Monday, March 25, 2013
Sabotage comes in many forms. Friends and family... strangers... and from yourself. Lately I feel like I've been giving in trying to please everyone and not taking a stand for myself.
I did this with food before... and I got fat.
I'm doing this now with my dissertation... so am I f***ing up my graduation?
Basically, the house is off my worries list. It ate up a chunk of time getting it cleaned and staged. AND dealing with my family coming down to help. That was stress. We heard back on Thursday that it appraised for what we needed it to appraise for (higher than I thought possible) -- so now we're just waiting for the contract and figuring out a closing date. I wouldn't mind getting rid of it sooner (hello less bills!) but I also kind of need it to work on my thesis and focus in a place of calm. So... yea. I have no idea what the plan is there. I should find out soon though.
Last weekend (two ago) I went home to go to a hockey game with TJ for his birthday. It was fun, but I didn't get a lot done and my parents were super crabby with me. (I really don't want to move home, ugh) I also spent time with my dad, TJ, and his stepdad because I knew it would be something they would all enjoy = instead of working on my thesis.
This past Thursday I went home after work to watch the 5 dogs at my parents house (my 2 and their 3) while they went to a wedding in Chicago... I got some stuff done, but not nearly enough. I ended up driving back Saturday though to beat the snow *good thing I did. I managed to get some work stuff done on Sunday, but again = I feel like I'm slacking. Where is my motivation? I'm thinking about making a board to motivate myself. Job, money, new house, wedding = all things that require me to graduate and get off to StL. Pretty good motivation to spend time with TJ on a regular basis... but do to that I have to finish my thesis!
Ugh. So next weekend my parents wanted me to come back again. They're going to Kentucky to get their new boat from the showroom and look at the cabin they are getting built. They're retiring there, so they made some crazy decisions to buy land in Kentucky near the Lake and get a pontoon boat... So they want to go look at their new toys now that they can put it in the water -- but there are 5 dogs at their house. My sister is watching them from Tuesday on, but she wanted me to come home. My friends want me to come home and hang out. TJ wants me to drive in and spend time together.
Finally I was just like NO. No to my parents -- I can't spend 3 weekends in a row in StL. No to my sister = you're going to be there 3 days, what's 4.5? No to TJ = if you want to spend time, drive to my house. No to the bad voices in my head telling me I'm not going to graduate. Hell I want to graduate just to prove my boss wrong.
So with that I'm stopping the sabotage. Food choices lately haven't been horrible. I say that, but they also haven't been great. I'm still not calorie restricting (still waiting on the dumb arm to heal) so I don't feel guilty about my diet. I tried to eat doritos because I was craving them.... gross. Doritos breath and stomach pains = grains are evil!
So I'm on the high-protein train. Its been fun. I'm slowly easing myself into low carb, high protein dieting via a modified Paelo diet. I'm not going keto, that's for sure, at least for now, since I'm healing up -- but I'm thinking about doing it short term to drop some fat off my frame.
Workouts have felt amazing lately. I figure I'm eating at a caloric excess, by a little, so its the perfect time to weight lift and do strength training.
Anyway, that's it. I feel like I've been super busy but not super productive... so I am annoyed with myself. Here's to making it a good week and finishing March out strong!
(Also, not for the faint of heart = here's what my arm wound progress looks like = imgur.com/a/AVdel )
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
I love the Biggest Loser. Yes I know its unrealistic. Yes I know it isn't the healthiest way to lose weight. But did season 11 get my butt off the couch. Yes. Did I apply to be in seasons 10 and 11. Yes. Was I fat enough to be on the Biggest Loser. Yes. Have I lost more on my own than half of the people on the Biggest Loser. Yes.
There comes a point in the show where I see all the women start dropping into the 170s. I get jealous. I feel mean spirited that they have gotten somewhere I haven't gotten yet, the elusive 170s. The I realize these women started in the 230s and 240s. Yes they are shorter than me, but if you look at it overall, I have lost more weight % than they have at that point.
