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"Forced Fasting"...of sorts; and lost my voice

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Got a cold this past Wednesday. Ate that day, but since then I've barely had a bite of anything, all because I simply don't like to plug myself up with food when I'm sick, plus it seems to always make me get sicker when I do eat. I wanted to get nutrients in to help my cells with this though, so I've been drinking a quart a day of fresh veggie juice--excellent! I have a juicer but I'm just not feeling up to all the prep work & cleanup involved in juicing right now; luckily I found a place within walking distance that makes juices; somewhat limited though not really. I create an order that works for me.

Apple, celery, beet, lemon & ginger--a whole quart--Yum! emoticon

So I've been doing that since Thursday. Saturday I went with a friend to an organic place & had a quart of apple, cucumber, cabbage, celery, spinach, tomato, lemon and ginger--yum again! (Odd to add in the tomato but I just thought I'd try it; it worked! Yum. :) )

Despite all that I'm still sick. emoticon I've actually lost my voice & can't even talk. No sounds come out of me beyond an occasional super harsh whisper. It's too difficult anyhow to try and talk. The weight's dropping off though... :) I've been wondering when I'd start fasting again. I don't feel this is an "official" fast, but it's nice anyhow. Wish I'd just get well! I already took off 3 days from work, (will be reflected on 2 different paychecks.) I worked yesterday, 2 days off right now, then 2 day shifts scheduled next. Hopefully i can at least talk by then! After that it's possible I'll have 2 night shifts, then a day shift... will find out tomorrow. Simply can't afford to take more time off from work! The job's very physically demanding. Also stressful. Still okay though. :)


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NOMORESTALLING 9/28/2010 12:38AM

    Sorry to hear you're under the weather.

Just keep doing what you're doing girl! It's the best thing you can do. And drink a lot of fluids besides the vegggie juice. Here's another hot green tea, ginger and natural honey and lemon. Cleared me right up.
emoticon emoticon

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One more hour, one more hour...

Friday, July 09, 2010

Not probably what one would think...

The "one more hr, one more hr" relates to one more hour till I can go pick up my paycheck. I simply can't wait! I have worked sooo hard for the past 3 weeks! (Two weeks for this paycheck, 1 week for the next one two weeks later.) I just came off working a solid 8 days straight, with the week before 6 days straight, with only one day off between both stints. Not all days were 8 hr days, some were 7 hrs, some 5 hrs, one 4 hour one. Some were a full 8 hrs, as over 5 hrs there's a 35 min unpaid break, but sometimes I worked an extra 30-35 minutes so I was able to pick up those "lost paycheck minutes."

I'm sooo exhausted. Been trying to sleep, sleep, sleep the past 3 days to get back to feeling normal. The hours I work aren't normal; they're all over the place. Going in at 10 am, noon, 2 pm, 4pm, 6 pm, 10 pm; working till 6 pm, 8 pm, 10 pm, midnight, 1 am, 2 am--with Every Single Day a varied start/end time. Sometimes get off at 2 am, back to work by noon the next day, etc. Wasn't necessarily scheduled for all those days of work. Had days off scheduled but got (luckily!) called in to fill shifts for co-workers who couldn't make their shifts.

I have been struggling trying to get enough hrs, shifts per week in order to survive. Many times just get scheduled for 1-2 days per week, but then am able to pick up another day or two per week to fill-in for those who can't make it. But I'll get called sometimes with a request of: "how soon can you get here?" Wonderful, but also makes me very jittery as I can't relax every hour of every day hoping I'll get called, or else plans for the day/time need to be *immediately* shelved. Whenever I usually go check the new schedule that's posted once a week I get a gut-wrenching, disheartening feeling looking at how little I'm scheduled to work per week, knowing that I can't relax & write on my book or exercise or eat well since I'm just going to have to (once again) keep hustling for hours for the week to make enough in the ensuing paycheck so that I can survive.

Last week though I was called into the office & "promoted" of sorts. After 9 months on the job I was finally given a set schedule of 5 days per week! Late evenings mostly, and only 6 hrs each day, (minus the 35 min unpaid break), but the best part is that now I'll KNOW when I'm to work, I can work a REAL WORKABLE SCHEDULE for my "own life" around this, I won't have that gut-wrenching feeling in the pit of my stomach week-to-week-to-week around this anymore, etc, etc, etc.

