Wednesday, November 28, 2012
Yesterday was a good day. I weighed myself (and was shocked an horrified at the 187) and had my reality check. Didn't I just say I was going to reboot? So its official. I am rebooting myself.
I did some recon on the site -- checked a few blogs -- looked at a few recipes and articles and made a plan. I am focusing on diet this week, since in two weeks exercise will be out of the question again for a few weeks (plastic surgery revision on my arms). Also diet seems to be where I've been screwing up the most lately. Before my exercise can make any difference, I need to get my kitchen in order.
Last week I cleaned out all the crystal light and popcorn from my kitchen. I just don't drink the CL anymore and my dad likes it -- so he got a giant bag. I initially bought microwave popcorn as my treat snack, but I haven't eaten it in forever -- so that went home to my mom. She complained a little about the drawer space being taken up, but honestly, she's a muncher and those bags of popcorn might be good for her diet (which is BAD).
So I had room. I reorganized a few cabinets. Found some old soups I bought. 80 calories a serving, 2 in a can -- *lightbulb* Duh -- there are already healthy options in my kitchen, I just need to actually eat them.
Yesterday I skipped lunch with friends and had my hard boiled egg whites, skinny pop popcorn (pre-popped with air and super low in calories), and some tea. I also had an apple as a pre-lunch snack, and I drank a ton of water at work. So all told 240 calories for breakfast, 260 for lunch, and a few hundred in snacks. A plan started forming in my head. I'm going to go back to the 200-300 calorie meals every few hours. That seems to work best. One time a co-worker asked me, "you're eating AGAIN!?" I was like, yeeea, but this is only xxx calories. Anytime someone I work with comments on my food, I try and mention calories to them. The undergrads were shocked that my grilled chicken and mixed veggies were so low in calories. They're used to eating junk and not even thinking about what they put in their bodies. Luckily a few of the other grad students are on a similar health kick so we can discuss stuff like that. A few of the male undergrads are also body builders who will have 1500 calorie breakfasts! When they comment on my bird food, I just have to remind them that their breakfast would take up all of the calories I have for the ENTIRE day!
So yesterday was good. I was under on calories, but I did not work out. And my body needed a reboot. I'm going to try to stay on the low end of my calories this week. By this morning I was ~185ish, so hopefully staying hydrated and on track will clean out my system of all of the crap.
I also kept busy which seems to be the real issue for me. I'm a muncher. I get bored. I now have tons of gum. Mentos gum is my oral fix. I need it to keep me busy and chewing and not thinking about food. I might even make a quick run to Walgreens to get some of the flavors they don't have at Walmart.
Aaand here's where I admit something... I'm back on caffeine. I was SO good. Caffeine free. Soda free. Water drinker extraordinaire. I've been drinking black tea again -- apparently my kidneys are much healthier (-100#) and they shouldn't be as stressed. I'm just hoping the kidney stones are gone for good. Plus with the extra water drinking that I've been doing, they really should be staying flushed. I also had a Pepsi Max yesterday. I knew I wanted a caffeine buzz to workout, and I was stuck in line checking out at Walmart. It was the Pepsi or a chocolate -- I went with the Pepsi.
So after drinking tea and soda in one day -- I can say my caffeine addition is back. But honestly if the soda will help keep me on track calorie wise, I think a Pepsi Max a day isn't too bad. I also used all of the energy from the soda to clean my office. It literally took between 3-4 hours to do it. Since I recently got a roommate, my office has been the dumping ground for my extra shoes, craft supplies, and general junk. She also has a dog that chews on everything, so anything I wanted to keep safe I chucked in there and shut the door.
But as I found out -- I suck at writing at work. I have a paper due to a journal and all I need to do are some minor revisions. I spent all day at work goofing off. I think at home my head is more in the game and I can focus without all of the distractions. Hence the ridiculously long blog today (congrats if you've made it this far).
