SJS963   32
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SJS963's Recent Blog Entries

Fear

Saturday, April 26, 2008

I've been thinking about this for a while. I don't know how to be a healthy weight. I KNOW how to be fat, I KNOW how to be obese. Being a healthy weight is like visiting a foreign country without a passport and not understanding one word of the language. I'm scared. After 2 months, I am feeling better in my own skin. Many of my clothes are too big. I have more stamina and I sleep better. I am really hoping that sticking with SparkPeople will teach me how to be a healthy weight. How I'm supposed to act when I get there. Who I'm supposed to be when I get there. I try to visualize it, but nothing comes. NOTHING. I've tried using the
Virtual Model, and still can't see it. It doesn't look like anybody I know, much less like me. And how in the world am I going to afford all the new clothes. I know there are thrift stores, yard sales, consignment stores, etc., but they are all so time consuming. I really can't afford to lose weight, in terms of time or money, and yet it's what I'm striving for. I'm afraid I'm going to destroy my life by losing weight. But isn't that how you succeed in life? By facing your fear?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TAZZIE5 4/28/2008 1:44PM

    Your vision will come. Keep on the look out for it! Just when you least expect it is when your watch tower will start beaming a light on the matter. Stay alert during your waking hours, but be well rested & ready to get up & go when your time to move ahead comes.

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DOCHOMES 4/27/2008 9:01AM

    Looking from the Humorous side. The clothes should cost less, because they will be made with less yards of cloth. emoticon emoticon Seriously, I have clothes in my closet from High school, I need to start replace them and item at a time. I have the money, by I usually get mine at a flea market. Also, look at the money your saving by not smoking, and use that money to replace your old clothes. You can do it. There is an old saying, If you're too busy to take care of yourself, you are too busy!

Don

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HLTHAPPINESS4C 4/26/2008 1:46PM

    Look at the benefits you have gained thus far....better stamina, sleeping well, weight loss and learning healthy habits. You are doing this and it is not going to destroy you. It will help you to live a healthier, more productive life and it will build your self esteem back up. You already said you are feeling more comfortable in your skin. That is major progress!

About being fearful of becoming healthy weight and how to act and whatnot. You are you....You are special, unique, and you will be you no matter what weight you are. There is no right way to act or behave. The only thing to do is be yourself and practice your healthy habits you have learned.

I understand about the financial issue of it. I am having the opposite problem though. I have gained 40 lbs and nothing fits. I have little money to buy new clothes. I simply shop thrifty and buy a couple of things at a time. Maybe when you quit smoking, you can take the money and put it in a jar. It will add up and you can buy yourself something nice.

emoticon

You deserve happiness and I think you'll find it as you travel further into your journey.

Cynthia



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Florida

Wednesday, April 02, 2008

Well, I'm home now. That's the good part. I'm back on track calorie wise today. I exercised today. I didn't smoke today. That's all good. But after 5 days of completely blowing all the goals I had set for myself, I came home feeling like crap. The water, the healthy eating, the FOCUS had really made me feel so much better. It will take a few days to get that good feeling back. The trip was VERY rushed, and very hard on all of us. Saying goodbye to someone you love so much, when you know you'll never see them again, is sooooo painful. He wanted us to stay so badly. I just wish we could have. I wish we could have stayed for him, I wish we could have stayed for the family. I wish we could have stayed for us. But if I never have to eat in a fast food restaurant again, that will be just fine with me. If I never have to drive/ride 750 miles in one day again, that will be fine with me, too. Wish we lived closer to the beach. I'd walk along the ocean all day long!

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

HLFPNTSH 4/8/2008 7:53AM

    Welcome back and keep your chin up and plug on. My art is going great. I've entered an art exhibit for seniors. So two of my paintings will be on exhibit. Getting back on track is what is important. As long as we eat right, exercise, and track both while talking to positive people we will get to our goal.

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DURCAM 4/3/2008 9:35AM

    It is always hard to eat healthy when you are traveling. It must have been even more difficult in your situation. Life always brings unexpected and difficult situations that we have to deal with.