Two big problems still loom with this, but I'll blog about them later.

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PETILLE007 9/10/2010 8:10PM

    Congratulation for this improvement and many more underway!

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    I'm happy to see things are turning around for you SIERRA!
I'm hoping things will start doing the same for Walt and I soon too. I hate being tight financially and have the phone ringing from this one and that one.......
I've started the ball rolling but it doesn't actually start until next Friday. One more week GF One more week!

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Saturday, October 17, 2009

Have been going through HELL for the longest, longest, LONGEST time. For almost 2 entire years now. Have been living in hideous survival financial ruin mode for just about 2 yrs now. It has RUINED my ability to function normally. I have simply NOT been my positive, upbeat, loving self whom I love SO MUCH all this time. I have become a stranger to myself, to my friends, to anyone I ever knew here & really cared about. I don't care about myself anymore, I don't care about life, I have no dreams, no goals, no purpose, no function. The threat of homelessness or worse is always on my doorstep, daily. I never know what's going to happen from day to day, in a painful financial way, so I live with a constant heavy heart & dread. This is not good. I've gained weight behind it, of course. Ugly bumps & lumps I cannot stand. But worse is the dread, the daily, daily dread of not knowing HOW I'm ever going to make it again & be able to afford to live. Jobs--all I can get now are hideous barely above minimum wage type jobs like housekeeping. They destroy my back, my kidneys. No time to drink water even. Just work, work, work, work, work. Hard HARD A$$ physical labor that is painful beyond belief. I just quit one job, will start a new one in another week. "In training" right now with a bunch of others. Management claims this job is going to be "fun", but I already dread it like crazy. And it's only part time, but constant varying shifts so it would make it hard to have/find a compatible 2nd job. But yes, I HAVE TO take it. As soon as I pay the rest of this month's bills I'll be back to living on accumulated change--which I've had to do so many, many times in this 2 yrs.

  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

DARINGDIVA 11/27/2009 11:27PM

    I am sorry to hear of your troubles. I am one gal who understands more than you know. I've been through Hell in my time. Jobless, joyless, moneyless, friendless, and homeless. Here's the good news: there's life on the other side. I now have a roof over my head, the utilities are on, and there's food in the fridge. You can make it through, too. Forget about worrying about how awful your next job is going to be, and replaying how terrible things have been the past two years. Those thoughts just make us anxious and depressed, so steer clear of them. Instead, just think about making it through today. The way out of ANY situation, no matter how terrible, is always taken one step at a time.

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SKILILY34 10/29/2009 6:27PM

    It sounds pretty trite, but try not to worry about the future. It's too overwhelming. All you ever have to do is make it through one day.

I'm not really a Christian, but I think there's a quote in the bible somewhere about the ravens doing nothing but cavorting all day and God still provides for them. I think that kind of religious faith can help a lot, but it's also just interesting to think that for two thousand years people have been counselling others about living in the present and not worrying about the future.

Best of luck to you - it sounds like you could really use some good luck!

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DINY123 10/24/2009 11:17PM

    I am thinking good thoughts for you- that this new job be fun and uplifting for you and you can see your potential in it- I see you are a member of THE SECRET team- I really hope you read some of the threads over there- YOU R NOT Alone- and be confident that good things are coming your way- I know these good thoughts are!

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ZZYYGGY 10/23/2009 10:41AM

    Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers but any job is what you make of it. I love the story above about the cleaning woman and it fits. I have been a hotel room cleaner for the last 15 years and yes it's a killer some days and I can barely move after cleaning, but it's also a very rewarding job when you bring God or your spiritual higher self into it. Just think of the tired and weary traveler who's day will be brighten up when they come into a clean room. I know it's hard when you're already having a hard time I've been there myself but reach out to people like you have been, and take it one moment at a time. you will survive this, and you need to for yourself.

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VICIOUS421 10/23/2009 9:37AM

    Sorry to hear about your situation, a lot of people are finding theirselves where you are. I know that doesn't make it any better or easier for you though. I hope your situation improves. Look into outside help, there are agencies in almost every town that will help you out when you are in a bad way. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Sometimes help comes from the most unexpected people and places. Good luck.

