SIRENALEANNE   36,681
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SIRENALEANNE's Recent Blog Entries

Non-Scale Victory: Completed a 2 Hour Paranoid Workout Despite Cray Cray Peeps

Thursday, September 12, 2013

Yesterday my work cancelled OT. So I left to go to the gym, The same gym I'd been going to for over a year. MY GYM!. And there was 2 girls from my work that just months ago nearly destroyed my career and tried to get me fired. I almost turned around and walked out but I decided to stay. Not only did I stay and complete my work out I managed to log 20,000 steps on my fitbit and worked out for 2 hours! Behold, the motivating power behind betrayal, rage and paranoia. So I'm using my insane workout as my NSV because before I would have just walked away.

Ok, story behind why I was almost fired. In June I'd been battling a skin disease called Hidradenitis suppurativa for over 2 years. It got so bad it became infected and entered my blood stream. I almost died and thus was thrown off my healthy life style kick and wasn't on sparkpeople much. I had surgery to have it removed and it got rid of most of the infection. At this time I was struggling to get to work every day and maintain a life. My cubical sat between Three of the worst people I'd ever met in my life. One girl got mad because I didn't offer her some candy but offered it to someone else. (not intentionally on my part, I was just trying to unloud unwanted candy from my desk) There was another time one of them got mad because I told her "Good Morning" too many times. I later found on instagram a picture that said "Tell me good morning one more time and I'll cut you, some people just don't get it". And more and more and more. I delt with it for over a year but kept quiet at work. Those people also happen to be buddy buddy with higher ups.

One day as I was getting worse and worse my boss set me aside and told me to watch myself because some people were trying to get me fired. She said someone reported to her that I was starting rumors. She also warned me one of them is a friend of mine. She also said I don't have to be friends with everybody. This was a strange concept because I'm usually very friendly and trusting with everyone. And I don't talk bad about people. This person took what I said wrong "I don't know why they haven't gotten promoted because they are friends with lots of supervisors and have lots of pull". I didn't mean it to be a bad thing. Of course I shouldn't have said anything. Its none of my buisness. I was just trying to figure out what else my job is looking for to get promoted if its not just based on recommendation.

After the warning from my boss. I wrote on my face book that I got back stabed. I was pissed. Someone showed that post to my boss and I got an official verbal warning. So I took off everyone I worked with off my facebook save for one. This girl had been a really really good friend for over 2 years! I thought I knew her. She wasn't like one of the "bad ones".

Well I was feeling pretty sick, it was a Sunday and I wrote on my facebook that night "I don't want to go into work tomorrow and see those awful awful people". And I got so sick I couldn't go into work the next day. The day I did return to work my boss took me aside and told me someone showed her my post and she went to HR and my Manager and they decided to write me up for speaking bad about the company. Facebook doesn't list my employer. I found out later that close friend showed my boss my post. That person is blocked now. That person also told that other person what I said about knowing the supervisors and having pull. My boss kinda confirmed it was that person to. Also other people in my department saw her showing my boss her phone, going through my facebook post screen by screen. I felt so betrayed.

My only regret is I should have named names and said something worse. To get written up for saying those "awful people" just wasn't worth it. I'd never been written up in my whole life and to be written up for that was just ridiculous. When my boss wrote me up I acted like a fool, I was feeling really sick and couldn't handle my emotions. They had me on heavy anti-biotics and pain meds for the infection, the pills made me nauseas and emotional. I started crying and couldn't stop. And when I cry It's not pretty. I looked a red mess. My reputation was tarnished. I looked like a crazy person.

For the 2 years I had been at my workplace I'd been trying to become a supervisor or get a promotion. Now I don't see that happen. Although I'm feeling better now and back to myself. My reputation is tarnished. And they've had lots of openings but I can't apply because I'm considered on progressive discipline. I can't apply for any promotion for 6 months!

