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My Birthday, My Son's Wedding, Mom's Move...

Sunday, November 06, 2011

Today is my birthday and I'm delighted to have a day where I can just sit and veg out. It's been a busy, busy month ....actually, it's been a busy two months.

Dad died almost two months ago. I've been grieving his passing, but I'm also so aware that his quality of life had gotten so bad that it was a true blessing for him to pass on. Knowing that and having gotten to spend so much time with him the past three years has made losing him much easier than I expected. I know he's not suffering any more.

Last summer, when my son became engaged, we offered to host his wedding at our house in Tennessee in October. We knew my dad's health was declining and there would be a possibility that my dad would die around the same time, but we decided to go ahead and host the wedding anyway. It turned out Dad died about a month before the wedding. His passing was almost like a gift in terms of it's timing. I feel like the month between his funeral and the wedding gave us some time to regroup and be able to change gears to prepare for the wedding.

My son's was a beautiful wedding. Small, but what I would call "casually elegant"....and A LOT OF WORK! There were many pictures taken, but I don't have many my camera to share....I was too busy working to be snapping pictures. Here's one of the arch and decorating my SIL and brother did out on our deck where the actual ceremony was.


We had about 40 people at the wedding and 20 people at the dinner the night before all out our house. I did all the cooking. My brother and SIL did the decorating (thank goodness...I'm terrible at that). Anyway, it was beautiful, and everyone seemed to have a wonderful time.

Immediately after the wedding (and a day of cleaning up from all of that), my focus turned to helping my mom. We had found a great assisted living place 30 minutes from my house in Tennessee that she really liked. It's brand new and very spacious. She was able to get a spot to move in due to some cancellations of people that had been on the waiting list. I have stayed down in Tennessee after the wedding to help her pack, go to doctors appointments and put the house on the market.

My mother is very HIGH MAINTENANCE and I've always had a difficult relationship with her. She has major anxiety problems and all these changes just sent her off the charts. She wanted to move IMMEDIATELY because she didn't want to stay in her house over the winter by herself. I understand her motivation and really understand all that she is going through with losing her husband of 65 years. There is no question that the move and Dad's death are huge adjustments for her......that being said, she just drives me nuts with her anxiety about EVERYTHING. She can truly go into a tizzy about the smallest thing. It made packing her up for the move about twenty times harder than it would have been without her high anxiety issues.

We (my brother and I) actually got her moved on Thursday and put the house on the market the same day. The house needs work....I spent all of Friday just cleaning it up. My brother and I spent all of Saturday doing more things to help get Mom settled in her new place. She still needs her pictures hung and a few other things, but all in all....she's moved. Hooray!!!! Now someone else can be her "go to" person with all her anxiety issues.

I still have a boatload of things to do at her house, AND I need to do things at my house in Tennessee so I can make the lovely 11 hour drive back to Illinois to be with my husband. I've been down here for almost a month and he was only here for two days the weekend of the wedding.

There's a part of me that would like to just stay down here and veg out between now and Thanksgiving...when we will be back here to host our family dinner anyway....but I'm not sure how well that would sit with my husband. I have to think about that one and talk it over with him.

Anyway, this fine sunny Sunday morning on my 59th birthday, I'm just relaxing with a cup of coffee and taking it easy...for the moment!

I know all this work and all these changes have been all for the good...it's just been A LOT in the past two months.

No wonder, I just want to sip my coffee and blog on my birthday!




emoticon

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLORIDASUN 11/14/2011 7:46AM

    Happy happy birthday dear Kay. It's SO like you to point out all that your mother has gone through and all of her adjustments to it. But take a few minutes and reflect that YOU dear one have gone through all those life changing issues too! It's been even harder on you with a husband to please and the drive that separates you from all the duties and responsibilities in BOTH places! I say you NEED to veg for awhile just to catch your breathe and nurture your own beautiful soul! Happy, happy belated birthday...celebrate each day as YOURS for the entire month! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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GERBALMAMMA 11/11/2011 10:19PM

    Happy belated b-day, hope you were able to veg all you wanted!

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MAGGIE101857 11/8/2011 6:47AM

    Happy Belated Birthday! I hope you did take that time for yourself - you definitely earned it!!!