The Biggest Loser updated their Pinterest board with before and after photos of how much weight contestants lost on the show. That gave me a reality check a bit today. I lost a little over 90# on my own. I lost a third of my body weight. That's crazy. I still want to lose more, cause I'm crazy.
So for everyone hating on The Biggest Loser. Shhh... Spark is teaching us to do it the right way. Why hate on something that is clearly a television show? It gives people hope and motivation, that if they work hard -- you can accomplish something. I still use BL as my motivation to get off the couch and workout. I literally can't watch the show without working out or it drives me nuts! Plus if I'm eating bad food, or thinking about bad food, that show helps me to put it aside and go for something healthy.
Now the winners. I LOVE DANNI! I'm so glad she won! Gina... *grumble* I wish Lisa or someone else had won. Gina's attitude just irked me. But did anyone else notice how TWO WOMEN won this season! I was hella proud of the ladies for representing! So anyone lamenting that they didn't lose weight, and its so much easier for men... this just shows again, if you put in the time and effort you can get results.
Now its going to take us a lot longer -- without a dietician, 6 hours a day of workouts, and no job to stress over... sure -- you can do it quick. But Spark is showing us how it can be done FOR LIFE. So perk up. I'm telling myself to STFU. I've done well, and I'm going to do more. Stop comparing myself to women on TV.
Now -- back to work! And for some added motivation... I worked 10 hours yesterday on my thesis/lab work... went home... at a healthy dinner. AND worked out. AND slept six hours. So if I'm fitting it in, so can you ;-)
Sunday, March 17, 2013
I feel like I'm in warp speed right now.
I have 35 days to finish my thesis. I have about... 70-90 days of work (SKAHONEY4U knows what I'm talking about!)... So there's that.
The house inspection was Friday. It went okay. They are asking me to fix the jetted tub jet that works, but not as well as the others... so instead I'm like -- noooope. How's about I just give you the washer/dryer instead. I don't want any more work done. I don't really want to spend any more money on the house. I just want it SOLD! The appraisal is the only thing left. AND its the major decision point, because I'm not confident it will appraise for what we want. But there's no point in worrying about it now.
I just went home for the weekend. I ran to the outlet stores on my way home since I didn't have the dogs in my car with me for once. Apparently I'm a size 12 again at Banana Republic, but still a size 8 at the GAP -- and they're owned by the SAME company. Oh vanity sizing... I just go with what fit. And to throw this for a loop, I fit in a size 8 and a size 10 dress at Banana. So I guess I really AM pear shaped. Silly small boobs. My butts getting a lift from all of the squats though. Speaking of which, I need to do some while I watch the Walking Dead tonight.
Friday I spent at home with the pups and my parents. The dogs were RIDICULOUS when they saw me. You'd think I'd been gone for 2 months and not less than two weeks. I put on a zip up hoodie and they let me put both of them in there to snuggle. (they're 6# and 7#, so yes, I can fit 2 dogs in my hoodie with me ;-) I also went to bed super early and didn't accomplish anything.
Saturday I got up early to go shooting with my dad, TJ, and TJ's step dad. So my dad finally met TJ's mom and step-dad.... so the families have almost met. My mom was going to go, but then opted out because of the cold and didn't really want to meet TJs family yet... Basically as soon as my dad met TJ's stepdad, they did NOT shut up for the next 3 hours. It was pretty funny to watch. TJ also didn't like the fact that my first time ever shooting his gun I had a better grouping than he did. There was some grumbling afoot, and he wasn't as excited when I was better than he was ;-) After that I had lunch at TJs house with his mom also. So my dad also met his mom.
Then we drove back to my house for what seemed like 30 minutes. Cuddled the dogs some more and then I had to rush out for the hockey game. Since we had lunch late we just went to get boozy milkshakes at Bailey's Range and split one hamburger between us. We also decided to hoof it around, so I got a bit of a walk in parking the car, walking to dinner, walking to the Scott Trade Center for the Blues game and then walking back to the parking deck afterwards.
