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Eight days post surgery and I am going insane

Wednesday, September 05, 2012

I want to work out... I want to work out... I want to work out... I want to work out... I want to work out...

Per doctor's orders, I can't work out...

Cue to yesterday where I felt good, I looked good ;-) and I went to work in the morning, came home did some stuff, worked remotely on my laptop... Cue to right arm swelling and starting to harden.

Okay fine. I get it. I can't get up and run around and do stuff. I'm supposed to sit and do nothing.

But in my head -- I'm being lazy. It's Squat September! I really want to join squat September. I'm am literally resisting the urge to do about 1000 crunches. Crunches won't hurt my arms right? I'm telling the voice in my head to shut up, but she's very adamant that I could be working out somehow....

Also cue the fact that my mom's kind of an agoraphobic so she's totally fine sitting in the house doing nothing. I want to go in the sunshine! I'm about to get in my car and go... I wanted to go to lunch but she decided to mow my lawn and I'm never going to tell someone to skip that ;-)

SO today I look cute again. I'm going out. I'm going to a trivia night at a bar tonight no matter what. Turns out the cute guy I had a date with last week has a girlfriend. He just decided to wait like a week to tell me, so he's out of the picture. I am actively recovering and trying to hope my arms heal up quickly. Just in case though I bought some short dresses with long sleeves -- you never know when you might need to look cute on a date.

I want to wear other new cute dresses in public with my arms out. Tank tops -- yes please. I'm ready for the new me to come out healed and healthy and to get back on the freakin' treadmill! I'm going to get some killer arms...

But for now, you know, it kind of feels like someone sliced open both of my arms and stitched them back together, so I agree. Today I'm taking it easy.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRAVELISMYGAME 9/6/2012 7:56AM

    Please be patient and don't over do it! You've got to give yourself time to heal... then you can show off those new sexy arms!

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SUSIEGKORN 9/6/2012 7:10AM

    You've got the rest of your lifetime to workout. Take the time now to heal properly ~ no regrets! Do you like to read? I can suggest a few good books. I just finished The Language of Flowers which was so good. And, you can read outdoors if you want some sunshine and fresh air. Good luck, I'm not one to sit around all day either, but this is so important right now. Hang in there, you are worth the wait!

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MISTY_MOUNTAINS 9/5/2012 5:33PM

    You're sounding super positive, that's great!! You ARE super cute... don't forget that feeling. You're body will tell you when it's ready to get back to working out. Patience is hard to have when you're sitting around waiting for something to heal!!
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CWHEATLEY12 9/5/2012 3:47PM

    Sorry to hear you're not able to be as active as you'd like.. be patient!!
If nothing else, I think it is awesome that you are still so motivated even when you're able to excercise. Great job! Feel better soon.

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BEAUTIFULBRIT50 9/5/2012 3:16PM

    emoticon emoticon

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DANIYAHMOM 9/5/2012 2:45PM

    be patient

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Well I may be doing too much

Tuesday, September 04, 2012

I'm going nuts. I really wanted to work out today. But I'm in pain. So I didn't. And now I noticed I had trouble raising my right arm today. My left arm was okay, right -- holy crap.

Then at like four I noticed that there was a hard lump near my elbow... now its getting bigger and my arm is swelling... and getting hard.. so eep!

SO yea. I'm calling the doctor in the morning to go in early for a check up. I probably am doing too much typing too, so I'm going to quit for the night.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

RACHELRUNS26 9/5/2012 10:42AM

    I hope everything is ok. Take the time to rest up and heal. You can get back to the hardcore workouts once you have recovered!

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LEB0401 9/5/2012 8:33AM

    It must be tough forcing yourself to lie down and recover when you're such an active person! Take this time to focus on healing.. the wagon's not going anywhere, you can hop back on as soon as you're all better.

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DONNA5281 9/5/2012 6:55AM

 

Sure hope your arm feels better soon! Good luck @ the DRS.
Rest your arm today.

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YOBOELI 9/4/2012 10:56PM

    Hope your arm feels better. I know that it is tough to not want to do more.