If you need, take a few days off but make sure not to put yourself down. Login to SP every day to motivate yourself. Your friends are here for you! Remember the times when you felt great, you were eating healthy, not smoking,... You did it before, you can do it again!

I will keep you in my thoughts and wish you all the best.

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TAZZIE5 4/3/2008 8:41AM

    Welcome Back! Congrats for getting back on track too. The biggest goof I make when traveling is not putting enough water thru my system. It always takes me a few days to deflate from all the salt intake that didn't get washed out!
Blessings to you & your family too.

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I blew it!

Friday, March 28, 2008

Thank God tomorrow is another day. Thursday I went over on my calories by more than 400. I also started smoking again. Tomorrow I'll try to get back on track calorie wise. The not smoking will have to wait until next week. I can only deal with so much stress at once. If anyone is looking for me, I'll be back on Tuesday. Gone to Florida to say a final goodbye to someone I love so much......

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TOPTIER 3/29/2008 9:49AM

    Wow. This tugs my heart! Sounds like your Florida trip is going to pile on some deep stress. Sending you lots of positive energy and support strength. Don't beat yourself up over 400 calories; it will all work out over the long haul. Think in terms of week-long calories and not minute to minute! Will be less stressful in the long run. Hugs!

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TAZZIE5 3/29/2008 8:12AM

    SJ: I said a little prayer that things go well in FL and you get back on track with your goals real soon.

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SPARKYTHESEAL 3/28/2008 9:19AM

    Take care of YOU - SJ - we are all here for you when you get back :) Now is not the time to be hard on yourself!!!
Hugs,
Shannon

P.S. I'll be back Monday april 7th

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Changes

Saturday, March 22, 2008

I have officially been a Sparker for a month today. I'm not going to weigh myself until Monday, as that is my usual day to weigh myself. However, I've been reflecting on all the changes I have made in my life during the past month. They have all seemed so easy, it makes me wonder why I never did them before. I reach for water instead of Coke Zero or Diet Pepsi first thing in the morning. I seek out spare minutes to fit in exercise (calf raises while waiting for the elevator, squats while I am waiting for my computer to boot up, stretching while I'm on the phone, all kinds of stuff). The thought of fried battered food is now depressing (how the heck did that happen?!?!). Little Debbie should change her name to Little Devil. My carb and sugar cravings are about 20% of what they used to be. I'm even having some influence on my husband and son (shocking!). My husband ate whole wheat bread for the first time this week, and my (adult) son ate zucchini. Neither at my insistance, but because they have been watching me and have decided that I'm not crazy after all. My son even asked if I'd make a veggie platter for watching the basketball games tonight! I almost fell over in shock! All in all, it's been a terrific first month. I'm really looking forward to the days to come.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DURCAM 3/26/2008 9:07AM

    Hi!
Congratulations for everything you have achieved so far! Keep up the good work. It's amazing how this site can motivate people and keep them going.
I am going to add you as my friend and watch your progress.

I joined SP one day before you. I feel like I am living a dream. I lost 10 pounds in 4 weeks and still can not believe it. I would like to loose 10 more and keep it off forever.

Good luck to you!
Maria

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Excited

Saturday, March 15, 2008

I am just so excited! Every time I come to Spark People, I get more and more motivated. It's just blowing my mind! Always before, after being 3 weeks into a program, I would feel angry and deprived, even though I would stick with it for a while because I knew I was worth it. Now, my motivation just keeps growing. Every time I come to this website I really WANT to drink my water, I really WANT to do more exercise, and I really, truly believe that this time I am going to be successful. I know I'm still looking at a year (or more) of hard work, but I just keep thinking, "Because of Spark People, in one year I'll have reached the goal I've been aiming for on and off for the past 25 years."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

GRAMMYSKIDS58 3/15/2008 8:53PM

    That is so great I am so glad you have finally found the motivation to keep you going!! Good luck to you on your lifsetyle changes!!

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