Saturday, July 21, 2012
It has been a long time since I've entered a blog on my spark page as well as be an emotional wreck due to making poor decisions lately. I don't want to turn to food for comfort. Writing it out should make me feel better. Then I'll do my cardio for the day! I have just realized that after 7 years that I don't matter to my partner. Since being with him I no longer live as freely as I would like. As a child my home was always spotless...and everything in its place. At first I could keep up with the daily house needs, but since I started trying to focus on myself things within the home and my relationship have spun out of control. I feel more like a roommate than a partner. Having a conversation with him about how I feel somehow becomes a conversation about him. If I point out why I'm upset, he explains why he did what he did because of something that was experiencing. No apology, not acknowledgement of the words that I have said. That is just one of many issues I have. I can't say we because as far as he's concerned everything's fine. The only positive image I have is that my daughter loves her dad. She's 12 and up until now I often told myself 6 more years and leaving him will not devastate her once she's older. Hopefully she would be in a better place maturity wise at that age.
Well it's getting late and I don't want to waist an entire day worrying. But, I do have one question. He had a life before me...a marriage and 3 kids who are now adults. He has yet to sever ties with an aunt of his ex-wife. Neither his ex nor his adult children deal with the aunt. Today our plans were pushed back because she has relatives coming to town, doesn't drive and has asked him to be her driver. Plus I found a map quest to a restaurant in the town where her brother lives. She hasn't seen him in over a year, the visiting relatives want to see him. So this isn't just a visit it's a whole day. My question is, should he continue to have ties with the ex's family when they don't? If so, why am I so upset that I can't keep my breakfast down? If you have kind heart it's ok to help someone out once in a while, but this is too far.