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PURPLEALLY 11/7/2011 5:21PM

    I've missed you. emoticon

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PURPLEALLY 11/7/2011 5:18PM

    I've missed you. emoticon

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PURPLEALLY 11/7/2011 5:17PM

    I've missed you. emoticon

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IFDEEVARUNS2 11/7/2011 10:15AM

    A belated happy birthday! Mine was the 4th.
If you can, take the time to stay and relax.
And wishes for a wonderful year ahead!

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SAMSPARK1 11/7/2011 9:45AM

    You have had so much going on! I hope you had a good day!

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GAYEMC 11/6/2011 10:28PM

    I hope you got to have the lazy birthday you wanted, you so deserve it. The photo from the deck looks like a wonderful place to have a wedding. I hope you post more pics.

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TERRIJ7 11/6/2011 8:23PM

    I'm glad you've had a little bit of time to sit and just think. It seems like you haven't had much time for that in a while. I appreciate your thoughtful, transparent blog about dealing with your mother. I think we can all relate at some point with some of what you've said, and it helps to know that we aren't the only ones.

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KARRYB1 11/6/2011 7:52PM

    You deserve to wind down and just chill out after all that has gone on lately.
Hope your Birthday is just that. Happy Happy Day! emoticon emoticon

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LOPEYP 11/6/2011 7:28PM

    Happy Birthday, my friend. Glad that everything turned out okay and you can (at least) relax for a bit on your birthday. Your mom will be better off in assisted living. You won't have to worry about her anymore (mostly).

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TIGGER622 11/6/2011 7:25PM

    Happy Birthday!!! Boy do you deserve a LOT of relaxation!!! Maybe your husband could join you early before thanksgiving? I am so glad that everything ended up going okay and that you can now relax, I hope your birthday was amazing!!!! And the deck looked beautiful!

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LUCKYDOGFARM 11/6/2011 5:11PM

    Happy Relaxing Birthday! I think i would be right with you in your thought process of wanting to stay there until after thanksgiving! Enjoy while you can!

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HEALTHY4ME 11/6/2011 4:10PM

    Happy Birthday and enjoy!! I totally understand all the commotion and we have had some and we are in the midst of debating selling, moving dad in with us, building and taking him with us... oh

So enjoy the quiet and have a super great day for YOU!!! you certainly deserve it!!!

HUGS!!!

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ZELLAZM 11/6/2011 2:34PM

    So glad you can finally relax, enjoy some "me" time - and blog. You've been missed, lady!

Happy, happy Birthday!
Michelle

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SLIMMERJESSE 11/6/2011 1:25PM

    Wishing you the best birthday ever and a wonderful new year. Big hug, Kay!

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VALERIEMAHA 11/6/2011 1:09PM

    Where you finding all that energy, Birthday Girl???!!!

http://www.youtub
e.com/watch?v=MjF1bG5LUcs
emoticon
Maha

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SLOANARTS101 11/6/2011 12:31PM

  Happy Birthday! It is mine today too...hope it is a good one for you :-)
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JAXMOMMY 11/6/2011 12:21PM

    Happy Birthday! Enjoy the vegging while you can! It has been alot for you these past 2 months! The full brunt of it may still hit you! Take time for you when you can! I'm sorry for your loss. I have a MIL with high anxiety and it can be difficult. But, you got it all done! Yay You! Enjoy your birthday and have another cup of coffee on me! Birthday cheers!

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TEDDYBABE 11/6/2011 11:37AM

    Sigh, breathe and know that first of all you are an awesome lady and obviously very giving. Happy Birthday sweet person. I hope you can make this birthday day a special one for you. The wedding sounded most beautiful. Hope your Mom is now settled and all of you can get your routine back. Hugs. emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

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LIVE2RUN4LIFE 11/6/2011 11:36AM

    Happy birthday!
emoticon emoticon emoticon

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Day 23 of Daily Reporting

Monday, October 17, 2011

Sunday

Calories
Eaten 1,399
BMR* 1,548
Exercise 49
Total Burned 1,597
Differential -198
Freggies 1
Water 6

Food and exercise: Not really eating in an orderly fashion...There's not much food in the house and I have been putting off buying it because I'm making a massive grocery shopping trip on Wednesday for the wedding and rehersal dinner. Twenty people on Friday night and forty on Saturday. I want to keep my refrigerators empty for all that food.

