now fought it, won a huge battle and prepared for the war to keep it off.
I once had this extremely thin person I knew, tell me to my face, they would rather die than get fat. I was horrified to think that I really must be the lowest human on earth until one day it occurred to me, that is not what God had intended and I felt sorry for this person.....
Through my life, I've had numerous people mention weight and loosing in the same breath, when in fact, it wasn't them they were talking about..They thought somehow they were being kind in how they approached it as though I didn't understand who they were talking about, but the wounds still appeared. So, I hope that I have learned more than just how to lose weight..I hope that I have learned to be there when someone may need me to lean on through their own journeys and I hope that I have learned to be tolerate of people who are thoughtless in their words and actions...I try to never judge anyone by their cover, to see the pureness in their hearts and in their souls..I hope that by doing so, others will be a little more kinder as well. And I hope that when I find myself around negative people, I walk away because life is just too short...
Happy Wednesay Everyone!!
Sunday, November 14, 2010
I’m excited that as of today, I made goal..No more weight needed to be lost, now it’s time for phase 2 of my life – maintain this healthy life style….Through this last 11 months, when I began this journey, I never knew how much of my life would change as well…..
January 2, 2010, I made a choice to give myself a better life and I thought losing the weight was the whole answer, but it wasn’t…What I learned this year is that I had to let go of the past (very nasty marriage and divorce) to discover how lucky I was with having so many positive people in my life now..My sweet husband, who loved me unconditionally, fat or thin. Who knew I came to our life with garbage that I still hadn’t dealt with, even though I thought I had..My three loving children who have always supported me and my grandchildren, who never saw I was fat only “beautiful”…This is only a mere few of positive influences and love that I’ve learned have always been there just for the asking…
I am spiritual person believing with my whole heart in God and try to live as I think he would want me to live..I believe every day when I walk outside, there isn’t anything in nature that wasn’t created by God and is a part of him..Just to look at my backyard with nothing but a forest to stare at, or in the front with a gorgeous running river not to mention the sky above, so powerful….Each time, I found myself scared, in this last year, all I had to do was go outside and breath and I felt as though I was lifted and walking on air.
I don’t know why I have a weight problem, I don’t know why anyone has to suffer this but I think things happens for a reason….I am constantly amazed at how some can eat more than me and never suffer one pound of weight gain and it bothered me…..I wanted answers…Truly, I’m not a big eater although I have learned to eat healthier in this last year….I don’t pig out at the dinner table, I don’t eat a lot of sugar and yet, I was so overweight my physical being was suffering…. But in this last year, I learned if your physical self is in trouble so is the mental and spiritual part of you…
So today, as I enter into phase 2, I’m going to continue to learn how to maintain my weight at a healthy number and continue to feed my mind and soul. I’m walking forward with positive influences in my life as well as the understanding that true happiness comes from within me and not from someone or something else…
Blessings to all of you…Just know, if you need a friend, I’m here…If I can help anyone, just ask…And thank you, all of you, my Spark's friend..You help make this dream become a reality…I wish you all peace, comfort and love...
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
I'm now within 2 lbs of reaching goal..I can't believe it!! Not that my journey and challenge is completely over, the time for me to begin maintenance now starts...I'm excited and scared..I've never met this challenge before and here I am, nearly a year later and 102 lbs gone...I feel exhilarated, happy and very proud of myself for sticking to it…
It's interesting that I'm still literally having fun researching new recipes or working over my old ones to make them healthier...I look for different ways to get my daily workouts in, as I find myself bored with the same things...I even have a bike and I plan to start hiking this spring simply because I know I have the energy to do this and it’s something I’ve wanted to do…
However, without my sweet caring husband, my family, my friends and Sparks, I don’t think this goal would have been accomplished. I’m very blessed to have so many wonderful things in my life that got me through this challenge…Now, it’s my turn to give back…When I find someone who needs encouragement and support, I’ll be there..This journey isn’t easy and I believe trying to do it alone is so much more difficult without love and friendship…
In two weeks, I’m going shopping..I’ve now gone from a size 22 to an 8…Think It’s time don’t you???
With much appreciation, thank you all!!
Thursday, August 05, 2010
In less than 30 minutes, I will be celebrating my birthday...I could tell you how old I am, but really does it matter? What matters is that I have lost 87 lbs and have less than 20 lbs to go...It doesn't matter how many candles are on the cake, ok so I'm not really having any cake, but I'm now wearing a size 10. My long term goal is a size 8, so I'm getting there...
I am still working towards getting healthier and enjoying my husband, children, grandchildren and the rest of my family and friends...I won't deny that this has been quite trying at times, but I can also say, I feel exhilarated...
No longer am I focusing on the "actual" part of dieting but rather just eating healthier...There are days when I indulge, but more than not, I continue to eat healthy..
So, instead of wishing myself a "Happy Birthday" I'm going to wish myself a "Happy Healthier Life"...This wish will goes to each and every one of you...May you truly feel blessed and know that you are not alone in this challenge, together we can conquer the world!!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
The fact, that I live out in nowhere land, I rarely see people during the week and only a little more than a chance through the weekends...Oh, I don't mind, I have my gardens, my quilting, my cross stitching and other needlework...I have the mountain behind me and a river in front of me...But every couple of months, I end up going out of town either to WA State to visit my children/grandchildren or to Kalispell to visit my MIL...
On Wednesday, my MIL is having surgery and her sister will be with her until Friday night and yes, you guessed it, I'll be taking over for a couple of days so that my husband's aunt can come back to town to go to her own church for Easter..Plus it is Easter and we are spending it with his mom...
I was sitting her tonight and thinking about this and all of a sudden, my stomach got some of those butterflies one has just before they take a flight...I can't believe it but honestly, no one has seen me since I've lost 57 lbs...I only have 47 more to go so I've lost over half of my weight and for the first time in months, I'm going to be seen..
What if they don't notice? I know that sounds crazy but I don't take pictures and since I see myself everyday in the mirror, I don't see a difference...What if there isn't a noticeable difference...On top of everything I haven't told anyone about my getting healthy...I don't know why, maybe fear of failure but now I'm walking right into a situation that will break my heart if no one notices...
I know this is a silly fear but I've felt good this whole duration and all of a sudden those fuzzy little butterflies are having a heyday!! Good thing I love butterflies, however, I would prefer for them to be in my herb garden..
I guess I'll know in a few days if all of this hard work is paying off!!
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