Friday, February 22, 2013
Yesterday it snowed... and snowed... and snowed... a total of 13"! Plus snow drifts over 2" in my front yard. Ugh.
So I shoveled. I had to. And now my back hurts like a fiend! The plows have yet to reach my street. Apparently the jerks made it all the way to the street over from me and gave up... and haven't been back since! What the heck! I am the last street out here -- so they literally had 2 streets left to plow in my neighborhood and they LEFT!
So I'm stuck. According to the volunteer firefighter across the street -- cars all over my neighborhood are stuck. One neighbor had to ditch his car a mile away and walk to his house... so until the plows decide to come to my street, I officially will be unable to leave my house.
And I have a big experiment to do in lab... and cells that need to be fed. So this whole 4-6" of snow prediction is crap. 13" is not 4"~! The plows in town have gotten most everything cleared, but who knows when the county will come back out to plow my street.... Grr....
One good thing from yesterday -- I submitted a job application and contacted a HR rep on LinkedIN. AND he got back to me! I have a phone interview with him next Thursday to talk about the company and my career goals... which I need to figure out, lol!
I'm going to go get ready for the day -- get my hair done, new bandage on, and try to go shovel some snow and clear my car off again. I got the snow drift off it and turned it on yesterday to melt the ice, but now there's new ice and another 3" of snow on it... and I AM going to lab today. I only have 63 days until my defense, so I don't have time to waste.
And the carpet install... it was supposed to be Saturday. My dad was going to drive to my house today, and TJ was going to drive in after work. So far I've told my dad to wait until I confirm the install and TJ hasn't responded to my texts, so I assume he's stuck in StL traffic on his way to work. I called Home Depot, but there aren't enough people at the store to answer my question. I was told to call back in a few hours.... no joke... so I have no idea if its happening... if I should tell people to come in to town to help... and if I'll get to work.
Oh... can you tell I HATE SNOW!? Ugh... I'm a grumpy cat today. And apparently an adult (or just a crazy grad student) since I can't wait to get to lab!
Thursday, February 21, 2013
One of my problems lately is thinking about cheat food. Cookies, ice cream, burgers... I can have a cheat day right? Oh I can go get Coldstone right? Nope. Stop it. I've been so bad about allowing a treat... which turns into another treat... and another treat.
After I weighed in at 188 last week, I gave myself a mental smack upside the head and audibly went "no duh" about the weight gain. Luckily it was mostly TOM weight gain and water retention from salt. I was back at 184 yesterday after getting all of that crap out of my system.
I'm trying to eat less carbs. Not low-carb yet, 'cause holy crap there are carbs everywhere! So far I've been doing good... I just need to avoid trigger foods while there are men at my house this weekend.
Today is a snow day, heck its a THUNDER SNOW day! So far I've gotten 2" in less than 2 hours and its supposed to snow for another six hours... so... that's gonna suck! My car's outside too since most of my big furniture is in the garage. I just hope this doesn't ruin the carpet install for Saturday. As I said above the "men" coming are my dad and my boyfriend. They still need to rip out the bad carpet and move all the furniture. I haven't been able to help as much as I want to.
For obvious reasons I'm not ripping out carpet, but even being on all fours is practically out of the question. Something about that angle pulls on my underarm skin in a way that just does not feel good. So with everyone in my family yelling at me to not doing anything so I don't hurt my arm, I feel a bit like a bum.
I also realized I own way too much stuff. I'm going to be downsizing from a 3-bedroom house into a bedroom in my parents house. Yikes! I own tooooooooo many pieces of furniture and stuff for this move. I almost can't imagine moving back in with my parents at 28, which I will be in May, but sometimes you just gotta do it to save money. Plus if TJ doesn't want to get an apartment with me ('cause his mommy doesn't approve), I don't want to have all of those bills on my own!
My dad is also retiring in May, but not taking social security until after his birthday in October -- so if I move in with them, I can help them out with the bills. Now this all hinges on me actually getting a job. I really should get off Spark and work on my two job applications. Right now I'm tailoring my CV (curriculum vitae) into a science resume targeted at both of the jobs. I really need to get on the job hunt more... Its starting to freak me out!
My plans for this snow day are to A) submit one job application, B) do a ton of laundry, C) clean the bathrooms, D clean the kitchen, and E) work on the bare bones of the two papers I want to have drafted for my committee meeting in 19 days!
I can do it!
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Why I’m doing it:
I just found a new Tumblr: whyimdoingit.tumblr.com
Basically tumblr is just a website for blogs that are mostly pictures. There’s a lot of Doctor Who fans on there, which is how I got sucked in. There’s also a lot of fitness Tumblrs. Some of them like the one above have fitness motivational pictures, so I like to go check out my Tumblr and Pinterest when I get bored or unmotivated.