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Shopping Therapy + steristrips and surgery = painful

Monday, September 03, 2012

I just spent the day shopping. I just needed to get out of the house. I can't stand being locked up, especially with my mom. It's hard to be motivated to eat healthy when A) you feel like crap and B) your mom is stuffing her face full of food across from you on the couch.

I think it will be better once she's gone, but I still need her here to help me so its a toss up.

I was going to work out tonight, but I've done too much. My left arm is ON FIRE. Apparently the nerves are regrowing. painfully...

I spent six hours shopping. I hit up Kohls with my mom since she likes that store. Got a long Lauren Conrad dress for $22 instead of $90. Got a cute jacket I hope will fit once the swelling goes down...

Then Panera for a quick lunch. I ate pretty good.

Then Tuesday Morning for some goof off shopping. I finally got a foam roller though. I really wanted one to work on my legs after cardio.

Then Old Navy. I figured it would be a good place to get stretchy skirts and dresses I can wear easily and put on without much arm strength. I don't know how my arms are going to heal... and how long they're going to hurt... so dresses and skirts to work it is. This is not typical for my work. I'm a grad student in a science lab. Now I'll be in dresses and skirts... and knowing me, really cute heels. hahaha... in the Animal Science Research Center. Perfect fit right?

I got two stretchy skirts, a flowy short skirt, a maxi dress, a polka dot sweater and a cheeta sweater at Old Navy.

Then we headed to the mall. I had a $20 free coupon at New York and Company. There was 80% of redlines, which meant a lot of $5 jewelry for me!

Then I had money off of a bra at Victoria's secret so I finally got one in black...

Then off to Maurice's. They had 75% off clearance priced dresses... I tried on a few more and ended up buying a mullet dress... and its long and cute. I never thought I'd say that about a mullet dress.

So now my arms hurt, my mom was stressing out, so we decided to leave.

We ended up going to natural grocers to get some really good strawberries and at $5.50 a pint they were worth it --but soooo expensive! I just wanted a healthy snack. I also found a black bean dip -- 11 calories in 2 tbsp!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's SOOOOO GOOOOOOOD. I can't even begin to tell you how amazing it was. I ate it with some popcorn chips for a good snack.

Unfortunately I also ate a regular sized oreo blizzard. My mom forced us to stop since she HAD TO HAVE one. And they were buy one get one for 99 cents... so my willpower crumbled.

So my calories for the day aren't bad. I will do better. Once I'm in complete control without temptation being thrown in my face left and right...

So now the only problem I have to figure out is what to wear when I attempt to go to work tomorrow.

Oh and my left arm is KILLING ME. Apparently I did too much and moving and stretching my arms this much was a bad idea. My bruises are getting quite impressive.

My goal is to take a picture a day until I heal. You can check them out on shrinking-sara.tumblr.com/ .

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SKAHONEY4U 9/4/2012 10:12PM

    I just had some retail therapy too! It really works! Mine was new nail polish and eyeliner from sephora, new needles and yarn for my new hobby: knitting, and a ton of online shopping- victoria secret clothes, buttons for said knitting projects, books, and dvds. No wonder I am broke! I also recently bought a polka dot sweater from old navy-green with navy dots-I love it! Now if only it wasn't 90 out still..(albeit my lab is FREEZING so I'd be ok wearing it there).

Pressure from the mom is always hard. I somehow managed to get my mom to join sparkpeople and she's lost 10 pounds. I know a lot of mom's won't listen, but maybe you will be an inspiration for her.

Good luck going back to lab tomorrow... I hope all the pipetting and mouse housing doesn't bother your arms too much!

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RACHELRUNS26 9/4/2012 9:54PM

    Keep up the willpower!! And enjoy the foam roller...I love mine! It hurts in the best way. :)

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CAGMUAHFO2 9/4/2012 4:10PM

    I enjoy shopping too!! I ususally hit Kohls and Old Navy myself. I love the clearance racks!! :) I'm glad that helped you feel better. I know exactly how you feel with your nerves healing. I had surgery on the side of my face and when teh nerves starting healing it gave me a headache and also made my jaw and ear hurt. :( I also remember the nerves healing after my c-section when I had my son. Your bruises are pretty big. But it doesn't look all that bad. Hope your feeling better.

