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Bad day... Good day... Bad day...

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

What a crappy cycle to be stuck in. I was in the dumps Monday.

Tuesday was definitely better. I got in a sunshiny walk on Monday while the weather was still warm.

Tuesday I woke up and found out that my review article is out of reviewer hell and is going to be published! Yay!

Then I dressed cute... I had to match my rainboots of course. Then I got in a good long walk in the rain. Not as fun, but nice.

Came home -- bam, W2s were finally here. Taxes filed and mailed in this morning. I even sat through a long work meeting and felt like I made progress.

Now today. Today has just suuuuuucked. Mainly its cause my arm hurts. Its making me crabby. The people I work with are messy. That made me crabby. Another long work meeting this morning... made me crabbier. So I left after 1 and came home to work.

So I sort of did that... Also found a lot of distractions *cough* Spark...

I'm a little dull today. Its gloomy and snowing which makes me a grumpy cat anyway, so throw in some arm pain and I am ready to chew someone out. Turns out my carpet installer won't call me until tonight or tomorrow morning to plan on when they are coming out TOMORROW?! WTF? I mean, I scheduled this on the 19th. You can't let me know more than 12 hours in advance when you're coming? Sad news buddy, you may have just lost my business with the mood I'm in.

So that's pretty much it. My arm band is on... its tracking my "activity" = exercise minutes. For Spark that's the same thing... so expect my "fitness minutes" to spike soon. Not sure how I feel about that either.

I had prepped a positive blog yesterday, but I am just not feeling it today. I'm pretty sure my plastic surgeon is gonna get an earful this Friday. Not only am I going, but my mom's driving down to specifically give him a talkin' to. So that should be interesting. I'm so annoyed, I'm just gonna let her at him. See how he responds to angry momma bear ranting.

Plus she's going to help me clean and pack up stuff since I'm effectively a gimp right now and my house has to be emptied out for the carpet. So this weekend should be interesting...

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

MEGYSU 1/31/2013 11:46AM

    So sorry your arm is contuing to bother you. Let you mom give your surgeon an earful! It won't fix your arm, but it will probably make you feel better :O). Hopefully things will start healing soon. I hope you start to have more good days than bad.

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IAMZBEE 1/31/2013 9:12AM

    emoticon

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LOLABLACK69 1/31/2013 3:24AM

    My God, I so understand this good day - bad day hopping around. Ok, for me it more like good 12 hours, bad 12 hours, to be honest, but still adds up the same somehow... Anyway, hope you emoticon ! emoticon

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CHODGES83 1/30/2013 8:27PM

    I am sooooo sorry your day sooooooooked and that your arm is causing you pain. I hope the doctor's visit is productive and you'll be healing/feeling better in no time.
WTH can't the carpet company give you more than 12hrs notice? That is ridiculous!
I hope this pile on is a one day event! Chin up!

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JUJUFISH 1/30/2013 7:27PM

    *Insert annoying Annie song here, you know the one*

Bad days happen. I think this week has been grating one everyone's nerves. Sending good vibes for your doctor's appt!

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KIMCOLLINGS 1/30/2013 5:38PM

    Wow. Not fun at all. I hope your arms start feeling better soon. That's got to be hard. Hang in there and take it one day at a time. I'm hoping tomorrow the sun will come out and things will look brighter.

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NIKKICOLE83 1/30/2013 5:32PM

    Dang girl. I'm sorry you are going through it. I have been in an up/down cycle but mine is mostly from being sick. You have really had some issues with those arms, girl. I hope this is the last time you have to have them messed with and I hope they heal up nicely. I just hope your doctor doesn't need a plastic surgeon when your mom gets done with him!

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FENWAYGIRL18 1/30/2013 5:29PM

    Take one day at a time hopefully things will get better!

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I feel like I'm planning to fail...

Monday, January 28, 2013

1-28-13


Iím kind of in the mood for a rambly blogÖ My thoughts are definitely disheveled.