So now the office is clean, my nail polish stash is organized (and scary big -- who knew I had so many!?!), and I am ready to get going on this paper.... you know... once I log off Spark ;-)
I also found my BodyMedia armband when I was cleaning out the office. The original strap was broken (from being so stretched by my giant arms pre-surgery (the large size didn't really fit comfortably). Lucikly the site was having a buy one get one free sale on armbands, so I bought 2 size medium armbands! For some reason, it still feels like cheating since my arm surgery removed the extra skin -- but I know its not -- I just had a lot of extra arm skin after losing 100#. But it still felt great to be able to order two medium size armbands, knowing that they will fit, instead of dreading ordering another large one or debating about getting an extender. I also splurged and bought a skin for my armband--its gotten so sweaty and used that all of the paint has been rubbed off. I went with the exploding TARDIS Van Gogh from Doctor Who. I figure, why not make it fun!? So that will be going back on my arm. I'm paying the monthly fee for the silly thing--I should use it!
So that's it! Day one was successful. I have a plan for Day 2! And I'm hopeful that this week will be better. And so will the next... and the next!
My Nail Polish Stash:
Tuesday, November 27, 2012
Well I was going to make an excuse...
And then I realized that where I am now is a direct result of my actions. I'm slipping into happy land and with that I am making really bad food choices. My boyfriend makes me happy -- I should eat where he eats and not make a fuss about my food (WRONG). So, so, so wrong. I should eat what my family has in the house and not waste time going out to get healthy stuff (WRONG). I don't care, this isn't that bad (WRONG).
So yea. Bad weigh-in. Reality check. Logging ALL my food. My friends just asked me to go to lunch and I want to see them, but I don't know if I will be able to make strong food choices if I do go to lunch. I brought hard boiled egg whites and frozen fruit and and apple for lunch. That is well within my calorie range for lunch. Going to Eckles and getting probably a burger and fries for $3 -- sounds good but I know if bad, bad, bad news. I'm just inching ever closer to the 190s again and not entering the 170s like I would like to be.
I need to get back on my cardio hard. I've only got 2 weeks until my revision surgery with the plastic surgeon. My left arm is still a little fatter than the right arm, and since I paid $6k, I kinda want them to match. Still paying that off. My shopping addiction is getting bad again with all of these sales. I already joked to the bf that I was a bit like Lily from How I Met Your Mother... he has NO idea how true that statement is (Lily had significant credit card debt). So yea... there's that stress.
Plus we found out my grandmothers stroke is not recoverable. She had it in her cerebellum so basically anytime she is vertical she feels like she is falling. She can't stand... has to be lifted everywhere... yea. Depressing. The doctors also gave her 2-4 months with her congestive heart failure, so at 93 this is probably going to be her last Christmas, and we can't even take her out of her care facility for dinner.
Add to this the fact that we have to clean out her assisted living apartment of all of her furniture, clothes, stuff, etc... by December 5th! And my parents are renovating their house to sell it in the spring and want to do all sorts of projects NOW before X-mas... it was a crazy break.
I did get to see TJ twice though. He met my sisters from another mister (and was approved) and the next night I met his sister (also approved)... so that is at least going well.
I just need to get out of the fat trap in my head that is justifying all of my poor food choices. I guess I just need to remember my motivation -- or has that changed Haha... I'm getting WAY too far ahead of myself. But at least that idea is what is going to get my butt on the treadmill tonight!
Monday, November 19, 2012
Well I had a really long well thought out blog... and my wireless crapped out and deleted the whole thing...
So take 2.
I had an awesome weekend. Food wise I was a little off, but I did manage to be smarter about eating around my giant of a boy friend. I was okay eating less than him (he's a freakin monster with food). AND we worked out on Sunday.
