Tuesday, August 21, 2012
My feet are still sore from Saturday. Apparently a 5k, 22,000 steps, and maybe not the right kind of shoes are all to blame.
The week before the Color Run I did 3-10ks in distance (walking on a 5% incline). I was super frustrated with my lack of progress, eating too much, working out hard to compensate, and getting stuck in the vicious plateau I'm living in... And after the 3rd 10k, I noticed my left ankle was sore. I think I may have had a small stress fracture. So I quit training for the 4 days prior to the race. It was still sore on Saturday morning though.
Then the adrenaline kicked in. I was going to run in public. AND I DID! Major non-scale victory for me there. I ran for longer than I normally run, in public, in a tutu ;-) And then I felt a twinge and Nicole and I decided to have fun and walk the last 4k of the race.... and another 7 miles apparently that day.
Around 2pm I was really starting to lock up. I was tiiiiight. I did some lunges and stretches which were agonizing. Note to self -- don't get so hyped up on adrenaline that you injure yourself. I also was wearing my new running shoes. I had broken them in on the treadmill, but I don't think they're the best option. I got them on clearance... 'cause $20 New Balance running shoes sound way better than the $150 Nike's I should go buy...
Anyway--my ankles still hurt. My calves are in less agony, but they're still sore. I did mostly strength training *upper body and abs* last night because I don't want to do any more damage. Today I wore crappy flat shoes because I wasn't going to be walking anywhere and my tennis shoes didn't match my outfit. WORST IDEA EVER. I ended up walking 25 minutes to lunch--each way--in crappy shoes. Now my feet are like b**** what were you thinking?!?!
I need to do cardio tonight, so I am going to get up on that treadmill. I don't think I'll be getting a full hour of cardio, but who knows. Is it better to wait until it doesn't hurt to walk to do cardio or should I suck it up and do it -- which is what I'm leaning towards?
In other news, my calves are getting ridiculous. I wanted to get into my goal boots when I lost weight and my calves got smaller... except they didn't. I have lost some bulk off my calf, but now I also have giant calf muscles.... soooo not really fitting into those boots still. One thing I did notice is that I'm starting to have some definition on my calves. I never had cankles thank god, but now I've got more of a muscular cut to my calves. There's a divot on the outside. Its weird. I'm not seeing scale progress -- but I am slowly noticing other more toning going on.
AND also six days till surgery. By this time next tuesday I should be on my way home from the recovery center. Arms chopped up and stitched back together. That's another thing. I've been avoiding my arms. They're the worst part of me so I haven't been looking at them in the mirror. Now I can't stop looking, because they'll be gone soon... And they really do look like deflated balloons. My elbows have disappeared... everything is just... eh. I'll take before pictures. I won't post them until I have a good after picture -- but you'll see. Its not pretty. And unlike your stomach skin which you can spanx or wear deceptive clothing to cover -- your arms are pretty much always out there.
My sister told me this weekend she was hot -- and I should fan her... with my arms...
yea. Thanks family. I bit my tongue and didn't call her an overweight brat who looks pregnant and is unfertile to boot which is going to make her husband leave her... *I may have thought it -- but i didn't say it. She's gained a lot of weight lately, and for the first time she weighs a significantly larger amount than me. So she lashes out and makes "jokes" like the one above. Oh let me tell you how fun my family is...
I didn't complain about this in my Color Run blog, but I can honestly say family stress has been my biggest issue with weight loss. My mom's relationship to me is a whole mess. She's depressed and anyone with a family member with this disease knows its a rollercoaster. Two years ago she lost 50# and was being kind of horrible to me to try to get me to lose weight. Cue to two years later, I'm smaller than she ever was, and she's gained 65#. So she's also lashing out and making some comments...
I had planned to do the Color Run for months. My mom knew about this. And decided to throw a garage sale the morning of the Color Run. I got a lot of guilt about not helping, but I flat out told her the run was more important than her garage sale for me and for my health. She was throwing the garage sale to help contribute to my surgery, so she felt that I should have helped more... but she of course had to schedule it for the same day as the run. After the run was over, my friend Nicole wanted to know if I should call home to check on the garage sale. I flat out refused to call. Knowing my family I'd get grief and guilt no matter when I called -- so I decided to keep having a good time with my friend, walking, exercising, and being ridiculous -- 'cause I knew when I got home I'd get it.