Right now I want nothing more that to pick up handweights and do some dang crunches. Since my arm is refusing to heal fast enough, I’m on a complete exercise and diet hiatus. I don’t want to be in pain and stretch my skin (since its not closed) hence the not working out (other than walking, and I’ve been trying to walk more) – and I’m not dieting, because I want my body to put all of the extra energy and nutrition (read fats/protein/vitamins/minerals – not all complete junk) into healing this stupid armpit.
So I’m kinda gross… well okay, I’m a scientist, so gross stuff fascinates me. I’ve been taking photos of my wound at least once a day since this whole thing started. I’ve been planning a Reddit WTF post, but now it’s a really WTF post… (don’t ask, Reddit is a weird, weird website) Anyway, today I noticed an odd circle of new skin growth on the edge of my wound – I looked at yesterday’s photos and it was like two fingers reaching up from the edge – so its really nice to be able to SEE progress, literally as my skin starts closing. That being said, its like a mm in a day… I’ve got about 800 mm to go… so if that could speed up, that’d be great.
The plastic surgeon put me on high dose antibiotics two weeks ago. I’ve finished the course, but I feel like my healing is slowing down. I really don’t want to do another round of antibiotics, so hopefully I’m just imagining stuff.
I had to go on Tumblr today to get some inspiration. The scale was up the last time I stepped on it, but it was TOM + I had eaten a LOT of salt… like five days worth of salt, dang tortilla chips (I have a salt tooth) – and not drank enough water, so hopefully that was a fluke.
I’m making smarter choices in the last few days, but the whole “not dieting” thing is making me feel like I’m about to fall off a cliff. 190 is my official “oh-no-you-didn’t!” point to cut calories like a fiend. I’m close to that. I’ve been bouncing around the mid-180s for the entire year. Up 5, down 5, up 3, down 2, up 4, down 0… up 2…. Eek~! It’s a slippery slope. I’m trying to be around maintence, which is 2100-2400 calories/day based on my age/weight/activity level and my armband. This was at first AMAZING. What, I’m hungry, I can have a *gasp* bagel? And I had dairy. I had ice cream. I even slipped and had a few cheeseburgers. And I felt bad. Literally felt bad in my guts.
So I’ve cut dairy out again. And I’ve been looking into doing Paleo or Keto once I’m outta danger and can diet/exercise again. Keto kind of scares me. As a biochemist I just can’t justify tricking my body like that. If I did it, it would be “keto-lite” as in I would cheat with more carbs from fruits and veggies… which would basically make it Paleo. Gah… diets… For me I think cutting bread out and pasta, which I really don’t eat often, might be a good thing. The no dairy aspect of Paleo is a necessity for me, but dang it, I need a farmer’s market open before this will get cheap and easy.
I don’t know though… I may try keto for a bit just to get below 180. Heck just to get back to 180. I’m hoping this diet/exercise hiatus will kick my body back into weight loss mode. I somehow got my body to lose 90#... but this last 10# has been a battle. And if I want to lose the 20# I’m aiming to lose…. It might just be a battle!
Part of my problem now is that I’ve lost my muscles. Those perdy little rocks under my layer of fat that made me feel good are gone. I can feel my right arm muscles have almost atrophied. I’m trying not to use that arm much. Add in the fluid buildup in that arm and the nerve damage, and I just hope it gets better once the wound closes. When I’m doing experiments in the tissue culture hood, I can barely keep my arm up for more than 10 minutes pipetting before it starts to hurt my shoulder (and yes, I suck at left handed pipetting).
Dear Abs, I miss you…. that is all.
Its hard to explain to someone how badly you want to work out. Now I imagine the Sparkers on here who have gone through an injury know EXACTLY what I mean to feel grumpy about not getting to work out.
I get a little bitter when I watch the Biggest Loser and I can’t work out. I usually workout WHILE watching, I should say. I do consistent things the whole time I watch DVR TV, and no matter what, if I am watching BL, I used to ALWAYS work out. To add insult to my injury, the girls on the show have started to reach the point where they weigh less than me. Now I know this is all TV… I know those girls are probably WAY shorter than me… but it still gets annoying to want to be those girls with a certain number on the scale… and that is NOT how I need to be thinking.
So from now on I’m in planning mode. My arm is healing! This is a good thing!
I’m focusing on what I’m eating. I’m trying to be conscious of what is going into my body.
I’m going to phase out carbs slowly. No white flour or bread if I can help it… and I will cheat… I will slip, I will just choose to limit this.
More fruit! More veggies! (and if you buy them, actually eat them, instead of let them go bad, and then throw them away, and then buy them again!)