I have a busy week. Like a crazy, busy week. I also have a lot of work stuff, a presentation, recruitment, lunch with a seminar speaker which means I have to go to his seminar and not skip like I usually do, the realtor is coming this afternoon, my house isnít clean, my yard is a mess, Iím not making much progress writing, I feel like I have a million experiments to doÖ and my mind is scattered this morning.

TJ came to visit again this weekend. We really didnít do much, but spend time together. That boy doesnít like to plan. I need a plan. I thrive on plans. So my plans revolved around food. What food could I make, what food would he want, what food did I want? Granted, I made horrible food decisions this weekend, and I felt bad about doing it. I even felt sick last night after I ate some of the cookies I baked. I sent most home with him, but I had three for dinner. And then I felt awful. Total sugar overload. After my weekend of poor food, that was the sickeningly red cherry on top. This morning it felt like I was expelling all of the bad food demons out of my body Ė so hopefully I can get back to eating clean and enjoying that feeling.

My emotions are just now catching up with the fact that I am in a serious committed relationship. Its weird. This is my first real one, and weíre already talking about marriage. I just donít know how to wrap my head around it sometimes. On Saturday he laughed at a fat joke on TV. I was offended. Partially by the joke, and partially by his EXTREME laughter at the joke. He apologized, but stuff like that still burns my biscuits. Its just weird for me to still be so emotionally touchy about stuff like that.

And add to all of this my stupid surgery incision is still wide open. I donít see much progress in the last month. Its not depressing, but more frustrating than anything. My left arm is all deflated from losing my muscle tone, and my right arm is still stuffed full of fluid from the injury Ė so I feel lopsided.

I felt skinny (for me) on Friday, wearing a cute dress. Cue today Ė I had trouble getting my jeans on and buttoning them with no armpit definitely hurt. More than it should have. I probably should have picked a different pair of jeans, but dang it Ė these FIT. I know they fit. They just need to be stretched out. There are so many small movements, like buttoning things, or reaching for something, or sneezing, that just still really hurt.

TJ says he can always tell when its starting to bother me. He says I get all shifty, and get this look on my face. Its probably the face of anxiety over changing the bandage, mixed with pain, and a dash of poor me. Its annoying to me that all of this is happening. Iím still trying to downplay how horribly gross this whole thing has been. The trouble is, Iíd still do it. My left arm looks great. Its just this freak accidental thing on the right that has me all in tatters. And I definitely know I needed the skin removal after losing the weight.

I went to my normal doctor last week for some bloodwork. The almost passing out thing had gotten bad again, so I went in to see if I was anemic. No problems there. The doctor scale was a good 8 pounds heavier than my bathroom scale. Now I know I was wearing three layers of clothes and really chunky boots, and had a belly full of breakfast, but it wasnít 8 pounds. The nurses were really sweet and wanted to see my arm scars and one even wanted to see the gross wound. I told her about Spark, and the nursing student with her already knew about it.

Then they took my blood pressure, 115/65. *I was like, ummm what? Before I lost weight I would normally have 150s/90s Ė I always thought that was just anxiety. Last year when I reached the weight I was at now I got 120s/80s Ė what I thought was normal. So now, even though I havenít lost weight, Iíve still improved my blood pressure with healthy eating and regular exercise. So it just goes to show that even though the scale isnít moving for me, Iím still making positive changes on the inside. After I left the doc, the bloodwork says I am not anemic and my blood sugar is fine, so my brain and autonomic nervous system are just freaking out over this massive open wound that isnít healing. Doctors orders are to get up early, drink something that contains real sugar Ė actual calories, and then get ready for the day. Iíve been doing that for the past few days and I havenít had any problems except for guilt. I just hate drinking 200 calories in the morning, but Iím not ready for food, and I chose to drink a breakfast drink thatís chock full of vitamins/minerals and protein. So thatís it for me.