And I did. My mom called me a b***h for not helping. My sister was a craba** about the whole situation. And I did not give a flying flip about it. That's the way I have to deal with my family. I don't let their insanity drag me down. I do not feel guilty about it. I do not need them to drive me nuts... but it does get tough.
When we went out to dinner that night my mom gave me an eyeroll and my sister told me to stop talking about what i ordered and portion sizes and protein amounts... When I told them I was excited I had walked over 10 miles and burned 3700 calories -- they rolled their eyes and gave me guilt about not helping with the garage sale... seriously. My dad tries to be supportive and listens when I talk about fitness stuff -- but as most of you other females know -- your mother and your sisters can really mess with your emotional well being a lot more than your father can.... especially when it comes to weight issues.
So that was definitely stressful. I barely had time for myself this weekend or to see anyone other than Nicole (who I did the Color Run with).
I'm going through color run withdrawl. My elbow is scabbed. Apparently when I was rolling around in the street to get covered in powder, I also go roadrash... and a ton of bruises. I now have these things called bones, poking out from under my skin. My shoulder blades are both bruised, my elbows are bruised, and I have some weird bruises on my legs... When Nicole hugged me she called me bony. My collarbones stick out a lot. Like way more than most people. I guess you'll see when I actually post some close-up before photos. Here's another comment from my sister. She told me my collarbones were "freaky" and looked like they "had been broken and healed all weird." Like that's not supposed to give me a complex...
I'm bony. Its weird. Its something I'm adjusting to with the weight loss. Does anyone else find themselves feeling their bones under their skin, now that you can? I have always been overweight, so I've never been able to feel my ribs before, or actually see my sternum. Now they're like these freaky body parts that have always been there, but I never knew they existed...
Random I know -- sorry I'm all over the place in this blog...
But to wrap up. No matter what happens, its okay for you to put yourself first. You can tell other people no, and you can stand up for yourself and your choices when they try to make you feel guilty...
Now I guess I should go reward myself with a new pair of running shoes if I ever hit that 100# lost... I'm going the wrong direction lately. The sore muscles are retaining water (at least that's what i'm telling myself) I was up 2.6# from pre-race... then today I'm down 1.2# from yesterday... the scale and I are just in a see-saw. I know I shouldn't care so much, but its annoying. I'm definitely asking the doctor to measure how much skin/fat is cut off next week. In my crazy weird brain I almost don't want to count that toward my weight loss since it feels like cheating, but it should still count right?
*sigh* Okay -- I'm headed home to avoid my life. I have a fellowship application that i am actively procrastinating on in a major way... oh and I still haven't told my boss about my surgery. He just knows that I'm "going on vacation." Telling your boss that you're having elective cosmetic surgery for skin removal is just a weird conversation to have... make that awkward since its my inappropriate boss... *le sigh*
Sunday, August 19, 2012
I can't even begin to tell you all how much fun it was yesterday! The Color Run came to St. Louis, and St. Louis turned it into a party! I ended up only going with one of my friends, Nicole. Everyone bailed -- and they totally missed out. But that's okay, because I only had to make us tutus Here we are at the start.
We made the 4th wave, I don't even know how many there were -- so we got going around 8:30ish. I was feeling good -- jazzed -- full of energy -- so we ran almost the first kilometer -- aka, way farther than I normally ever run. And by the way -- I've never run in public before! Eep! So not only did I not care that I was running in public and getting sweaty and jiggling all over -- I was having an AMAZING time! It probably also helped that I bought $10 compression tights (hello clearance) in grey/black leopard. They kept me tight and right and of course stylish!