Since then I finally got the surgery, I'm feeling better. And they moved our department around so I got moved to a much better location rows away from those people. In that time I discovered Dave Matthews Band, became better aware of my situation, relaxed more and see that things are not in my control. I've also been able to work on my marrige and important relationships. . All in all it worked out for the best.

I'm not scared to write this. If I get caught and get written up or fired for this it's worth it. And if I get fired for speaking my feelings then that place doesn't deserve me. I was told when I got written up and started crying by my boss that if I want to work here I better toughen up. I straight out told her I don't want to work in a place that's going to compromise who I am. This is who I am. And I AM TOUGH DAMN IT! (I didn't say that last part though) It was horrible timing. I was down and out and I felt I was just getting kicked all over the place. BTW they didn't get written up for saying if you say good morning one more time, I'll cut you.

My boss and I are on good terms now. I've made new work friends but the trust is broken. No work friends on FB or sparkpeople but I do spread the spark all over work.

There was an opening for a supervisor position and that person that showed my boss my post had the freaking nerve to ask if I was going to apply. Everyone knows how much I wanted to be a supervisor. I can't, because of her!

Anyways, those people were at MY GYM and I didn't leave. I stuck it out and am so glad I did. My Sparkpeople, My church, my gym are my sacred places. I'm not going to let them destroy that. My facebook used to be but not anymore. Once you get written up at work for a facebook post it no longer becomes a happy place. While at the gym I felt self-conscious Because no one knows me there, I can be myself. My work clothes don't match. I wear all these devices and I wear a fanny pack. But all those things push me and serve a purpose. I don't care how I look all that matters are how I feel after my workout. But it did make me paranoid. I have social and generalized anxiety anyways so it was great getting passed that and just stay being me. I love me! Thanks Sparkpeople!

There's a lot more that happened that led up to that event and has happened since but that's the summary of the work drama. Take this as a cautionary tale or motivation. Who knew 10 years ago you could get written up at work by something as trivial as a thing called facebook?

Daily Dave Matthews (I made this one)


  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_VALEO_ 9/15/2013 4:08AM

    Kudos for staying at the gym despite everything! Attagirl!

I'm glad that you're doing better and that your infection is over. What a scary disease!

Re: Facebook and other social media, I am not a member. I have been considering switching my SP's page to private... but I don't talk at all about my work here. Though I certainly would not like my personal life to be scrutinized by people I work with or people I'll work with in the future. FYI, as a project manager when I hire someone, I always look up their tracks on the Internet.
I can understand how you feel, I have also been stabbed in my back a couple of times by people who wanted to take my place! ;)
In the great scheme of things, that's irrelevant. You have to ignore that and ignore them; and it actually makes you stronger. And, if you are stronger, they won't be able to repeat their bad deeds, otherwise they would look like the tattletale persons inside the company-- and no manager wants an untrustworthy type of personality in their team. (they are not focused on their work, but on gossips. Stay focused!)

Vent and rant all you want "off record", but be careful with writing (they stay online [almost for ever]... it is like publishing your thoughts in the newspaper.)
Workplace can sadly bring out the worst in coworkers whatever the position in the company.
You have to protect yourself and have a very interesting and balanced life outside your job, as well as good friends to whom you can confine in and who don't know a single person from your work. You can send me Private Messages whenever you feel like it.

Comment edited on: 9/15/2013 4:09:02 AM

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CATTUTT 9/13/2013 1:02PM

    Oh I know those kind of coworkers. I was hospitalized in behavioral health when I worked at my last job. I told only my "closest friends". For obvious reasons, I didn't want the entire office to know that. I found out about 6 months later than one of my "closest friends" had told everyone she talked to at work about it. I felt like everyone was looking at me like I might snap any second.

Anyway... just saying, I know how it feels to get stabbed in the back like that. Work brings out the worst in people. But congratulations on getting that workout done anyway! 2 hrs, woo hoo!

