I'm Flying...... in the wrong direction.

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Tonight when I got home from work my muscles hurt too much to allow sleeping. So, instead I decided to put in a little computer time since I usually don't have the time. It just so happens that I have the next two days off and I potentially have the option of 'sleeping in' come morning....I hope. Well, I surfed Facebook a little and then read through some emails and finally ended up here on SP. I've been adjusting my weight ticker sporadically trying to force myself to feel bad enough about the weight I have put on to get serious about doing what it takes to take it off. Wow! That's about all I can say.

My weight has escalated to a whopping 35 pound gain since this time last year. My, my how fassssst it flies on compared to how sloooow it creeps off or at least that's the way it is for this old body.

I keep asking myself and the Lord, WHY? Why do I keep cramming stuff I don't really need in my mouth? I feel really really bad when I'm done eating it.... I know I've failed God and myself. I think about how long it took to lose it this time which was about six years total and I still praise God that I with His help lost 100 pounds and kept it off for three whole years. What happened? I said I'd NEVER be that big again.... One has to really be careful with what one says, I zooming that way quickly.

Well, this one thing I know, God never changes, so I know it is ME. "Jesus Christ, the same yesterday, today, and forever." that's what the good Book says. I keep praying that the Lord will take this thing, this attachment I have to food or whatever it is away. I've found myself in this place where I have to really take a long honest assessment of me. I also know there has to be a reason I am here just stuck. I don't have the answer yet but I know God is faithful and merciful and patient and kind and loving even though I feel unworthy of all those things. I suppose more than anything I just needed to say these things or "vent" so to speak.

I do feel at this moment a peace that it will be okay. My God is bigger than whatever is wrong in my life. Even if I don't understand, He does and He will never leave me or forsake me. No matter what happens, no matter what the circumstances God is good and my refuge in time of trouble.

"May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer." Psalms 19:14 This is my prayer.

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My First Blog in 2012

Friday, July 13, 2012

In fact I haven't spent very much time on SparkPeople this year at all and my weight shows that. The five pounds that I had gained by 16 December in 2011 has increased now to 21 lbs. How quickly they pile up when left to chance. The fact is that I haven't completely stopped trying to lose it but obviously I'm not dedicated to losing it the way I need to be.

In my defense however, I have made a major life change. Beginning on 31 January 2012, I obtained a new job after not working in nearly 20 years. In addition, I had been battling migraine headaches for many months before I returned to work. Thank God, the headaches are better controlled and now I am more adjusted to working after nearly six months into the job. I have to praise God for that too because without Him I couldn't have pulled it off! Without Him I can do nothing!!

Today I was thinking as I often do about "why do I keep on eating like this when I know what it does to me?". Sometimes I eat things I don't even like the taste of........why? I eat way too much of the things that do taste good like I'm never going to get anymore......ever. I do not like the way that feels. I do not like that food has that effect on my emotions. I really believe it is time to listen to my heart and the Holy Spirit as He teaches me what I really need......spiritual food. I don't mean to quit eating, but to eat to live healthy. I feel the Holy Spirit leading me to the next chapter of my life and that doesn't include letting food ruin my health again.

I took my troubles to the Lord; I cried out to him, and he answered my prayer.

~ Psalm 120:1, NLT

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A Look Back on 2011

Friday, December 16, 2011

"I reached my goal in 2008 and then set a lower goal that I reached in August the same year. I have maintained for almost three years now. That is something that I have never done before." That is a direct quote from my blog on 21 April, 2011. I have been pondering for the past few months about my recent weight gain. I know the enemy would have me be so down on myself for many "splurges" that have resulted in this weight gain. I am now officially five pounds over my 120 goal weight and I am NOT happy about it, nor am I ready by any means to just give up and let food take over my life again. The Bible encourages me in Romans 8:37 "Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us." (NKJV)

I cannot do this alone, I readily admit. I never could. But "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Phillipians 4:13 This is no small statement, this is a fact. I have lost 100 lbs of weight that caused me to be unhealthy and to feel badly about myself. I have kept it off for three years. So, tonight I looked at my weight chart for the whole year. The scale went up along the middle of September, 2011. I haven't lost the excess to date. So, my question to myself is 'what now'?

I have to be realistic about the time of year and I know I am not going to restrict ALL the treats of this season. For me, those treats are part of the celebration of Christmas. So, I WILL with God's help refuse to allow the sweets (which are where I tend to lose control) defeat me. I will enjoy SOME treats giving thanks to the Lord and enjoy my ALL my family God has given me and celebrate my dear Saviour's birth. After the Christmas season, I will do what it takes to lose those excess pounds with God's help. I must keep my eyes upon Him and my faith in Him and not in my own strength. I believe His Word is true. I will use the resources He has given me through this site and the wonderful people on Sparkpeople.com who encourage me, educate me, and are my friends whom are traveling with me on this journey. I truly hope and pray that I may be a blessing and a help to others whom are traveling this same road.

Thank you for listening to my heart and for taking the time to read my blog. May God richly bless you and help you as well.

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Tribute to my Beautiful Daughter.

Saturday, July 02, 2011

Eighteen years ago today, July 2, 2011, my life changed forever. I had to say good bye to my baby girl whom God had given us for just shy of fifteen years. She was full of laughter as soon as she walked into the front door. She brought our family so much joy especially me. She once came home from school and wanted me to go purchase a little boy in her class some clothes because kids were making fun of him. Then, there was the time she cooked a meal and took it down the street to some neighbors because they didn't have a way to cook their food. She was beautiful inside and out. We all miss her so much but God gives us grace to make it through the pain of separation.

A few days before she died, oddly enough, I asked her if she died at that moment would she go to heaven? She hesitated for a little bit, then she answered, "yes". She wasn't perfect, no one is, but she was a good person who loved people and cared about people and I believe she knew Jesus died for her sins.

Lisa Darlene Grisham July 30, 1978-July 2, 1993
We love you and miss you.
Dad, Mom & Jennifer

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Year 5 With SparkPeople!

Thursday, April 21, 2011

A week ago Friday, on April 15, 2011 marked the fifth year that I have been on Sparkpeople and I missed it. I've had a lot of ups and downs during those years, but mostly I think it has been two steps forward, one step back. I reached my goal in 2008 and then set a lower goal that I reached in August the same year. I have maintained for almost three years now. That is something that I have never done before.

I praise and thank my Heavenly Father for helping me all these years. I also thank SparkPeople and all my SparkPeople friends for all their help and support. I have lost a total of 100 pounds and kept it off. That is an accomplishment I am so blessed with.

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