Everyone here was having a blast. I'd say only about 15% of people were jogging. It was mostly just everyone having a blast and walking and talking and color fighting. We started up Market around 14th street -- walked up to where Market ends near Chaifez Arena -- turned a corner, and came back up on Olive. It was a blast. I had my Flip camera with me to record the color run -- but it only holds 30 minutes, so I had to break it up into pieces. If you want to see the "colorful" portions of my run with my friend Nicole you can check it out here: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v
After the first three color bomb sections, I decided screw it -- I'm taking out the iPhone -- we need a photo session
Did I mention how much fun this was? Haha, our mission was to get completely covered... and if you watch the video, you'll see just to what lengths we went. I ended up dumping a bucket of yellow over my head and rolling around in the street twice!
At the end of the race they had a stage set up where they were blaring music, having dance contests, and throwing out free stuff -- tshirts, bracelets, sunglasses, and most importantly -- more color packets.
With your registration you got a free t-shirt, a headband, a temporary tattoo, and a packet of color to save for the end of the fight to throw on everyone else. The race itself had an orange pink, blue, yellow, and orange section at the 1k, 2k, 3k, and 4k marks. The really fun colors were in the packets -- red, pink, purple, and green. This is how Nicole and I looked after the first color fight.
Since they had multiple waves of people running, they also had multiple color fights. It seemed like they were doing them every 20 minutes or so -- and we stayed through 3 color fights. In between we danced, sang along, and just had a blast. Oh and if you notice -- you inhale SO MUCH POWDER! This should be named the most colorful booger race for everything that came out yesterday. The powder is colored cornstarch, so it gets a liiiittle painful when it forms concrete rocks in your system. I'm still coughing up some brown stuff -- so I know I got a ton of it in my lungs. (It was still worth it!)
This was one of my favorite pictures. We got so incredibly brown and messy. I did my nails to match the theme of the run -- and they stood out because of how white they were.
Aaaaaand here's how we looked after all of the color fights:
All told we got to the race at 7:30ish, waited around until 8:30 to run. Finished in a little over an hour -- because honestly -- being colored to the nth degree is more important than a fast time with this race -- then danced around for over an hour and left after 12:00.
Then we went on a photobombing mission. We walked back up Market -- and stopped in a sculpture park to take some more photos.
Then booked it to the stadium to take pictures. I have a ton of pictures with the statues, but one of my favorites was with Jack Buck.
About this time we were getting parched and tired. Luckily we passed a frozen yogurt/Starbucks and went inside to wash the powder down our throats. I have a weakness for frozen yogurt!
Then down to the Arch grounds. It was so gorgeous yesterday. Absolutely the most perfect weather we've had in St. Louis for months. The Arch grounds were lovely, and people kept stopping us to ask why we were covered in colored powder and wearing tutus. Some people even stopped us to take pictures, it was so silly and fun.
Then we walked back across the Eads Bridge to the Casino Queen where we parked. Aaaand then proceeded to go into the Casino for their bathrooms to scrub ourselves semi clean. This stuff was everywhere and we felt a liiiiittle gross by this point. By then it was past one -- we had a drink at the bar, and went to go get lunch. We were aiming for salads, but caved and split a chicken pesto panini and cups of soup. This was around 2ish I think. Nicole's fun because she's one of my friends who is also on a fitness kick so we can talk protein powders, calories, and portion sizes with each other... I had a similar discussion when I went out to eat with my parents later, and they got all glassy eyed and stopped listening... Sidenote: if you have a chance -- everyone go to Eckerts for the best salad ever -- only until the end of the month. Grilled chicken, tons of fresh fruit, and a melon yogurt dressing (!)
After lunch we started to really feel it. My ankles were sore and my calves were tight. After a block length of runners lunges we decided to pack it in and head home... Almost. We were driving past the mounds and I thought it would be fun to run to the top of Monk's Mound... haha, totally forgot how many stairs there were and how much pain my legs were in. BUT we did it anyway -- albeit more slowly.
Here's my word of advice for you all. If the Color Run is coming to your town -- SIGN UP IMMEDIATELY! This was the most fun I've had all year. All told I walked over 10 miles yesterday, smashed my steps record with over 22,000, and burned a TON of calories having a blast!
Now for some more fun pictures to end this with. Here's a link to a video I took of a color fight from a distance: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v
And some of the best pictures I've taken in awhile... so much fun!!!! I am now a Color Runner!
