Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Got a cold this past Wednesday. Ate that day, but since then I've barely had a bite of anything, all because I simply don't like to plug myself up with food when I'm sick, plus it seems to always make me get sicker when I do eat. I wanted to get nutrients in to help my cells with this though, so I've been drinking a quart a day of fresh veggie juice--excellent! I have a juicer but I'm just not feeling up to all the prep work & cleanup involved in juicing right now; luckily I found a place within walking distance that makes juices; somewhat limited though not really. I create an order that works for me.
Apple, celery, beet, lemon & ginger--a whole quart--Yum!
So I've been doing that since Thursday. Saturday I went with a friend to an organic place & had a quart of apple, cucumber, cabbage, celery, spinach, tomato, lemon and ginger--yum again! (Odd to add in the tomato but I just thought I'd try it; it worked! Yum. :) )
Despite all that I'm still sick. I've actually lost my voice & can't even talk. No sounds come out of me beyond an occasional super harsh whisper. It's too difficult anyhow to try and talk. The weight's dropping off though... :) I've been wondering when I'd start fasting again. I don't feel this is an "official" fast, but it's nice anyhow. Wish I'd just get well! I already took off 3 days from work, (will be reflected on 2 different paychecks.) I worked yesterday, 2 days off right now, then 2 day shifts scheduled next. Hopefully i can at least talk by then! After that it's possible I'll have 2 night shifts, then a day shift... will find out tomorrow. Simply can't afford to take more time off from work! The job's very physically demanding. Also stressful. Still okay though. :)
Friday, July 09, 2010
Not probably what one would think...
The "one more hr, one more hr" relates to one more hour till I can go pick up my paycheck. I simply can't wait! I have worked sooo hard for the past 3 weeks! (Two weeks for this paycheck, 1 week for the next one two weeks later.) I just came off working a solid 8 days straight, with the week before 6 days straight, with only one day off between both stints. Not all days were 8 hr days, some were 7 hrs, some 5 hrs, one 4 hour one. Some were a full 8 hrs, as over 5 hrs there's a 35 min unpaid break, but sometimes I worked an extra 30-35 minutes so I was able to pick up those "lost paycheck minutes."
I'm sooo exhausted. Been trying to sleep, sleep, sleep the past 3 days to get back to feeling normal. The hours I work aren't normal; they're all over the place. Going in at 10 am, noon, 2 pm, 4pm, 6 pm, 10 pm; working till 6 pm, 8 pm, 10 pm, midnight, 1 am, 2 am--with Every Single Day a varied start/end time. Sometimes get off at 2 am, back to work by noon the next day, etc. Wasn't necessarily scheduled for all those days of work. Had days off scheduled but got (luckily!) called in to fill shifts for co-workers who couldn't make their shifts.
I have been struggling trying to get enough hrs, shifts per week in order to survive. Many times just get scheduled for 1-2 days per week, but then am able to pick up another day or two per week to fill-in for those who can't make it. But I'll get called sometimes with a request of: "how soon can you get here?" Wonderful, but also makes me very jittery as I can't relax every hour of every day hoping I'll get called, or else plans for the day/time need to be *immediately* shelved. Whenever I usually go check the new schedule that's posted once a week I get a gut-wrenching, disheartening feeling looking at how little I'm scheduled to work per week, knowing that I can't relax & write on my book or exercise or eat well since I'm just going to have to (once again) keep hustling for hours for the week to make enough in the ensuing paycheck so that I can survive.
Last week though I was called into the office & "promoted" of sorts. After 9 months on the job I was finally given a set schedule of 5 days per week! Late evenings mostly, and only 6 hrs each day, (minus the 35 min unpaid break), but the best part is that now I'll KNOW when I'm to work, I can work a REAL WORKABLE SCHEDULE for my "own life" around this, I won't have that gut-wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach week-to-week-to-week around this anymore, etc, etc, etc.