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SUSIEGKORN 9/4/2012 2:52PM

    Wow, that's a LOT of shopping! Glad you found some great deals, but girl, take it easy on those arms! Your arms are looking much better than the first set of pictures I viewed ~ healing nicely I'd say! I hadn't thought about the nerves regrowing ~ YOUCH! No wonder you're in such pain, besides that long healing, incision of course! Hope going back to work doesn't interfere with your healing.

Best to you.......good luck with spending so much time with you know who!

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LEB0401 9/4/2012 1:16PM

    Sara-- out of morbid curiousity I checked out your tumblr pics.. and your arms don't look bad at ALL!!! Let me clarify, they look like you're in a lot of pain, and they're super ouchy, but it doesn't look like a quack surgeon hacked away at your skin!

I think once everything settles down you'll begin to love your results. Surgery can be a huge stresser, and you're still getting used to your new shape along with focusing on recovery. Next spring you'll be going sleeveless!!

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DONNA5281 9/4/2012 9:12AM

 
Wow!! You sure did a lot of shopping with some impressiwe bargains.
I hope you get better soon.


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CHEEKY1000 9/4/2012 12:11AM

    Holy amazing deals, Batman! That's outstanding! I'm trying to avoid shopping until I lose some more weight. I don't want to buy too many things I love--only to donate them to Goodwill because they are too big in a couple months (how's that for optimism--so sure I'll be smaller in a couple months--lol).

Sorry the nerves are getting on your last...well, nerve. Heheheeee. Couldn't resist that. emoticon

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I've figured it out, I'm need to quit eating...

Monday, September 03, 2012

So I'm six days post surgery and I am so frustrated I want to throw things.

Part of it could be the fact that I've been stuck in the house for a week... with my mom.

Part of it could be that I'm up 8 pounds since the surgery, and c'mon folks is it really still fluid after a week?

And mostly it was because I put on a bra for the first time in a week and I almost broke the mirror. So I had my brachioplasty to remove the upper arm skin. That's better. My arms aren't magically sticks and I know that wasn't going to be the case. I don't know what the f*** the doctor did do though because now my bra fat (you know, the stuff under your arm that that sits above your bra band) has magically expanded into a giant blob that now goes OVER the bra band. And guess what -- they're not even. I have one giant side and one jabba the hut size side.

I threw a fit. A full on what the h*** kind of a quack doctor would fix one thing and cause a huge problem in another place? Does he just want to steal all of my money by getting me to do liposuction? I seriously am so f****ing annoyed I want to hurt someone.

So what the h*** am I supposed to do? I've decided I'm going to quit eating. That's it. I'm obviously just eating way too much food. So here's my motivation. Lose another 30 pounds and get so freakin skinny that my arm fat and horrible new problem bra fat disappears.

I get to be pissy people, I can only be positive for so long...

So here we go, I'm going to ignore my mother and all of her horrible food choices that I have been livin with for the past week and I'm going to get 1000 to 1200 calories. That's it. Screw it. I'm so annoyed right now.

I'm just so frustrated right now. I didn't think this is where I would be six days after surgery. I can't even tell you properly how annoyed I am due to Spark's limitation on vocabulary on blogs.

And to top it all off, I need to go shopping for some dresses or skirts to wear since it hurts to do everything, which means I have to go in public, with my jabba the hut underarm fat (minus the jabba the hut arms) with stitches and bruising from my armpit to my elbow (which is a whole other story -- I have elephant elbows--they didn't fix that either... I guess they wanted more money out of me for another surgery).

Basically I am 8-9 pounds heavier even though they removed 2 pounds from my arms. I have new problem areas. None of my clothes fit that I can actually put on. And I just feel like s***.

So I'm going to stop eating crap. I'm going to the mall and the grocery store. I'm going to just basically eat egg whites, chicken breasts, and freggies. I am going to use my f***ing fed up mood to lose this god**** weight that has rejoined my body.