Life and all.
The weather in Tennessee has been absolutely beautiful since I came down on Saturday. I've been having a ball buying mums, mums and more mums (as well as four flats of pansies) for decorating the outside for my son's wedding on Saturday. We are supposed to get a cold snap on Wednesday, so it will only be mid-fifties on the day of the wedding. We are still going to do it outside on the deck because it will be bright and sunny. We will have to do the appetizers and meals inside, but it will be really nice (I think). I'll post pictures afterward!

Keep on Sparking on!
Kay

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHIRLEYDILLARD 10/19/2011 5:14AM

    Sounds like you are having a great time ... so glad! emoticon

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SLS-NY2IN 10/19/2011 12:41AM

    Take plenty of time to relax and enjoy!

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LOPEYP 10/18/2011 10:06PM

    Be sure to take some photos of the flowers... in addition to the bride and groom!

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FLORIDASUN 10/18/2011 8:31PM

    You sound soooo happy and excited. I'm cheering you on for the big event and we all just CAN'T wait to share the pictures.

I know the food will be delectable and healthy too with you at the helm. Lucky son, lucky new daughter-in-law! emoticon

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CANOGAPARKGAL 10/18/2011 1:43PM

    I'm SO impressed you have time to update your blog. Thanks for sharing the step by step - we almost feel like we are there!

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ZELLAZM 10/18/2011 7:38AM

    OK, somebody has to say it - Mum's the word!
emoticon

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LYNMEINDERS 10/18/2011 4:50AM

    This wedding is going to be so awesome....
so looking forward to seeing photos.....

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LUCKYDOGFARM 10/17/2011 11:37PM

    it's gonna be beautiful! looking forward to the pics!

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CINDHOLM 10/17/2011 9:12PM

    Looking forward to seeing the pictures..

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TIGGER622 10/17/2011 5:25PM

    Ooooh I can't WAIT to see pictures!!!

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Day 22 of Daily Reporting.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Saturday

Calories
Eaten 675
BMR* 1,548
Exercise 0
Total Burned 1,548
Differential -873

Food and Exercise: Ate almost nothing yesterday while doing my 11 hour drive. I think I was afraid that if I ate, then I would have to be stopping all the time to go to the bathroom. I know it's not good to undereat....it puts me into starvation mode. Not a good thing.

Life and All: I loved the new navigation system on my smartphone. The car I drove down doesn't have those bells and whistles. Speaking of bells and whistles, SP's diet tracker app is great! It has a bar code reader AND I can also enter food by saying out loud what I'm looking for.....and it finds it!!!

Now there is really no excuse not to track.

Same way with entering weight into SP on the phone. No excuses....it's too easy to do!

The weather forecast is sunny and cool for the wedding day! It will be great for a wedding on the deck.

Have a great day Sparkfriends!
Kay

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TIGGER622 10/17/2011 2:06PM

    YAY Everything is coming together! And you teach me yet again about a new SP app! You are truly a SP marketeer!!! Have a great week!

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ZELLAZM 10/17/2011 11:41AM

    Happy to hear the weather is looking good. Fall colors for the wedding photos, too?

You're making me want a smart phone LOL...but I'm fine as is with my stupid one ;)

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FLORIDASUN 10/17/2011 9:44AM

    Oh...you must have the new seri system...the hubs is SO wanting that! I think we might spring for a set for Christmas. But...then...I keep thinking maybe we should wait for the new I-phone 5 coming. That's the problem...as soon as you get one model they come out with something else that's even cooler...grhhhh...the great American way...keep em buying! emoticon

Oh... and I just read an article the other day in a magazine (sorry, I'd have to look it up to tell you which one) but it said that the true way to keep your body losing was to keep it guessing by one day eating low, low calories, and the next day ramping them up. I'll do some more reading and let you know. emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/17/2011 9:46:15 AM

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SHIRLEYDILLARD 10/16/2011 7:56PM

    I haven't even tried the speaking the food I'm looking for yet. Have to give that a try.

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SLIMMERJESSE 10/16/2011 5:59PM

    Wow, is this the wedding weekend already? Hope it was wonderful and wishing your son and wife a fabulous life together.

How cool is that smartphone! Let's invent a model that cleans the house, how's that?

Big hug.