Two big problems still loom with this, but I'll blog about them later.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Have been going through HELL for the longest, longest, LONGEST time. For almost 2 entire years now. Have been living in hideous survival financial ruin mode for just about 2 yrs now. It has RUINED my ability to function normally. I have simply NOT been my positive, upbeat, loving self whom I love SO MUCH all this time. I have become a stranger to myself, to my friends, to anyone I ever knew here & really cared about. I don't care about myself anymore, I don't care about life, I have no dreams, no goals, no purpose, no function. The threat of homelessness or worse is always on my doorstep, daily. I never know what's going to happen from day to day, in a painful financial way, so I live with a constant heavy heart & dread. This is not good. I've gained weight behind it, of course. Ugly bumps & lumps I cannot stand. But worse is the dread, the daily, daily dread of not knowing HOW I'm ever going to make it again & be able to afford to live. Jobs--all I can get now are hideous barely above minimum wage type jobs like housekeeping. They destroy my back, my kidneys. No time to drink water even. Just work, work, work, work, work. Hard HARD A$$ physical labor that is painful beyond belief. I just quit one job, will start a new one in another week. "In training" right now with a bunch of others. Management claims this job is going to be "fun", but I already dread it like crazy. And it's only part time, but constant varying shifts so it would make it hard to have/find a compatible 2nd job. But yes, I HAVE TO take it. As soon as I pay the rest of this month's bills I'll be back to living on accumulated change--which I've had to do so many, many times in this 2 yrs.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
I'm just in limbo, living in limbo, "trying" to get things together. My place is still a mess, a disaster, I'm (Thank God!!!!) working 2 jobs. Still not enough to pay all bills just yet but I'm at least I'm no longer needing to seriously consider homelessness (or worse) as options. I can breathe and sleep well now on a daily basis. :) (And even turn down work if need be right now. I'm no longer feeling so desperate that I'm on the verge of total ruin, annihilation.)
The flip side is that I've GAINED weight back-- but I can't deal with that right now. I've got too much else on my plate I'm trying to deal with at the moment.
Nothing else to say right now. (Well actually there's LOTS to say, but I've got to get on with my day.) Sorry for such an insignificant blog. I normally want to really let my heart out. :) Still have to say though (of such *great significance*) that I still LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my 2nd job! It's just so wonderful beyond all words for me. I am happy every single day that I go there, I never, ever want to leave, I want to keep working, working, working on my projects every day when my shift is over--I just don't want to leave there. I walk around on "cloud 9" every day that I'm there. :) the supervisor above "my supervisor" saw me & asked how things were going on the job for me the other day. I answered (in true & total honesty, without a moment's hesitation) "Perfect!" He was shocked. He said, "That's not the answer I was expecting." I just LOVE my job! (my 2nd job)
Oh... someone at my 1st job gave me his card yesterday with his email address, told me to email him my resume for a job where he's at for when my 1st job goes into hiatus in March. Pretty cool! :) Not that I have anything I can seriously put on a resume. (I'm working on a hit TV talk show, he's working on a hit TV reality show. BOTH shows I'm seriously interested in working on. And there's a 3rd one too--AI, and then maybe even a 4th or 5th one too.) I'm "bitten", smitten, by the film industry--only! :) If I could I'd like to bump myself up to editor, (or assistant editor if nothing else.) But then story exec producer would be good too. :) (One can dream, haha.) I'm trained in it all from film school, but that was long ago and I've got no "working experience" to put on a resume at this point.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Just don't know what else to say--I love it so much.
Back off the holiday hiatus & I'm definitely still there--whoo hoo! :) :) During the holidays managed to get 11 out of 14 days work with my 1st job, so that paycheck was a God send. :) :) I'm choosing now to only work 2 days a week on that job--any more & it's just too physically taxing. I'm not going to put myself through that anymore. I'm not going to play head games with myself by saying "well if I could just get 'one more shift' during the week, (one more-one more, adding up to several) I could pull in more money." It's just not physically healthy or worth it any longer. It's time to start checking into something else, another career path instead of that one! My 2nd job that I love SO MUCH will be ending sometime in March. (sob, sob) I'll deal with that when the time starts getting closer, but for now I'm just loving every single day that I'm there, every waking moment I'm working there, every time I even drive onto the lot & walk around there. (This is Hollywood & I'm on a movie lot--whoo hoo yay!! smile, smile)
Otherwise through my (situational only!) depression I've now put on TONS of weight all over again, am/feel FAT, and have to deal with all that again soon--bummer! But that's another story, another blog, another day. It's one day at a time for me now, working to get settled financially, working to declutter my place--all over again!, working to try & get my writing in focus, front & center. 2008 has been a very, very difficult year for me, but I'm already seeing hope in 2009 where there hasn't been any hope for even LIFE for me all last year.
Love so much,
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