Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Work isnít that stressful for me right now. My boss is horrible, but we donít see each other that often. Yesterday at our lab meeting he started picking on our Chinese female student and my first thought was, poor Hui. My second thought was, oh good itís not me this week. So the group of us get along well, but now my boss has agreed to let a student rotate in our lab Ė after she has been in six labs previously. She had rotated through three, and joined one Ė a few months go by Ė she gets kicked out/decides to leave, she rotates through another two labs Ė isnít accepted and then comes down to us. Sheís got some major social issues. Sheís aggressive and loud and doesnít like to accept that she could be wrong or that the professors know more than herÖ which is a big no, no in academia. The other grad student girls and I have tried to be helpful and talk to her honestly about how she treats people and how to treat people nicely and with respect (and this was over the last year and a half, first with subtle hints, then with more direct conversation, and after she got kicked out of her fifth lab we basically told her she needs to go to therapy if she wants to survive in academia). She doesnít want to hear it. Weíve tried calmly talking to her, telling her directly when she is making us uncomfortable ( -- ie the first five times she met me, she said at the top of her lungs, ďthereís Sara she doesnít like meĒ Ė in PUBLIC, ugh I was mortified Ė and I didnít hate her.)
So now imagine my horror when my boss agreed to take her. I havenít been mean or rude. Iíve been helpful, but once again I had to sit her down after she literally did nothing for three weeks and have a come to Jesus talk. So now Iím finally getting her to do something, but I feel like pulling teeth. Part of me wants her to fail miserably for not having any drive to do research in our lab, but Iím not. Iím helping her as much as it stresses me out and makes me crazy.
So this little blip has added a TON of stress to my work life, which I really did not need. Only one of the other grad students in the lab is helping out with her Ė and she has rebuffed his offer to show her techniques several times and heís almost fed up with her too Ė and he is the calmest, nicest religious father of four Ė so she can definitely strike a nerve!
So instead of me being annoyed with her constantly Iím going to try and turn the other cheek Ė and even though I do not want her in my lab in anyway whatsoever, Iím not going to be the nail in her coffin Ė its up to her to either sink or swim.
(I would normally complain about this on Facebook, but too many people Ė including this girl are my Ďfriendsí) So Spark people Ė how should I deal with this boatload of stress?
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
So I didn't count calories or anything other than "eat healthy" and eating consciously to lose my first 40lbs... then I joined Spark and started counting calories. The past few weeks my weight loss has slowed a bit, partly through me slipping a bit, and partly I think because I was consciously eating less than I was supposed to.
I just hadn't realized how much calories were in food, and now since I'm a bit OCD I'm obsessing over it a liiiiittle too much. In my crazy head, if Spark says I should eat 1650 calories and I only eat 1400 calories that's a good thing -- but apparently its not. When I was at my highest weight of 276, the insurance company actually made me go to a nutritionist who wanted to put me on a 1200 calorie diet (and no exercise, btw -- I thought that was weird, but at that point I probably wouldn't have done it anyway) and that 1200 calorie mark has kind of stuck with me. So now even though I can tell you the calorie count of everything in my kitchen, I almost feel like its a bad thing for me to know -- because with my personality I will obsess over it, and with my memory I will literally never forget it. I feel a bit Bridget Jones' Diary entering in my daily calorie count. I almost feel like I need to enter the number of 'fags' (cigarettes) and 'units' (aka alcohol) -- both zero btw.
So I searched around Spark and found the math about how they calculated it all. I bought the Kindle edition of The Spark so its really difficult to search around in once I've finished reading a section to find the page with calorie ranges for weights... The math is all on this site:
So I guess my new goal for the next month is to always meet my calorie goal for the day (something I never thought I'd say) and to do it in a healthy way and not in a splurging chocolate/desserts kind of a way.
Thursday, September 08, 2011
So I had a really good weekend. I didn't track my calories -- I was way too busy, but I did try to consciously not screw up and eat in moderation -- which was especially difficult on Saturday. It started out with a bridal shower - I made sure to eat before i left, and was confronted with both "why aren't you eating" (there was literally 3 salads made with mayo!) and "you look so good" to which I replied--yes, because I'm watching what I eat. That was fun, and then came the cupcakes -- fancy, delicious cupcakes from a fantastic bakery. And I didn't have one. I opted for a small piece of blackberry cobbler since it had more fiber and some fruit.