He has friends in town here at Mizzou doing their PhDs so we ended up playing soccer with them on Sunday for 2 hours! Seriously people. A) I don't know how to play soccer B) all the running! I thought I was going to puke. I tried tracking my exercise on Spark. It WAY overestimates how many calories you burn. I ended up only tracking 30 minutes of it since I figured that was about as much as I was really running around the field. I tried covering a 12 year old boy. Umm... those guys are quick! Plus I really didn't know what I was doing so I kept running into people and trying to stay out of the way (which is NOT what I was supposed to be doing :-P )
Saturday was a lot of parties. I went to a Wisconsin football party with TJ at his friends house. Managed to do well with food and only ate a few bites of TJs brat.... well okay... like half of his brat which he found really annoying, but whatevs ;-) Then we rushed back to my place for MY party that I threw for a girl going back to Uruguay after her study abroad here. Everyone was pretty hungover from the night before so it was low key -- mostly munching, drinking (water for me), and we played Cards Against Humanity (think offensive, racist Apples to Apples). It was a lot of fun and once again, I don't think I was too stupid with food.
I really don't want to weigh myself since I'm in such a positive mindset, so I probably won't weigh myself until December. I think I just need to focus on being smart with food again and getting my cardio back. The running and sprinting on Sunday at soccer was just gross. I lost my breath and was at the point where you just feel like you're inhaling blood and not air... (I don't think I have asthma, just outta shape with cardio) I don't know how I can do 4000 crunches no problem, good with girlie pushups, and can hold a decent plank, but my cardio level is just in the pooper.
Oh well -- new thing to work on. That expensive treadmill isn't helping me as a coat rack!
Hope everyone does smart things on Thanksgiving! I'm planning to bring some healthy sides. My dad even told me to since he wants me to be a positive example for my mother. She's in a real slide with emotions and food. BUT the last time I brought a healthy side of root vegetables to roast, my sister (who is throwing thanksgiving) literally poured 1/4 cup on OIL ON TOP OF THEM! I was so mad I just screamed at her. Openly screamed at her for sabotaging a completely healthy, already seasoned and ready to bake side dish. I couldn't stop myself. I yelled at her and told her exactly how many calories she just DOUSED my healthy (insert correct calories pre-sabotage) side dish.
Her response was: oh well, now it will taste good.
No joke. She doesn't care about health, so I will just have to focus on making smart food choices for myself. I think I'm going to bring microwavable veggies to steam for myself so that I don't eat the stuff my brother in law is going to make. I like the guy, but he's a head chef at a winery that isn't necessarily concerned with making things healthy -- just delicious. So he will be making exceptionally good food... I just won't be able to indulge in a sweet potato that had a stick of butter and caramel sauce... I'd like mine plain with truvia and cinnamon please!
So that's that... I think I recapped the previous blog and then some.
Basically I had a FANTASTIC weekend. The BF is super adorable and will probably stick around for awhile :-D Plus I got in a killer workout with soccer on Sunday WITH the BF~! So maybe he will make me a little more active with new sports I'm not used to...
Plus 3-day workweek! Woot!
Happy Thanksgiving everybody since I'll probably be MIA from the site.
Friday, November 16, 2012
I have enough time for a quick update...
So I think I've adjusted my head a bit. I was PMSing a bit when I went on my "oh-my-god-what-have-I-done" rant. With the emotional roller coaster of the past two weeks, add in hormones = crazy girl.
I'm better now. I haven't snapped back into full tracking mode yet, but I'm doing a heck of a lot more than I have been. I made the mistake that cripples most of us. I tried to jump back in 100% to something, and I got upset when I wasn't perfect.
Instead of freaking the eff out -- I snapped back into reality mode. 184 sucked. Being +4# in less than 2 weeks sucked. But guess what. I've been fluctuating +/- three pounds for awhile now -- so is 184 so much different than 183? No. So I am officially telling the stupid fat girl inner voice to calm down and STFU.