Iím not touching my scale for awhile. I need to check my head before I throw it anymore curveballs. Iím just a little gloomy today, Iím sure itís a symptom of the sugar crash and missing TJ combined. I have my BodyMedia armband on today. I wore it on Friday and I got 30 minutes of ďexerciseĒ in. UmmÖ no I didnít. I think Iíll have the common complaint that most of the FitBit users have said Ė it logs your daily movements as exercise, which we donít. I always assume Spark is over estimating the calories burned, but hey Ė this will up my fitness minutes and maybe give me a boost in the mood department. So thereís thatÖ

I need to get working on a presentation Iíve got to get ready for tomorrow. And I need to figure out what to take for lunch. Iím failing to plan, which makes me think Iím planning to fail. I think thatís part of the reason, even though I had fun with TJ and got in good snuggle time, I felt like the weekend was a waste because I didnít really accomplish anything (donít tell him that!) Ė and then he goes and says, ďI know we didnít do anything today, but today went by really fast, and I wish it hadnít because I just want to spend more time with youÖĒ *cue ridiculous girl emotionsÖ

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RR1_RR1 1/30/2013 1:41PM

    Awee- TJ sounds great! I missed a lot of blogs, thats cool you found somebody nice. emoticon

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MEGYSU 1/29/2013 9:43AM

    I'm sorry things are so stressful. I, too am a planner. My husband teases me that I have lists for my lists. That's how I organize my mind when it's chaotic. I hope blogging helped you put your thoughts in order. If not, maybe a good old fasioned list would help things feel more doable :O).

**For the record, the laughing at a fat joke thing would really tick me off too. It doesn't matter that you are no longer fat. You know how it feels and you know what it's like to feel like the butt of one of those jokes.

Hope this week goes smoothly for you - good luck!

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ATTACKFATCAT 1/28/2013 3:24PM

    Those are some of the gloomiest days for me...Mondays where I am faced with a tough week, a past weekend of sugar indulgences, and my recently departed boyfriend. I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. I'm sure some of it has to do with the sugar and missing TJ, but it's probably also everything else going on. You've got a lot of stuff piling up on you. Plus, I think almost everyone gets down a little bit this time of year.

Just ignore the scale and focus on a little bit of planning each day. Just focus on what you need to do to get ready for today and tomorrow and then worry about the next day later. Thinking about the big picture is going to make you feel even more stressed and less productive. I don't usually get much done on the weekends when B is around, but that just means I have to bust my booty all week to get stuff accomplished so I can have my free time weekends guilt-free. I'm not successful 100% of the time, but if I can get 80% done of what I need to do, then I consider that a success. 80% is better than 0%.

You'll get through this. The gloomies will get better. emoticon

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LOLATURTLE 1/28/2013 1:29PM

    I think considering all you have going on you are handling it really well! That's a lot of stress but you have a good read of what needs to be done. The tricky part is not overwhelming yourself or hurting yourself with your arm (I mean as far as cleaning & physical stuff goes).

I think not touching your scale for a while is a good decision. Give yourself a break to get through this healing + graduating + house selling madness. It'll be okay.

emoticon

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APOLLONIA1 1/28/2013 12:48PM

    Oh yeah and Lol @ burns my biscuits , haven't heard that one emoticon

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ALREADY_STARTED 1/28/2013 12:46PM

    The fact that you are sharing your concerns shows your succeeding, not failing emoticon Bad days, hectic weeks and life changes will always come our way. Sounds like you are handling them well. You are an inspiration to many people.

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APOLLONIA1 1/28/2013 12:44PM

    Awe Sara sry to hear that you are not having a good day, unfortunately that's something that we all go through. And when I have days like that I think of all the positives and that always out weighs the negative .. I'm a planner to that's the only way I will get anything done without planning is when I fail, so it's always good for ppl like us to have that master plan it's how we stay on track, I'm sry to hear about you're arms and I really do hope they get better give them sometime and be carful with forcing them girl, this day will pass and things will get better and get back on track and you will be right were you want to be.. I'm so happy for you that you found someone that makes you happy my husband was my first real serious relationship to and it was hard for me to believe that someone loved me for me we been married for five yrs and have a daughter now .