I've taken a week off exercising per instructions. Now I can't do cardio or basically anything that moves my upper arms at all, but I have to do something.

I pretty pissy today. I blame drug withdrawl. I haven't had percocet or valium today. Just ibuprophen i have giantic freakin open wounds and I'm just supposed to use ibuprophen.

So yea. Feel free to comment and tell me I'm wrong and whatever, but I'm not going to listen. I need shopping therapy. And no food. I'm officially not eating (more than 1000 calories today). New plan. Let's see how long that lasts.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SHRINKING_SARA 9/3/2012 10:01PM

    Better now...

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DONNA5281 9/3/2012 5:17PM

  I'm sorry that you are so frustrated. I would be too.
I hate to say this but is going to be awhile before the swelling goes down.
I would wait until you see the Dr. and throw something at him LMAO


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CHEEKY1000 9/3/2012 5:01PM

    Okay, wow. Where to start? You have every right to be disappointed and vent. No one can be Pollyanna for too long. That being said, (and yes, here comes my "glad" moment--lord, I hope you're familiar with Pollyanna or all of my allusions are for naught) perhaps there is something good--the desire to eat better foods and be more rigorous about staying within calorie range. I keep visualizing myself with the body I think I can have (not someone else's), and I run and workout...but the d@mn food gets me every time.

As for the over the bra issues, if you didn't have them before the surgery, I'd have to agree with Pookie that it's just post-surgery swelling and will go away.

So, go ahead and be p!ssed, but hopefully you can channel that energy into something positive for you.

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MOMMA-MOOSE 9/3/2012 4:32PM

    I understand the frustration. I really think it'll get better. Just hang in there.

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-POOKIE- 9/3/2012 2:05PM

    I felt like *insert expletive* after surgery, for over a week I sat around, bleeding repeatedly over my boyfriends sofa and playing computer games (I had breast reconstruction at the same time).

Please give yourself time, I had horrendous swelling that took weeks and weeks to go down. I hated how I looked, I cried so hard when I first changed my bandages, now a year down the line, I dont regret anything.

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SKAHONEY4U 9/3/2012 1:58PM

    I also think the "swearing" ban for the blogs is ridiculous.

Anyway, you are still freshly out of surgery, so I think you need to stop worrying a bit and realize the HUGE change your body just went through and give it a little bit more time!

Try not to stress out so much... maybe go get a pedicure? You have every right to freak out, but try not to let yourself get too crazy.

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KRICKET4 9/3/2012 1:57PM

    emoticon
Take a deep breath. I can see why you're freaking out.
Hang in there!

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MYOWNHERO 9/3/2012 12:13PM

    You know what's kind of awesome, though? You are channeling that frustration into positive action for yourself...that's the superhero in you busting out. When you get the all-clear to start cardio again you are gonna fly like the wind. And next time you feel like eating junk food? Your brain will scream NOOOO WAYYYY!

Post surgery swelling, pain and disappointment are just the rocket fuel, baby.

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TRAVELGRRL 9/3/2012 12:04PM

    So sorry to hear things didn't turn out the way you hoped! However, you DO and WILL have swelling for quite a bit longer, so you just have to wait for that to sort itself out. I had a breast reduction done many years ago and have the over-the-bra-band fat that was a new addition to my body, but even that was better than having boobs hang to my knees! Hopefully yours will turn out to be so too. The plan for getting back on the food track sounds good; you sound like you need to be in control of SOMETHING right now!

Hang in there, and when you go back for your post-op be sure to tell the doc what you think~! (somehow I think you will...)

Comment edited on: 9/3/2012 12:05:30 PM

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Post Surgery Update 2

Saturday, September 01, 2012

Day five post surgery. Day of surgery I weighed in at 179.4# -- a low number for me! Yes! I was excited.

Cue to four days later post surgery (and four days of constipation later) I now am weighing in at 190!