Apparently I just expected to finally reach the 170s without really doing any work to make it there. As long as I'm sub-mid-180s, I'll be happy. With Thanksgiving and a happy boyfriend who constantly visits me (not complaining) -- I just need to be mindful of my food choices. I'm going to ignore the fact that I'm cooking a giant steak for him tonight -- I bought two giant steaks (top sirloin -- a healthier cut), with the intention of feeding him 1.5 of them. I don't know if I mentioned I'm dating a giant. He's 6'7" -- so he eats a lot! Literally 2# of pot roast (not joking!) a few weeks ago. I also learned the hard way I should not even attempt to keep pace with him. Its okay for me to finish way before him. I also cannot eat as fast as he does. On my own I'm good at pacing myself and chewing, but twice now we've gone out to dinner and all of a sudden I go from empty to bursting because I ate faster than my stomach could tell my brain to stop.
Another thing I managed to do was fit fitness into my daily routine. I've been doing squats in lab, and making trips across campus to get in a good walk. I also was going over to a friends house one night and didn't want to change or get sweaty. At first I thought I would give myself a pass... but then I realized I had 45 minutes and I could definitely do SOMETHING in that time. Cue to me doing sidebend crunches with a 25# kettlebell. I do sets of 50 on a side and then switch. I also zone out and watch TV... so I did somewhere between 1000-1500 in less than 30 minutes. Let's just say, I can still feel that workout, so I know my obliques are good ;-)
Last night I offered to throw a going away party for a friend on Saturday... so I manically cleaned. Somehow I managed to do six loads of laundry, completely clean the kitchen and reorganize two cabinets, do the dishes, clean my diningroom, clean both bathrooms, pick up the livingroom and vacuum. Oh and workout! So my excuse that I have no time is invalid. I think I proved that last night. I just need the proper motivation to get stuff done -- and then its amazing to see what you CAN do. I even had two friends come over to watch something on my DVR. I just left them in the livingroom and whirlwind cleaned around them. Once they were gone, up went the coffee table and I got in a good arm workout and some more crunches (I really like doing these on the exercise ball -- you can zone out, watch TV, and make some great progress).
All in all my mindset is back to positive. My hormones are calming down and I think I have my focus back. All I need is to get my food cravings under control and remind myself that -I am not a dog. I don't reward myself with food.
I am also a grown adult. I am not a kid in a candy store that can eat whatever sounds good. I stocked up on more apples and bananas and turkey jerkey so I can make smart food decisions. I am focusing on really increasing my fluid intake. Often I'm not really hungry, I just need to take a big drink of water and chew some gum. As long as I keep myself moving or busy I won't be tempted to munch away my progress.
So all in all -- I think my head is back in the game. I'm not perfect. Being close to maintenance is at once a blessing and a curse. I have come so far... but the last home stretch is a battle of wills.
In other good news--I've been at my weight for long enough that my body started re-growing hair! I had a lot of my hair fall out and not regrow because my body thought I was dying or starving since I had lost so much weight... totally normal according to my doctor, and once my body stabilized he said it would start to grow back. Well it took a few months but I started to notice these really annoying baby curls that were hard to style... then I did a Wylie Coyote double take and realized that I was back to having thicker hair!
Everyone have a great weekend and don't beat yourself up if you slip. Just recognize the slide before it gets too bad and remember why you're doing this!
(so much for my "quick" update, haha)
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
I'd like to go back in time and punch myself in the face...
Seriously, Sara of two weeks ago -- cut that crap out. Two weeks of bad eating = a gain of four pounds. Grr... I'm so annoyed I could eat a bag of chips. That was my reaction and that is also how I gained 4 freakin' pounds back so quickly.
I did track yesterday, and work out yesterday, and I'm planning on doing the same again today... So my good streak is almost two days long, if I don't screw it up.
Here's my annoying weight chart: I updated my weight this morning and got annoyed at myself...
And this is the really annoying part:
Grr annoying me -- that is supposed to keep going down! I did so well at the beginning and as I near maintenance its frustrating. But I can do it... I will do it... I just need to get my head in the game.
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