Saturday, April 26, 2008
I've been thinking about this for a while. I don't know how to be a healthy weight. I KNOW how to be fat, I KNOW how to be obese. Being a healthy weight is like visiting a foreign country without a passport and not understanding one word of the language. I'm scared. After 2 months, I am feeling better in my own skin. Many of my clothes are too big. I have more stamina and I sleep better. I am really hoping that sticking with SparkPeople will teach me how to be a healthy weight. How I'm supposed to act when I get there. Who I'm supposed to be when I get there. I try to visualize it, but nothing comes. NOTHING. I've tried using the
Virtual Model, and still can't see it. It doesn't look like anybody I know, much less like me. And how in the world am I going to afford all the new clothes. I know there are thrift stores, yard sales, consignment stores, etc., but they are all so time consuming. I really can't afford to lose weight, in terms of time or money, and yet it's what I'm striving for. I'm afraid I'm going to destroy my life by losing weight. But isn't that how you succeed in life? By facing your fear?
Wednesday, April 02, 2008
Well, I'm home now. That's the good part. I'm back on track calorie wise today. I exercised today. I didn't smoke today. That's all good. But after 5 days of completely blowing all the goals I had set for myself, I came home feeling like crap. The water, the healthy eating, the FOCUS had really made me feel so much better. It will take a few days to get that good feeling back. The trip was VERY rushed, and very hard on all of us. Saying goodbye to someone you love so much, when you know you'll never see them again, is sooooo painful. He wanted us to stay so badly. I just wish we could have. I wish we could have stayed for him, I wish we could have stayed for the family. I wish we could have stayed for us. But if I never have to eat in a fast food restaurant again, that will be just fine with me. If I never have to drive/ride 750 miles in one day again, that will be fine with me, too. Wish we lived closer to the beach. I'd walk along the ocean all day long!
Friday, March 28, 2008
Thank God tomorrow is another day. Thursday I went over on my calories by more than 400. I also started smoking again. Tomorrow I'll try to get back on track calorie wise. The not smoking will have to wait until next week. I can only deal with so much stress at once. If anyone is looking for me, I'll be back on Tuesday. Gone to Florida to say a final goodbye to someone I love so much......
Saturday, March 22, 2008
I have officially been a Sparker for a month today. I'm not going to weigh myself until Monday, as that is my usual day to weigh myself. However, I've been reflecting on all the changes I have made in my life during the past month. They have all seemed so easy, it makes me wonder why I never did them before. I reach for water instead of Coke Zero or Diet Pepsi first thing in the morning. I seek out spare minutes to fit in exercise (calf raises while waiting for the elevator, squats while I am waiting for my computer to boot up, stretching while I'm on the phone, all kinds of stuff). The thought of fried battered food is now depressing (how the heck did that happen?!?!). Little Debbie should change her name to Little Devil. My carb and sugar cravings are about 20% of what they used to be. I'm even having some influence on my husband and son (shocking!). My husband ate whole wheat bread for the first time this week, and my (adult) son ate zucchini. Neither at my insistance, but because they have been watching me and have decided that I'm not crazy after all. My son even asked if I'd make a veggie platter for watching the basketball games tonight! I almost fell over in shock! All in all, it's been a terrific first month. I'm really looking forward to the days to come.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
I am just so excited! Every time I come to Spark People, I get more and more motivated. It's just blowing my mind! Always before, after being 3 weeks into a program, I would feel angry and deprived, even though I would stick with it for a while because I knew I was worth it. Now, my motivation just keeps growing. Every time I come to this website I really WANT to drink my water, I really WANT to do more exercise, and I really, truly believe that this time I am going to be successful. I know I'm still looking at a year (or more) of hard work, but I just keep thinking, "Because of Spark People, in one year I'll have reached the goal I've been aiming for on and off for the past 25 years."
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