Monday, August 13, 2012
I have come to the realization that I am my own worst enemy. We all have struggles -- and this weekend I caved. I caved hard. I overloaded my body with crap, felt like crap, and kept doing it. There was a bit of a downward, well f*** this spiral. I won't go into it, but needless to say when the pressure goes up and I have to actually be proactive about my future I'm being lazy. The same kind of lazy that led me to gain all the weight.
So I avoided those feelings of, oh crap what am I going to do after I graduate what if I never find a job what if I find a job but hate it... you get the point.
And instead I ate an entire bag of Oreos. AN ENTIRE BAG. Each cookie is 57 calories. I apparently ate 45-50. Do the math = brain explodes. Why did I do this? You may be asking, why the heck did you buy Oreos in the first place? Well my sparkfriends, I joined Pinterest. It is a mecca of fitness inspiration and desserts you can make to destroy your progress. I have a department picnic tomorrow and I was going to make Oreo brownies. Now that the Oreos are gone -- I've decided to make something healthy. I'm going to use the 75 cent zucchini I got this weekend that is -- no joke -- 2 feet long and I'm going to make zucchini pasta. Take that department. No I will not be eating your fried chicken -- I'll be bringing my own main dish at 70 calories a cup thank you very much.
But in my spiral on Saturday, I was thinking I feel great. My abs are actually starting to feel HARD, I'm happy with my weight -- its not perfect but I'm not upset, and what the hell I can have one cookie. What the heck, I had one, why not a serving of three cookies... then oh crap I've had 3 cookies, screw it I'll just have 3 more... and you see the problem. I'm an overeater. I used to HATE these cookies. Now I know I like them and I need to keep them away. I've had to do this with "healthy" foods too. I have a few trigger foods that I can eat almost non-stop and even if they are "healthy" -- after four servings or six servings...
So I started Sunday off in a similar bad mood. I finished off the Oreos with some chai -- and threw in some homemade protein bars (5 servings of them) -- for a whopping breakfast total of 1200 calories. Aka -- my entire day's worth of calories.
I stopped myself from going completely out of control... sort of. I could have easily gone into the 6000 calorie range again on Sunday. My stupid mind was in a tizzy of guilt -- I was bored eating, I was emotional eating, I knew I wasn't hungry but I was eating...
Finally I put a stop to it. I spent 2 hours on the treadmill and did 7 miles and 1500 vertical feet. I burned over 1000 calories. I recovered, showered, and later did some crunches. Then had a bit of a dance party during the closing ceremonies -- I mean who could not dance during the Spice Girls. So I ended my day just short o 2700 calories burned... and I even though I still ate more than that -- it came close.
So now how to move forward? First off -- I threw away the remaining cake batter protein bars. Too delicious to keep and I can't just have one serving. Tonight I'm going to make the zucchini pasta for me and the picnic tomorrow. I'm going to focus on eating sweet things that are good for me like cherries and apricots -- which I love -- and avoid over processed sugary crap that makes me feel like I'm a horrible person.
And funny enough -- my eye started twitching from all of this processed crap. I also had caffeine for the first time in awhile. I found out I could workout harder and longer with caffeine -- but sorry ma'am -- I'm giving it up again. I just can't handle it and my body is freaking out. I just need to detox today and get moving again.
I am my own worst enemy. I am close to my goal weight and happy. What I do not need to be is complacent. There's a reason I allowed myself to get out of control before, and apparently its something I'm still working on.
I'm not going to quit. I think that's the biggest change. I'm not going to let this stumble break my stride. I'm going to keep going.
Plus I have surgery in 15 days. I have my consult on Wednesday and I have a job application due the 25th. I CAN DO THIS. I CAN DO ALL OF THIS. AND I CAN DO ALL OF THIS WELL!
Friday, August 10, 2012
According to this website: www.halls.md/ideal-weight/body.htm
Most people would say 154.
They recommend to be healthy a range of 132-174.
Using a different calculation they came up with a healthy range of 155-176.
So where should I put my ideal weight? That's a question I've been pondering... I'm just glad I'm finally CLOSE!
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