I got TJ Blues/Ducks tickets for his birthday, so we sat in Row K/section 121 -- down by the glass. I spoil that boy! I even wore a Ducks jersey circa 1992 aka the Disney years! No one said anything to me since my 6'7" BF was right next to me. Apparently he's kind of intimidating ;-)
Sunday was also busy. Got up, did some messing around on the computer, cuddled pups, and packed up. I met TJ's best friend in town and his fiancee who was visiting. Then ran to Nordstrom Rack with my mom. She needed to get a dress for a wedding next weekend. She bought one... but it doesn't fit... so she was in a bad mood once she figured that out. I got to the store before her so I picked out a ton of stuff for her to try on like her personal shopper. She ended up finding a silver dress.
I also tried to find a dress to wear since I have 4 weddings to go to this year. A size 14 Jessica Simpson dress fit, but my boobs weren't big enough so it was too big up top. A size 12 Kate Spade dress was too small up top to fit. Then a size 14 dress from another brand was too big, and a 10 was too small, and they didn't have a 12. So... clothing designers suck... but my wallet is happy.
Now I'm back in my house in Columbia -- although I don't know for how much longer it will be mine... I really need to work on my thesis... and this week is super, crazy, busy. I'm also going back to StL next weekend to watch the dogs since my parents are going to a wedding, but I also need to force myself to get some work done!
And work out in the meantime. I did cardio on my treadmill last week. I thought I'd go easy on myself. 30 minutes (with several phone call breaks, 'cause like 4 people called me!) -- at a 5% incline at a speed of 3. Hard because I haven't done it in 3 months, but not impossible. The next day -- charlie horse and a tiiiiiiiiiiiight calf. I didn't stretch it out afterward. Its like I've forgotten everything!
Then the next day I did my 2600 crunches. I use the term "crunch" here liberally. Its more like 6-10 different crunch positions that I do ~500 reps of in bursts of 100. I don't target just one muscle group. I do all the abs including the obliques and some glutes. I haven't done a weighted side crunch in awhile. I was doing 500 on each side with a 20# kettlebell. I only got 300 on each side with a 10# bell, and I swear to god those hurt ALL WEEKEND. I had done some crunches in the weeks previous, but nothing that involved holding weights. Holy crap people, 3 days for those muscles to recover. I am planning on doing more tonight, but not as many. I apparently can't jump in headfirst to my old routine (smacks self upside the head for being Captain Obvious).
But I am coming back. It may be the post-TOM bloat is gone, but my core feels stronger and my waist is more defined. Exercise feels GOOD. Good good. The sore muscles felt GOOD. The stupid arm is ALMOST closed. I almost have an armpit again. So suck it armpit, I'm working out!
Right now I'm going to focus on muscle tone and getting that back, and my cardio endurance. My arms are flabby again. Mainly since I haven't lifted anything since November. My right arm still has some fluid in it, but my left one has no excuse. Its going to get shapely again soon. I mean I didn't go through the arm surgeries to remove excess skin to just let them get flabby! I'm going to get a license for my guns this summer. ;-)
In other news (yea, there's still MORE news). TJ's trying to figure out his budget to see how much he wants to spend on my engagement ring. *cue silly girl happy dance of epic proportions* Apparently since EVERY single person that meets me and him together tells him to "wife me up" immediately, he's gotten more serious. His mom and step dad and two best friends are basically yelling at him for taking his time with me ;-) I like them.
Haha, I'm going to have my mom call the Zoo this week to see how much it costs to get married there. I'm kinda set on it, so hopefully its not too expensive. Okay -- blame Pinterest for me being crazy. You literally CANNOT go on Pinterest and ignore weddings. I have a whole dang board now! I'm a very silly girl. A very silly girl who is deciding to work out and watch TV instead of write. So I'm being productive with one thing right ;-)
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
Well a few burdens have been lifted off my shoulders.
First. My house went on the market yesterday morning. By 11 there was someone looking at it. At five another group looked at it. I had an offer before 4PM. Now it wasn't a great offer, and the buyers want $4k in closing costs, so we couldn't accept it. They raised their offer enough to make us reconsider -- now we're just hoping the house appraises for what they are willing to pay for it.