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KRISLEWIS48 10/23/2009 2:22AM

    Hi, Sierra--
I was sorry to read your recent blog, but at the same time glad to hear from you on the old Spark again. Your plight reminded me of myself some years ago, fighting to keep a roof over our heads and really struggling to keep my son fed and secure. Under the circumstances it was really hard for me to keep a positive spirit and not give in to despair. I was feeling like a failure (I had two college degrees, but couldn't find a job anywhere, so I was working 2, 3, sometimes 4 part-time labor jobs) and still I couldn't seem to make ends meet. I was physically and emotionally exhausted.

On one of my worst days, a wonderful lady shared an experience with me that made a profound difference in my perspective on menial labor. I'll briefly share her experience with you here in hopes that it will give you some encouragement, too. The lady, who was an older Japanese woman visiting in the US, told my friends and me that she was currently the CEO of a huge technology company (you would recognize the name immediately if I told you), but that she had started with the company as custodian working with a crew cleaning the dozens of bathrooms in the huge company building. She said she had not had the opportunity for much education and was very glad to have any job...even cleaning bathrooms. She made a determination to be the most thorough, the most reliable, the most short the best restroom cleaner that the company every had. Well, it was inevitable that her great work ethic and exemplary attitude would come to the notice of the building management, and before long she was promoted to a cleaning supervisor. As a cleaning supervisor, she was very grateful and made a determination to be the most trusted, the highest regarded by the other cleaners, the most proactive...the very best cleaning supervisor the company every had. She was so valued as a supervisor by the building management, that when a management position came up in the mail room, she was offered the position, which she accepted. Again, she determined to be the best manager, have the most efficient department, the most satisfied employees, etc. As a member of the Building Management Team she was afforded opportunities to be of service to the company management and owners, who were consistently impressed with her attitude and moved her from building management to company management where she eventually worked her way, through exemplary company service, to the highest position in the company.

Over the years, no matter what job I have had--good or bad--I have always been influenced by her story, and did my best to do the best job I possibly could. I am passing this story on to you in hope that you, like me, will be able to think of those miserable little in-the-meantime jobs as stepping stones to success. I know that if you grit your teeth, smile, and do the best job you possibly can, your efforts will be noticed and fortune will rain down upon you.

Hang in there, Sierra. We all care about you and have faith that you will emerge victorious.

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DOLLYBABE57 10/22/2009 6:30PM

    I have missed you so much and been worried. I am so sorry for your troubles I will pray for you and keep you always in my thoughts.

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CAPECODBABE 10/22/2009 3:38PM

    You will be in my prayers. Try and keep a positive attitude and lean on friends for support. That's what true friends are for. Things will come around.

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ATV-NANCY 10/22/2009 12:24PM

You get a prize for sharing that
thanks for taking the time to type out your thoughts. Been there!

Comment edited on: 10/22/2009 12:25:08 PM

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SACTOKAREN 10/22/2009 10:44AM

    You are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope the new job is better than you expect and that a secondary job makes it's way to you. There are always direct sales, such as Avon (which I've done for years,) Tupperware, etc. that might be an answer for you.


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FLORIDASUN 10/22/2009 8:12AM

    My heart is with you dear shames me to say that this happens in America! I think more people are in your boat than would ever dare to could be do not feel that you are alone! When things seem the sometimes seems that more stuff just piles on...I'm soooo sorry and wish I had the capacity to swoop in and save you.

First, realize that there are many agencies that can help you...start a concentrated effort to find them...ask my Spark buddy Carolyn..she is a wealth of information on that subject and she has a heart bigger than the universe...reach out to your Sparkie friends and I thank you for doing so with this post...some one some where will give you the information you need to help you along this difficult path...there is help...and you are not alone...maybe call Legal Aid in your area to help save your NOT leave your home..I just read an article about a Representative in Minn. telling her constituents NOT to leave their homes..the sheriff's department was not forcing them's a crime of greed putting people out on the streets..I deplore those greedy banks for not working with the homeowners and then selling it for pennies on a dollar to some stranger...I wish I could change your life right now..but YOU can...just don't give up...we are all here for you dear one..stay in need our support right now... emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 10/22/2009 8:25:24 AM

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KYRRDIS 10/22/2009 7:19AM

    Sometimes, life demands that we go into survival mode. Please don't beat yourself up any more for the things you haven't been able to do, or for a shortness in temper. We understand.

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JESPAH 10/22/2009 5:58AM

    I'm so sorry to read this, I had no idea.