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Day 20 and 21 of Daily Reporting

Friday, October 14, 2011

Thursday
Calories
Eaten 746
BMR* 1,549
Exercise 0
Total Burned 1,549
Differential -803
Freggies: 6
Water: 4

Friday


Calories
Eaten 1,235
BMR* 1,549
Exercise 61
Total Burned 1,610
Differential -375

Freggies 1
Water 4

Food and exercise: Today, I knew I was going to be real busy, so I got up first thing and did 10 minutes on the TM just to get some exercise in. My food has been sort of on the light side because I've been preoccupied with getting things done in advance of my drive down to Tennessee tomorrow for my son's wedding. Tracking has made me more aware of how I'm missing meals.

Life and all: It's been busy, but for the most part, it's been a good kind of busy. My son's wedding is at my house in Tennessee next Saturday. Mom is moving into assisted living 10 days after that. Now, it appears that she may have a buyer for her house. That's great news in this economy, but it also means my brother and I are going to have to get the WHOLE HOUSE emptied out....pronto! We were kind of thinking it would be on the market for a while and we could empty it out over a period of several months.

I feel like I just did something like that last spring when I helped my boys with The Great Decluttering Project. Actually, emptying out my parent's house will probably be easier than what I did last spring.

It's all good... when we get through these next few weeks, I'm hoping the whirlwind will die down a little. One good thing about the emptying out the house project is that it is such a physical job, that I won't have any problem keeping my calorie burn up.

Tomorrow, I'll be driving 11 hours by myself down to Tennessee. What fun! NOT!!

It will give me plenty of time to chill out!


emoticon

Kay

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLORIDASUN 10/30/2011 4:17PM

    Hi Kay...wow...and I thought MY life was busy. I surely come in 2nd to yours! I'm so thrilled that your mother decided to move into assisted living and that you might have a buyer is amazing! Once you dive into the clean out...it will come like second nature since you are an old pro by now. Maybe that project happened to get you started and ready for this one? Amazing how life can throw some angles at you that later come in handy huh?

I don't blame you on the long drive by yourself. There is NOTHING fun about that, but you can use the time to make your mental lists and hopefully you'll have a good book on tape to listen to. I love road trips where you can listen to books!

I'll be with you in spirit rooting you on. Just DON'T forget to eat...you need your nutrition to stay on track energetically!

Hugs!

emoticon Everything will be amazing! Be sure to post some pics! emoticon

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PURPLEALLY 10/15/2011 11:36PM

    Man! Life has been coming at you lately, hasnt it!!!!
You are strong and are handling it but I am looking forward to the time when you get thru this and you are able to have time to relax and breathe. Thanks for sharing your journey.

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ZELLAZM 10/15/2011 6:25PM

    Catching up on Kay - hard to keep track of what state you're in lately! Hope it's a safe trip!

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SHIRLEYDILLARD 10/15/2011 3:12PM

    Hope you have beautiful weather for the wedding. I'm sure the next week will fly by!

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JERSEYGIRL24 10/14/2011 11:33PM

    Have a good trip!! I still want to talk; maybe after the wedding is best. I think evenings are best for me but I am never sure; that's a good part of the reason why I haven't gotten back to you. I do hope all is well. I can understand how an 11 hour drive by yourself would not be fun, but it will give you some alone time, which may be good. Do you have any tapes/Ipod/music/books you can listen to? I love listening to books on long trips (though it may be too late for this advice at this point).

Talk soon.

Leslie

P.S. My mother is driving me up a wall, even though she is not living here anymore. I can't believe this but in some ways she is turning out to be a bigger problem than my dad.

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Day 19 of daily reporting

Thursday, October 13, 2011

Wednesday:

Calories
Eaten 856
BMR* 1,548
Exercise 71
Total Burned 1,619
Differential -763

Freggies 5
Water 4

Life and all: Started out the day by having a very frustrating conversation with my mom...not fun. Fortunately, I didn't eat over it. My husband helped to get things straightened out. Thank goodness for understanding husbands!

I got a new smartphone and had fun yesterday setting up new apps. It's a whole new world out there!

emoticon

Kay

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHIRLEYDILLARD 10/14/2011 7:07AM

    Try astrid tasks for being organized on your phone emoticon

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CANOGAPARKGAL 10/14/2011 1:31AM

    You are indeed fortunate to have such a supportive hubby. AND you didn't eat over it - emoticon

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JAMBABY0 10/13/2011 8:00PM

    Mom's can be frustrating, but my advise is cherish her for as as long as you have her, because life is short and I would give anything to be frustrated by mine again, I miss her so much, everyday and she will have been gone for 9 years come Halloween. Good luck on your journey!

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