Wednesday, January 30, 2013
What a crappy cycle to be stuck in. I was in the dumps Monday.
Tuesday was definitely better. I got in a sunshiny walk on Monday while the weather was still warm.
Tuesday I woke up and found out that my review article is out of reviewer hell and is going to be published! Yay!
Then I dressed cute... I had to match my rainboots of course. Then I got in a good long walk in the rain. Not as fun, but nice.
Came home -- bam, W2s were finally here. Taxes filed and mailed in this morning. I even sat through a long work meeting and felt like I made progress.
Now today. Today has just suuuuuucked. Mainly its cause my arm hurts. Its making me crabby. The people I work with are messy. That made me crabby. Another long work meeting this morning... made me crabbier. So I left after 1 and came home to work.
So I sort of did that... Also found a lot of distractions *cough* Spark...
I'm a little dull today. Its gloomy and snowing which makes me a grumpy cat anyway, so throw in some arm pain and I am ready to chew someone out. Turns out my carpet installer won't call me until tonight or tomorrow morning to plan on when they are coming out TOMORROW?! WTF? I mean, I scheduled this on the 19th. You can't let me know more than 12 hours in advance when you're coming? Sad news buddy, you may have just lost my business with the mood I'm in.
So that's pretty much it. My arm band is on... its tracking my "activity" = exercise minutes. For Spark that's the same thing... so expect my "fitness minutes" to spike soon. Not sure how I feel about that either.
I had prepped a positive blog yesterday, but I am just not feeling it today. I'm pretty sure my plastic surgeon is gonna get an earful this Friday. Not only am I going, but my mom's driving down to specifically give him a talkin' to. So that should be interesting. I'm so annoyed, I'm just gonna let her at him. See how he responds to angry momma bear ranting.
Plus she's going to help me clean and pack up stuff since I'm effectively a gimp right now and my house has to be emptied out for the carpet. So this weekend should be interesting...
Monday, January 28, 2013
Iím kind of in the mood for a rambly blogÖ My thoughts are definitely disheveled.
I have a busy week. Like a crazy, busy week. I also have a lot of work stuff, a presentation, recruitment, lunch with a seminar speaker which means I have to go to his seminar and not skip like I usually do, the realtor is coming this afternoon, my house isnít clean, my yard is a mess, Iím not making much progress writing, I feel like I have a million experiments to doÖ and my mind is scattered this morning.
TJ came to visit again this weekend. We really didnít do much, but spend time together. That boy doesnít like to plan. I need a plan. I thrive on plans. So my plans revolved around food. What food could I make, what food would he want, what food did I want? Granted, I made horrible food decisions this weekend, and I felt bad about doing it. I even felt sick last night after I ate some of the cookies I baked. I sent most home with him, but I had three for dinner. And then I felt awful. Total sugar overload. After my weekend of poor food, that was the sickeningly red cherry on top. This morning it felt like I was expelling all of the bad food demons out of my body Ė so hopefully I can get back to eating clean and enjoying that feeling.
My emotions are just now catching up with the fact that I am in a serious committed relationship. Its weird. This is my first real one, and weíre already talking about marriage. I just donít know how to wrap my head around it sometimes. On Saturday he laughed at a fat joke on TV. I was offended. Partially by the joke, and partially by his EXTREME laughter at the joke. He apologized, but stuff like that still burns my biscuits. Its just weird for me to still be so emotionally touchy about stuff like that.
And add to all of this my stupid surgery incision is still wide open. I donít see much progress in the last month. Its not depressing, but more frustrating than anything. My left arm is all deflated from losing my muscle tone, and my right arm is still stuffed full of fluid from the injury Ė so I feel lopsided.
I felt skinny (for me) on Friday, wearing a cute dress. Cue today Ė I had trouble getting my jeans on and buttoning them with no armpit definitely hurt. More than it should have. I probably should have picked a different pair of jeans, but dang it Ė these FIT. I know they fit. They just need to be stretched out. There are so many small movements, like buttoning things, or reaching for something, or sneezing, that just still really hurt.