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SWEETNEEY 9/13/2013 6:38AM

    hey those people are so in your rear view mirror. Be positive about your future. If you want to be a supervisor, you focus on that and you go for it. It may not be at the same company it may be somewhere else - look wide

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KELLIEBEAN 9/12/2013 3:54PM

    I am VERY impressed you stayed at the gym and got your workout in. Way to be you! They are small and petty and you are improving yourself daily.

Social websites can bite peopel in the a**. It happens everywhere. All you can do now is keep being yourelf and don't let anyone knock you down. Good things are coming.

EXCELLENT blog!

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JSAMMONS1981 9/12/2013 3:50PM

    emoticon

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BIGPAWSUP 9/12/2013 3:49PM

    Congrats for standing your ground. Proud of you.

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MJRVIC2000 9/12/2013 3:34PM

    Good workout, but forgive and be at peace with yourself and God! God Bless YOU! Vic.

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SparkCoach: Daily Community Task - End of Plateau Busters Program

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Daily Community Task
Write a blog about where you want to go from here now that your plateau-busting program has come to a close. What did you think about the program? What strategies did you learn from it? Write out your thoughts on your experience, and plan what your next step will be in your weight-loss journey! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Where do you want to go from here now that your plateau-busting program has come to a close? emoticon
I want to continue the program. I'm a bit sad that this program was only 28 days. I've completed all the other spark coach programs as well. I'll probably restart one of the SparkCoach programs. I really love it. It keeps me checking in every day.

What did you think about the program? emoticon
I love the program. I especially loved taking note of non-scale victories every day. It helped me not focus on the scale too much and focus on other things to keep me going. I also think it worked! I think I've busted my plateau but I won't be sure for a few weeks now. I can easily gain weight and stale out. And that's ok, I'm still not giving up.

What strategies did you learn from it? emoticon
Non scale victories
Dangers of working out too hard
How to get the most out of my work outs

Write out your thoughts on your experience, and plan what your next step will be in your weight-loss journey! emoticon
My Next Step it to just keep going and start another program over.


emoticon Side note: I worked 11 hours and plan to work another 11 hours today AND go to the gym. A bit ambitous I know, We'll see if I can do it! Thanks in advance to all my Spark Friends for reading my blog and all the support!

emoticon Daily Dave Matthews emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_VALEO_ 9/15/2013 3:29AM

    Good job on completing the program! emoticon

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SWEETNEEY 9/12/2013 7:18AM

    Counting on you to go to the gym, even if it is for 30 minutes. Fight for Fitness.

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CATTUTT 9/11/2013 2:04PM

    Wow you're gonna be busy! Good luck!

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OverTime Fears: OPERATION STAYING ON A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE TRACK

Tuesday, September 10, 2013

emoticon I'm working overtime this week. I signed up for Overtime this week which means I'll be working from 8am to 7pm with a one hour lunch. I'm worried because I haven't worked OT in over a year (That's the last time my job offered OT) and the overtime work I'm doing is new to me. But my biggest fear is of it getting in the way of my healthy life style, affecting my sleep, gym time, work outs, quality of food. The thing is I need the money.

emoticon So my action plan is this:

emoticon Sleep/Work Outs: To still go to bed at my normal time and not let myself get "pushed back" due to getting home later

emoticon Gym: To still go to the gym Wednesday and Friday (or Saturday) and to make sure I walk on all my breaks so I can get all my fitbit steps in.

emoticon Quality of foods: Stock up and bring lots of healthy snacks to work so I'm not overly hungry by the time I get off work and still have enough energy to hit the gym, cause If I'm hungry it's not happening. Also if I'm ravenous I'm more likely to hit the fast food joints, and I will NOT let that happen!

emoticon OPERATION STAYING ON A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE TRACK is in full effect! Any ideas or suggestions to stay on track during you most stressful times? emoticon emoticon emoticon

Daily Dave Matthews emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SWEETNEEY 9/11/2013 6:56AM

    Have your water handy so you can easily get your cups in and also when you need to ward off the munchies.