And sometimes it still blows my mind that I have this person who loves really loves me he is a lucky man and you're just lucky to have found each other ..when there are times like this maybe share you're thoughts with him , if you haven't already.. It'll make you feel better ,

Try and take a step back and take a few deep breaths plan out what you need to get done and start doing it and everything will fall into place. Have a good day emoticon

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SUSIEGKORN 1/28/2013 12:27PM

    So much going on in your life right now. It will so nice to have some of this behind you in a few months. Wish I had a magic wand to just wave your concerns away. It sounds like TJ is a nice guy who is really into you. I hope you can get outside and get that walk in that you wrote about in your status. That may help with the emotions and make you feel better.

Have a good week. Make a plan to work on that list of things you need to get done so you can scratch a few things off. It always makes me feel better!

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ďSo short people are misled into thinking that they are thinner than they are, and tall people are m

Thursday, January 24, 2013

This made my 5'10" self feel a little bit better:

www.telegraph.co.uk/health/healthnew
s/9815052/Short-people-fatter-than-the
y-think-under-new-BMI.html


Mathematicians found the formula used to calculate body mass index (BMI) has made tall people more overweight and those vertically challenged not fat enough.

They argued it did not take into account a personís weight tends to grow with their height, giving taller people more room to bulge.

Consequently Prof Nick Trefethen, a leading mathematician, has devised a new formula after finding the current BMI divided weight by too large a number for short people and by too small a number for tall people.

ďThe NHS relies on the BMI pervasively in all of its public discussions of obesity,Ē he said.

ďWe deserve an explanation of what justification they have for using this formula.
ďBMI divides the weight by too large a number for short people and too small a number for tall people.Ē

He added: ďSo short people are misled into thinking that they are thinner than they are, and tall people are misled into thinking they are fatter.Ē

The BMI formula is used by doctors to work out if someone is overweight or obese and so at risk of problems from high blood pressure to heart disease.

It is traditionally calculated by dividing a person's weight in kilograms by their height in metres squared with the aim of giving a measure of an individual's body fat.
But this assumes people scale up according to a model of growth, in which they get taller more quickly than they bulk out.

A BMI of between 18.5 and 24.9 is normal, less than 18.5 is seen as underweight while 25 to 29.9 is considered overweight. A mark of 30 or above means a person is obese.
Prof Trefethen started investigating the problem after realising conventional BMI calculation methods failed to take into account that taller people tended to be bulkier than those who were smaller in height.

He found short people were misled into thinking that they are thinner than they are and tall people are misled into thinking they are fatter.

For those who are 150cm tall [five feet], the new formula would add a whole BMI point, enough to topple people lurking on the borders of the "normal" weight into "overweight" territory and a similar number would become "obese".

Those of 180cm or above (six feet), lose a BMI point. Only those of average height (170cm) will remain the same BMI.

The mathematical formula was devised by the Belgian scientist Adolphe Quetelet in the 1830s. But the professor insisted his formula was far from simply an academic exercise.

ďBMI is only one of many factors and inevitably not everyone will fit the standard pattern,Ē he said.

ďWe know that BMI is a good indicator of population level trends, but not always a good indicator at an individual level."

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

WHOVIANGIRL23 1/28/2013 1:00PM

    I'm still fat!

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LISA_SUMNER08 1/28/2013 12:30PM

    Did NOT help me! Ugh! I'm 5'4".

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SSBROWN10 1/26/2013 2:10AM

    So I just need to grow another foot and a half....

Kidding. Very insightful article and according to article, I am average height (5'6) therefore my BMI won't change...aaaaawwwww.

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CAGMUAHFO2 1/25/2013 3:40PM

    emoticon I'm 5' I'm struggling as it is. emoticon

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SHRINKING_SARA 1/25/2013 2:52PM

    I'm so excited by this because I lost 0.7 points... putting me just 0.5 points away from "normal"!

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BROOKLYN_BORN 1/25/2013 2:22PM

    It didn't make any difference for me at 5'6". Not even enough for my DH to use as another excuse not to lose some weight.

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LOLATURTLE 1/25/2013 2:13PM

    Interesting! I only lost a wee bit off my BMI, but it does change the weight I need to get to in order to be in the "healthy" range by about three pounds, which is interesting. The "new" top of my range weight sound much more achievable and maintainable to me.

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BRADMILL2922 1/25/2013 2:00PM

    Good news for us that are 6'7"! I'll take it!