TJ says he can always tell when its starting to bother me. He says I get all shifty, and get this look on my face. Its probably the face of anxiety over changing the bandage, mixed with pain, and a dash of poor me. Its annoying to me that all of this is happening. Iím still trying to downplay how horribly gross this whole thing has been. The trouble is, Iíd still do it. My left arm looks great. Its just this freak accidental thing on the right that has me all in tatters. And I definitely know I needed the skin removal after losing the weight.
I went to my normal doctor last week for some bloodwork. The almost passing out thing had gotten bad again, so I went in to see if I was anemic. No problems there. The doctor scale was a good 8 pounds heavier than my bathroom scale. Now I know I was wearing three layers of clothes and really chunky boots, and had a belly full of breakfast, but it wasnít 8 pounds. The nurses were really sweet and wanted to see my arm scars and one even wanted to see the gross wound. I told her about Spark, and the nursing student with her already knew about it.
Then they took my blood pressure, 115/65. *I was like, ummm what? Before I lost weight I would normally have 150s/90s Ė I always thought that was just anxiety. Last year when I reached the weight I was at now I got 120s/80s Ė what I thought was normal. So now, even though I havenít lost weight, Iíve still improved my blood pressure with healthy eating and regular exercise. So it just goes to show that even though the scale isnít moving for me, Iím still making positive changes on the inside. After I left the doc, the bloodwork says I am not anemic and my blood sugar is fine, so my brain and autonomic nervous system are just freaking out over this massive open wound that isnít healing. Doctors orders are to get up early, drink something that contains real sugar Ė actual calories, and then get ready for the day. Iíve been doing that for the past few days and I havenít had any problems except for guilt. I just hate drinking 200 calories in the morning, but Iím not ready for food, and I chose to drink a breakfast drink thatís chock full of vitamins/minerals and protein. So thatís it for me.
Iím not touching my scale for awhile. I need to check my head before I throw it anymore curveballs. Iím just a little gloomy today, Iím sure itís a symptom of the sugar crash and missing TJ combined. I have my BodyMedia armband on today. I wore it on Friday and I got 30 minutes of ďexerciseĒ in. UmmÖ no I didnít. I think Iíll have the common complaint that most of the FitBit users have said Ė it logs your daily movements as exercise, which we donít. I always assume Spark is over estimating the calories burned, but hey Ė this will up my fitness minutes and maybe give me a boost in the mood department. So thereís thatÖ
I need to get working on a presentation Iíve got to get ready for tomorrow. And I need to figure out what to take for lunch. Iím failing to plan, which makes me think Iím planning to fail. I think thatís part of the reason, even though I had fun with TJ and got in good snuggle time, I felt like the weekend was a waste because I didnít really accomplish anything (donít tell him that!) Ė and then he goes and says, ďI know we didnít do anything today, but today went by really fast, and I wish it hadnít because I just want to spend more time with youÖĒ *cue ridiculous girl emotionsÖ
Thursday, January 24, 2013
This made my 5'10" self feel a little bit better:
Mathematicians found the formula used to calculate body mass index (BMI) has made tall people more overweight and those vertically challenged not fat enough.
They argued it did not take into account a personís weight tends to grow with their height, giving taller people more room to bulge.
Consequently Prof Nick Trefethen, a leading mathematician, has devised a new formula after finding the current BMI divided weight by too large a number for short people and by too small a number for tall people.
ďThe NHS relies on the BMI pervasively in all of its public discussions of obesity,Ē he said.
ďWe deserve an explanation of what justification they have for using this formula.
ďBMI divides the weight by too large a number for short people and too small a number for tall people.Ē
He added: ďSo short people are misled into thinking that they are thinner than they are, and tall people are misled into thinking they are fatter.Ē
The BMI formula is used by doctors to work out if someone is overweight or obese and so at risk of problems from high blood pressure to heart disease.
It is traditionally calculated by dividing a person's weight in kilograms by their height in metres squared with the aim of giving a measure of an individual's body fat.
But this assumes people scale up according to a model of growth, in which they get taller more quickly than they bulk out.