SO my house is under contract after only being on the market A DAY! And before we went under contract, two more people signed up to view it today. They cancelled later, but still, crazy! So far inspections are Friday, and then the appraisal will be sometime later in March. But until then... we're in the waiting game. I kind of like the fact that a bunch of strangers aren't going to come tearing through... (hello paranoid parrot -- I cleaned my bathrooms again with clorox wipes before I used them)
There was a bit of a back and forth today with some showing scheduled, then unscheduled once the buyers singed our counteroffer -- but no point in thinking about it now... heck its made me LESS worried for god's sake! If this doesn't work out, we know that people WILL want to come look at the house.
In other news -- Monday morning was spent presenting to my lab. Which basically entails my boss interrupting me every 30 seconds for 80 minutes. Yep. It used to annoy me, now I just started talking over him if need be. I had a lot of changes to make before my committee meeting -- but the comments WERE helpful. I DID listen. I then scheduled meetings with like 3 other people I need to meet with to understand the data they gave us or to pick their brain about a possible mechanism to help explain our data... its kind of a mess!
Plus I had to get stuff done in the hood... Plus I had to work on the powerpoint... Plus there were people in my house looking after work so I couldn't go home... So with the offer, deciding to reject the offer, and then the late night offer/counteroffer that went on -- yesterday was soooo busy!
And now today: committee meeting was at 1. Left 2:30-2:45. It went okay. Also helpful. But they didn't really like some of my data. I have holes. I have gaps. I don't have a clear story for my thesis. I do have the ability to prove my own hypotheses are wrong though! That should count for something right? Haha, in science people only want data that makes sense. Ideas and hypothesis that have clear answers. When you get results that make you go, "wait.... what!?" People tend to make you want to do more work to figure it out... except I really do want to graduate.
So my plan is to get the heck out of dodge by May! The committee gave me the go ahead to submit my thesis to them April 19th and defend on April 26th. Sometime in here I am also going to a meeting and two weddings. SO I need to get hustling. Just hearing the YES we will read it made me feel better. So now even though its seven o'clock I feel like I really should just sit at my counter all night and keep working.
WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT I SHOULD DO. I am going to try to avoid turning on the TV at all costs. TV = evil distraction box. Productive/motivated Sara should stay exactly where she is and crank out this thesis.
I was thinking about doing 30 minutes on the treadmill though. I just ate though, and drank a diet soda (dumb) so treadmill RIGHT now would be a bad idea. SO productive it is for now!
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Ahhhhh... I've reached the point where I should be freaking out... but I'm not. I'm presenting tomorrow morning to my lab, then to my committee Tuesday. And I somehow can't get myself moving. I literally feel like I don't care. What. Is. Wrong. With. Me?
I have goofed off all day practically and somewhat yesterday. I reorganized the garage with TJ. For some reason, felt PMSy and slightly annoyed for no reason the whole day Saturday, so I got nothing done. Really. Nothing. Felt like it was okay to take a breather. Then today... same thing. Ugh.
My fitness is down for the last few days. I haven't worked out other than cleaning, so its not like I feel like I'm doing anything productive. I feel so indifferent and blasť about life that I am really starting to weird myself out.
I have no food plan for the week... no work plan for the week... no plan. I think I'm starting to get freaked out by the reality of having people in my house. The listing goes up on the MLS tomorrow, so theoretically people could start coming tomorrow if my broker has people lined up. I picked up after TJ left so that I would stop watching TV and feeling lazy. Only to get back on my laptop and goof off on the internet for like another 90 minutes... *facepalm.
Someone come slap me. Or better yet, freak me out to the point of productivity. I tried just spending 5 minutes working out to get myself going, but that didn't work. My office is officially turned into an office/workout space. Everything is in there all organized so I can use it as needed. My bike is set up. My treadmill is set up (and seriously so dusty it was depressing). The arm looks better again. The doc told me Friday to start stretching it, so I don't lock up my shoulder or let the skin get too tight (really after three months I finally hear that~!).
Ugh... everyone keeps telling me its going to be all right, the committee will let me graduate, but I just won't know until Tuesday afternoon. Perfect time for Shark Week to start right?! Sometimes I think mother nature is one sick bit*h.
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