Then I went back out later for the bachelorette party. I gave up all alcohol, since i don't really drink anyway -- and since the bride to be wasn't a big drinker, the night was okay. We went out to the Schlafly Tap Room in St. Louis. All of the food on the menu looked delicious, but wasn't really healthy. The two appetizers ordered were french fries, and poutin -- which is french fries covered in gravy and cheese. I had a little bit of them, and then ordered a cup of minestrone to try and fill my stomach before dinner. Then a bit later I had half of a sirloin burger and was pretty full. The girls decided to order a sticky toffee pudding to share, and my god you'd think that with six girls they would have tried to eat a little more of it. It was gooood. That's the only thing I splurged on, but still i didn't have more than five bites of it. And honestly, we left more than half of it on the table (3 of the girls there, me included are on Spark, so I think that helped).
Then Sunday, the stress of helping my parents around the house -- and my mom making awful food choices again this weekend -- good think I brought food home with me.
Monday was fun, I ran around with a friend I hardly get to see since she lives 5 hours away. We did go get Imos since she wanted some StL pizza -- but I ate a bunch of salad first to try and not eat as much pizza. And for dinner, not gonna lie, I stopped by McDonalds on the drive home from my parents, but I only got a McDouble which is the least scary of their burgers calorie wise -- and I haven't had McD's in over 3 months -- which would have been an eternity for old Sara.
So now -- I've been to the grocery store, my fridge is stocked with fruit, veggies, pickles (did you know an entire pickle spear is only 5 calories!), and other healthy treats -- so I'm going to continue on the path (and actually use my treadmill this month) so hopefully I will look good enough to wear my Halloween costume in 2 months!
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Goals for this weekend (I'm going back to my parents house):
1) Don't go crazy indulging at the Bridal Shower and Bachelorette party (of my sista from another mista Kendra)
2) Don't freak out about eating out during the Bachelorette party -- I'm going to try and figure out what's the healthiest from the online menu at the Schlafly Tap Room
3) Bring home healthy snacks, cereal, and lactose free milk -- so I don't have to depend on my Mother's shopping skills (she still forgets that now I'm not eating dairy and unhealthy foods)
4) Have fun trying on new clothes and indulging in the Labor Day sales. I'm going to try out the new Levi's curve collection -- they apparently have a new line that's made for curvy women, and I really don't want to buy jeans online without trying them on -- BTW PZIJeans.com has 30% off their entire site (trust me I was tempted)
5) Don't spend too much money. Shopping addiction + sales = Sara sometimes goes a little batty with her budget.
Monday, August 29, 2011
I have nothing to wear. A regular comment in my life even though I had two closets full of clothes. I purged out all of the 18, 20, and 22 clothes I was holding on to Ė and lost almost an entire closet full of clothes a little over a month ago. Now a few weeks later, the 18 stuff I had held onto also needs to go. More and more of my shirts are starting to look baggy Ė leaving me with less to wear. Iím a savvy shopper so I donít like to pay full price for clothes, so I started trying out new stores. Iím officially done at Lane Bryant. I donít foresee anymore purchases thereówhich is weird since Iíve been shopping there since Jr High in 1997. And now Torrid is limiting, I did find some shirts and undies there last time, so its not out yet Ė it goes down to a size 12. Iím still a 12-14 on top and a 14 on bottomÖ so now here is my problem.
Where the heck am I going to get new jeans? I have been wearing the tall red triangle jeans at Lane Bryant for years Ė and my waist to hip ratio is all outta whack. I was looking online and found PZI Jeans, a clothing designer based in Atlanta Ė but they are $60-80 jeans, and I just donít know if I should go for it. Has anyone worn PZI jeans and would you recommend them?
I have a bachelorette party this weekend, so I needed a new going out top. My size 16 sparkly sequin top was out (as were all of my size 18 party clothes) Ė so I managed to get a top at Marshallís on clearance that I think Iím going to wear. Weíll see if my friend (the bachelorette) can tell a difference since she hasnít seen me since Christmas.
I also opted to buy a babydoll T-shirt *gasp* and not a regular baggy t-shirt that I would have normally purchased. Its part of my Dr. Who costume that Iím gearing up to make for Halloween. So new fashion choices all around Ė and I have no clue where to shop! I bought some stuff at Maurices a few week ago and the quality is terrible. Stuff is fraying, seams are falling apart, and I donít think Iím going back. I was thinking about maybe trying to look at the Limited or New York and Company, but I donít necessarily want to be that dressy all the time. I may sound like Iím complaining, but shopping in a non-plus only store is just a new experience Iíve never had. My mom took me shopping before I was plus Ė Iíve been plus all of my teen years and early twenties Ė so now I just have to suck it up and walk into all the stores Iíve never been able to shop in before and enjoy myself.
But seriously Ė Jeans options Ė what is best for big hips and a small waist?
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