So that’s it. I’m going to go home and cook myself some chicken and veggie cheese (never tried it before—I’ll see if I like it) and broccoli for dinner.
I will get back to working out soon. I will strength train the crap out of my body. I will become strong again… and I WILL get to my goal weight in 2013.
[Oh yea, and write my dissertation, two research articles, sell my house, graduate with my PhD, get a job, and move…. In 87 days~!!!!!!!]
Friday, February 15, 2013
I feel like I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster in the past few days.
Monday I had the job-ish interview for a post-doc. It went well, but as expected… yada yada yada I like you but I have no money.
Tuesday I drove back and caught up with my work.
Wednesday I saw my plastic surgeon again. Luckily my wound is getting smaller. It shrank 2cm last week, so instead of being 11cm wide, its only 9cm wide and I can actually see the skin starting to scar in from the outside. Bandage changes still suck. Pain meds are still needed – but its making progress.
Now Thursday… I feel like I should mention is TOM and that + Valentines day = crazy hormones. Plus this was officially the first Valentines Day of my life I have had a BF. A serious BF, one who I know loves me – so I was expecting SOMETHING from him.
I texted him at 7:30 when I got up… something cute and V-day ish. No response…. For an hour and a half, and he only texted me ‘cause he was stuck in traffic. And it wasn’t even V-day related! So needless to say, I was starting to get pissed off. So I assumed, give him time, he’ll do something sweet. Or you know, at least SAY Happy V-day.
So I’m mad at him. Officially mad at him. He didn’t get why I was mad, so I told him. Then I finally had to tell him, ‘hey jerk, want to say happy v-day or something.’ He did, through a picture message he copied of Reddit… I was still mad. My emotions were all over the place. I was basically thinking, I know this guy doesn’t plan anything, like ANYTHING, but I thought he would at least put SOME thought into this. As the day dragged on at work, and people kept texting me or asking me what TJ had done for me, and my response was “NOTHING.” Cue grumpy cat. Seriously. I had like six people ask me. Do you know how annoying it was to be constantly reminded your BF has done nothing for you on Valentine’s Day? Very…
And then I was also mad at myself for getting so into this holiday. Usually I just kind of ignore it. Dress cute, have fun makeup… this year I felt I was entitled to at least a card or something. It didn’t have to be anything expensive. Hell I would have been happy with a Happy V-Day text. (by the way – never got either of those) Where did the independent woman who had survived 27 previous V-days gone? Why was I so upset? I was mad at myself for being upset. I was mad at TJ for sucking at life. It was annoying.
So I went to Ulta to buy makeup to cheer myself up. After browsing for a bit… none of my coupons worked. I was going to buy fancy foundation – the coupon I had won’t work on ANY of the fancy make-up… ever. And I didn’t really need the other thing I grabbed to use my 20% of coupon, so I kind of left the store in a huff. And then proceeded to lose it in my car. I was so annoyed.
So I went home. Curled up around my Pomeranian and just tried to calm down. I literally made myself sick. Super bad headache, nausea, so no emotional eating yesterday…
I eventually watched the Walking Dead from last Sunday and that of all things cheered me up—which tells you what kind of mind state I was in. My one friend Mariah kept trying to drag me out. I got a little bit of a rally in me. Went to change my clothes. And hurt my arm. And felt annoyed at having to wear this massive bandage and ace bandage. And then felt upset again, and then laid on my bed for an hour.
I turned my phone off again. I was just annoyed at the world. Refused to leave. Sat around half-dressed in a robe because F-it. Then TJ called. He was super chipper and perky and reeeeeeeeeeally annoying. I didn’t want to talk to him. I almost didn’t. He blah-blahed about how work was really long and how he was just going home, and how he was busy all day… and I was like… uh huh. Yep. Sure. Nope. Single-word answering him. After that call I just curled up in a ball again.
Then the jacka$$ knocked on my door and gave me flowers. He drove 2 hours to bring me flowers. I was still really mad at him, and I just ended up crying all over him. And yelling at him. It was ridiculous.
I hope he learned his lesson. I don’t like surprises. If I’m having a sh!tty day – then cheer me up and tell me you have a surprise for me. Don’t play this “I’m ignoring you” game and then try to surprise me. I hated it. I hated yesterday. Even though I got to see him, it was too much emotionally for me with TOM and everyone else getting love and attention.
So yes, I saw TJ and I got flowers, but I was miserable yesterday. And it sucked. He got up super early today to drive back for work – and he won’t be spending the weekend now. So it was cute…. Ish…. Eventually… but I still don’t know how I feel about the whole situation…
I really hated yesterday. But I made myself so sick I didn’t emotionally eat… so there’s THAT… I guess…
Happy Cheap Candy Day everyone…
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