Eep! I know a lot of it is in my guts and fluid buildup. I'm drinking a lot, but honestly the scale scared me a bit when I stepped on it. My mom asked me if I was going to eat crap while I recovered and then go back on my diet.

Well I sort of have been. I mainly ate 2 protein shakes a day plus whatever else I wanted to munch on. I just finished off a bad of red vines because they sounded delicious. I'm going back to water and protein shakes today. I just feel weird. My arms are tight from fluid buildup. I'm still swollen. My wounds hurt like a mother... And I feel kind of gross.

I went to the grocery store with my mom after the doc. People kept staring. At my open gross wounds. I look like I escaped from the Saw movies. One mother with two small kids asked me if I needed help as I was getting a donut (yes, I got a donut and it was my first one in MONTHS and it was good -- but it was just two and not seven like the old me). I told her as quick as I could that I just had surgery to remove skin because I had lost over 100# by avoiding these (pointed at donuts) -- my joke didn't really work though, she was kinda of like -- oooh okay... how nice for you. I basically ran through the store as quick as can be to try and get my soy milk, bananas, etc stuff that I needed to get home ASAP.

But hey -- my arms are a normal size now. The scary scars are another story, but honestly those don't bug me. Well they hurt like heck right now, but I don't think I'll let the scars bug me.

If anyone's interested, I posted some of the gross photos on my tumblr. Just scroll down to see them. shrinking-sara.tumblr.com/


So right now all I'm wondering is how long will it take for my system to flush and let go of all of the inflammation and fluids its retaining? Cause I know I didn't gain 12 pounds in five days -- 10# gain and 2# of skin and fat removed.. *sigh* Silly body -- go back to being amazing.

I can't wait to seriously train. Being sedentary is like a prison sentence. shrinking-sara.tumblr.com/

*I'm warning you, the pics are gross.

  
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SUSIEGKORN 9/2/2012 7:47PM

    Oh, wow. Glad you posted the pics, I had no idea how extensive the cut would be. The scar will be underneath and will fade and your arms will look awesome! Just follow the doc's orders. If you continue to retain that much water, I'd let the doc know. He may want to take care of that. Happy healing!

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DONNA5281 9/1/2012 10:36PM

 
I was so surprised when you said that you went to the store already, but I forget that the Drs. want you up like the day after surgery.
Don't worry to much about the weight gain. Like everyone is saying it's fluid build up and your meds.
I hope that you start to feel better soon.

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CAGMUAHFO2 9/1/2012 7:48PM

    Honestly they don't look that bad. When it comes to the scars don't let them get to you. I had a birthmark on the side of my face and when I was in middle school I had to removed. (It was like a oil gland, it was raised and bumpy) The dermatologist was afraid that it was cancer, it's wasn't. :) but I now have a scar on the side of my face right in front of my ear. It's about 1 and 1/2 long. People ask me all the time what happened and I proudly look at them and say Doctors thought it was cancer. The say oh ok and that's the end of it. If you have noticable scars and people ask just tell them about your INCREDIBLE weight loss and show them a HUGE smile!! That's a truly amazing and inspiring story!! Hope you start to feel better soon, and I'm sure the weight is water.

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MISTY_MOUNTAINS 9/1/2012 1:21PM

    Not so much gross to me, but all I could think was "ouch"!!

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JMANDA86 9/1/2012 11:30AM

    Wow! That is so impressive. A few more days and you'll hurt considerably less. Some of the weight gain is due to all the meds they pumped you with. It'll flush out.
When you can, put Vitamin E on your scars. They sell it in a bottle of Vit E oil, but I personally like to open capsules because it's thicker and stickier. Even if you're not too concerned with what the scars look like (cause Vit E will help them fade a bit) it's also good for healing and to help your skin from not sticking together. It hurts, but massage that skin around or all of your layers get stuck together. My hand got stuck and I had to have someone work on it for weeks because it hurt too bad to do myself!

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TRIXYMAHOGANY 9/1/2012 10:47AM

    Those pics were a little bit gross but your arms look amazing! And once the scars heal they'll be like an accessory and an awesome story!

Good luck with the rest of your recovery!

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