A BMI of between 18.5 and 24.9 is normal, less than 18.5 is seen as underweight while 25 to 29.9 is considered overweight. A mark of 30 or above means a person is obese.
Prof Trefethen started investigating the problem after realising conventional BMI calculation methods failed to take into account that taller people tended to be bulkier than those who were smaller in height.
He found short people were misled into thinking that they are thinner than they are and tall people are misled into thinking they are fatter.
For those who are 150cm tall [five feet], the new formula would add a whole BMI point, enough to topple people lurking on the borders of the "normal" weight into "overweight" territory and a similar number would become "obese".
Those of 180cm or above (six feet), lose a BMI point. Only those of average height (170cm) will remain the same BMI.
The mathematical formula was devised by the Belgian scientist Adolphe Quetelet in the 1830s. But the professor insisted his formula was far from simply an academic exercise.
ďBMI is only one of many factors and inevitably not everyone will fit the standard pattern,Ē he said.
ďWe know that BMI is a good indicator of population level trends, but not always a good indicator at an individual level."
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
THOSE 5 poundsÖ
You all know what Iím talking about. There comes a point where you are just within 5 pounds of a goal. It may not be your final goal weight, but its something like being in onederland, or finally making it into the 170s (like it is for me). Then you reach a point where you never think youíre going to lose those five pounds. You may have lost a lost of pounds beforeÖ heck Iíve lost around 100Ö but these same five pounds refuse to leave my butt.
I lost them brieflyÖ for less than a week. One time that I stepped on the scale it read 178. Then I gained it back up to 183, and Iíve been hovering there ever since.
Then the unthinkable happened. I gained another five pounds. It was the holidays. I felt like crap from my surgery. I felt like crap from being around certain members of my family. And I ate like crap. Now THOSE five pounds pissed me off.
I donít know what it was about those new five pounds that put me ten pounds away from my mini-goalÖ but those new five pounds almost derailed me. I think if the scale would have read 190 instead of 189 I might have had a fit. Luckily, no major fit, just a realization that I needed to re-focus. Now with those new holiday five pounds I felt awful. Partly this was due to my extreme restriction on movement for two weeks. Iím better now, but I still have quite a few restrictions. But I somehow managed to get rid of those five pounds.
It took three weeks for me to do it, through mainly diet alone. I had a salt detox, a semi-sugar detox, and I increased my protein A LOT. At 189 I felt like I had gained twenty pounds instead of five. I know this happens a lot on this site, but we become so hyper critical of our bodies, and we all know what a pound of fat looks like, so we can basically picture on our bodies exactly where those new five pounds went. I know I felt like it went directly over my ribcage, into my arms as I lost all my muscle definition, and in my belly.
I would like to say that I am silly. Its okay, but there comes a point where you even realize that you are freaking out about five pounds. Five pounds. Thatís it. I was five pounds heavier than I spent the majority of 2012, and I was going to let five pounds make me feel like crap?
So I decided to avoid the scale until the end of January. (I didnít, but I made it three weeks!) Instead of focusing on my number I focused on myself. I know I didnít do perfect. I know some of my weight loss was water bloat and muscle weightÖ but now Iím back in the 183-184 range and I am fine. Now I feel a lot better. Iím not saying losing the five pounds is what made me feel better. Itís the healthy eating and drinking water that made me feel better. It does help my ego though that I feel less puffy overall. No one but me would have noticed the extra five pounds. My jeans noticed, but that gave me a measure to see how I was doing, non-scale wise.
SO now Iím back to losing THOSE five pounds. Those five pounds will get me in the 170s. Then if I manage to get to the 170s, Iím just ten pounds away from my goal weight of 170. I plan to get there this year. My body has plateaued enough, that its used to this weight. Iíve been maintaining my weight for a good period of time, so hopefully once I kick back up my exercise routine I will make it to my goal weight.
So donít let THOSE five pounds get you down. If you keep going, then you will not only lose THOSE five poundsÖ. But another five poundsÖ and another five poundsÖ until you reach your goal weight. Stick with it ;-)
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