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EMMAEKAY 1/25/2013 12:49PM

    Interesting! I've always thought I looked a little trimmer than my BMI suggests, and my body fat percentage backs that up.

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REVIVED 1/25/2013 10:03AM

    I'm 5 foot. This doesn't help me at all! Boo.

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NIKKICOLE83 1/25/2013 8:44AM

    This doesn't change my BMI much at 5'9 1/2 but I agree that my muscular bulk is not the same as someone who is 5'4". But I do benefit from my height because at a size 16 I look a lot more trim than a person five inches shorter wearing the same size.

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AMCLELLAN 1/25/2013 8:24AM

    I lost 1.1 pts. on the new scale. I'm 6ft tall so this really does make a difference for me.
Thank You for Sharing!

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ADARKARA 1/25/2013 8:04AM

    I lost 0.72 points for my height, which doesn't mean a whole lot in the grand scheme of things, but it's nice to know I'm no longer getting screwed by the calcs!

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ADZY86 1/25/2013 7:15AM

    At 5ft10 I'm really glad to hear this. I don't really go by BMI generally anyway, but it's still nice to know that I don't need to go skeletal to be 'normal'!

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CAMAEL100 1/25/2013 4:58AM

    Unfortunately I am average as well so no joy for me!! I always think though that I am not over weight, I am under tall!

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AHTRAP 1/25/2013 2:56AM

    Guess I've average enough that their differences don't alter my numbers more than 0.1 at any weight. Good to know that; I can go on (more or less) ignoring the BMI numbers.

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LEIAWINS 1/25/2013 2:15AM

    gee... unfortunately I'm very average.. sigh!!! No point gained nor lost!

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PRIMA_DONUT 1/25/2013 2:07AM

  This article made me feel so much better about my 5'10 frame!

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Trying to be productive

Thursday, January 24, 2013

I'm trying to be productive today. I had a mental list of things to mark off... and so far today I:

A) e-mailed the realtor back and set up an appt for next week

B) e-mailed my boss to set up a defense date, and found out I apparently HAVE to have a committee meeting (boo)

C) e-mailed someone asking them to join my committee since I unfortunately lost a member who died last last year

D) e-mailed the people still on my committee to try and schedule a meeting

E) ate a ton of protein for breakfast (and can't stop eating -- I need help!)

F) e-mailed to set up a meeting to discuss some of my results with the two PIs in charge of that project

G) rescheduled my plastic surgeon appt since there's a cool lecture this friday (nerd alert)

H) and staying positive!

So for the rest of the day I need to bust my butt on some more data analysis and try to whip up a power point for the study meeting and potentially for my committee meeting...

And then hopefully they'll let me graduate! And then hopefully my house will sell! And hopefully I'll still be losing weight! (Can you all tell I had a ridiculous amount of caffeine this morning?!?!?)

So that's it. I need to keep this focus and continue the barrage of e-mails and cold e-mail some labs about potential post-docs in St. Louis~! I should probably avoid exclamation marks in those e-mails, huh?!?

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

LOLABLACK69 1/25/2013 2:12AM

    caffeineeeee!!!! :) know the feeling...
good luck!

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MISTY_MOUNTAINS 1/24/2013 4:22PM

    You can do it!! Things are looking like they're heading in the right direction.

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WHOVIANGIRL23 1/24/2013 4:08PM

    I need more caffeine. I've only had 1 cup of coffee today. Your blog makes me crave caffeine, haha.

Way to go on your list! I seem to be having issues getting full lately too. Dunno why.

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EELS4PEELS 1/24/2013 2:21PM

    You got this! I make lists all the time, just to keep up with how my crazy mind! Good luck with the eating! I still haven't been able to fix my problem with that yet!