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PAMTHEDREAMER 10/21/2009 10:59PM

    I am just so sorry Sierra! I don't know what to say-guess there isn't anything to say. I will keep you in my thoughts/prayers. FWIW-Please know I am here. emoticon


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In limbo

Saturday, February 14, 2009

I'm just in limbo, living in limbo, "trying" to get things together. My place is still a mess, a disaster, I'm (Thank God!!!!) working 2 jobs. Still not enough to pay all bills just yet but I'm at least I'm no longer needing to seriously consider homelessness (or worse) as options. I can breathe and sleep well now on a daily basis. :) (And even turn down work if need be right now. I'm no longer feeling so desperate that I'm on the verge of total ruin, annihilation.)

The flip side is that I've GAINED weight back-- but I can't deal with that right now. I've got too much else on my plate I'm trying to deal with at the moment.

Nothing else to say right now. (Well actually there's LOTS to say, but I've got to get on with my day.) Sorry for such an insignificant blog. I normally want to really let my heart out. :) Still have to say though (of such *great significance*) that I still LOVE, LOVE, LOVE my 2nd job! It's just so wonderful beyond all words for me. I am happy every single day that I go there, I never, ever want to leave, I want to keep working, working, working on my projects every day when my shift is over--I just don't want to leave there. I walk around on "cloud 9" every day that I'm there. :) the supervisor above "my supervisor" saw me & asked how things were going on the job for me the other day. I answered (in true & total honesty, without a moment's hesitation) "Perfect!" He was shocked. He said, "That's not the answer I was expecting." I just LOVE my job! (my 2nd job)

Oh... someone at my 1st job gave me his card yesterday with his email address, told me to email him my resume for a job where he's at for when my 1st job goes into hiatus in March. Pretty cool! :) Not that I have anything I can seriously put on a resume. (I'm working on a hit TV talk show, he's working on a hit TV reality show. BOTH shows I'm seriously interested in working on. And there's a 3rd one too--AI, and then maybe even a 4th or 5th one too.) I'm "bitten", smitten, by the film industry--only! :) If I could I'd like to bump myself up to editor, (or assistant editor if nothing else.) But then story exec producer would be good too. :) (One can dream, haha.) I'm trained in it all from film school, but that was long ago and I've got no "working experience" to put on a resume at this point.


  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

FLORIDASUN 10/22/2009 8:18AM

    Dearest Sierra...never, ever, ever give up on your dreams...somewhere out of the universe you will meet your angel..who will help you...don't give up! emoticon

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Love, Love, LOVE my 2nd job!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

Just don't know what else to say--I love it so much. emoticon

Back off the holiday hiatus & I'm definitely still there--whoo hoo! :) :) During the holidays managed to get 11 out of 14 days work with my 1st job, so that paycheck was a God send. :) :) I'm choosing now to only work 2 days a week on that job--any more & it's just too physically taxing. I'm not going to put myself through that anymore. I'm not going to play head games with myself by saying "well if I could just get 'one more shift' during the week, (one more-one more, adding up to several) I could pull in more money." It's just not physically healthy or worth it any longer. It's time to start checking into something else, another career path instead of that one! My 2nd job that I love SO MUCH will be ending sometime in March. (sob, sob) I'll deal with that when the time starts getting closer, but for now I'm just loving every single day that I'm there, every waking moment I'm working there, every time I even drive onto the lot & walk around there. (This is Hollywood & I'm on a movie lot--whoo hoo yay!! smile, smile)

Otherwise through my (situational only!) depression I've now put on TONS of weight all over again, am/feel FAT, and have to deal with all that again soon--bummer! But that's another story, another blog, another day. It's one day at a time for me now, working to get settled financially, working to declutter my place--all over again!, working to try & get my writing in focus, front & center. 2008 has been a very, very difficult year for me, but I'm already seeing hope in 2009 where there hasn't been any hope for even LIFE for me all last year.

Love so much,


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LOSING4GOODLIFE 1/28/2009 7:43AM

    Hi Sierra: I'm guessing the 2nd job that is taxing is the massage? I got laid off from my store job that I loved, loved, loved. Too bad, but I saw it coming. Store just not making enough money to support owner plus 4 part time clerks. I am registered with an employment agency now and hoping to get some temp work. They say that's the way of the future. Who knows? We are surviving one day at a time and we have to be happy with that for now. I don't think any of us will have the security of the 80's and 90's again. - Wendy 10moretolose

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