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_VALEO_ 9/10/2013 4:10PM

    Your plan is very well thought out! It's only for one week, do your best, and don't beat yourself up! ;)

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KELLIEBEAN 9/10/2013 2:12PM

    Sounds like you have all your bases covered. Excellent plan, just follow through and you will be fine!

Good luck!

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BESCATS 9/10/2013 2:10PM

    It looks to me that you know what you have to do, and that you have a great plan in place for keeping up with your healthy lifestyle.

It is very important to keep a regular sleep schedule !!

It will be good to get up and stretch, walk, etc. during any break that you have. This will also help to relieve any stress.

And those healthy snacks you will have on hand will definitely help you stay on track, and keep you from getting to hungry.

Sounds like a great plan to me. emoticon

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Changed up some SparkPeople Scale Data

Monday, September 09, 2013

I adjusted some of my sparkpeople weight data. Originally I had entered that my starting weight was 272 and I wanted to get to 172 pounds. Well 272 is the highest I've ever weighed in at a doctor's office, and not what I weighed when I started sparkpeople. So I adjusted my numbers to what I weighed when I started sparkpeople and that is 260. I also changed my ultimate goal weight to 145.

I don't know if this will help or hurt me but it's a little like starting over again. Maybe I'm paying too much attention to the numbers. IDK. So if you're wondering at one time it said I lost 30 pounds but now It my SparkPage shows I've lost 20 well that's why. Do people notice those things?

And now…..Daily Dave Pic

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_VALEO_ 9/10/2013 4:12PM

    It's always good to have a starting point and a goal in mind.
You have to do what is best for you! And you did it! Kudos!

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SWEETNEEY 9/10/2013 6:49AM

    No, you're happiness is more important to me.

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BIGPAWSUP 9/9/2013 7:22PM

    I've changed mine several times to reflect where I am at.

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KELLIEBEAN 9/9/2013 4:21PM

    Personally I do not pay that much attention. I like to look at pictures and read the blogs to see how people are doing, I'm not hung up on "hey, didn't you say..."

As long you keep moving forward, it's all good. Adjustments from time to time need to be made.

Great pics. Can't be in a bad mood with that face!

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SUNSHINE99999 9/9/2013 3:25PM

  you can do it. emoticon emoticon

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SUZIPAM1 9/9/2013 3:21PM

    you brave and you have the power to make this happen

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SparkCoach Daily Community Task: Last Setback

Sunday, September 08, 2013

Daily Community Task

Write a blog about the last setback you faced. How did you overcome it, and what did you learn from it? Did you handle the situation in the best way that you could have, or would you go about it in a different way now?

The last setback I had was when I had surgery. The pain medicines made me hungry all the time and I couldn't exercise. I gained 15 pounds. Since then I've lost all the post surgery weight but it was hard. To get back on track I started slow with just writing down my food in the sparkpeople food journal, then I just started walking on all my breaks at work and increased my activity from there.

How did you overcome it, and what did you learn from it?
I just started over and decided not to give up

Did you handle the situation in the best way that you could have, or would you go about it in a different way now?
I think I did good by getting back on track

Daily Dave Matthews Pic

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

_VALEO_ 9/10/2013 4:14PM

    Way to go! Congrats on losing back all that weight and on never giving up!

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BIGPAWSUP 9/9/2013 2:07PM

    Congrats!

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SWEETNEEY 9/9/2013 9:48AM

    It is great you are doing the task. I'll have to think about that challenge- i need an anchor.

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BESCATS 9/8/2013 2:14PM

    Yes, you certainly did overcome, and get back on track. emoticon

Staying positive, and knowing that you had to take those baby steps after your surgery made a big difference. You're awesome !!

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CATTUTT 9/8/2013 1:41PM

    Oh man, surgery is enough to get anyone off track. Glad you got back on and got rid of that extra weight, though! Great job!

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