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BLUEROSE73 1/24/2013 11:45AM

  Love it. Keep checking stuff off your lists. Way to go

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HFAYE81 1/24/2013 11:30AM

    Awesome!!! You can do it Sara!!! emoticon

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THOSE 5 poundsÖ

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

THOSE 5 poundsÖ

You all know what Iím talking about. There comes a point where you are just within 5 pounds of a goal. It may not be your final goal weight, but its something like being in onederland, or finally making it into the 170s (like it is for me). Then you reach a point where you never think youíre going to lose those five pounds. You may have lost a lost of pounds beforeÖ heck Iíve lost around 100Ö but these same five pounds refuse to leave my butt.

I lost them brieflyÖ for less than a week. One time that I stepped on the scale it read 178. Then I gained it back up to 183, and Iíve been hovering there ever since.

Then the unthinkable happened. I gained another five pounds. It was the holidays. I felt like crap from my surgery. I felt like crap from being around certain members of my family. And I ate like crap. Now THOSE five pounds pissed me off.

I donít know what it was about those new five pounds that put me ten pounds away from my mini-goalÖ but those new five pounds almost derailed me. I think if the scale would have read 190 instead of 189 I might have had a fit. Luckily, no major fit, just a realization that I needed to re-focus. Now with those new holiday five pounds I felt awful. Partly this was due to my extreme restriction on movement for two weeks. Iím better now, but I still have quite a few restrictions. But I somehow managed to get rid of those five pounds.

It took three weeks for me to do it, through mainly diet alone. I had a salt detox, a semi-sugar detox, and I increased my protein A LOT. At 189 I felt like I had gained twenty pounds instead of five. I know this happens a lot on this site, but we become so hyper critical of our bodies, and we all know what a pound of fat looks like, so we can basically picture on our bodies exactly where those new five pounds went. I know I felt like it went directly over my ribcage, into my arms as I lost all my muscle definition, and in my belly.

I would like to say that I am silly. Its okay, but there comes a point where you even realize that you are freaking out about five pounds. Five pounds. Thatís it. I was five pounds heavier than I spent the majority of 2012, and I was going to let five pounds make me feel like crap?

So I decided to avoid the scale until the end of January. (I didnít, but I made it three weeks!) Instead of focusing on my number I focused on myself. I know I didnít do perfect. I know some of my weight loss was water bloat and muscle weightÖ but now Iím back in the 183-184 range and I am fine. Now I feel a lot better. Iím not saying losing the five pounds is what made me feel better. Itís the healthy eating and drinking water that made me feel better. It does help my ego though that I feel less puffy overall. No one but me would have noticed the extra five pounds. My jeans noticed, but that gave me a measure to see how I was doing, non-scale wise.

SO now Iím back to losing THOSE five pounds. Those five pounds will get me in the 170s. Then if I manage to get to the 170s, Iím just ten pounds away from my goal weight of 170. I plan to get there this year. My body has plateaued enough, that its used to this weight. Iíve been maintaining my weight for a good period of time, so hopefully once I kick back up my exercise routine I will make it to my goal weight.

So donít let THOSE five pounds get you down. If you keep going, then you will not only lose THOSE five poundsÖ. But another five poundsÖ and another five poundsÖ until you reach your goal weight. Stick with it ;-)

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RUNLIVEANDLOVE 1/24/2013 12:27PM

    You could totally push through your plateau! One girl on spark got past her plateau by upping her weight training and lowering her cardio- definitely check her out if you haven't seen her before- her name on here is yoovie

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EUEK098 1/23/2013 7:38PM

    Good luck with kicking those 5 lbs in the Toosh. I always have a hard time transition between 10 lb ranges on the scale, so I know how you feel, as you said, focus on yourself, and make the necessary changes.

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AY_BEAUTIFUL89 1/23/2013 3:27PM

    I think you did good to not look at the scale for 3 weeks. That can help you to focus more on the positive improvements that you are making and results that you're seeing, such as healthy eating, more energy, lower heart rate, etc. Keep it up! Eventually you will overcome those plateaus.

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BLUEROSE73 1/23/2013 1:45PM

  I know how frustrating those 5lbs can be. Good for you for finding your way to work through them.

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MISTY_MOUNTAINS 1/23/2013 1:44PM

    emoticon for this!! Good luck to both of us!! I hope we both see our goal this year!!

Comment edited on: 1/23/2013 1:44:21 PM

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